Poll: what's the worst part of getting old?

The real worst part of getting old: Getting old alone.

You forgot:

Increased tolerance for aging, balding male singer-songwriters.

The real worst part of getting old: Getting old alone.

― Back up the lesbian canoe (Laurel), dinsdag 10 mei 2011 17:44 (56 seconds ago) Bookmark

;_;

I know it shouldn't be. But the prospect frankly scares the shit out of me.

Damn, I meant to include an "Other (please explain)" option.

waking up at night to pee

That's a good one. I knew I would forget a bunch of these. Guess I should vote for loss of memory.

Is that a getting old thing? I started doing this in only the last year but I didn't realize that's why. Damn.

Hangovers.

Reduced libido is actually kind of a relief.

I just thought I was drinking to much diet coke in the evenings. :(

i have five of the things on this list and i'm 26!

old

Growing hair where you don't want to grow it

I wonder about this one a lot. Like, why do old men grow hair in their ears? Is there some sort of reason for this? It's kind of baffling. Also, gross.

none of the above

"not reduced libido" wd be the answer

I tried to do a handstand for Beeps the other night and nearly broke my neck. Who knew your body could forget how to do handstands?? I need yoga classes.

Most depressing thread ever.

I'll let you know when I really am old.

Never been able to do handstands.

other, death

Increased tolerance for aging, balding male singer-songwriters.

― ginny thomas and tonic (Alfred, Lord Sotosyn), Tuesday, May 10, 2011 11:44 AM (9 minutes ago)

oh FUCk, I have this symptom and I am 23. life is too short :-S

xp

yeah "steady approach of death" was maybe my number 2

"Other (please explain)" option: I'm getting old without anyone else who can remember my body/self when I was young. There's no one to be the keeper of sweet memories of/for me; once my younger self is gone, she may as well never have existed. Shared with no one = wasted? Feels like it.

Somehow the fact that *I was there for those years doesn't matter? I don't know why I don't matter.

Well damn. Annoying, uncomfortable and embarrassing things which are going to keep getting worse for the rest of your life: the poll.

Ho hum.

lol

i'm actually sort of looking forward to losing libido.

stfu

tolerance for aging balding singy-songwriters is kind of one of the better things about getting old, or at least not giving a shit about bollocks youth cult punk values and what musicians look like and other misguided young people stuff

only if the aging baldy singer-songwriters aren't boring.

cancer, arthritis, risk of addiction to prescription pain meds, dementia, death

I'm 36 and voting DENTAL. I started flossing regularly at about 30 but it was too late. Things have been going all to shit the past 3 years.

Oh my teeth started going around age 20. Forget that.

yeah Alfred otm but the singer-songwriter slide into schmaltz is part of a more general thing:

if you don't watch out as you get older you become prone to this particularly intoxicating state of wistful, sentimental, nostalgic melancholy which is *about* the extent of the pastness of your own past, its irretrievability, your mortality, friends who are dead, love affairs that are long gone etc.

it can be a beautiful feeling to just embrace and let it happen, but it can also turn you into a sap and a bore if you aren't careful, because it rests upon a loss of curiosity and interest in what is happening now and what is to come in favor of what already was

only if the aging baldy singer-songwriters aren't boring

well yeah but name me a genre that doesn't apply to. i reckon most people who consciously drift into "old people music" probably liked some awful guff when they were younger too

worst part of aging is regretting thigns you haven't done imo.

Losing libido or otherwise is all very well if you lose it at exactly the same rate as whoever you might be sharing it with.

I started flossing regularly at about 30 but it was too late.

Oh no... (31, hate flossing.)

other, death

― thomp, Tuesday, May 10, 2011 11:55 AM

The ones that have started to show themselves to me:

Losing hair where you don't want to lose it
Growing hair where you don't want to grow it
Graying hair
Eating/Digestion problems
Memory problems

The first two in tandem are, at this point, an unbeatable combo.

(Graying hair is pretty awesome, tho.)

They're not the worst part of aging, but all these new* moles on my face are really pissing me off.

