Transport lunatics - share your stories

So when I was flying to Bilbao about 8 days ago, I'm chatting to my friend and next thing I hear the dreaded "are you lads Irish" from across the aisle (on a flight from London, what are the chances)

This utter psycho basically rants at us and the entire flight for the duration, blatantly coked out of his mind and I say that with 100 per cent certainty. He talks even when you have your headphones on and can't hear him. First of all he's parroting about the flight being delayed "thisisfuckingshitfuckingcuntsabsolutewankers, what the fuck, COME ON, COME ON, WHAT'S THE HOLD UP" etc etc etc...

next thing he's telling us he is on the way back from nz after travelling there for a job that turned out not to exist, "cost me 1000 fucking euros lads, fucking mental stuff, 1000 euros, can you believe that? been out for last 3 days with a maori friend of mine, loads of pints and whatever else ladsyouknowyourself".

The conversation later moved to his travel advice "lads the only place you'll meet any fucker who speaks English in Bilbao is the Wicklow Arms, tell the barman Mick I sent you, OR MAYBE DON'T MENTION ME hahahah, great burgers there too!"

It's like "yes we're going to Bilbao to meet Irish people, please help me to avoid anything Spanish for the duration of this holiday."

Then in passport control, at which point we're starting to worry he might somehow join us, "what I need now lads, a piss, a wank, and a ride, then off out for a few pints"

This person was basically like satan. Him on a 3 day binge with some equally psychotic pal is the bleakest scaldfest I can imagine. He also freaked out a few times at the air hostesses etc.

Any similar stories? Psychotic travellers are everywhere.

It's like "yes we're going to Bilbao to meet Irish people, please help me to avoid anything Spanish for the duration of this holiday."

Are Irish people particularly bad for this sort of thing? I thought the Brits abroad were bad but you seem to attract people like this all the time.

Never see anyone go mental on a plane, shouting at staff, or whatever, but these people are basically the worst kind of inconsiderate savages imaginable and should be arrested frankly.

it's really hard for me to tell people like this off. some people are good at it. i'm not. i wish i were.

the creepiest psycho travellers might be the "long game" evangelists, who have pleasant enough conversation with you, ask you innocuous questions about your life etc and then 5 mins before the plane touches down hand you a pamphlet and try to force you to promise that you'll read it.

yeah not sure it's wise to tell him off, i just put my headphones on and occasionally nodded or offered a weak laugh.

i think irish people are fairly bad for the irish bar abroad thing, prob similar enough to brits tho. we're v similar countries with anything like this.

ugh thats awful ronan. i never had an experience like that thank god. as far as transport stories go the limerick to tipperary bus i used to get 10 or so years ago was choc-a-block of apprentice psychopaths and mental defectives of all stripes.

i caught a bus across the border from china into laos once and there was only one other white person on it, an australian guy who i guess was in his 50s. the journey lasted a whole day so we inevitably ended up talking to each other at the various stops. i didn't talk much though, i mostly listened to him ranting about many subjects including china, the chinese, how you can't trust the chinese, how you can't trust australians, why he would never go back to australia, why he thought books were pointless, why he'd burned all his books before he left australia, why he'd had to leave china (he'd smashed up his landlord's flat and threatened him with his knuckle-duster (which he had on him at all times, he let me know), how badly he needed a drink, how much his various ailments were hurting him, what he was going to do when we reached our destination (drink), etc. the longer the day went on and the longer he'd gone without a drink the more aggressive he got. when we finally arrived, he suggested we both stay in the hostel on the highway by the bus stop. i didn't fancy it and told him i was going to get a cab into the town, and he lost it, ranting and raving about cab drivers who rip you off, refusing to pay the couple of dollars it would have cost, calling me a mug, etc, before turning and marching off towards the hostel, swearing at the cab drivers who were following him.

i saw him again in the town a few days later and he was much cheerier and more relaxed.

and drunk?

lolled at ronan and jh

ugh these savages :(

i've never had a direct experience like this, have always been quite adept at shutting a conversation down when i need to, even with the mad ranty types - sometimes you just gotta be terse

I've never had anyone as crazy as this; I think the worst I've seen was a woman who had the nerve to yell at a flight attendant who told her she had to put her 4-year-old daughter in a seat with a seat belt rather than letting her crawl on her lap and under the seats or else the plane wouldn't take off because the flight attendant was terse with her the third time the request was made. I was super annoyed by this point (they were in front of us) and said something along the lines of "How about instead of getting defensive and nasty because you know you're wrong, you put your daughter in the seat so we can take off?" She tried to pull the "STAY OUT OF THIS, IT'S NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS" card and I said, "You are singlehandedly making this plane late, so your behavior is making this not only my busines,s but the business of every single person on this plane."

She shut up and put her daughter in the seat.

I tend to just block these guys out with headphones but a few months ago I was on the bus and a guy got on with a very fidgety bull terrier and a big bag that was visibly full of Super Tennants and sat opposite me while shouting at someone into a phone. I went downstairs at the next bus stop.

Was the bag made of skin and hanging over his stomach?

ha, im a magnet for these fuckers on buses - been chronicling them for months on facebook with lengthy descriptions, videos and photos. gonna tidy up and put onto a blog at some point

just had to about kick a fella out of the way of a free seat on the rush hour bus now irl im an easygoing guy but imma spend the next twenty mins blowing and cooing in his ear just to see what we can teach a cunt here

unless you're the lunatic, this was the thread Rate the people sitting across or next to you on public transport

will be finishing ASTB this week, I think, much belated

read it again

and yes im the lunatic iti