Job Counsellor!

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Time to play job counsellor. The game is you recommend professions that other posters here should look into being, outlandish or regular. For example:

This sounds like a job for Mike Hanley.

― Ally, Wednesday, 8 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

I think Ally should be a job counsellor.

― Ian White, Wednesday, 8 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

I'd like to know if anyone has any career suggestions for me! Mike and Ally should become sitcom writers. Nick should publish his diary. Anthony should become Canada's poet in chief, with cable discussion show. Pinefox an ambassador of some sort...(hope none of this sounds hmmm mean, it's not 'posed to!?...I'll try and think of some more!

― jel, Wednesday, 8 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

I think that Ian should be a stand up comedian. One of those smart ass ones.

― Ally, Wednesday, 8 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

I'm not becomeing a cockateer

― Mike Hanle y, Wednesday, 8 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

I am SO THANKFUL that that news story was not accompanied by a picture.

Mike has already given Ally her career: become Charo. Tom should become a mad scientist.

― Dan Perry, Wednesday, 8 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Yeah, I can see Tom on a roof somewhere, mixing Guiness & Zima, his hair up in a Beaker-like frenzy, meeping to himself, doing the Mr. Burns satisfied-finger thing. Um, yeah.

And Josh should do something smart, because he's smart & stuff.

EPMD should be an MTV VJ, just because he'd be the most insolent, disrespectful, curmudgeony hipster they'd ever televise. And then he could snog with MANDY MOORE.

And I should get paid to be funny, because my amateur status clearly doesn't allow me the time & flexibility to truly become "funny".

― David Raposa, Wednesday, 8 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Actually, Beeker wasn't the mad scientist, he was the Mad Scientist's assistant. Though a mad scientist looking like Beeker isn't a bad idea, either.

I nominate myself to be Chief Justice. If someone as dumb as Clarence Thomas can make it, then why not myself?

― Tadeusz Suchodolski, Wednesday, 8 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

No, really, I know this is a joke thread, but I'm asking seriously. I need to go back into the workforce after this tour is over, and since the dot.com bubble has crashed, I think I'd kill myself if I had to go back into database programming or sys adminning (besides, it's been so long since I did that, the technology has completely changed).

What the fuck should I be when I grow up?

I wanna go work at the £1 peepshow, but Paul says he'll dump me if I do. Suzy says I should become an illustrator, which provoked a "hmmmmm... maybe!" but really? What the fuck should I do with my life?

― Kate the Saint, Thursday, 9 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Kate
Freelance. Art or writing or computer skills or music.
We live on Freelance and barter .

― anthony, Thursday, 9 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

I went to see puppetry of the penis last year. I have never laughed so much in my life. I agree that it would be ideal for Mr Hanley.

― Madchen, Thursday, 9 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

I desperately need a new job.

― Paul Strange, Thursday, 9 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

I desperately need a job.

― Mascara, Thursday, 9 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Wanna trade? Leave your self-esteem at the door though, it seems.

I really need a new career... but there's nothing I'm actually good at. Bother.

― Paul Strange, Thursday, 9 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Paul, I still harbour thoughts about doing a law conversion course one day. Am I insane?

― Nick, Thursday, 9 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Quite possibly. I'm certainly not the person to ask as I hate being a lawyer more than anything in the world. It's just a rubbish culture, I think. Maybe I could be a journalist, or a writer. Or an astronaut.

― Paul Strange, Thursday, 9 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

I would like to be a greengrocer.

― Emma, Thursday, 9 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

I'd like to be a pop star, but who wouldn't?

Good question actually - who wouldn't want to be a pop star?

― Mascara, Thursday, 9 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

I don't want to be a popstar. I'd rather just be a bitter old B-list scenester who bitches constantly about how you will respect my ARTISTIC INTEGRI-TAY, bee-atch!!!

― Kate the Saint, Thursday, 9 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

You sure have the melons for it Emma. BTW my cock does not bend, sorry Madchen, you rat

― Mike Hanle y, Thursday, 9 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Nick, do not do a law conversion course. Why is it called a conversion course? Becasue they convert an ordinary, pleasant if somewhat slim person into an evil lawyer.

No offence to lawyers who don't like being lawyers on this board.

I have toyed with starting up a Palestinian restaurant over the last couple of months, but want to get serious soon about opening up a Ritzy style independent cinema in Crouch End where the town hall is.

― Pete, Thursday, 9 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Could the moderator please stop Mike Hanle y from sexually harassing me? I only want to be a greengrocer because I am wearing a top with a strawberry on it and because I am the undisputed Fruit Trumps Champion.

― Emma, Thursday, 9 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

BLasphemy! I was reffering to the thread in which you stated in simple english "My Famliy Runs a Watermelon STand" ! NOw my pristine reputation is bismirched forever! Now the only career I can have is "One-Eared Sewer Scrubber" . Thanks allot emma.

― Mike Hanle y, Thursday, 9 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

With language like that you could also become the next commissioner of the WWF.

― Jonnie, Thursday, 9 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

What the feck is a Fruit Trump anyways?

― Mike Hanle y, Thursday, 9 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

It is when in a fit of desperate work-related boredom you email all your mates to see who has eaten most fruit that day. If someone has eaten not much but what they have eaten is very exotic then they might trump someone who has eaten lots and lots of fruit. Today I have had: 1 peach, orange juice, mango, strawberries.

