The Snow Has Melted So Now You Have No Excuse — ILX Gayz Spring 2011

It's supposed to be like 57ºF today

0% chance of rain for five days, and I saw an ex student on the bus now whose hipster sweater and Islam textbooks made me swoon.

it's supposed to be rainy tomorrow and wednesday but sunny for the rest of the week

although the weather has been so crazy lately who knows

Temps in NYC ten degrees below normal all this week

ie, fuck calendar "spring"

it rained buckets yesterday and might rain again today

people reading way too much into the blue sky here - it means nothing without a concomitant temperature rise - it really isn't spring as long as concepts like "central heating" and "winter coat" still cross my mind daily

Thunderstorms yesterday = :D

Are you guys speaking in code?

maybe this is why tim f almost never posts here

it's snowing here

fuuuuuck

wasn't it just like 70 in the northeast on friday? yeesh

a freak occurrence, w/ no others in sight

After three days o beautiful weather, it is snowing. Slept in and then finally watched All About Eve. It's not bad at all. Heavy lesbian overtones, or maybe i'm just questing everything again baselessly.

rain/snow for most of the week here. iris blades are halfway up, the rose bushes are trimmed and ready to pop, and the finches that live on our porch roof are back. hoping to grow a ton of basil this year.

Queering. Not questing.

I think there might be tentative flirtation with a friend going on in my world. It's interesting that "tentative flirtation" can include such messages as "You have Face Time too? We can Face Time fuck."

Queering. Not questing.

Alternative thread title.

Ooh who is he Jesse, do I know him?

I don't think so? He's a sort of friend of my not-really friend Michael (the one who has a thing for me and is weird vigilant of others' behavior). This dude is somewhat geographically undesirable, but he's easy-going and I'll be happy to hang out or whatever else might happen.

being geographically undesirable is such a hassle

sometimes I feel like I need to get out of this neighborhood but if I moved somewhere nicer I'd just be depressed by blasé cute bitch-shielded white dudes

I mean that he lives in a suburb.

So we're in NYC and we're going to the IFC to see PINK NARCISSUS tonight at 10:15 w intro by Jonathan Katz

so come and hang if you wanna see some widescreen smut

ugh, would be there if i could

Likewise, especially if the smut is scratch-and-sniff.

woulda gone! but that's too late for a school night. (i've seen PN)

I'm heartened that Bobby Kendall purportedly never considered himself good looking until Pink Narcissus. Might just be a good story and not the god's honest truth, but hey.

god this movie looked so gorgeous on the big screen, I'm really glad I went, and there was a galaxy of queer stars in attendance too, including James Bidgood himself- I paid suitable homage to his queenly majesty

i got to email interview him once for a research project - he seems like a total hoot

I've been trying to avoid making posts like this on this thread, but I am srsly at my wits end/totally bummed out over this thing where my mom is just a weird bigot and totally in denial abt it. It all started when we were going somewhere and she refused to take me out of the house bcz she found the tank top I was wearing SO HIDEOUS and ugly (it was just a plain tank top w/ black and white horizontal stripes, idgi) that she didn't want to be seen w/ me wearing it, and then she said that I "might as well wear a huge sign across my chest that says 'I'M GAY'". So instead of getting reactionary or arguing, I simply changed my shirt (to a Keith Haring one lol) and then calmly asked her why she said that the way she did, framing it in such a negative tone, bcz to me it's obv not a big deal, but to her something that is in any way indicative of one's homosexuality is totally undesirable and bad and we can't have that.

So then of course we got into this whole argument, which wasn't even an argument but was more me presenting facts/asking questions in the most calm/non-accusatory tone I could, and her getting more and more upset and yelling and shit. Like how SHE'S okay with it (<---this part seriously fucking pisses me off), but other people might think bad things, so you shouldn't tell them, and how she can't help how she feels bcz she can't help who her parents were and how she was raised. Seriously, she has never told/would never tell anyone. None of her closest friends know, none of her family knows, etc.; she has openly admitted to it embarrassing her.

