Poll: what's the worst part of getting old?

The real worst part of getting old: Getting old alone.

You forgot:

Increased tolerance for aging, balding male singer-songwriters.

The real worst part of getting old: Getting old alone.

― Back up the lesbian canoe (Laurel), dinsdag 10 mei 2011 17:44 (56 seconds ago) Bookmark

;_;

I know it shouldn't be. But the prospect frankly scares the shit out of me.

Damn, I meant to include an "Other (please explain)" option.

waking up at night to pee

That's a good one. I knew I would forget a bunch of these. Guess I should vote for loss of memory.

Is that a getting old thing? I started doing this in only the last year but I didn't realize that's why. Damn.

Hangovers.

Reduced libido is actually kind of a relief.

I just thought I was drinking to much diet coke in the evenings. :(

i have five of the things on this list and i'm 26!

old

Growing hair where you don't want to grow it

I wonder about this one a lot. Like, why do old men grow hair in their ears? Is there some sort of reason for this? It's kind of baffling. Also, gross.

none of the above

"not reduced libido" wd be the answer

I tried to do a handstand for Beeps the other night and nearly broke my neck. Who knew your body could forget how to do handstands?? I need yoga classes.

Most depressing thread ever.

I'll let you know when I really am old.

Never been able to do handstands.

other, death

Increased tolerance for aging, balding male singer-songwriters.

― ginny thomas and tonic (Alfred, Lord Sotosyn), Tuesday, May 10, 2011 11:44 AM (9 minutes ago)

oh FUCk, I have this symptom and I am 23. life is too short :-S

xp

yeah "steady approach of death" was maybe my number 2

"Other (please explain)" option: I'm getting old without anyone else who can remember my body/self when I was young. There's no one to be the keeper of sweet memories of/for me; once my younger self is gone, she may as well never have existed. Shared with no one = wasted? Feels like it.

Somehow the fact that *I was there for those years doesn't matter? I don't know why I don't matter.

Well damn. Annoying, uncomfortable and embarrassing things which are going to keep getting worse for the rest of your life: the poll.

Ho hum.

lol

i'm actually sort of looking forward to losing libido.

stfu

tolerance for aging balding singy-songwriters is kind of one of the better things about getting old, or at least not giving a shit about bollocks youth cult punk values and what musicians look like and other misguided young people stuff

only if the aging baldy singer-songwriters aren't boring.

cancer, arthritis, risk of addiction to prescription pain meds, dementia, death

I'm 36 and voting DENTAL. I started flossing regularly at about 30 but it was too late. Things have been going all to shit the past 3 years.

Oh my teeth started going around age 20. Forget that.

yeah Alfred otm but the singer-songwriter slide into schmaltz is part of a more general thing:

if you don't watch out as you get older you become prone to this particularly intoxicating state of wistful, sentimental, nostalgic melancholy which is *about* the extent of the pastness of your own past, its irretrievability, your mortality, friends who are dead, love affairs that are long gone etc.

it can be a beautiful feeling to just embrace and let it happen, but it can also turn you into a sap and a bore if you aren't careful, because it rests upon a loss of curiosity and interest in what is happening now and what is to come in favor of what already was

only if the aging baldy singer-songwriters aren't boring

well yeah but name me a genre that doesn't apply to. i reckon most people who consciously drift into "old people music" probably liked some awful guff when they were younger too

worst part of aging is regretting thigns you haven't done imo.

Losing libido or otherwise is all very well if you lose it at exactly the same rate as whoever you might be sharing it with.

I started flossing regularly at about 30 but it was too late.

Oh no... (31, hate flossing.)

other, death

― thomp, Tuesday, May 10, 2011 11:55 AM

The ones that have started to show themselves to me:

Losing hair where you don't want to lose it
Growing hair where you don't want to grow it
Graying hair
Eating/Digestion problems
Memory problems

The first two in tandem are, at this point, an unbeatable combo.

(Graying hair is pretty awesome, tho.)

They're not the worst part of aging, but all these new* moles on my face are really pissing me off.

* arrived in the last five years or so

Going with hearing here, which didn't hit me until last year. Specifically it was a Mastodon show, but I'm guessing it was straw-camel's back thing. Already noticing myself asking people to repeat things more often. Oh well. Overall I feel good physically, so so far I'm not complaining. Definitely losing hair on top, but that doesn't bother me.

the best thing about getting old is that you can enjoy being uncool

Went to bar full of hipsters last night, looked around at busy groups of cool kids, sat alone, read book, felt not a single twinge of discomfort. Thought: WHY DID THIS TAKE ME SO LONG, THIS IS AWESOME.

haha exactly!

