"Just take the compliment"

Someone at work told me this –– he said I always shoot down other ppl's compliments. Is it a challenge for anyone else to just say "thank you" and hold your tongue rather than point out why it's an inaccurate compliment? Am I committing the sin of pride even asking this question?

btw did you know you can remember how to spell this kind of "compliment" with the mnemonic "I like compliments"?

I Love Comics?

If that helps you spell "compliment," that is great too!

you can be gracious and humble at the same time.

I was told I didn't take compliments well for years growing up, mostly because I always would reply "nahhhh" and explain why I didn't deserve it.

over time I grew to start accepting them, as the way I see it is I don't know when my next compliment will be, so I try to always say "thank you", even if I think they're a loon.

i get where yr coming from tho, did it most of my life.

if you accept their compliment, you're complimenting them back on having good judgment

Oooh I am awful at compliments, I always deflect them. "Thats a lovely dress!" "oh haha this is so old and I didn't iron it".

WTF, me.

like if someone said "nice ass" to me, then I might be like "uh wtf" but ya know....

mostly cuz that's a real big lie

Your co-worker has a point, but also I understand the challenge in accepting compliments. Just realize that accepting a compliment does not equate to agreement in detail, or self-complacency in regard to one's desire to improve.

By challenging the compliment on its own terms, or by contradicting it in some particular, just realize that you are also challenging the compliment giver's sincerity or else their judgement. Socially speaking, this is not gracious or wise. Keep your own counsel and just smile and say thank you. Compliments are almost universally well-meant and offered on terms of friendship or admiration.

if you accept their compliment, you're complimenting them back on having good judgment

yeah, there is something to this ^^^^.

best way to handle compliments, for me, has been to say something like, "thank you, that's kind," or "well, i'm not sure i'd agree with you, but thanks."

I am training myself just to happily say "thanks!" and resist urge to explain it away, or ruin the moment. It is bloody hard though!

i tend to suspect there's an agenda behind most compliments. i mean it depends on the compliment. i realize this is sad and i try to be open if someone wants to say something nice to me.

some people have a hard time accepting gifts as well as compliments.
it's like TAKE THE GIFT AND GTFO

"Just take the compliment" sounds a little like someone has an agenda behind their compliments though. i'd be tempted to reply "don't tell me what to do" tbh. xp

xpost i don't, i like gifts. sometimes I take things that weren't given to me too

man, aimless is always right

just say thank you and realize the compliment was from the <3 (usually, and when it's not you can tell and you don't talk with people like that anyway so who cares)

Yeah the other day this lady who lives near me and I see all the time at the park with her dog, smiled at me and called out "thats a great skirt!"

I disarmedly said "why thank you!" and carried on my way. And then spent the next 10 minutes wondering if she'd been sarcastic!

"Just take the compliment" sounds a little like someone has an agenda behind their compliments though. i'd be tempted to reply "don't tell me what to do" tbh. xp

― enfuque (Matt P), Tuesday, January 18, 2011 9:54 PM

have you ever given a compliment?

"oh, thanks a lot, i appreciate that."

^^^ stock response after years of not taking compliments well at all.

By challenging the compliment on its own terms, or by contradicting it in some particular, just realize that you are also challenging the compliment giver's sincerity or else their judgement.

yeah and also what Matt P said. if you challenge them on it and they seem sincere then you know it's a sincere compliment. but if you point out why it's inaccurate and you can see them agreeing in their eyes, then you know they were just trying to lube up the ol' social.

Clothes compliments are the worst! I didn't design it so seems odd to say 'thank you' although obv that is what I should do. The last two days I've had compliments on items of clothing and got picked up on always saying 'oh god, it's soooo old, I don't even know why I'm wearing it'

haha reminds me of when this young skater dude said 'nice shirt' to me

although that was surely sarcastic, i hated the shirt myself

xpost to trayce

as an actor I tend to be skeptical of compliments after shows cuz sometimes people feel obligated to give them even if they don't believe em, but I say "thank you" regardless

i am starting off 2011 by trying to actually give all of the compliments i think, so when i like someone's shoes, i just say "hey i love your shoes" and i mean it. i also don't give compliments i don't mean 100%.

i like receiving compliments because i am clearly immodest and full of myself, but i wish more people would just be like "hey, thanks, i like {thing x that i am wearing/doing/whatever} too!"

part of the reason I had such a hard time finding a g/f for so long in the old days is because I didn't realize that when you thought they looked nice, that it was a good idea to say so instead of just assuming that was their job to look nice.