The two things that upset me the most are that first, she has it in her mind that this is the way she feels and that there's no way that she can change, and that other people have already made up their mind abt gay people and there's no way that they can ever change that either. Like, okay mom, if everyone thought like you, there would have been no civil rights movement or women's rights movement and black people would still be slaves and you would still be at home with the kids, because "things are just the way they are" and there's nothing you can ever do to change that. The irony is that she likes things like "Modern Family" and "Glee" and (seemingly) has absolutely no problem with other people being gay. It's only a problem when that person happens to be her son.

Second--and probably the most upsetting--was that she just doesn't get it. A few times during this car ride from hell she was like "Fine, I'll just turn around and you can put the damn shirt back on" (like she thinks I'm upset not bcz she's ashamed of having a gay son, but bcz she finds my shirt disagreeable) and "What do you WANT?! I know, your stepdad knows, your dad and brother know... what, do you want me to go around announcing it to everyone that I meet?" I mean, in her mind, this exists in polar opposites: You hide in the closet and never tell a soul, or you traipse around blanketed in a rainbow flag singing Judy Garland at the top of your lungs. I don't thinks he's even fucking able to grasp the idea that it can just NOT BE A THING. I mean not only is she incapable of feeling that way, she's incapable of even recognizing that that is a thing to feel. She tries to say she's taking it step by step, but the fact of the matter is that she's known for 8 years and she is terrified of dealing with it. The only reason people know is because either I've told them, or her and I have had these really fucked up knock-down-drag-outs where she has a hysterical meltdown and calls them bawling. I told her how I have been trying to get her to join PFLAG and she says things like "well what's that going to do for me? What will that change?"

Not only does she feel all of these horrible and fucked up things, but she really thinks that she is justified in doing so, and that she's actually okay with my being gay. What do you even say to that? I can't ever bring up my dissatisfaction w/ her attitudes w/o her getting really upset and telling me how I'm ruining her day w/ this shit and stuff; like she just gets angry because she sees me as trying to pick a pointless fight and doesn't understand why I could possibly be personally offended by any of this.

I'm nearing the point where I feel like I can't even maintain the relationship w/ her that I do, because she is so fucking clueless re: all of the implications and ramifications of being gay (she keeps trying to compare it to the most asinine shit, like how she's a divorcee and some people find that disagreeable and she doesn't always tell them, like okay mom tell me more abt how divorcees have health crises and get beat up all the time and everything), and all of my attempts to inform her of such have been met w/ very strong and hostile resistance. Like at this point I don't even know if she can change; she's certainly convinced herself that she can't.

so anyway if anyone has any new mommies lying around that they don't want plz send them to me.

jesus sorry I didn't realize that was so fucking long

hugs, dude. I don't have any advice beyond: Does she have any friends with gay kids? I think the best hope id for her to find a way to change while she claims she can't.

I don't think she does. I mean tbh I sort of just feel sorry for her bcz she is SO FUCKING CRIPPLED by what other people will think of her, not just about this but about everything.

not even what they'll actually think about her, but what she thinks the might think about her.

It might be great if she were went to PFLAG.

I think things will improve a lot when you are able to move out. She may or may not come around later. If she does, great; if not, then you don't have to deal with her shit every day.

Me moving out will just make it easier for her to ignore it/pretend it doesn't exist. Like, it's pretty much what she's been doing since I went to college.

I can see that, but you can't force her to change. And she might never change, in which case you have to manage a bad situation. I know that doesn't sound like "it's going to be all right."

But as we've talked about before, yes, you deserve to be treated better. She's being shitty and maybe resentful toward you.

Show her the Golden Girls episode where Blanche is "fine" with her brother being gay, but just doesn't want him dating men.

i can only echo what jesse said (and eric's advice to watch golden girls, the cure for all society's ills imho). sorry dude :/

Is it like the one where her son tries to marry a black woman and by the end of the episode she still hates the idea but supposes she'll deal with it?

I know this angle could be heresy among modern gays, but her "ignoring it" -- if that's her inflexible position -- can be lived with. (At least until you have a man in your life who wants to meet the folks.) I have family that I no more want to discuss my sexuality with than my righthandedness.