Last two posts totally otm.

Hi, old person here (50).

Hasn't happened at all:
Losing hair where you don't want to lose it
Deteriorating hearing
Deteriorating vision
Graying hair
Papery skin/loss of elasticity in skin/wrinkles
Slower reflexes

Right, I was going to categorise the list but it seems they are mostly not happening as yet.

So, yay me, I guess.

What's not on the list:

The idea that 100 years ago is something that actually exists on film. and that you can see things from 50 years ago that look like they were filmed yesterday.

Some other stuff that might depress you (i.e. people not around anymore, let's put it that way)

Then again, it's sunny, there are people around that you can have a laff with, also that the idea of being old is not something you have to subscribe to nowadays. Back when I was a kid, people of 20-30 would dress like they were 50-60. Nowadays, it's the other way around.

ya but you were secretly cooler than them in that scenario so it doesn't count xp

Additions?

Increased tolerance for aging, balding male singer-songwriters.
Nope.

The real worst part of getting old: Getting old alone.
Less alone now than I've ever been.

OK, when you say old, where is the dotted line?

x-posts It's totally liberating and awesome and I think it happens, in part, because you realize that so much that you maybe once considered cool is just dumb bs.

unless you were reading 'the girl with the dragon tattoo' or 'twilight' xp

looooooooool

Went to bar full of hipsters last night, looked around at busy groups of cool kids, sat alone, read book, felt not a single twinge of discomfort. Thought: WHY DID THIS TAKE ME SO LONG, THIS IS AWESOME.

― Back up the lesbian canoe (Laurel), Tuesday, 10 May 2011 16:17 (6 minutes ago) Permalink

Were you at Harefield Rd? I think I saw you.

we're basically still monkeys, which is why I also find it helpful to fling my feces about every now and then

Until the most recent medical setback, I felt healthier and stronger than I have in my life, and I'm 40.

I am privileged in this way, obv, but it's really about taking the time to stretch and do some amount of physical activity every day. It doesn't have to take forever, it doesn't have to be incredibly strenuous, it just has to be done. I truly believe that most peoples' lives would be improved if they set aside ~30 minutes for physical activity every day. More? Even better.

Listen, I was in that same place when I was 40. 40 is nothing. Now that I am a month away from 50 I am cursing perimenopause and soaking my feet. I am still in decent shape, but it's harder. Everything is more difficult.

i feel pretty healthy, as much as you can for someone in their late thirties who barely does anything. i long distance walk and drum almost every day. i try to stretch when i remember but i am not disciplined about it at all (though stretching even a little bit before drumming is extremely necessary). everyone i know around my age is dealing with some form of back pain and i feel pretty lucky i don't experience that at all? i only had back pain for a few months last year when i clearly needed to replace my mattress

however my knees suck. i do knee stretches pretty frequently, to no avail when i'm sitting in some uncomfortably narrow-ailed theater. any advice? should i... do some sort of weight training with them? i'm a gym dumbass i hate the gym

aging really doesn't happen linearly, does it? it feels like everything is smooth sailing for long periods and then the situation changes over the course of months, if not even quicker

for me it's looking at myself in the mirror and comparing it to pics of me from just 5 years ago and wanting to cry

LL, I don't doubt it. but i know plenty of people who are 50 or older who are in great shape, and don't have the same ailments that many younger people have.

again, this is based in privilege, of course, but maintaining fitness and etc has to be a priority. it's fine if it isn't and it's both useless and cruel to judge people about, but that's the reality i've seen borne out, as well as the reality that science tells us.

Ivy, it turned out what I thought were knee problems for me were actually hamstring problems. So lots of hamstring and adjacent stretches and quad strengthening for balance has helped some.

Best of luck to all achy folks though. It definitely sucks.

I am privileged in this way, obv, but it's really about taking the time to stretch and do some amount of physical activity every day. It doesn't have to take forever, it doesn't have to be incredibly strenuous, it just has to be done. I truly believe that most peoples' lives would be improved if they set aside ~30 minutes for physical activity every day. More? Even better.

it is impossible to be more otm

cardio is good, weight training is good, but so are walking, yoga, pilates, tai chi, swimming, dancing, housework, gardening, going up and down stairs, lying on the floor and standing up, etc., etc.

it really doesn't matter what kind of movement you do as long as you move ... find something you don't hate and do it often

> aging really doesn't happen linearly, does it?

among my cohort, I noticed moving into the early 40s felt eerily...non-eventful? Like folks were still drinking hard, feeling hip, like youth could go on for quite a while longer.

