Is it rude to not want to have a conversation with someone, is it ruder to talk nicely to someone you really dislike (What is "fakeness")

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Well?

Is not liking someone rude in itself? Should you try and like everyone? "two faced" is often thrown around as a major insult but isn't this often because someone ends up being nice or tolerating someone they don't like and then the person finds out they didn't like them? I mean what does anyone ever say "go away I don't like you" to someone, hardly, if you do this or if you say TURN YOUR WALKMAN ON it would seem extremely evil and rude.

I mean should we try not to bother with people who we don't like. Should we have good reasons for disliking someone? What is the best way to handle all of this?

― Ronan, Tuesday, 6 August 2002 00:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

I guess what I'm asking is when is being rude to someone actually being rude?

― Ronan, Tuesday, 6 August 2002 00:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

another person who thinks I'm a cunt? Its not that I don't like these people, I can't tell that they are there and therefore can't hear a word. If I dislike someone your lucky to get a word from me at all. And if you do get a word its all bullshit. I'll pretend to like you even though I can't stand the sight or sound for that matter of you. Thanks.

― Chris, Tuesday, 6 August 2002 00:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

Chris! I don't think you're a cunt, far from it. I just wanted to explore the issues on the headphones thread.

I don't nor have I ever thought you were a cunt.

― Ronan, Tuesday, 6 August 2002 00:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

I think you should always try to be pleasent. I don't actively dilike anyone, so it's hard to say how I would treat such people. But there are masses of people that I don't know very well, that I'll try and be polite too. IMHO it's only two-faced if you are all buddy buddy with people and then slag them off behind their backs, having a brief conversation about what you are eating for lunch or the weather does not constitute buddy buddy.

― jel --, Tuesday, 6 August 2002 00:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

Of course you don't have to like everyone. Nor do you need what other people consider to be a 'good reason' to dislike someone. If you are forced together e.g. you have to work together then it makes life easier if you don't yell I HATE YOU every time you see them. If it's a social thing it shouldn't be that hard to just AVOID people you don't like, they generally get the hint. Of course it's when they don't get the hint that you have to resort to more evil tactics.

― Emma, Tuesday, 6 August 2002 00:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

Ok, as long as no one else thinks im a cunt, im happy now. And to answer the second part of the question, we have to have good reason for not liking someone. Apparently Graham has taken a disliking of me, so maybe he should explain why.

― Chris, Tuesday, 6 August 2002 00:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

Why? (nothing against you Chris) but WHY do we have to have a reason for disliking things / people / places that we can explain to other people? I do not like mashed potato. Why should I have to explain myself? I do not like certain (well MANY) people, why should I have to explain that to them or anyone else? It is MY feelings goddammit!

― Emma, Tuesday, 6 August 2002 00:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

Yeah what Emma says is kind of what I think, but does this mean the word "fake" is pretty redundant? I mean considering so called "fakeness" is a necessary thing.

― Ronan, Tuesday, 6 August 2002 00:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

I don't know, even with the people I really dislike it would seem cruel to tell them to fuck off -- a lot of the time there's just something intangible about them I dislike, it's not as though they've done something terrible to me. In cases like this I would rather say a couple of polite words to them rather than than be rude.

Otoh, if it's someone who has said or done something to me in the past I have no problem completely blanking them. With people like that even saying something rude to them is more personal contact than I would care for.

― Nicole, Tuesday, 6 August 2002 00:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

Emma = George Stephenson

― RickyT, Tuesday, 6 August 2002 00:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

I think a reason is handy but it doesn't have to be a good one. A willingness to see disliking human beings as being on a different level from disliking foodstuffs is pretty handy too!

You shouldn't have to talk to anyone BUT if you've knowingly entered a social situation with no coercion then it's pretty rude not to.

― Tom, Tuesday, 6 August 2002 00:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

You should see Emma's rocket.

However I have always disagreed with her about not having to have a reason to dislike someone. Because as rational creatures surely we do have internal reasons for everything. The problem is that maybe those reasons are things we do not want to own up to (prejudice, jealousy, sensitivity to a certain smell). We have reasons does not equal our reasons are rational. But to accept irrationality in the very reasoning process is very difficult to do.

To answer the question, I would talk to them and be rude. Kills two birds with one bush.

― Pete, Tuesday, 6 August 2002 00:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

But isn't there a danger of doing a good job of being nice and then forever more (well for a while) being forced into being two faced? (or is this ambitious/arrogant)

― Ronan, Tuesday, 6 August 2002 00:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

We are rational creatures?

