the difference between movies and real life.

i can barely see straight, have spent the last two days in bed, and am in dire need of cheering up, especially since the person i would normally go to in these circumstances (ie. my best friend) is currently the playing the role of 'girl.'

you have just described the main lyrical theme of the whole Tindersticks back catalogue. Well done!

sorry there's no better ans to this from me...as the 'heart' is something that pumps blood (an 'organ' as the doc would say). It has never been broken by any girl.

now we've been apart for some time and i've realized, stupidly, that my fear was just a reaction to the looming realization that she could be the person i want to spend the rest of my life with.

i don't know whether to let her go or to fight for her. the only reason she's not in love with me anymore is because i drove her away.

do i sound like chris martin yet?

Unless you're actually feeling stalky or desperate, but you've got to figure that one out yourself in advance.

And from my experience [blanked] the listlessness that has happened to you once in the context of this relationship is very very likely to happen again, and this is probably something else she's worried about if she is in two minds about it. That listlessness isn't a relationship-killer by any means and in my case acting on it once (each!) has made us stronger in the longer term - but you need to be both reassuring and realistic if things do start to patch up.

you have choices in life. you can choose to acknowledge feelings or you can choose to ignore them. for whatever reason, near the end, i wasn't ready to acknowledge how deep my feelings were for her, and so i ignored them. i ignored her. and now, i feel like i finally realize what's been going on this whole time - why i couldn't really think of a good reason when i broke up with her, why it never seemed like there was a proper grieving period, why i launched into this idiotic surface-y infatuation with another girl, why i felt like i needed to get away. it's all stuff i put myself through to fix the bigger things, to come back to the realization that i DO love her, and that i AM in love with her, and that i'm ready to be there now, no fear, no worries, no doubt.

if it appears that i am talking shit and that you've heard all of this somewhere else before, please alert me to it. i know too well from past experience that, lately, just because things FEEL right doesn't mean they are.

(NB this is why "you only regret what you don't do" is the CRAPPEST TRUISM EVER)

one of my many regrets is that in the full three years we lived together, i never once made her a mixed tape (we lived together for most of that time, mind).

needless to say, i've spent the last few hours trying to come up with a tracklisting strategy. it's a delicate balance - should each song be something that has a particular significance to the relationship or should it just be good music that occasionally veers into "remember this one?" territory.

advice here is obviously also appreciated. i suspect you lot are well- versed in expression via c90.

CJ -> thanks for the kind words, but i am nowhere near the UK. and anyway, some sort of counselling would require BOTH parties to deem the relationship worth salvaging, and i'm not sure if she does.

tom -> what did you mean by 'acting on the listlessness' as it applied to your situation? how did it help?

!$:what:who

Hey I just did that last fall/winter. Life goes on is all I feel I can add. I suxor, I know.

How did it end?

things with this other person are even starting to line up in such a way that if i wanted to pursue something, i totally could. meanwhile, all i can think about is the person i left..

i have no idea what's going on. i feel like i just woke from a three month long dream.

and i'm not sure abt the mixed tape anymore. more opinions? c/d idea?

i am slowly coming to this realization

the fact that she may very well leave this city within the next two months isn't making it any easier though

i suppose you're right tho