Most Hilarious Way for Toby Young to Die Although God Forbid It Should Ever Happen

I'm thinking of "trapped in cell with steroid-enraged chimpanzees" but maybe I shd think about it some more

maybe crushed to death by half-ton block of frozen airplane toilet flush

why not some cement mix funnelled into his throat?

Choked with my shredded and moistened spiked copy from the last issue of Modern Review.

no personal animosities please, Young is objectively a scumbag for the ages

In which the microcosmic becomes macrocosmic, innit.

ach, have at it

i'd happily drive the contents of my compost bin over the m62 if you'd like to spade them down his undeserving throat nv.

feel like Young has a good appetite for decomposing rubbish, maybe it wd be safer to slip him a quart of Sodium Pentothal and invite him to give a speech on the importance of govmint spending cuts in his nearest Trades and Labour club

Drowned in a vat of his own saliva.

fucked to death by a rhino during Estrus

or substitute him for that poor bugger who got f&cked to death by a bear in a zoo.

i was thinking fed toes-first into an industrial mangler

some kind of really slow working intestinal parasites that gorge on his liver

choke to death on prescott's vomit.

torn to shreds by the rioting children at his free school

a bump on the head causes an interesting brain injury allowing young to see himself as others see him, dies of shame

Must see action tomorrow night.

toadmeister Toby Young
If any law-abiding citizens in West London are planning to organize tomorrow night to protect their homes and their businesses count me in

― Ned Trifle X, Tuesday, August 9, 2011 1:30 AM (1 minute ago) Bookmark

COME ON

waterboarded in Tesco Value bleach

wouldn't do anything, have you used tesco value bleach

wasn't gonna do the bit where they take their heads out again

sung to death by chris brown

staked out naked in tundra covered in lichen and left for hungry caribou

marinated in battery acid overnight and put into a slow cooker

I recall Julie Burchill saying that in the Modern Review days he objected to a Nick Hornby contribution on the grounds that he was bald and old looking.

it's almost impressive how he manages to channel every base human character, from the runtish sidekick who eggs on the school bully to the guy in the Die Hard movies who tries to sell everybody out to the terrorists

dead from shame after achieving all his life's goals and subsequently being shattered by the realisation that he is still, in spite of his success, a loathsome toad for whom no redemption is possible

someone travels back in time to 1962 and shows Michael Young a copy of How to Lose Friends & Alienate People, he immediately books himself a vasectomy, Toby Young is never born

I think just losing his job, having to sleep on the streets and dying from hypothermia would be sufficient. I mean not hilarious, but a satisfying resolution to the narrative.

yeah satisfying would've been the better word

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Keelhauling

beaten to death by the REAL fascists - antifa

https://i.redd.it/h2r7kgp7vn731.jpg

There's 'fa' in 'antifa'. Checkmate, tankies.

psycho killer, qu'est-ce que c'est?
antifa fa, antifa fa

I was hoping the journalist who got beaten up was Toby Young tbh.

by his friends, on his stag do

at least he knows those nazis were a bad lot, blimey.. imagine a thing as evil as a state sponsored eugenics program.. who'd support such a thing?

if only toby's friends has known that beating him up on his stag do was an option, more of them might have turned up in that case

giving an almighty shoeing to TY would be so super you'd never want the night to finish.

it's almost impressive how he manages to channel every base human character, from the runtish sidekick who eggs on the school bully to the guy in the Die Hard movies who tries to sell everybody out to the terrorists

― nom de grrrrr (Noodle Vague), Sunday, October 30, 2016 12:51 PM (two years ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

this is so perfect

Slowly, very slowly, suffocating as his runt lungs fill up with unexpectorated sputum.

This thread is one you prepared earlier - eight years earlier.

never a bad time for imagining Toby Young's death, god forbid

I'd like to think the Wu Tang Clan were thinking of Toby Young when they suggested sewing up someone's arsehole closed and feedin' them and feedin' them and feedin' them