Systems/IT departments

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Vent. go on. do it. (I work in one and am laughing at you all)

― Alan (Alan), Monday, 19 August 2002 13:28 (twenty-three years ago)

Turn it off and turn it back on again.

― Pete (Pete), Monday, 19 August 2002 13:37 (twenty-three years ago)

I have done this today. it worked like a charm. why don't people try this themselves? EH?!

― Alan (Alan), Monday, 19 August 2002 13:42 (twenty-three years ago)

Turn it off

POWER DOWN, surely?

― MarkH, Monday, 19 August 2002 13:43 (twenty-three years ago)

I am too scared to respond as I would like to as I know they are spying on me. But believe me that if I were to respond as I would like to my language would be less than ladylike.

― Emma, Monday, 19 August 2002 13:46 (twenty-three years ago)

Ours is an interesting one. And that's all I say about it.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Monday, 19 August 2002 15:19 (twenty-three years ago)

I work in a closely related thing, basically UCL's internal software house, and it's pretty good. Intelligent, professional people with lots of knowledge and experience doing a generally very good job. It's not perfect, but in professional terms it's much the best place I've ever worked.

Our IT department is pretty good too, far as I know.

― Martin Skidmore (Martin Skidmore), Monday, 19 August 2002 16:42 (twenty-three years ago)

I work in an IT department.

the thing to remember is

i) rebooting a computer fixes 99% of all problems

ii) most computer users are idiots

iii) most IT department people are condescending cockfarmers who think it's hilarious to sneer at people who have better things to do with their time than ponder how computers work.

― DV (dirtyvicar), Monday, 19 August 2002 21:00 (twenty-three years ago)

I am my own IT support department and yes I do patronise myself.

― DG (D_To_The_G), Monday, 19 August 2002 21:02 (twenty-three years ago)

Can i just say that it IS hilarious to sneer at people who have better things to do with their time than ponder how computers work, and that it's just coincidence that most IT department people are condescending cockfarmers. Even the non-condescending one's find it hilarious. ahem.

― Alan (Alan), Tuesday, 20 August 2002 08:40 (twenty-three years ago)

I now have the new monitor I asked for (6 days after I asked for it) but the bloke who brought it nearly got blown up the first time as loads of sparks flew from the back of it ha ha. So close. I clearly have telekinetic anti Systems skillz.

― Emma, Tuesday, 20 August 2002 09:09 (twenty-three years ago)

Even the non-condescending one's

Is this a subtle joke, Alan?

― N. (nickdastoor), Tuesday, 20 August 2002 09:14 (twenty-three years ago)

it could be interpreted as such.

i gave someone a new monitor this morning -- a much larger and less flickery one i might add -- and all i got was "oo, it's not square is it" (it was) and "do i have to have that black border, i didn't have that before" (it was the couple of pixels or so that you get on almost every monitor ever ever) and "can i have all my fonts back" (she just hadn't turned them on).

― Alan (Alan), Tuesday, 20 August 2002 09:22 (twenty-three years ago)

I hope you didn't sneer condescendingly at her as I am going to start running workshops in Telekinesis: Your Way to Vengeance.

― Emma, Tuesday, 20 August 2002 09:26 (twenty-three years ago)

*sneers condescendingly*

― Alan (Alan), Tuesday, 20 August 2002 09:33 (twenty-three years ago)

Has anything exploded / fallen over / come flying at your head yet?

― Emma, Tuesday, 20 August 2002 09:49 (twenty-three years ago)

Have you ever noticed that the IT helpdesk people that support the IT development people (at banks etc) are treated as 2nd class citizens?

― marianna, Tuesday, 20 August 2002 09:56 (twenty-three years ago)

The great majority of IT systems people I have worked with have appeared to be perfectly decent human beings. However, having had the misfortune to have sat around in pubs with FOAF sysadmins in bitchfest mode, I can well believe that most of them come across as condescending arrogant arseholes to most of the 'lusers' they support.

