Darren Aronofsky directs the story of Noah's Ark

And he wants Christian Bale as Noah. This will end well.

Ned I always think of you as someone who loves music and hates movies because they are not music.

I mean this in a good way.

Anyway, I will see and enjoy while feeling weird abt enjoying this Aronofsky debacle.

now it's Russell Crowe as Noah!

then, George Washington?

http://www.guardian.co.uk/film/2012/apr/18/black-swan-director-george-washington-biopic

fighting for final cut

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/entertainment-arts-24549493

Oof, back to character studies for this guy.

Christian and Jewish audience reactions were said to have been "worrisome".

Last year, screenwriter Brian Godawa obtained a version of the Noah script and posted his summary online, deeming the film "Environmentalist Wacko".

How is this bad news?

the worst news is Anthony Hopkins is in this

good luck CGI animals

How have I not heard of this insane sounding movie?

I can't wait for the scene where Ham sees the nakedness of his father and tells his brethren and Noah curses Ham's son Canaan.

I can't imagine any way a film about Noah's ark would be anything but utterly utterly absurd. Maybe that's what they're going for.

If only Mickey Rourke were Noah.

personally, i am stoked for a CGI raven, maybe flying out over an ocean of unlucky / not-"chosen" animal & human corpses

Trailer leak: http://defamer.gawker.com/heres-a-leaked-trailer-for-paramounts-troubled-biblic-1450381569

Looks gash.

Will there be a scene where he refuses entry to the dinosaurs?

lol at this

Holy shit this looks King of Kings awful.

trailer most likely cut by the studio that's warring with the director is PROB not the best representation

i see, so he totally made a mash up of gladiator and bruce almighty with a lil da$h of waterworld

tbh all this darkly suppressed badness talk makes me want to see it 100x more than earnest studio fanfare

"The most remarkable event in our history!!!" Lol.

Man, there's not even allegory going on in this particular bible story, is there?

the worst news is Anthony Hopkins is in this

good luck CGI animals

― eclectic husbandry (Dr Morbius), Wednesday, 16 October 2013 17:54 (1 week ago) Bookmark

ray winstone!! as fake oliver reed probably!

yeah the more i read the more i see slocki is right, it was actually totally meant to be ott waterworld but now the trailer looks like gladiator x bruce almighty

they should have just not bothered calling him noah at all and given him a nice ambiguous regular name like idk, how about.... john carter

has anyone seen this?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Bible:_In_the_Beginning

john huston as noah AND the voice of god!

i saw it on TV when i was a kid. at least the Noah segment is about 20 mins.

Scott p good as Abraham.

Schick Sun Classics all the way!

http://www.christianfilmdatabase.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/03/noahs_ark.jpg

Was sure this would be a joke thread

Stoked for this tbh.

ILM's most expensive shot ever is in this movie.

Hoping for depraved nephilim sex.

(Expensive to render, anyway, computationally, I guess.)

And he wants Christian Bale as Noah. This will end well.

― Ned Raggett, Wednesday, June 15, 2011 2:27 AM Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

God: I have decided to destroy all living creatures, for they have filled the earth with violence. Yes, I will wipe them all out along with the earth!

Noah (under his breath): Great. This will end well.

God: What was that?

In the mid 1960s, Dino de Laurentiis planned a series of films based on the Bible, featuring top directors of the day, including Huston, Visconti, Welles and Fellini. When Bresson, slated to direct Genesis, told de Laurentiis that he planned to film it in Hebrew and Aramaic, and wouldn't show any animals on Noah's Ark, only their footprints in the sand, he was fired.

Producer Scott Franklin told Entertainment Weekly, "Noah is a very short section of the Bible with a lot of gaps, so we definitely had to take some creative expression in it. But I think we stayed very true to the story and didn't really deviate from the Bible, despite the six-armed angels."

onion-worthy

looks bad but ray winstones temptin me

Watch this turn out to be a masterpiece

ray winstones a terrible andshit actor

i'll lay you 7-4 he isn't

whats that

http://90minutecynic.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/02/Ray_Winstone_large.png

^credits for the brit remake of breaking bad

Nic Cage as Noah, now that would be something.

HOW'D IT GET DROWNED? HOW'D IT GET DROWNED?

KILLING ME WONT BRING BACK YOUR UNICORNS!!!!

This will end well.

http://www.hollywoodreporter.com/news/rough-seas-noah-darren-aronofsky-679315

As Aronofsky worked on his version of the film, Paramount set out to make its own cut under the auspices of production president Adam Goodman. Moore says Goodman has demonstrated his talent for working with filmmakers to get the best version of a movie, citing last year's G.I. Joe sequel and World War Z as examples. "Both ended up being hits when they could have easily not been," he says. "When you're in a movie that's over $100 million, there is a level of process you go through because the stakes are so high."