* arrived in the last five years or so

Going with hearing here, which didn't hit me until last year. Specifically it was a Mastodon show, but I'm guessing it was straw-camel's back thing. Already noticing myself asking people to repeat things more often. Oh well. Overall I feel good physically, so so far I'm not complaining. Definitely losing hair on top, but that doesn't bother me.

the best thing about getting old is that you can enjoy being uncool

Went to bar full of hipsters last night, looked around at busy groups of cool kids, sat alone, read book, felt not a single twinge of discomfort. Thought: WHY DID THIS TAKE ME SO LONG, THIS IS AWESOME.

haha exactly!

Last two posts totally otm.

Hi, old person here (50).

Hasn't happened at all:
Losing hair where you don't want to lose it
Deteriorating hearing
Deteriorating vision
Graying hair
Papery skin/loss of elasticity in skin/wrinkles
Slower reflexes

Right, I was going to categorise the list but it seems they are mostly not happening as yet.

So, yay me, I guess.

What's not on the list:

The idea that 100 years ago is something that actually exists on film. and that you can see things from 50 years ago that look like they were filmed yesterday.

Some other stuff that might depress you (i.e. people not around anymore, let's put it that way)

Then again, it's sunny, there are people around that you can have a laff with, also that the idea of being old is not something you have to subscribe to nowadays. Back when I was a kid, people of 20-30 would dress like they were 50-60. Nowadays, it's the other way around.

ya but you were secretly cooler than them in that scenario so it doesn't count xp

Additions?

Increased tolerance for aging, balding male singer-songwriters.
Nope.

The real worst part of getting old: Getting old alone.
Less alone now than I've ever been.

OK, when you say old, where is the dotted line?

x-posts It's totally liberating and awesome and I think it happens, in part, because you realize that so much that you maybe once considered cool is just dumb bs.

unless you were reading 'the girl with the dragon tattoo' or 'twilight' xp

looooooooool

Went to bar full of hipsters last night, looked around at busy groups of cool kids, sat alone, read book, felt not a single twinge of discomfort. Thought: WHY DID THIS TAKE ME SO LONG, THIS IS AWESOME.

― Back up the lesbian canoe (Laurel), Tuesday, 10 May 2011 16:17 (6 minutes ago) Permalink

Were you at Harefield Rd? I think I saw you.

Dan, I don’t think anyone can understand the full extent of the plague years if they weren’t there, but let me just intimate that I weep regularly thinking about all of the lives lost.

It's when you start to decline yourself and wonder what you're going to do with all of your shit and where you're going to live and how you are you going to be able to move and who's going to take care of you when you're extremely old

Getting older as a single person had really highlighted to me how desperately we need more assisted- living facilities…and more flexible and affordable facilities based around different communities/demographics.

30+ years ago, I was interning on a PBS doc on health care reform, and one of the places I dug up, but the director didn't go for, was an assisted living coop in LA

https://www.latimes.com/archives/la-xpm-2005-sep-10-me-sunset10-story.html

Closed 20 years ago, sadly

It's when you start to decline yourself and wonder what you're going to do with all of your shit and where you're going to live and how you are you going to be able to move and who's going to take care of you when you're extremely old

Semi-famous rock critic and sometime ILXor Chuck Eddy just sold his entire record collection and wrote about it, including dollar amounts.

Briefly, here’s more or less what I sold, mostly according to estimates in an email I sent to each of the stores when I started this process maybe half a year ago (having used the how-many-per-foot times how-many-feet tabulation method): 3500 CDs in cases (plus about 200 in cardboard promo sleeves); 3000 12” vinyl (LPs and 12-inch singles); 875 7” vinyl (45s and little EPs); 33 10” vinyl; 70 cassettes; 25 CD box sets of various shapes and sizes (ZZ Top barbecue joint, Charlie Poole cigar box, Bear Family Music Hall box with 125-page coffee table book inside, etc.); five or so LP box sets (including the dozen-disc History of the House Sound of Chicago); 30 or so music DVDs (or maybe less unless the ones I thought I counted at first got mixed up into CD boxes); maybe 20 old 78s along with papers that used to belong to the square-dance caller who apparently DJ’d with them.

All that netted him $14K, which is a nice chunk of change to land in one's lap all at once but also goddamn depressing when you actually do the math.

Yeah, that kind of return will help me rationalize keeping my way too much stuff.