― RickyT (RickyT), Tuesday, 20 August 2002 10:45 (twenty-three years ago)

mark s: "The printer still isn't working"

IT guy: "I know, but it's fine, there's nothing wrong with it"

mark s: "BUT IT ISN'T WORKING!!"

IT guy: "I know, but it should be, because there's nothing wrong with it"

― mark s (mark s), Tuesday, 20 August 2002 10:58 (twenty-three years ago)

Many IT support people I have worked with have seemed blessed with a kind of beatific inner calm, even when confronted with the most fundamental idiocy. However, my current support person enjoys nothing more than mocking people's inability to deal with the intricacies of Word - but then lays waste to a whole day's work for 30 people by attempting, and failing, to hook up an OS/X mac to the pc network.

― Jerry the Nipper, Tuesday, 20 August 2002 11:01 (twenty-three years ago)

The V*steon IT department is FROM SATAN. We have purchased the software and licensing for the library catalog & circulation system over a year and a half ago. They will not install it because it "is not a priority" and we are not allowed to hire someone from outside to set it up. Meanwhile, all they seem to do is sit around. The ones I've dealt with aren't even competent to begin with.

― Nicole (Nicole), Tuesday, 20 August 2002 11:01 (twenty-three years ago)

I don't work in an IT department as such, but am often called upon to help people with computer problems. One of the best/worst was a phonecall I got from a woman who works downstairs from me:

Her : Steve this thingy(!) isn't working (explains what's happening).

Me : Have you tried restarting your computer?

Her : (confused silence) But I'm not at my computer, I'm at the computer at reception.

Me : Um, well try restarting that computer then.

― Steve.n., Tuesday, 20 August 2002 13:11 (twenty-three years ago)

we really had "which one is the shift key?" last month.

― Alan (Alan), Tuesday, 20 August 2002 13:34 (twenty-three years ago)

What about the users who know more than themselves? They hate you! I work with UNIX/Linux in a R&D department and IT people are definitely lost about any of my innocent questions. Usually turning off/on does not work in these cases...

― arantxa, Tuesday, 20 August 2002 13:35 (twenty-three years ago)

But that's quite hard on a recent-ish European Macintosh, Alan.

― Graham (graham), Tuesday, 20 August 2002 14:13 (twenty-three years ago)

which one is the "option" key and WHY DOES IT CALL IT SOMETHING DIFFERENT ON THE KEY??

― mark s (mark s), Tuesday, 20 August 2002 14:18 (twenty-three years ago)

WHAT? anyway this was on a PC. i didn't get the call, it was the helpdesk. they have a giant klaxon and rotating flashing light that goes off whenever someone calls in with a howler, just so everyone knows.

Best ever was the guy who spilt cornflakes on his keyboard, then tried to dry it off with his desklamp, melting the centre of the keyboard. AND THEN DID IT AGAIN (the spilling, not the melting).

If you want any idea of how condescending and annoying helpdesk/it people can get, the second call was left on the answer machine, so we sampled it and used bits of it for e-mail alerts for the next year.

Oh it's a jolly holiday with your (un)friendly systems department, i can tell you.

― Alan (Alan), Tuesday, 20 August 2002 14:20 (twenty-three years ago)

Option key is the one with a diagramatic representation of a switch set to THE OTHER OPTION, DO YOU SEE? It's quite clever really.

As far as I know (which is far too far already), American Macs actually have Caps Lock/Delete/Shift/Option written on them instead of internationalised symbols, but weirdly British people get internationalised too (they didn't used to), even though it's a specific British layout and could have been in English.

― Graham (graham), Tuesday, 20 August 2002 14:32 (twenty-three years ago)

Kill me. Kill me now.

― Graham (graham), Tuesday, 20 August 2002 14:42 (twenty-three years ago)

Years ago at an old job, at one time my duties included computer troubleshooting. I used to say "Shouldn't they issue me a gun?"

