Please help me to write a limerick about this (CAREFUL! NSFW subject matter)

http://www.joe.ie/news-politics/current-affairs/irish-woman-dies-after-dog-sex-0013864-1

thanks awfully

can't get 'limerick' to scan at all at all

http://i.imgur.com/hjrjI.jpg

there once was a woman from limerick
whose body could not handle dog dick
though she knew of her condition
she still did it with her alsatian
and it made everyone in ireland sick

A frisky Alsatian named Spot
Sprayed semen as if it were snot
His mistress Eileen
Would wash him all clean
But, alas, now Eileen cannot

http://www.herald.ie/national-news/driver-on-dog-buggery-charge-2816508.html

condition / alsatian is is pure doggeral

you are the one that is that

a woman whose tastes were baroque
(she hankered for alsatian cock)
found her wish on the net
but was soon to regret
due to anaphylactic shock

My favorite pooch Mr. McCuen
Led my life to unfortunate ruin
He hopped on my bed
But now that I'm dead
A toy bone is all he is chewin'

a lady from ireland's mid-west
said 'hurrah! doggy dick is the best!"
took a nasty reaction
should have gone with retraction
or at least had it come on her chest

deems hasn't got this much material from a lascivious alsatian since arsene wenger had his last meltdown

She'd ne'er seen a pup that looked cuter
So she granted him egress to her cooter
His spunky dog oil
Greased her mortal coil
Perhaps, he should have been neutered.

vg, vg

and ha nakh

In Lim'rick there was an occasion
That took three years' investigation.
The woman was knotted;
Her organs then rotted;
Now she can't bang no more Alsatians.

oh dear, the detail there is a little disturbing, we'll be writing to yr parents i think

and feck ya, i was going with penetration/alsation/investigation but it's all over now

who'll be there to set out my kibble?
whenever i need to nibble
the shame of all this is
i killed my dear missus
with nothing but a wee dribble

on a point of information the dog wasn't hers, i feel accuracy is important here

well, i screwed the pooch on that last one, then

Bless those who attempt such a good deed
As to help a fair lady in such need
By providing a dog
For a roll and a snog
Even if there's some poisonous dog-sed

dog-seed

am very sad about the dog sex death woman :(

Think this one wins, but here's my entry anyway:

Irish moms have adventurous twats,
With tastes that'd make you say, "WAHT."
But when it came to dog semen,
It were the medics they be retrievin',
And so I guess she should've tried cats.

bestiality can often be grim
learned a certain irish rin tin tin
who lay with his master
the intercourse led to disaster
and now her four children won't pet him

Tired of licking herself,
A woman asked the web for some help.
So along came a dog,
To become a subject for blogs,
Cos the puppy was one murderous whelp.

a lady went fatally puff
after taking a shot in the muff
now fido's incarcarate
for his lethal ejaculte
which, from his point of view, seems quite rrrrruff

Was there a murder in Limerick?
the mystery to what made her quim sick.
To answer your quiz,
It was filthy jizz.
but I'm more concerned about the dogs prick.

if you feel that my mistyping of 'ejaculate' there is the worst thing about that, you need help.

A lady in need of affection
Indulged in a puppy's erection
Found nothing could beat
An Alsatian treat
But forgot to bring proper protection

the nation was rightly appalled
but the state's case was centrally flawed
when put on the stand
he said 'please understand'
'I'm a dog! I just come when I'm called'

An Emerald Isle lassie, name unknown
Got fresh with a pooch from Enniscrone
Alsatian spunk, who'd'a thought it,
Is how the poor lady bought it.
The working film title's "Bark Snake Moan"

an eminent medical journal
when asked how this ended up terminal
recounting the facts
thought the film crew lax
for not keeping the cumshot external

y'all some slackin motherfuckers tbh

A lady of Irish descent
Found a new means of paying the rent
With her hound she performed
But the beast was deformed
And the poor woman paid when he spent

bravo

these went down well at the wedding over the weekends, thanks folks!

underrated thread imo

Whoever it was came up with the idea was a genius

there once was a woman from limerick
whose body could not handle dog dick

first response hall of fame

condition / alsatian is is pure doggeral

― remy bean, Sunday, July 10, 2011 4:48 PM (10 months ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

you are the one that is that

― del griffith, Sunday, July 10, 2011 4:50 PM (10 months ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

A lady in need of affection
Indulged in a puppy's erection
Found nothing could beat
An Alsatian treat
But forgot to bring proper protection

with the benefit of considered hindsight, this one imo

http://www.limerickleader.ie/webimage/1.2867784.1310719515!image/2756615652.jpg_gen/derivatives/landscape_595/2756615652.jpg

http://www.limerickleader.ie/news/local/limerick-man-charged-with-buggery-with-an-animal-to-face-trial-1-2867787

http://www.rte.ie/news/2011/0714/hickeyc.html

can't find anything later than this, so who knows

could he have been commited to an institution without trial or sthing?

the producer (nbo slouch off-the-cuff)
dit "Qui vole un oeuf, vole un boeuf"
the quick-thinking taper
of this ill-advised caper
repackaged, and sold it as snuff

nbo = no

need new material tbh

oh god i remembered about this story a few months ago and searched but couldn't find any record of a trial

A man who arranged for his dog to have sexual intercourse with a woman he met through an internet chat room has had his sentencing deferred.