Kind of just want to send her a sympathy card that says "Sorry I'm gay :("

Stevie, your post moved me beyond words because I'm in the same position, except we're still in the cold war stage of our relationship. Like Morbs said, I could live with it until I meet a man.

Even when you do meet someone, she can still remain the same. My family is about as stoic and shut-off as anyone's can possibly be. I brought my boyfriends around and they "accepted" them and chatted with them, but no one has ever talked about our relationships. I don't live around my family and except my mom and brother, don't talk to them (we have never been hostile at all - just silent), and it works for me.

A friend really helped me deal with the fact that I wasn't pushing my family to be PFLAG-types. She advised that if the relationship is just not working out, it's totally valid and reasonable to distance yourself.

And I hope this does not sound like I'm denying that your situation is troublesome, but your mom's attitude and understanding of the gay is miles ahead of some parents'. Even if that's cold comfort now, it might provide some kind of hope for the possibility of enlightenment.

Is it like the one where her son tries to marry a black woman and by the end of the episode she still hates the idea but supposes she'll deal with it?

Basically yes, only with much less physical contact between the controversial lovers.

stevie, i'm really sorry this has been an ongoing battle with you and your mom for the past couple of years.

it's easy for me to say this, because i live on the opposite side of the country from my parents, but....last august, after getting into an argument with my mom about these same sorts of issues (it was when she said i was "trying too hard to be gay," whatever the fuck that means), i simply didn't return calls and made a point of not returning home for the holidays. which seemed to force the point into her head that she could either have a gay son and be proud, or not have a son at all. luckily, she chose wisely, and we're getting along a lot better now.

in other words, move out ASAP and cut off ties. it's dramatic and kind of awful, but in the end, it can work, ime.

In fairness to your mom, tabes, you are really really gay. David Sedaris, Rip Taylor and Bill T. Jones all asked if you could tone it down a little.

honestly his mixed/directly translated metaphors are the best thing ever.

i will start writing them down.

o just did this on fb but happy beyoncé day rev

your 'belly' reminds your boyfriend of his father

:oooo

i think i might genuinely class that under "unforgivable"

Totally with you here, lex. To speak of white privelege! Everyone who has ever laid eyes on me from the day I was born has known I'm black and anyone of a mind to discriminate against me for that could very well have done so, whereas the same doesn't hold true for my queerness.

yes - also, i don't see myself how potential racists or homophobes do.

Happy birthday to the Rev!

In fact, joyful as the video is, I couldn't help but wonder if the camera person was a raging homophobe snickering at the kid from behind the lens.

or, he/she could've been a non-homophobe, very understandably snickering at the kid from behind the lens.

my takeaway: some ppl/kids are gay, and others are GAAAAAAAAAAAY, and the GAAAAAAAAAAAAAY aren't any more gay than the gay. Alas there are no videos of me staring at the shirtless college hunk cutting the lawn when I was 12. (which was a gayer activity than voguing)

xpost

Well, okay then replace "snickering at" with "repulsed by."

but morbs come on, you know what I'm saying. The issue here is discrimination, not who's more authentically gay or equally gay. Of course, the GAAAAAAAAAAAAAY aren't any more gay than the gay. But those out to discriminate have an easier time targeting the GAAAAAAAAAAAAAY. Also, the 12yo you no doubt knew to shield from view the staring at the shirtless college hunk cutting the lawn. But the GAAAAAAAAAAAAAY have difficulty hiding their GAAAAAAAAAAAAAYness.

can we just accept that masculinity/femininity are constructs that supersede gender?

Looking at men is not inherently a "gayer" activity than vogueing IMO. But then were dipping into butch/femme BS.

xp hah!

xpost

I think morbs was saying that it's an equally gay activity.

Here's the other side.

you know what's gayer than either? having sex w/ someone of yr gender.

and butch/femme is not BS, it's the sauce of gay. But clearly we disagree. Wonder what the debate would be like if we could find a 12-yo lipsynching to "Panic"?

In more mundane matters, Office Crush's last day was Friday; voluntarily left for greener pastures. Had to watch all the women in his dep't hugging him.