― j.lu (j.lu), Wednesday, 21 August 2002 02:04 (twenty-three years ago)

American Macs actually have Caps Lock/Delete/Shift/Option written on them: my powerbook doesn't have the full keyboard layout, but it does have, in counter-clockwise order:
esc
tab
caps lock
shift
fn
ctrl
alt/option
apple symbol
space
enter
alt/option
arrows
shift
return
what do the international ones say instead?

― lyra (lyra), Wednesday, 21 August 2002 03:05 (twenty-three years ago)

I work at an IBM Mainframe site. It takes three operators to jump up and down twice on the Ctrl/Alt/Delete keys in an expertly synchronised manner but this seems to fix everything that goes wrong

― William Whizz (William Whizz), Wednesday, 21 August 2002 05:35 (twenty-three years ago)

gosh, what a big keyboard!

― boxcubed (boxcubed), Wednesday, 21 August 2002 05:41 (twenty-three years ago)

It's a mainframe, they are big computers. How many operators do you have for your PC ? These skills do not come easy you know. Takes them hours of dedicated jumping/synchronising practice.

― William Whizz (William Whizz), Wednesday, 21 August 2002 06:04 (twenty-three years ago)

Lyra: Very little.

― Graham (graham), Wednesday, 21 August 2002 10:35 (twenty-three years ago)

ho ho ho, I am so smart I broke e-mail access for most of the people here today.

and no one noticed.

― DV (dirtyvicar), Wednesday, 21 August 2002 13:13 (twenty-three years ago)

I've given three people brand new spanky machines today and yesterday, and all I've got is grief over keyboards and mice. Do you want the new machine? DO YOU? Listen to the question -- the words that are in it. Right, well shut the fuck up and leave me alone you ungrateful wretches.

― Alan (Alan), Wednesday, 21 August 2002 13:16 (twenty-three years ago)

give them the right bloody mice and keyboards and they won't, jeez you geeks are soooo difficult, no wonder you spend all your time in the server room playing counterstrike! ;o)

― chris (chris), Wednesday, 21 August 2002 13:20 (twenty-three years ago)

they are the right ones. the keyboards/mice come with the computer. it's not like we're switching them around, going "oo, which would be the most annoying keyboard to have with this machine -- yes let's switch those around for maximum annoyance".

― Alan (Alan), Wednesday, 21 August 2002 13:22 (twenty-three years ago)

what? you're not giving them their own mice with pictures of their favourite popster, football player or (god forbid) ppokemon character on them, and personalised keyboards???

see? there's your problem.

― chris (chris), Wednesday, 21 August 2002 13:25 (twenty-three years ago)

keyboards that come with computer != right ones if yr a fussy bugger who is addicted to old school clicky keyboards.

― RickyT (RickyT), Wednesday, 21 August 2002 13:41 (twenty-three years ago)

AND WHOSE FAULT IS THAT? MINE? NO. It's Apple's fault or it's yours. leave ME alone.

i want to go home now, please.

― Alan (Alan), Wednesday, 21 August 2002 13:50 (twenty-three years ago)

It's your fault and you know it. Burpbollocks.

― RickyT (RickyT), Wednesday, 21 August 2002 13:52 (twenty-three years ago)

blimey alang's in a mood today (and i suspect even more so now that rickyT has deployed the DREADED IN JOKE at him ho ho) just think of the kittens alang!!

― katie (katie), Wednesday, 21 August 2002 13:54 (twenty-three years ago)

I have just found someone in Systems who was nice & helpful! Hurray! Just the one person, though.

― Emma, Wednesday, 21 August 2002 13:58 (twenty-three years ago)

Where I work all IT stuff goes through a man named R****** W********. If you can find him, he promises you stuff and then disappears into his room (aka the Museum of Obsolete Technology) to mull it over. For a couple of months, or until you leave, whichever is soonest. There are proper systems people but if you have department hardware you are not allowed to talk to them. I would *like* to be barked and/or sneered at by someone competent; I'm not proud.