I'm so thankful for everyone itt sharing our challenges and losses and wins! so openly.

housework, gardening, going up and down stairs

Unfortunately my mother is proof that just doing those three things will not in fact keep you from getting weaker and less capable if you don't have a trained advisor/doctor/therapist pointing out that those things are getting harder and harder because of some imbalance or mobility issue that you're not addressing. :(

Music collections are far more entertaining and worthwhile than collections of beanie babies, Franklin Mint commemorative plates, or ceramic frogs. But, most people want their music collection to reflect their own very individual tastes so they can enjoy listening to them. That makes them highly satisfying purchases, but rotten investments.

The same applies to my personal library. It's a joy to own, but strictly a monetary loss. Lucky for me, I came to that conclusion before I turned 25.

Mixed bag for me— some of my book collection is worth a ton of money, mostly through luck and gifts. I have a few single items that are worth well over a grand each, but they're by favorite writers and old teachers, and most were either gifts or have simply appreciated dramatically in value.

My record collection isn't worth much at all, but I already knew that.

Ceramic frogs are the bomb.

I sold >$10k of LPs/CDs about 20 years ago. I'm old, I don't DJ anymore (sometimes in Japan when my friend drags me out), space has become much more valuable from going from bachelor to family lifestyle.

Although I'm sure my collection would be more valuable now, not to mention I'd have a way cooler Zoom/Teams/VC background than my current abstract paintings in my office... but man, moving a couple times was enough to be like "yeah no... let's go digital"

And those giant fucking 5x5 IKEA KALLAX cases, very happy to get rid of those.

Books... Much more manageable. If it's not a signed/1EDs/OOP, it goes. Everything else I'll grab at the library on the way home.

Clothes... let's not go there.

...though I can't help but wonder who the lucky buyer of Ch*ck's Big & Rich collection was, and what a legacy they have inherited.

Getting older as a single person had really highlighted to me how desperately we need more assisted- living facilities

I've been hearing more and more about co-housing situations (as in cooperative) and I think I'd like to explore something like when I get there... loneliness is as bad for one's health as anything else, and a living situation like that could help

Friends and I have mused about all going in together on an aging punk compound where we could have happy hour shows that end at 7pm lol

housework, gardening, going up and down stairs

Unfortunately my mother is proof that just doing those three things will not in fact keep you from getting weaker and less capable if you don't have a trained advisor/doctor/therapist pointing out that those things are getting harder and harder because of some imbalance or mobility issue that you're not addressing. :(

true ... and even if you get good advice, you still have to follow it to see improvements

as a caregiver it's maddening to try to persuade elderly parents to accept new ideas and change their habits

otoh I can understand that, while my 92-year-old mother appreciates our concern for her well-being and continues to take good care of herself, at some level she ran out of fucks to give many years ago (not that she'd express it quite that way herself)

Man, I am just a 200 lb. crick in a skin-bag now.

Am sixty five in three days nownext year...

Option Votes
Reduced energy levels No.
Deteriorating hearing No.
Memory problems Yeah. No.
Metabolism slowdown No
Bowel/elimination problems (including hemorrhoids) No, I'd even say it's getting better (see past history, above) (Or, don't....) :
Longer times to recover from injury or exercise No.
Deteriorating vision Yeah. Actually, last time I went to the opticians, I found my eyesight had improved! After many years of exactly the same. Then again, my contacts were causing soreness so sacked them. (update: happened twice now, not enough to make a big diff)
Growing hair where you don't want to grow it Abit. (Nose/ears)
Papery skin/loss of elasticity in skin/wrinkles No, no, some.
Dental problems No. Well, at the moment it's OK, but I have one gold filling and that and the tooth next door are being sore a bit, so i dunno, see my next update I guess.
Fear of falling/fear of injury/loss of physical courage No. Actually, I noticed I'm not as scared of heights/climbing as much as I used to be.
Reduced libido No.As long as I keep my Vitamin b12 levels up, all good.
Graying hair A bit. a bit more...
Slower reflexes Don't think so. No.
Thickening/yellowing of nails one or two toenails - getting better, but needs a really strong clipper...
Eating/Digestion problems No.
Moles hmm, a couple. Couple of dangly skintabs, just when the NHS have decided they won't remove them anymore and suggest you do it with scissors or some such (don't do this, you)
Melanin deposits/age spots Dunno, possibly.
Losing hair where you don't want to lose it Nope, all there
The lower backache thing, means getting up from standing can be slow. Pretty much gone. Again, those glucosamine tablets I recommend it.