Then there were suddenly ortho injuries, reading glasses, cancer, family collapses, and by the time the 50s and pandemic hit, it's all birdwatching and moderate resistance training.

thinking you know shit because your corpus of lifetime experiences have left you with memories and lessons that may only be applicable to you

conversely, not realizing that you might be able to impart something to younger people because you did learn something but have troubles articulating exactly what that may be

it's a cognitive trip, and probably best if you adjust your personality to be approachable and let people ask questions rather than give unsolicited guidance

it really doesn't matter what kind of movement you do as long as you move ... find something you don't hate and do it often

― Brad C., Wednesday, 16 July 2025 bookmarkflaglink

Yup if you have time then absolutely do this. Feel like I would be in a world of pain now if I hadn't been doing what I do. Still think there will be issues that can come quickly, but so far so good.

Ivy, it turned out what I thought were knee problems for me were actually hamstring problems. So lots of hamstring and adjacent stretches and quad strengthening for balance has helped some.

― Jaq, Wednesday, July 16, 2025 11:40 AM (twenty-five minutes ago) bookmarkflaglink

wow thank you!!!! i'm gonna give this a shot

In re linear aging, a friend of mine some time ago made the observation to me that “aging is stochastic,” which has stuck with me and seems very otm. You can go a decade without noticing big changes and then something happens — a strained back, plantar fasciitis, any number of things — and then it’s like a bunch of other things catch up all at once.

it feels like everything is smooth sailing for long periods and then the situation changes over the course of months, if not even quicker

I just think about what stirmonster's going through and, well.

I've reached the half century mark at a good weight and body mass and exercise regularly (five-mile walks help). I'm damn lucky. Not sure for how much longer.

Walks rule!

Beyond physical ailments, one of the other disturbing features of old age is severe time distortion. Nostalgia, and indulging thinking of 'Was it was 30 years ago?', can of course be very enjoyable.

But when you reach an advanced age, you are almost daily confronted with so many reminders of huge chunks of time gone, and memories swimming in and out of focus, that it can create an unsettling background feeling that you are in danger of losing your bearings on reality if you age much further.

― Bob Six, Wednesday, July 16, 2025 7:45 AM (three hours ago) bookmarkflaglink

I'm not yet 40 but I've kinda started feeling this...I mean, I'm lucky that I more or less have the life I want, I've had the same partner since 2007, the same job since 2009, same house since 2016, my kids were born in 2014 and 2017...yes the day to day of taking care of kids changes often but my life in general has stayed pretty static. it just hit me now that COVID summer was 5 years ago. I can remember the videos we'd have to watch every night to get the kids to sleep, to me it doesn't seem all that long ago, but to the kids? it's ancient history.

recently YouTube's started recommending me compilations of commercials from the mid-00's...I think *that* is what really drives it home how much time has really passed. you think "well it wasn't that long ago" and then you see young skinny Bam Margera and it breaks your brain a little bit

Also sometimes things are more or less ok for a good long while and the suddenly life kicks you in the ass and knocks you off balance. Job loss/professional death. Death of a parent (or two). Natural disaster. Pernicious ailment. Gravity. You name it.
There is more to aging than mental/physical fitness or physical ailments. A blow to the nervous system can really get in the way and take longer to recover from as we get older.

There are things you can do to manage stress, but the vulnerability, if it exists in a person, can be debilitating in a way no one ever told me about.

Like I said, it gets paradoxically harder to bounce back. You’d think age would make us stronger in that way but that doesn’t apply to everyone uniformly. At least not to me.

I know those 'X was Y years ago, which would be the equivalent of Z at Y time' are ten a penny, but they constantly freak me out. Possibly due to holding-pattern of culture...
for instance, we went to watch 28 Years Later. re-watched 28 Days Later which came out in 2002. 23 years ago - like watching a film from 1979 in 2002, which would have seemed like something from a completely different time.

was thinking about that recently seeing these ads for the new Smurfs movie, I'm thinking "wasnt there just a Smurfs reboot with Katy Perry and Neil Patrick Harris?" but it turns out that was 14 years ago. as old as Titanic was at the time.

many xps

re knee problems, I had the same experience as Jaq -- pain in/around my knee turned out to be related to an old hamstring injury and pretty much disappeared after adding different leg exercises

the same kind of referred pain is often a factor in neck/shoulder/back problems ... sometimes half the battle is figuring out which adjacent muscle groups are the ones that actually need attention

p. sure the worst part is going to be dealing with the decline of my parents tho

― mookieproof, Thursday, August 9, 2012 7:42 PM (Yesterday) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

― (✿◠‿◠) (ENBB), Friday, August 10, 2012 9:06 AM (53 minutes ago) Bookmark

I still feel more or less good 90% of the time. Not as good as when I was 27, but that was 10 years ago. I think the external physical shell is holding up fairly well and I take care of the internal stuff by eating well and exercising regularly. It's the emotional stuff that's hard for me. Friends disappearing into parenthood, my parents approaching the age where they need to start worrying about their decline, stuff like that.