― Ellie (Ellie), Wednesday, 21 August 2002 14:10 (twenty-three years ago)

we want to get a bit of kit at work, which will cost c.£15K. To get it into our office we have to pay our IT people twice that, for them to test it etc. so they'll let us have it.

I know they want to make sure that everything's compatible etc. but twice as much as the thing cost?!

― Vicky (Vicky), Wednesday, 21 August 2002 14:18 (twenty-three years ago)

I have just found someone in Systems who was nice & helpful

There's always one who'll spoil the fun for everyone else.

― Alan (Alan), Wednesday, 21 August 2002 14:22 (twenty-three years ago)

The in-building people are lovely and helpful and everything you'd want (and let me change my mouse HA! Alan!), but until a few months ago the Em*p helpdesk was laughable.

Help desk: "You need to click the right button on your mouse."

Me: "I'm using a Mac."

Desk: "You can still right click."

Me: "No I can't, Macs only have one mouse button."

Desk: "Do they?"

FOR THE LOVE OF GOD , HALF THE FUCKING COMPANY USE MACINTOSHES.

― Anna, Wednesday, 21 August 2002 14:35 (twenty-three years ago)

that IS rubbish support in a mag company. no argument. bleddy hell, we're just a cruddy BOOK publisher, but at least we recognise the (minority) mac users here. (and hate them)

GIVE ME A JOB EMAP. I promise to love all the users and never give them any trouble. (or new mice)

― Alan (Alan), Wednesday, 21 August 2002 14:44 (twenty-three years ago)

Working in an IT consulting company we put our tech support through hell and back. Two of them that service our department are good about it. The rest sink to the bottom of a lake and are never seen again.

My favorite trick is to find questions they can't answer over the phone and have to come down and screw around for an hour while I take an extended coffee break.

― Mr Noodles (Mr Noodles), Wednesday, 21 August 2002 14:46 (twenty-three years ago)

I take it back about the nice bloke. He is still nice but merely a cover / diversion from the fact that the rest of them are conspiring to make my life a misery in ways too tedious to go into. By the end of the week I think they will have wrecked my life and made me cry. Those bastards.

― Emma, Wednesday, 21 August 2002 14:53 (twenty-three years ago)

two years pass...

Phone call today:

Accounts Woman: Steve, I don't think I'm using Godzilla anymore.
Me: Um... Pardon
AW: You told me to use Godzilla instead of Internet Explorer and I don't think I'm using it anymore.

(This is true, I got her using Mozilla Firefox because her IE was clogged up with adware).

I go downstairs to look at her computer.

Me: Um yes, that's Mozilla, it's says so on the titlebar.
AW: But why does it say "Google" there?
Me: That's the website you're looking at.

― Steve.n. (sjkirk), Monday, 29 November 2004 11:09 (twenty-one years ago)

Never under-estimate the stupidity of the computer user.

― Johnney B (Johnney B), Monday, 29 November 2004 11:13 (twenty-one years ago)

Desk: "You can still right click[on a mac]."

Well, this is almost true - you can get a contextual menu by holding down the mouse for a few seconds, or pressing ctrl + the mous button (or by buying a mouse with more than one button)

― Chewshabadoo (Chewshabadoo), Monday, 29 November 2004 13:57 (twenty-one years ago)

Or by using a mouse with more than one button on it

― caitlin (caitlin), Monday, 29 November 2004 14:37 (twenty-one years ago)

(note to self: read the WHOLE post before responding next time)

― caitlin (caitlin), Monday, 29 November 2004 14:38 (twenty-one years ago)

i did tech support over phone for almost 3 months before I had to quit (so I wouldn't kill myself or others).
http://www.wayne.hardy.com/pebkac.gif

― contribute, Monday, 29 November 2004 16:51 (twenty-one years ago)

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