The main change is that I now have a BMI of 25.2 which means I'm officially obese. But, hey.

I’ve been thinking about this thread lately, because I’ve been dogged by the thought that, as I’ve gotten older, life has required greater effort but also given diminishing rewards. The greater effort part is a given: stuff feels harder to do because I have less physical and mental energy. I don’t think I expected that hobbies and activities, passions and interests, would feel so much less satisfying. Given that I already feel significantly less motivated to do most of the things I historically care about, and have less energy to do them, it makes for a bleak outlook: Is this it? Is it just more of the same but increasingly worse? Does something have to radically change in perspective or circumstance to get out of this sinking ship (and goodness knows I’ve been pursuing those changes)?

I’m 37, which is quite young by ilx standards, but when I think about the worst part of getting older vis-a-vis the last ten years, this experience feels like it.

I’m 37

This is the problem. Being in your thirties sucks. Turning 40 is good, but turning 50 is much better - you enter a DGAF era that's hard to even describe, but trust me: bliss.

One big blind spot for me when I started this poll was ARTHRITIS, and holy shit am I feeling that these days.

I can see that, but that always sounds very subjective. It’s hard to look at, say, my dad’s life, and think his life didn’t get increasingly worse in mid-life (more bitter, isolated, disengaged, more work and money driven, less health) to just count on It Getting Better.

Though, yes, much of this dissatisfaction is related to shifts specific to my mid-30s, and I am trying to let go of the attachments that keep me disappointed, but without anything in place of them, it just feels like emptiness (and not the good kind)

Poll also missing 'Old Friends Dying' but that's been happening for years now, some were quite young

I was sticking entirely to physical breakdowns related to aging. Could do an entirely different poll with all the existential downers, with "physical breakdown" being one.

(Oh, I see I mentioned all the dead friends upthread anyway)

They were all my friends

And they died

Yeah I mean

The only thing I dislike about getting old (and “dislike” is too weak a word) is the generalized feeling that things are getting worse, in the world, and with my own agency. Why do I want to keep living if next year will just be harder than the last? I wish it was societally acceptable to just cash in one’s chips when one chose to do so— although I also would admit that I wouldn’t choose to cash in just yet, so who knows.

The good things about aging—

I’m faster at my work, more efficient.
I’m smarter about money.
I enjoy simple things like “nice weather” more.
I’ve lived long enough to be able to rediscover cultural things “for the first time”, as my memory of them fades.
My longest friendships extend 25+ years now and that feels good.
HSV-1 outbreaks have gone from “four times a year” when I was a teenager to “never”.
Successfully doing a nice healthy poo feels very rewarding now.

The bad things about aging—

Family members entering their end-of-life era; I find the dying part easier than the “chronic ward” part.
Knees.
Wounds are slow to heal.
Hemorrhoids.
The realization that a large part of my young-adult successes were governed by my apparent fuckability rather than any actual cultural resonance, that’s a big fucking pill to swallow.
Fat face.
My already fine hair is now brittle and tends to fall out in the shower.

my dad is 77 almost 78 and he’s been super healthy his whole life but his two older siblings had a couple/few years of dementia before they died and I’m worried for him even there are no red flags now.

Successfully doing a nice healthy poo feels very rewarding now.

While I'm not sure my 20 y/o self would believe me if you told him this is a legit thing, it is such as thing.