OC #2 now moves into the top spot; a lantern-jawed blond Brit from Sheffield with a tush to die for. Unfortunately, sometime in the last month someone showed him how to protect his Facebook photos, so no more stalking there for me.

"it's the sauce of gay" would be my new display name if I hadn't stopped doing those

Do you socialize at all with colleagues? Take Lantern Jaw to lunch.

xxp, a 9-yo, I guess I meant

Alfred, we've been over this: NO (to the question and the suggestion). Even if he was amenable, that would ruin everything.

you know what's gayer than either? having sex w/ someone of yr gender.

This is always my response when I come out to people and they say something like "You don't seem that gay!" or "No you're not; you don't act gay enough!"

I like fucking dudes; how much more gay do you want me to be?

Okay, I mean, also have a Joan Crawford box set and a large collection of 90's house 12"s but still.

Alfred, we've been over this: NO (to the question and the suggestion). Even if he was amenable, that would ruin everything.

Have we? And ruin what – unconsummated pining?

couldn't we have a summer gaylxor thread with "it's the sauce of gay" in the title somewhere? and the promised "take your shirt off part ii" pics could go there? I mean, it is surely summer by now . . .

The shirts-off pics were a contentious issue last time.... Maybe they go in the NSFW thread?

I was gonna advocate for "bellies are cute."

Alfred, I don't even approach guys in BARS. This guy, from the look of his now-protected F'pix, is a str8 fratboy type who works in MARKETING here. How would this opening go? "Hi, we've never interacted and you don't know me aside from semi-noticing the stares I shoot at you when I walk in sight of your desk, but let's go to lunch."

you can start a new thread, D

shirtless pix optional.

ie, I probably couldn't stand this guy if I knew him. He's meant to be looked at.

xp

ime most workplace crushes are hot until they open their mouth

The snow has melted!

so now we have no excuse

:)

I found plenty of excuses anyway. I think I did even fewer social things this spring than I did during the winter.

BTW, to what excuse for what does this thread's title refer to?

I always assumed "frightening the horses."

hey, there's another speed dating thing at the LGBT Center. NEW Theme: Date Fun, Light-Hearted Guys!

Made for me, oui?

made for we

xxp Going out and doing things what them social gays do.

february dumped mountains of snow around my apartment so going out was pretty much a pain in the ass

February dumped a monster.

in the shape of this thread

http://morrisseydance.com/morrissey-punches.gif

I tried to find a .gif of Moz humping the rock in that video

Banned for being too GAAAAAAAAAAAAAY

i was basically a hermit throughout may and most of this month as well, but i had my reasons. finally went out with someone on saturday and nearly forgot how to be a social creature

you know what's gayer than either? having sex w/ someone of yr gender.

gender or sex? also, tell that to str8-identified dudes who have sex with dudes. or gay for pay porn stars. Or Cary Grant.

Wonder what the debate would be like if we could find a 12-yo lipsynching to "Panic"?

Still pretty GAAAAAAAAAAAAAY, no?

the right kind! ;)

ease yourself back into it, dear xp

I stayed home and sprayed my throat... with Chloraseptic, u degenerates

I was working most of the time this spring. Doesn't look like that's going to change this season either.

Still pretty GAAAAAAAAAAAAAY, no?

I definitely would've been called a faggot for listening to the Smiths at my school.

Don't get the strep, Morbz.

I'm just about recovered, just in time for work.

btw I would go to this with any of you tnite if you were in town:

http://www.nypl.org/events/programs/2011/06/13/fifth-annual-drag-video-vérité-festival?nref=62993

That joke led me to compare "sprayed my throat" with "had my throat sprayed" and the two double entendres have pretty different connotations.

I had my throat spayed

remember to control the animal population, have your throats spayed and neutered

http://hooniverse.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/06/Bob-Barker-701488.jpg

ITT: the sauce of gay, bare torsos (maybe), and 3 more months of bickering / Summer '011

ohno, Price theme will get stuck in my head now

bom bom bom-bom *waaaaaaaaah*