Aronofsky, who went without final cut approval on the film in exchange for Paramount greenlighting a nine-figure budget, says he was confident the studio's efforts would fail. "My guys and I were pretty sure that because of the nature of the film and how we work, there wasn't another version," says Aronofsky. "That's what I told them … the scenes were so interconnected -- if you started unwinding scenes, I just knew there would be holes. I showed it to filmmaker friends, and they said the DNA was set in this film."

My buddy told me years ago that he read Aronofsky's new project was going to be based on the Noah's Ark story. I remember thinking at the time, "how can this be an interesting movie?" -- then I forgot about it until just now reading this thread. Even if Aronofsky had final cut I would have zero interest in seeing this.

Oh god, the trailer for this was hysterical last time I was in a theater but i'd completely forgotten about it already

If I recall it was followed by the Frankenstein trailer. Quite a rollercoaster.

i kinda can't wait to see this, i can't imagine it's gonna be... good... but it's gonna be something to see i'm sure

Yeah if it's gonna be bad at least it won't be generically bad

the commercial during the sb is all ive seen & that looked unbelievably bad

should have had one scene where he just wore a 30 Odd Foot Of Grunts t-shirt inside out

noah's hair journey was also made impressive by the fact that his kids had different but consistent haircuts throughout - if shem and the youngest always had it long and pretty, and ham always kept it cropped, noah's relative variety must have just been aesthetic uncertainty. "think i'll let it grow out again".

should have had one scene where he just wore a 30 Odd Foot Of Grunts t-shirt inside out

30 Odd Foot Of Grunt, you fucking philistine

serious spoilers dude, they don't show up until the post-credit scene, kinda shitty FX on goliath IMO

30 Odd Foot Of Grunt, you fucking philistine

O RLY

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/30_Odd_Foot_of_Grunts

wait - THE ORDINARY FEAR OF GOD?

30 odd minutes worth of grunts comprise a lot of this movies dialog actually

does Noah say "Put THAT in your Pentateuch, bitch" to Moses?

Where does the paul bettany angel/priest duo fit in here

wait - THE ORDINARY FEAR OF GOD?

He'd already had all his road cases spraypainted with TOFOG.

omg i didn't even put two and two together there

god sometimes i'll think 'man russell crowe, what a shame, it'd be nice if he could come back', and then you're reminded of just what he is

tbf i can't imagine anyone pulling this off better than he does - guy's still got serious screen presence

Thats a nice weigh of putting it

god i hate to give credence to bill simmons' pop culture writing but he wrote this action star championship belt thing that i enjoyed the hell out of despite my better judgment and then he was talking about it on his podcast w/ wesley morris (who is, by far, the best pop culture writer he has at grantland and russell crowe came up and that really feels like an unexplored avenue for him, they were mentioning it in the context of gladiator but i was thinking of him in l.a. confidential where he's that kind of violent yet righteous and witty psychopath. feel like a few years ago someone could've really done a couple of guys a favor and also entertained the world by having kevin spacey pre-house of cards comeback play the 'i want him and his family DEAD!' villain and crowe as the force of nature 'hero', at the very least he would've made a better jack reacher than tom cruise.

plus as much as i did enjoy this schmuck getting taken down a peg, it was like kevin costner all over again, i'm still sad i didn't get the several master and commander sequels i really really wanted.

Given five mins warmup and the right socks, i'm a better jack reacher than tom cruise tbf

Anyway, I will see and enjoy while feeling weird abt enjoying this Aronofsky debacle.

― obliquity of the ecliptic (rrrobyn), Wednesday, June 15, 2011 12:14 AM

So rrrobyn predicted the future there, based on all the reactions.

Wow, I just saw this. It was pretty insane. Lots of stuff thrown in for Hollywood effect that really didn't need to be there. Entertaining at the very least for being totally batshit crazy. Radiating rainbows of God at the end was very funny. Enjoyed the rock monster angels. Didn't enjoy the stowaway subplot.

I'm going to have to go back and look at the Bible but I don't recall Noah throwing an axe 30 feet into the chest of a would-be Ark usurper.

noah's arc

Anthony Hopkins always gets the best roles. First Van Helsing and now Methuselah.

what were the audiences like at these showings? are ppl getting rowdy for this flick

Hah it was a Sunday so it was lots of families and stuff. Someone clapped at the end but nobody really joined in, cos by the end of the movie you kind of hate Noah.

Also, after sitting through previews for Transformers 4 and Spider Man 2, I was more than ready to see humanity wiped from the face of the earth.