I also feel that cash-in-chips feeling too.

the DGAF energy of 40s/50s is real, and it feels like a superpower. not "you stop giving a fuck & become ok with not trying", but just letting go of shit and paying active attention to what makes you happy and doing more of that and less of the other stuff. by my 40s i'd let go of so many hangups that i had in my 20s, and in many ways i'm now living the interesting fun DGAF life that i thought i was living in my 20s. but it comes in stages, or at least it did for me - in my late 30s there was an empty confusing period where i was letting go of/moving past stuff but the DGAF hadnt kicked in yet. it was kinda hard but once i let myself off the hook and gave myself permission to let nature take its course, i got where i needed to be

getting sick sucks a lot more, even a minor illness makes me feel so much more fragile and helpless than when younger wtf

Mark G, the BMI is utter fucking horseshit, fwiw. I am 5’8” and weigh 171 pounds. I have visible abs. I exercise 6 days a week. My resting BP is 102/54. I am not fucking “overweight.”

Absolutely

Yeah, am 6ft1 and my weight is whatever...

I'm still a night owl and love to stay up late but everyone I know now seems to tap out at like 10-11pm

I’ve never been a steady sleeper but running helps a lot, but an injury in October has really kept me from doing it as much as I need to sleep. So I’m getting up a 4am every morning which makes 10 pm seem so late. I’d like to get back on my more night owl schedule but damn is this recovery, from a not that serious back stress, taking forever

The DGAF at 50 is real … as is the arthritis… there’s also, in some contexts, a camaraderie of one’s fellow olds, that doesn’t really exist before 40 …

there’s also, in some contexts, a camaraderie of one’s fellow olds, that doesn’t really exist before 40 …

Definitely true. I've started hiking the trails behind my house and said to my wife when I got back after the first or second trip, "If you want to make old-people friends, go hike the trail, because they're out there!"

my 30s were a ride in an air balloon compared to my 40s (so far), but I wonder how much of that has to do with the rapid enshittification of the world around me. I'm looking forward to my DGAF 50s because this has been the first decade of my life that has felt more or less categorically (physically, mentally, emotionally, financially, socially) shittier

I turned 56 in November and physically and emotionally it's definitely a shitty time. I am less a person than a collection of medical maladies. I'm on so many meds it's ridiculous, and I had to get an orthotic for my right shoe due to osteoarthritis in my foot and leg. All of that is definitely the worst part for me.

In the last two years I've started falling asleep on the sofa around 8:30 a.m. -- and I've let it happen! Unheard of. It IS easier these days to get my eight hours of sleep in.

* 8:30 p.m., haha. I get 26 hours of sleep every night!

that's just my bedtime now *shrug*

i’m most awake at night!

concerned that i am (or will soon be) habitually making weird facial expressions and there's no one to alert me to it

i accept that every old person has one eye narrower than the other (almost certainly the right eye, in my case) but ugh

I have to admit, those are two things I'd never thought about. So we're all gonna turn Popeye at some point?

pretty much! i don't think the eye thing can be avoided

my mom's weird facial expression is 'kinda baring her teeth in a way that might in other scenarios suggest aggression but actually means nothing'

concerned that mine might ultimately be a form of this facial expression

Definitely have noticed a sort of resting bitch face that settles in with relatives as they've moved into cognitive decline. Confusing at first, then heartbreaking as I understood it.

So far the poll winner, decreased energy, has consistently been the worst part for me, which is really a blessing when compared to most of the possibilities. Lately though "Papery skin/loss of elasticity in skin/wrinkles" has been gaining ground, but not because of wrinkles. It's that my increasingly papery skin (like most old people) has a growing tendency to scratch, tear, puncture, or abrade with far greater ease and then takes twice as long to heal as young skin. This far from catastrophic, but it just rubs my nose in the fact that I will only get more fragile as the decades take their toll. Thank you for your attention to this matter.

try not to let it rub your nose is my first advice on that tbh

more annoying to me may be the numerous scrapes and crap my skin is now getting and then the very slow healing of said scabs and scrapes

This is something I've been able to see with my dad, now in his mid-80s and dealing with a couple of hard to heal wounds. It's terribly unfortunate but his care is good and it all serves as a reminder to me that this could yet be something down my own road. (His dad passed in his early 70s and was fairly healthy until a sudden decline over a month due to cancer, so in a way it's a bit of uncharted territory for him and us collectively.)

more annoying to me may be the numerous scrapes and crap my skin is now getting and then the very slow healing of said scabs and scrapes

I've had this problem for a long time; comes with having diabetes. It's too bad, because I'd like to have gotten a few different tattoos but have been very concerned that they would heal badly.