― nicest bitch of poster (La Lechera), Friday, August 10, 2012 10:04 AM (twelve years ago)

me itt when i was 37. the only thing that has changed is that my friends' kids are finally growing up :)

oh and one of my parents died

p. sure the worst part is going to be dealing with the decline of my parents tho

― mookieproof, Thursday, August 9, 2012 7:42 PM

i was otm

After your parents decline and die there is a whole other level of 'worst part of getting old', though. It's when you start to decline yourself and wonder what you're going to do with all of your shit and where you're going to live and how you are you going to be able to move and who's going to take care of you when you're extremely old

I've got MS and am declining. I think I need to find a building that has elevator access for wheelchairs. I'm not disabled yet, am still pretty strong, but I expect to be at some point.

I don't have a spouse who can step up for me. I have a niece here in SF and family in other cities and they care for me, but I'm worried

I was told that if I want to live in a good assisted care facility that I should apply early, because they are hard to get into. It feels like college applications all over again

Dan, that's a lot going on. (I lost my father to MS about twenty five years ago, it was no fun)

Yeah, maybe start looking at some kind of co-housing situation or something, to get your foot in the door (as you mention)? I know that shit can get really expensive... I just wonder if there's something that's transitional and not quite full assisted living

Maybe it's time for a new thread: Aging parents ILXors

Thanks Andy. I'm not to the point of disability yet, but as one of my med school friends tells me, ignoring the future is hubris.

I recently turned 70. Friends had a dinner party for me, and Chris (my goddaughter Julia's father) baked me an amazing chocolate cake.

Next month he is turning 60 and I am having a dinner for him, and then a week later we are going to celebrate the 70th birthday of my friend Marta from Sweden. My best friend Robert turns 70 in September.

We are all getting so old, it's hitting all of us

I don't know if this will work, but here's a photo of the amazing cake that was baked for my 70th birthday and the present of two bottles of Santa Maria Novella Tabacco Toscano soap that I received

file:///Users/dsiedler/Pictures/Photos%20Library.photoslibrary/resources/derivatives/6/639B6D55-FDB6-4076-9DF6-E19FDDDAE83C_1_105_c.jpeg

(I think copying and pasting the link works, but am not sure)

Dan - sounds like you have an amazing group of friends that can help each out, that's awesome

I have the aches & pains & sore parts, but what's been rough for me is the dying friends

High school punk in the 80's was still fun & naive, but by the 90's a few friends had started dabbling in meth, H and stuff... even if they made it through that period, they were often left with things like liver disease or hep C which came back to haunt them later

And then just seeing a bunch of Gen X dudes (and a couple women) pass away from alcohol or fentanyl in the last decade or so has been a real drag... a couple suicides as well (depression). You realize that there was a lot of collective trauma that drew people into that scene... where they often found support, but also people on a similar downward trajectory that reinforced a lot of bad behaviors

(no, that looks like a file location on your computer)

I feel you Andy

does this work?

https://imgur.com/a/jFkYhjZ

When I was an intern in 1981 one of my best friends, a medical student at UCSF, committed suicide by injecting a heroin/cocaine mixture. I only found out about it by overhearing a conversation among other residents at a nearby table at the SFGH midnight meal, which itself was a sad and creepy ritual to appease those of us in the middle of a 36-hour shift. A low point for sure.

But there were many other low points in the experiences of gay men in our generation. Half of my friends died of AIDS, including my best friend at the time.

I don't think most younger people understand what gay men went through in the 80s and early 90s. None of the deaths of members of my family or of my friends has been that shocking since then. Having gone through that makes it easier to approach the future

yeah, that worked! Beautiful cake, happy belated birthday!

I hung out last night with an old regular at my local in Oakland (gay dude) and he turned 84 yesterday! he's doing fine

yeah the Bay Area, Los Angeles & NYC were ravaged during that time

Dan, I don’t think anyone can understand the full extent of the plague years if they weren’t there, but let me just intimate that I weep regularly thinking about all of the lives lost.