― Emma, Thursday, 9 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Does fruit increase breast size?

― Mike Hanle y, Thursday, 9 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Yes, I am a full cup size bigger than I was this morning.

― Emma, Thursday, 9 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Stop talking about your cup size!

― Mike Hanle y, Thursday, 9 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

You love it. Cupsizecupsizecupsizecupsizecupsize.

― Emma, Thursday, 9 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

HEMMROIDHEMMROIDHEMMROIDHEMMROIDHEMMROIDHEMMROID

― Mike Hanle y, Thursday, 9 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

US spelling: hemorrhoid

UK spelling: haemorrhoid

Mike, your piles give me smiles ;-)

― suzy, Thursday, 9 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Why do you all treat me like this?

― Mike Hanle y, Thursday, 9 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Ah, it's a sign of affection, ya botard. Ally and Mike... and Suzy and Mike... and Emma and Mike... all sitting in a big-ass tree!

― Kate the Saint, Thursday, 9 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Like what?

― Emma, Thursday, 9 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

You can all go to hell. You belong wit hthe deilvs

― Mike Hanle y, Thursday, 9 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

You are like a crazed premenstrual women with your mood swings.

― Emma, Thursday, 9 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

I think it's time to just start posting our cup sizes for Mike's enjoyment, really. That's why he's throwing a fit.

― Ally, Thursday, 9 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

I think there should be a competition to see who can guess the cup size first. The winner gets a date with a bra and / or Tom's beard.

― Emma, Thursday, 9 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Stop it! All of you!

― Had to go up a cup size at the weekend, not happy, Thursday, 9 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Guess mine! Guess mine!

― Ally, Thursday, 9 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

It's all gone horribly Russ Meyer round here.

― Emma, Thursday, 9 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

your boobs shrank?

― Mike Hanle y, Thursday, 9 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

No one has guessed mine still. I am getting angry. I bet Nick can guess them. Mike couldn't, he's awful. Otis isn't allowed to guess, because he's seen me in real life. Probably topless, I take off my shirt all the time.

― Ally, Thursday, 9 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

I wouldn't worry Ally. No-one's guessed mine either. Hmph.

― Paul Strange, Thursday, 9 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

32B? This is a lame game.

― Nick, Thursday, 9 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

paul = 30a

ally = 34c

but do you have different sizes in the States?

― cabbage, Thursday, 9 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Yes, they're all fucking enormous.

― Nick, Thursday, 9 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Everything's bigger in America. I had a friend who was five feet tall. In Texas he was seven feet.

And 30a is wrong. Try again. Bear in mind I was in drag when I wore a bra.

― Paul Strange, Thursday, 9 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Cabbage wins the prize.

― Ally, Thursday, 9 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

cups mean nothing to me. Except the kind used as sport bodkin

― Mike Hanle y, Thursday, 9 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

FOUL!

I will never go to a London party, I'll feel completely inadequate with my lack of boobs.
-- Ally (garance80@yahoo.com), August 02, 2001.

(from the Up On The Roof thread)

You're calling 34C a lack of boobs? If this is the way you look at things then your 'big ass' must be the size of a house. I take it all back - you do have an ass problem.

― Nick, Thursday, 9 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Well, no, but compared to other people I'd feel like I had a lack of boobs. I didn't explain myself very well. Me = average sized boobs.

― Ally, Thursday, 9 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

I am SCARED by Nick's ability to recall this stuff. Or maybe he really is in love with Ally, and fixating on her breast size...

― Kate the Saint, Thursday, 9 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

I told you all he was in love with me.

― Ally, Thursday, 9 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Ha.

― Mike Hanle y, Thursday, 9 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

What's so funny? What, you don't like having another man vying for my affections, Adam?

― Ally, Thursday, 9 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

my neck itches

― Mike Hanle y, Thursday, 9 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

You probably have an STD.

― Ally, Thursday, 9 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

You're insuffereable, you know that?. ITs poisin IVy!

― Mike Hanle y, Thursday, 9 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

I really want to make a bad joke about fish ivy and Mike having an STD, but I've already surpassed my limit for juvenile comments today.

― Dan Perry, Thursday, 9 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!

― Mike Hanle y, Thursday, 9 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

And how'd you get that poison ivy, hmm? Something dirty, I'm sure.

― Ally, Thursday, 9 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

I was in a cnala and I had to get out the wrong way

― Mike Hanle y, Thursday, 9 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

A likely story from a known fabricator.

― Ally, Thursday, 9 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Ally = piss

― Mike Hanle y, Thursday, 9 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

After reading the Dirt (Motley Crue bio): Ozzy would sure like to lick her.

― nathalie (nathalie), Thursday, 9 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Itch itch!

― Mike Hanley, Thursday, 9 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Having seen Madchen's new weekend-enhanced chest last night my sense of boob perception has gone haywire. I think I would now indeed see 34C and ask "But where are the boobs?".

― Nick, Friday, 10 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Ally = piss

That's easily the best thing short of the Charo comment I ever heard about me in my life. Mike, you are the man. Except when I hate you. I would say I'm glad I left you for Nick, except he just pointed out that I am flat chested compared to the British women around here, so now I shall leave him too. I'm going to have to go after Tom's Beard again.

― Ally, Friday, 10 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

I'm all the hunk of slabbed male beef sperm bank any vixen could take

― Mike Hanley, Friday, 10 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

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