Waking Up Drunk: Classic or Dud?

I never wake up raging drunk, just still a bit drunk. It's a bit annoying in that you always think, oh good, no hangover, and then it bites you three hours later when you're at work or something.

Absolute fucking classic. I am the best happy drunk when I wake up pissed. I make jokes and stuff and everyone laughs.

This morning. I interview four people for the job of my minion - but luckily there was an obvious choice candidate and my drunken abandon did not cause endless trouble.

I second what Nick says. I have a right good laugh at him when he wakes up drunk, especially if he keeps on drinking as he did on Picnic In The Sky Day.

Tell us about your minion Pete!

It would not be professional for me to discuss confidential issues like that in an open board like this. Though admittedly it ain't that professional to hire 'em whilst drunk....

On Friday it happened to me. Had to get early flight to Paris and went to big publisher party the night before, which = free Champagne and minimal food intake (canape diet strikes again). Hence my awakening was of the rude cab driver barking at me down the phone that he was waiting to take me to Paddington at 4.30 am variety. On autopilot, I crammed a million things into a bag and before I was even properly awake I was in the cab and off. Later very ratty waiting for mates in Gare du Lyon. Nrrrrr.

But I have to say in terms of networking the party (and drunken aftermath) was totally worth it. Total fun had in France but I won't be doing the shakeawake again any time soon.

No, no one ever wakes up RAGING drunk (I hope). You are just still drunk. And it sucks cos you feel woozy and disgusting and your stomach is still bloated from the alcohol, and then you get the headache. Argh.

I made the mistake of going out with my friend last night, he is suddenly moving away on Thursday so this is basically the last I'll see of him for a long while. So of course we had to go party like it's 1999 because we aren't going to get another chance, whether it's Tuesday or not. So I started with a margarita, then we moved to mojitos, then double shots of tequila, then our infamous Cherry Stem drinks (extra strong Long Islands made with marachino cherry juice instead of Coke), then frozen cosmos. Ugh. I did get drunk enough to agree to get naked at the Works, where I was the only woman around anyhow. We talked some guy into doing the same and getting a massage, he kept telling us he was from NYC but he had an English accent.

Oh, yeah, the upshot of that story is that I woke up drunk today. Sorry.

It would seem you are a tart after all.

It's not like I did anything.

I reiterate: the archive of this board will make an INCREDIBLE movie one day. Hell, we could even use the board as a framing device for the various hilarious vignettes that have been posted, although I'm not sure how the ending would go.

SCENE THE LAST

A WINTER EVENING.

The Beeotch is gathered round an open fire. Chestnuts roast and crackle. Light glints off the port decanter. A sense of relaxed happiness prevails: the insanity is over, the Quest is achieved. Some sleep, some read, Hanle y masturbates a profesionally shaved ocelot.

Suddenly there is a knock at the great studded oak door. Who can it be? All look at one another in wild surmise, as DG leaps up — he is after all the host, in a sense — and flings the door wide. A flurry of snow whirls in. When it has cleared, we see a figure standing outside, face obscured by shadow. A voice rings out, shrill, mocking, idiotic...:

DOOMINTR*LL: "It is *I*, D**mPatrol!! Ahahaha!!"

[camera now tight on face: yet still we can only see the eyes, flecked red, portals to darkest hell. He addresses the audience...]

"You have all been M.A.N.I.P.U.L.A.T.E.D.!! Ahahaha!!!"

[Cue irritating jaunty comical music and a jerky spiral out, past the laughing faces of all present. Credits fast-crawl.]

THE END

Hanle y masturbates a profesionally shaved ocelot.

Mark S. has just yet again won the title of poster who most consistantly makes me laugh so hard I spit coffee on my monitor.

back in th e java eh Kate?