The woman, a 43-year-old separated mother from Co Limerick, died in hospital several hours after allegedly having sex with the animal in the man's home.

Sean McDonnell, 58, with an address at Rathmore, Churchill Meadows, Raheen in Limerick, pleaded guilty to one count of buggery with an animal on 7 October 2008.

Limerick Circuit Court heard that although semen swabs taken from the dog were matched to DNA found on the woman's body, no exact cause of death could be confirmed.

Sentencing was deferred in the case to 14 December.

― Nilmar Honorato da Silva, Tuesday, 6 November 2012 04:15 (1 month ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

That's the most rubbish limerick ever!

ah thats nice

I was thinking, it reads like a literal translation of one, or maybe the footnotes accompanying each line.

Don't sleep on:

an eminent medical journal
when asked how this ended up terminal
recounting the facts
thought the film crew lax
for not keeping the cumshot external

― VIRGIN ROO (darraghmac), Monday, July 11, 2011 1:13 AM (1 year ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

Kinda lost the urge to compose any more DOGgerel after reading the full story

Limerick Circuit Court heard that although semen swabs taken from the dog were matched to DNA found on the woman's body, no exact cause of death could be confirmed.

CSI: Limerick

That'd be something to see

i guess this dog's

*sunglasses*

had his dayyyyyyyyyyyyYYYYYYYAAAAOWWW

oh cmon

Nominate pistorius

nominate clusterfuck

Was thinking this thread could become the "irreverent" thread where yknow you can say awful things about awful things that yknow dont affect you and your saying awful or nice or shocked or w/ever things about doesn't in any way affect yknow but creative too

Still need such a thread obv

it was meant to be dogporn ephemera
but it led to an unscheduled enema
now we can't find reports
from the regional courts
perhaps it was all heard in camera

― ut's nutta bull, ut's a *romanda* (darraghmac), Tuesday, 6 November 2012 04:20 (5 months ago)

this doesn't rhyme does it oh wait i suppose it does in a limerick accent

You have the tools now to investigate iirc the irish thread

Surely something, anything

poll

How did i miss this

Page 404s now

the relevant info was captured in verse tbh

Quality

doggone it anyway

keep em in here uk pols folks

There once was a town in west Ireland
Thats name once besmirched a Nantuckian.
She got teased all the time
For her town name that rhymed
While in Limerick they're just fucking dogs.

opening the thread to nominations for suitable stories to go for round 2

https://gizmodo.com/man-injects-18-doses-of-semen-into-arm-to-cure-back-pai-1831817131

anyway I wrote a Democratic primaries limerick

there once was a nice boy from South Bend
who browned his nose weekday and weekend
at Oxford read classics
but flunked out of praxis
and mainly was magna cum bell-end

there once was a resourceful non-scholar
who kept all his cum in a cum jar
the guy was no whiz
so he injected that jizz
in hopes it would soothe his poor lumbar

excellent material, we go again

There once was a man from Meath,
For pain relief he had a great need.
Self-injected his spaff,
Gave the doctors a laugh,
From his back pain he hasn’t been freed.

his back pain was causing alarm
he fancied a shot in the arm
which he pumped full of cum
til it started to thrum
the 18th time wasnt the charm

suffering separate hernias
thought medical knowledge to spurn 'e 'as
this self-healing punk
started mainlining spunk
and has suffered a right funny turn 'e 'as

sciatic and blue-balled with manias
he thought he could jizz subcutaneous
"I could empty my sack
in my veins for my back"
but he only made pregnant his radius

a horny young hunchback took chance
as his disc bulged and so did his pants
was luckless with trim
so he came in his limb
and he sobbed when it had to be lanced

super stuff this

through a limited medical prism
he settled on treating with jism
his spasmic contractions
but due to reactions
a real doctor soon had to quizzim

theres simply no faulting his keenness
for improvised work intravenous
when asked about what
he would put in the shot
he had his supply in his penis

not bad for a monday

2x hat-tip dmac

of his back or his prick none could say
which was stiffer at end of the day
he filled a syringe
in the absence of minge
now his forearm is abscessed and gray 

yep but fuckya, id twinge down as a possible and now lost forever

now lost forever...!

Now here’s a peculiar junkie
On his sore back a white sticky monkey
Like a more viscous drunk
With an ammonic funk
This spunk-hungry punk’s veins are gunky

ooohhh

We need fresh material

https://www.theguardian.com/world/2021/feb/27/rooster-fitted-with-blade-for-cockfight-kills-its-owner-in-india

Rooster fitted with blade for cockfight kills its owner in India
Bird with knife attached to leg ready to take on opponent inflicts fatal injuries to man’s groin

?

"The rooster was briefly held at the local police station before it was sent to a poultry farm."

There was a man from Telangana
Resourceful but not a great planner
Tooled his bird up for war
It was not long before
His cock poked him him in violent manner

a man gave a rooster a knife
and made the bird fight for its life
the rooster butchered his groin
into human sirloin
and retired to a farm free of strife

had to google image search 'human cuts of meat' to see where sirloin would actually be on a person and I'm probably on a list now

Giving inadequate pause
To sharpening fighting cocks' claws
In order to foment
The spurt of the moment
Erupting from down round yer baws