yeah, that's the problem when people always look nice

but most of the time when girls want my opinion on a dress I'm thinking to myself "it looks like a dress"

oh I am quick to compliment a dress....

but I IS GENUINE

well, I'm talking about before someone buys it or tries it on:)

today at the apple store i complimented the guy who worked there on his cowboy boots. i said, "hey, those boots are great" and he was like "yeah i'm from texas and sometimes my friends are like lol cowboy boots but i wear them anyway" and i told him that this is the way to live -- wear what makes you happy. and he agreed. and then we moved on.

another mistake people make about compliments is to assume that complimenting = flirting. sometimes i just want to share some positive feelingz, yknow.

otm

la lechera, i love your posts!

man, aimless is always right

hey, thanks!

"well your hair looks nice tonight"
'i have a boyfriend'
"uh...."

I wore my who watches the watchmen tshirt out one day running errands and random dude walks by and says "Great shirt"...I kind of love the random bonding over items of clothes between strangers.

I like bonding over stuff like that. usually it's my Slayer or Wu-Tang shirt that I get that for

aimless<3

if someone says "i have a boyfriend" when you say "your hair looks nice" that person is doing it wrong

also, compliments are not hugglez. good compliments are well chosen and suited to the recipient.

i got a metal dude nod from an employee at the liquor store emporium when i wore my agalloch shirt there. it made me happy for at least an hour!

"well your hair looks nice tonight"
'i have a boyfriend'

I'd say "cool, he does your hair? he does a good job!"

My ex made a tshirt with cafepress that has a pic of an envelope and a stone and says "post rock" under it (haw), he got soooo many compliments from the ladies at bars.

I've been hoping some day someone'd see my Home Video tshirt and go "omg I love those guys!" but no one has :(

cool shirt

I remember getting a compliment on my shoes in college and I was extra thankful because they were comfy $20 shoes that do all the things that shoes do but for only $20

trayce but when someone does it will be special

the narcoleptic guy at the Circle K usually chats with me when I come in with a rap shirt on. it's kinda fun...we had a brief chat about Wu Tang, he started spitting a verse.

"Just take the compliment" sounds a little like someone has an agenda behind their compliments though. i'd be tempted to reply "don't tell me what to do" tbh. xp

― enfuque (Matt P), Tuesday, January 18, 2011 9:54 PM

have you ever given a compliment?

― earnest goes to camp, ironic goes to ilm (pixel farmer), Tuesday, January 18, 2011 7:56 PM (4 minutes ago) Bookmark

i guess i don't give many compliments! growing up my family (myself included) used them for nice points to make up for other shitty behavior, or if i didn't give enough of them i felt bad, so i have an aversion to giving/receiving them. that doesn't mean i won't give a compliment if i really want someone to know why i think they're awesome. lately im a little looser giving offhand sincere compliments to the handful of people i'm close to.

I like a nice compliment after sex, for sure

"you didn't sweat as much this time"

well fuck that that's a lazy-assed Tracy MacGrady effort then

In my exp it is potentially unbecoming to be too happy to receive a compliment -- it's a little bit tall-poppy to be eager to have people say nice things abt you, you should probably be sort of gruff and modest and just let the moment pass as quietly as possible so as not to draw YET MORE attention to yrself by protesting. (NB: Not that everyone does this in practice, but in my mind an ideal for a certain mindset.)

Especially for MEN, I've noticed. If a man of, say, my dad's generation or older is complimented on anything, it makes a deep impression if they really say "Thank you!" and seem pleased because that strikes me as v v unusual, but I am just happy if they, like, explain the complimented thing and want you to share their enthusiasm but don't specif say thanks.

You know what the trick is to accepting compliments in a more graceful fashion? Giving them more frequently.

A person is also allowed to show little outward response to a compliment and yet cherish it in their hearts. If a bestower really means to be simply complimentary and bring something nice into their subject's day, they should give the gift of not demanding any particular response.

The compliment, once it leaves the giver's mouth, is now the property of the recipient. They can do whatever they want with it.

good lord laurel you have so many RULES ;)

i guess i don't really care if i come off as overly happy to people
i'm 35 years old and it's not the 90s anymore

None of them are rules, really, but when you start micro-examining something that comes naturally for a lot of people, there are an infinite number of variations on the situation that could apply!!

I mean if everyone could give and take compliments freely and naturally and with total comfort, we wouldn't be having this thread!