It's when you start to decline yourself and wonder what you're going to do with all of your shit and where you're going to live and how you are you going to be able to move and who's going to take care of you when you're extremely old

Getting older as a single person had really highlighted to me how desperately we need more assisted- living facilities…and more flexible and affordable facilities based around different communities/demographics.

30+ years ago, I was interning on a PBS doc on health care reform, and one of the places I dug up, but the director didn't go for, was an assisted living coop in LA

https://www.latimes.com/archives/la-xpm-2005-sep-10-me-sunset10-story.html

Closed 20 years ago, sadly

It's when you start to decline yourself and wonder what you're going to do with all of your shit and where you're going to live and how you are you going to be able to move and who's going to take care of you when you're extremely old

Semi-famous rock critic and sometime ILXor Chuck Eddy just sold his entire record collection and wrote about it, including dollar amounts.

Briefly, here’s more or less what I sold, mostly according to estimates in an email I sent to each of the stores when I started this process maybe half a year ago (having used the how-many-per-foot times how-many-feet tabulation method): 3500 CDs in cases (plus about 200 in cardboard promo sleeves); 3000 12” vinyl (LPs and 12-inch singles); 875 7” vinyl (45s and little EPs); 33 10” vinyl; 70 cassettes; 25 CD box sets of various shapes and sizes (ZZ Top barbecue joint, Charlie Poole cigar box, Bear Family Music Hall box with 125-page coffee table book inside, etc.); five or so LP box sets (including the dozen-disc History of the House Sound of Chicago); 30 or so music DVDs (or maybe less unless the ones I thought I counted at first got mixed up into CD boxes); maybe 20 old 78s along with papers that used to belong to the square-dance caller who apparently DJ’d with them.

All that netted him $14K, which is a nice chunk of change to land in one's lap all at once but also goddamn depressing when you actually do the math.

Yeah, that kind of return will help me rationalize keeping my way too much stuff.

I'm so thankful for everyone itt sharing our challenges and losses and wins! so openly.

housework, gardening, going up and down stairs

Unfortunately my mother is proof that just doing those three things will not in fact keep you from getting weaker and less capable if you don't have a trained advisor/doctor/therapist pointing out that those things are getting harder and harder because of some imbalance or mobility issue that you're not addressing. :(

Music collections are far more entertaining and worthwhile than collections of beanie babies, Franklin Mint commemorative plates, or ceramic frogs. But, most people want their music collection to reflect their own very individual tastes so they can enjoy listening to them. That makes them highly satisfying purchases, but rotten investments.

The same applies to my personal library. It's a joy to own, but strictly a monetary loss. Lucky for me, I came to that conclusion before I turned 25.

Mixed bag for me— some of my book collection is worth a ton of money, mostly through luck and gifts. I have a few single items that are worth well over a grand each, but they're by favorite writers and old teachers, and most were either gifts or have simply appreciated dramatically in value.

My record collection isn't worth much at all, but I already knew that.

Ceramic frogs are the bomb.

I sold >$10k of LPs/CDs about 20 years ago. I'm old, I don't DJ anymore (sometimes in Japan when my friend drags me out), space has become much more valuable from going from bachelor to family lifestyle.

Although I'm sure my collection would be more valuable now, not to mention I'd have a way cooler Zoom/Teams/VC background than my current abstract paintings in my office... but man, moving a couple times was enough to be like "yeah no... let's go digital"

And those giant fucking 5x5 IKEA KALLAX cases, very happy to get rid of those.

Books... Much more manageable. If it's not a signed/1EDs/OOP, it goes. Everything else I'll grab at the library on the way home.

Clothes... let's not go there.

...though I can't help but wonder who the lucky buyer of Ch*ck's Big & Rich collection was, and what a legacy they have inherited.

Getting older as a single person had really highlighted to me how desperately we need more assisted- living facilities

I've been hearing more and more about co-housing situations (as in cooperative) and I think I'd like to explore something like when I get there... loneliness is as bad for one's health as anything else, and a living situation like that could help

Friends and I have mused about all going in together on an aging punk compound where we could have happy hour shows that end at 7pm lol

housework, gardening, going up and down stairs

Unfortunately my mother is proof that just doing those three things will not in fact keep you from getting weaker and less capable if you don't have a trained advisor/doctor/therapist pointing out that those things are getting harder and harder because of some imbalance or mobility issue that you're not addressing. :(

true ... and even if you get good advice, you still have to follow it to see improvements

as a caregiver it's maddening to try to persuade elderly parents to accept new ideas and change their habits

otoh I can understand that, while my 92-year-old mother appreciates our concern for her well-being and continues to take good care of herself, at some level she ran out of fucks to give many years ago (not that she'd express it quite that way herself)