$44 million

http://insidemovies.ew.com/2014/03/30/box-office-report-noah/

charming as ever
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_lAsw5UYGvk

studios are really good at not letting a movie BOMB out of the gate now unless they kind of want it to - like, Evan Almighty and Green Lantern both made over 100m at the US box office, but thanks to expensive ad campaigns over already massive budgets that guarantee the film's unprofitability. The difference between a turkey and a movie that merely underperforms is usually up to the studio - something like The Postman or that last James L Brooks movie got the "You broke my heart" death kiss and debuted at #7, but Russell's still enough of a foreign draw that they'll at least drum up a strong first weekend even it's getting bad bad bad polling from audiences and I don't see it being a love/hate thing like Wolf Of Wall Street.

it's funny, Crowe and leo are two of the bigger "we'll make up the difference in Asia!" actors out there, but the one time they've worked together (in a Ridley Scott film!) the movie stiffed everywhere. Granted, both were wearing fat if not fat-suits, and it was like the 80th "war on terrorism" flop (a genre that does not make up the difference in Asia).

Carpet for UK premiere:

https://pbs.twimg.com/media/BkEZ92TIcAAZp0A.jpg

hey this was alright! really enjoyed parts of it, though I consider the fact that there was no long "animals making their way to the ark" sequence scored to beethoven's 6th a major flaw. how do you leave the animals in the margins in a cinematic version of this story? also not sure I buy emma watson's theological argument which turns noah around at the end but I'll have to mull it over more.

did you want odinthuselah to sneak into the ark and ride a napalm-spraying dragon into the sunset with noah protesting, "she's the last of her kind!"

i did.

The bleakest box office hit in years?

So 250 million years ago homo sapiens were dominating a Pangea type continent with the help of their angel rock giants. None of the monsters from the Pangean fossil record present, just Flinstones style stone-age dogs and every other creature from the Holocene epoch. Lol and God loves vegetarians.

Yeah well I bet the Netherlands don't have a FOOTBALL CHICKEN

http://i412.photobucket.com/albums/pp201/sharonjoy666/D299423F-38CC-45FC-9655-226335635B43_zpsdqfpls1x.jpg

oops lol wrong thread

not enough room for on the ark for football chickens of multiple nationalities

best revive of the day

Saw opening bits from this today. Looked admiringly trippy for a AAA blockbuster-type

Man this was....something

I kinda dug it. I'd watch Aronofsky do some more old testament shit

I mean it's obviously going to be a million times more interesting than whatever Ridley Scott does with Moses

Suprised how restrained this was for an Aronofsky film. He didnt indulge in too many of his usual tropes. Also liked the touch of having everyone speak in their regular accents, which made Ray Winstone's bit kinda comical to me.

Wasnt sure I really liked it a whole heap but it wasnt as insanely terrible as I'd been expecting.

His best movie.

Watched this on the plane today, and was trying to figure out how much was Aronofsky's stuff, and how much was a sop to hollywood genre standards. the battle scene, for example.

Also, from that Noah Arc movie ad clipping, I found this:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Charles_Sellier

his filmography is a thing of wonder

On the one hand, I liked some of the weird things he brought to the story - the start of the film, the Genesis sequence, even the silly rock monsters and the vigilante vegetarianism. On the other, there was very little of this story that begged literal big-screen transition. Like Jonah, it's pretty straight forward. Rain, boat - simple. No confusion there, and nothing he did can do justice to the tale. The battle scenes, all white people with British accents and stuff of that nature, on the other hand, detract from his telling, degrading his glimmers of inspiration by drowning it in boilerplate. For some reason I kept thinking Peter Weir could have made something great out of this.

Also, the score sucked. If ever something called for the exotic grandeur of "Passion," it was this.

Man, this was really something!

as kingfish once said

Did anyone else see this in 3D?

wowie what a mess this movie is. kind of admirably, willfully disinterested in giving anybody what they want though. i mean when i think "biblical epic" and "story of noah" i really don't think i would ever arrive at horny teenagers, rock monster transformers, noah as apocalyptic religious nut, generic swarthy barbarian hordes, magic glowing rocks casually strewn all over Creation, a pre-flood "industrial civilization" never mentioned or seen past the opening narration, and an adaptation of the climactic final keep-away battle from warcraft 3. meanwhile, of the things you do expect, you get about four total shots of animals entering the ark and doing things there (counting their heads being bitten off). i love the scene jammed in of them drugging the birds, as if to say "we sure don't want any animals disrupting this noah's ark movie." also love how apparently noah never once, in forty days and forty nights, goes through the ark on an inspection tour of the animals since he never notices any sign of ray winstone being holed up in there (god what a dumb plot). anyway then there's about three or four shots of noah visibly doing any ark-assembling himself - actually most of the construction we skip right over; wouldn't have been too interesting anyway i guess since apparently the rock monsters did all the work. the dove and mount ararat at least show up but they're obligatory throw-aways.

ask any kid raised in the ~judeo-christian tradition~, what does noah do? he builds an ark and leads the animals in two by two. nope, not in this movie! it's too bad it never actually feels as batshit as that would seem to suggest.