You know, sometimes you want to compliment someone who you know won't respond effusively, if at all, because they're shy or you know they're self-effacing or w/e and sometimes it's even more thoughtful to say up front that you don't expect any reaction, it's no big deal, w/e, but you just wanted them to know that you noticed {insert compliment here}.

Xxxpost Compliments generally make me light up. Mostly cuz I am dumbfounded that people think something I did was of worth, but you know it's a good feeling.

Dissecting intent can have you convinced people are not being genuine or only half serious in almost any case, so I try not to do it anymore. My life isn't ruined if a girl tells me I smell nice and she secretly thinks I smell like an onion ring...

like when my student sent me an email and at the bottom wrote "ps i noticed your haircut it look pretty"

that was the last time i got my hair cut and it was like 6 mo ago and i thought about it today, since i am going to get my hair cut!

The compliment, once it leaves the giver's mouth, is now the property of the recipient. They can do whatever they want with it.

Like any gift.

And demurring/deflecting is giving the gift a quick look and dumping it in the trash can. In front of the person who gave it.

totally unrelated except that it's also an awkward social nicety: does anyone else feel awkward sometimes saying please when asking for something? like, i know what it's supposed to signal but whenever i say, "can you please do X" it sounds way more forceful and expectant than just saying, "hey, can you do X."

I totally get this. I think about it all the time when writing e-mails at work.

this thread hasn't touched on the superannoying trait of using a demurral to fish for more compliments
that's the worst

i guess i don't really care if i come off as overly happy to people
i'm 35 years old and it's not the 90s anymore

wait was i supposed to seem overly happy in the 90s? oops

no you were supposed to be appropriately gloomy/morose/glum/"modest", like me and everyone else

"oh, i'm so ugly. no one can ever love me"
"no, you're beautiful."
"no i'm not. i'm hideous"
"jesus, just take the compliment and stop fishing"

ok, you're hideous
now what

oh man Mordy that exact conversation is why I do not miss being in high school gym class with a bunch of high school girls trying to out-ugly/out-fish each other every time they change clothes.

see also: "fat-talking"

i'm so fat
no i'm fatter
i'm uglier
i'm the ugliest
no you're not I AM
etc until someone gives in and admits yeah i guess you are the fattest and the ugliest

that ^^ has nothing to do with compliments though, not really

OTOH my fear of being perceived as "fishing" has maybe stopped me from airing insecurities that might be helpful to me to air. OTOOH that is why i have a therapist.

are all y'all who are writing "I can't draw" after posting an intricately detailed little nemo recreation fishing for compliments or are genuinely under the delusion that you can't draw?

psh. i know i'm a talented artist

http://i52.tinypic.com/r7kmeg.png

La Lechera your post really made me smile. i liked it so much i made it my new display name!

maybe you will like the art i made
it is a tampon spaceship and, frankly, i think it's pretty good

http://i51.tinypic.com/23joide.jpg

rad!

thanks
i'm glad you like it

Whoa, I love tampon spaceship!

I prefer them to the launching "pads," myself.

worst sex ed diagram ever

xxxpost

i think that may be a pad that the tampon ship is stuck to, but i don't remember

grab your wings and fly

This thread as an advice column: A+.

This thread as a pic thread: priceless

this thread has taken a fortuitous turn!

And demurring/deflecting is giving the gift a quick look and dumping it in the trash can. In front of the person who gave it.

No it isnt. Its more like saying "Oh no, really, I dont deserve a gift" or "please, you didnt need to give me a gift!".

Also I meant it when i said I cant draw! I can't! I wasnt fishing for anything! That snail thing's goodness rests entirely on some badly-scrawled facial expressions!

^^^^^^ trying to look humble

if there is goodness, you deserve a compliment
suck it up and "just take the compliment"

upon reflection, my favorite part of tampon spaceship is the dangly strings

Just tried to draw a hand flipping the bird in mspaint, gave up when I realised the lol was too minor to stuff round with uploading jpg.

http://canvaspaint.org/bb889.png

try canvaspaint.org

http://canvaspaint.org/97a2.png

(yes, I have 3 fingers and a deformed hand)

sometimes a compliment is a cue to start a conversation. "hey, nice shoes" sounds less weird than "hey, i notice you're wearing some shoes in a style i approve of, would you like to discuss shoes and perhaps fashion/style in general?"

"hello I am interested in shoes"

could have used more 'compliments':

http://slice.seriouseats.com/assets_c/2011/01/20110112-dominos-report-133069.html

Hahaha! Trayce you made me lol and for that I compliment u.

:D

arrest me for tricale submission!

The Art of the Compliment