― RickyT, Tuesday, 6 August 2002 00:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

George Stephenson, the train inventor Ricky? I don't get it.

― jel --, Tuesday, 6 August 2002 00:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

I usually just mumble one word answers and then just kind of wander off. Unfortunately this is also my method with the people I adore and want to speak to.

I think this thread kind of misses the point that you don't have to love *or* hate anyone - eg you could think someone is a fantastic person to be around but still totally disapprove they treat their boyfriend or something. I think this is normal rather than two-faced.

(Chris, grow up)

― Graham, Tuesday, 6 August 2002 00:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

Yes there is, Ronan. But that's part of being sociable I suppose. If I think somebody I'm talking to doesn't actually like me I tend not to keep on bothering with them - and I do think you can usually tell.

― Tom, Tuesday, 6 August 2002 00:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

(George Stephenson is on the money)

― RickyT, Tuesday, 6 August 2002 00:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

Yes that makes sense actually, everyone's getting paranoid now perhaps, I'll go to work in a minute and scrutinise every facial expression and tone of voice. (no I won't, I'll be too fucking busy)

― Ronan, Tuesday, 6 August 2002 00:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

Im a grown man. And I accept the apology on the other thread. Thanks.

― Chris, Tuesday, 6 August 2002 00:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

Pete the thing is when you want to know why I don't like, er, people, it is because you are trying to get me to admit to something that isn't there. Just because you might only dislike people on what seem to you to be perfectly sound logical reasons, doesn't mean I have to. If someone falls in love you don't make them justify that do you? So why make them give you a list of reasons for disliking someone? Sometimes you just instinctively take against people. C'est la vie & all that.

(What is all this rocket business? Are you all on crack?)

― Emma, Tuesday, 6 August 2002 00:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

(Oh yeah and Tom what is this 'humans are on a different level from foodstuffs' nonsense? Pah. Hippy claptrap)

― Emma, Tuesday, 6 August 2002 00:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

(you're the one that wants us all to be superior to mammoths)

― Graham, Tuesday, 6 August 2002 00:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

Surely Hippy claptrap is "food is on the same level as us man, plants are like our equals"

― Ronan, Tuesday, 6 August 2002 00:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

foods not on the same level by the way, I work with food, it's fucking disgusting and i've lost all respect for it.

― Ronan, Tuesday, 6 August 2002 00:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

I think the 'cruel' factor mentioned by Nicole is important. Big Brother springs inevitably to mind (sorry): Sandy didn't like Johnny and told him so pretty bluntly - was this admirably honest or pointlessly cruel (bearing in mind that they were probably never going to see each other again?) Meanwhile, almost all the other housemates were criticised for being fake or two-faced at some point. Personally, I think that being nice to people you may not like and then saying less nice things behind their backs is normal human behaviour. Even a survival technique - being polite keeps necessary social interaction going, but gossip is a crucial safety valve and also disseminates important information about who to trust in a community etc.

― Archel, Tuesday, 6 August 2002 00:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

The thing with BB is that from this point of view it's more like a workplace than a circle of friends in that a bunch of very different people have little choice but to spend time together (OK you can get a new job / leave the BB house but ignore that for the time being). In your (well my) social life you have more control over who you spend time with and can (to some extent) filter out the ones you don't like.

― Emma, Tuesday, 6 August 2002 00:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

Ronan, at least food doesn't answer back. I work with humans and they're fucking disgusting and I've lost all respect for them (only half joking here).

― Emma, Tuesday, 6 August 2002 00:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

If I don't like someone and I have to be around them, I'm polite and deal with them as little as I can without being hurtful. You shouldn't make out like they're your best friend, but why would you ever say to someone "I'm sorry, I just don't like you"? There's no good reason for disliking someone unless they've done something rotten to you because "everyone has good in their hearts blah blah blah" but sometimes personalities just grate.

― Maria, Tuesday, 6 August 2002 00:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

Appearances to the contrary, I don't try and actively 'like' everyone, but I do think there's no reason to get annoyed with people without good reason. And for my part I think most people are friendly enough, so why not build on that? :-) That said there are easy ways to get on my bad side, so my own trick is finding the right balance, and I don't always succeed. At the very least, one should know how to leave the room quickly and with a calm enough air.

― Ned Raggett, Tuesday, 6 August 2002 00:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

I often don't have rational reasons for disliking people, and these are precisely the times when I strive to be polite to their faces (knowing how unjustified any display of hatred would be) while ranting about them therapeutically to third parties. When I DO have rational reasons to dislike someone they usually know about it.

― Archel, Tuesday, 6 August 2002 00:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

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