WHO IS WOMEN BY TIM

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MY NAME IS TIM BATMAN. I LIVE IN A MEDIUM HOUSE.
MY HOUSE IS PAINTED BLUE. I LIVE IN THE HOUSE
WITH MY FATHER. MY MOTHER LIVES THEIRE TOO.
I HAVE A BROTHER TOO. HIS NAME IS FRED.
FRED ALSO LIVES IN THE HOUSE. MY DOGS NAME IS
RALPHY. HE LIVES IN THE HOUSE AND ALSO IN THE
DOG HOUSE IN THE YARD. MY FATHER MADE THE DOG
HOUSE WITH FRED AND ME AND USED WOOD TOO.
IT LOOKED GOOD. I WISHED I LIVED IN A DOG
HOUSE. AS BIG AS THE HOUSE I LIVE IN.
WHEN I AM ADDULT I WILL MAKE A BIG DOG HOUSE.
I WILL MAKE A TINY DOG HOUSE AND SOME FROGS AND
TOADS CAN LIVE THERE BOTH.

MY FATHERS NAME IS TIM BATMAN. HIS NAME IS LIKE
MY NAME. HIS FIRST NAME IS DIFEREND THEN MY
FIRST NAME THO. FREDS TOO. I LIKE TO LOOK AT
THINGS. I EAT MASHPED POTATO. AND FRENCH FRIESS.
I DONT LIKE WHEN THE FRENCH FRIESS GET COLD.
RALPHY EATS THEM THO. ONLY SOMTIME THO BECOS
SOMTIME I WILL EAT THEM TOO AND HE DOSNT GET
SOME OR MAY BE A LITTLE. HE ALSO EATS DOG FOOD.
THE DOG FOOD DOSNT EAT LIKE FRENCH FRIESS OR
MASHPED POTATO. MY MOTHER IS A WOMEN AND IS A
ADDULT LIKE MY FATHER. MY FATHER HAS A PEENES
AND CANT BE A WOMEN. I DIDNT SEE BUT MY DAD SAID
MY MOTHER DOESNT HAVE A PEENES. I DIDNT SEE BUT
I GUESS SO. OLD PEEPOL ARE ADDULTS TOO. SOME OLD
PEEPLE HAVE PEENESES TOO BUT NOT WOMEN WHO GET
OLD. MY GRANDMA IS OLD AND DOESNT HAVE A PEENES.
I SAW IN THE BATHROOM. IT WAS QWIK BUT I SAW.

SOMEDAY WHEN I GET TALL I WILL BE A ADDULT.
ADDULTS NO HOW TO SUPURVIZSHEON AND THEY CAN GET
TO DRIVE A CAR TOO. TRUCKS TOO. ALSO THEY GET TO
MAKE MASHPED POTATOS WHEN THEY WANT SOME. I CANT
MAKE MASHPED POTATOS BECOS OF THE NOBS ON THE
OVEN. I DONT LIKE NOBS. WHEN I AM TALL THERE
WONT BE NOBS IN MY DOG HOUSE BECOS I CAN DRIVE
THRU KFC AND EAT MASHPED POTATOS THERE. KFC IS
AN OLD PEEPOL. I SAW HIM ON THE BIG DRAWING
OUTSIDE. HE WORKS INSIDE THERE AND BUILDS THE
MASHPED POTATO THERE. AND THEN THEY GO THRU THE
WINDOW IF YOU DRIVE A CAR. HE HAS A PEENES TOO.

MY MOTHER CAN READ GOOD. MY FATHER READS TOO BUT
HE READS BOOKS TOO FAST. I CAN READ SOME THINGS
SOMETIMES. MY MOST OF ALL LIKED BOOK IS FROG
AND TOAD. FROG AND TOAD DONT HAVE A PEENIS BUT
THEY ARE NOT WOMEN. I NO BECOS I LOOKED IT IN
THE BOOK.

I BET IF FROG AND TOAD WERE TALL AND COULD DRIVE
CARS THEY WOULD GO TO KFC AND ASK HIM FOR
MASHPED POTATOS I BET. THEN THEY WOULD EAT THEM
AND GET MORE TOO.

I FORGOT WHAT TO WRIT. OK. ME AND FRED HAVE A
PEE PEE. WHEN WE GET TO BE ADDULTS WE GET TO
HAVE PEENESES. AND OTHER ADDULTS CAN TOUCH THERE
BECOS IT WILL BE A GOOD TOUCH AND NOT A DANGER
ONE. MY FATHER AND KFC HAVE PEENESES AND OTHER
PEEPOL CAN TOUCH THEM THERE. BUT ONLY AN OLD
LADY CAN TOUCH KFCEES PEENES. MY MOTHER AND
GRANDMA DONT HAVE ANY BECOS THEY ARE WOMEN.
FROG AND TOAD DONT TOO BUT THEY CANT BE WOMEN.
EVEN WHEN THERE OLD. THE END.

TIM, Saturday, 3 August 2002 00:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

TIM YOU ARE MY GOD.

Dan I., Saturday, 3 August 2002 00:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

Finally - someone answers 'What is a poet?'

david h(owie), Saturday, 3 August 2002 00:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

Way off my style, my son.

Tim Bateman, Monday, 5 August 2002 00:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

Yes, you would've called this thread "Who is Ladies", obv.

Andrew L, Monday, 5 August 2002 00:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

jeez tim, in that case maybe you'd care to explain what you meant when you said that you'd get turned off by a 'woman' who has the kind of books i have on my bookshelves? i doubt very much that this was just a clumsy way of calling me a lady... actually don't bother explaining, i don't actually give a rats.

katie, Monday, 5 August 2002 00:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

What was the question again?

Dave Sinep, Monday, 5 August 2002 00:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

Andrew, Andrew, Andrew... even if I used the word 'ladies,' I'ld've called the thread 'Who ARE ladies?'

Tim Bateman, Monday, 5 August 2002 00:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

Sorry, Katie, I've managed to find the thread in question, but only about half the posts relating to this.

In the relevent context (i. e. what, on someone's bookshelves, would make you want to go to bed with them, i. e. this question is a joke), I was turned off by Virginia Woolf and Ursula Le Guin. The former is Fine Writing about members of the upper (-middle) classes chatting to each other, the latter what I can only construe as an attempt at Fine Writing about interesting, but at times obvious, ideas.

This remark led to you... well, let's quote you directly: 'go back to your hitler biographies bateman!

I assume that that was as big a joke as the premise of the entire thread (I almost LOL when I first read it).

This is in case anyone else gives a rat's arse or you change your mind. Incidentally, I don't recall calling you a 'woman' or otherwise implying that you were a lady. I shall sniff around that thread some more soon and find what I did say. I am well aware that no lady would read Le Guin or the marvellous Mary Shelley (as opossed to Le Guin, original, important ideas and all the crap Fine Writing is by her idiot savant husband).

Tim Bateman, Monday, 5 August 2002 00:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

five years pass...

IT WAS QWIK BUT I SAW

onimo, Monday, 15 October 2007 13:59 (seventeen years ago) link

if it's art, then it's reactionary, and i don't like it.

darraghmac, Monday, 15 October 2007 14:01 (seventeen years ago) link


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