Things that only A-1 idiots think is profound

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"Hey, did you know that God is Dog spelled backwards?"

"You know, no matter how famous or accomplished a person becomes, they always have to die." (Last time this was actually profound? Everyman, in the 12th (I think) century. But I get this one from someone at least every year or so.)

"Dust In The Wind"

― Christine "Green Leafy Dragon" Indigo, Sunday, 25 August 2002 23:04 (twenty-two years ago)

As an avid, even rabid fan of the British pop group A-l (*sniff*), I find your tone of voice an abomination. It's because of people like you that they split. Sometimes I think the world is an bowling alley and I'm the best pair of shoes for hire in the whole place.

Spunk bubble

― Lynskey, Sunday, 25 August 2002 23:08 (twenty-two years ago)

"Say, did you ever notice something about Reagan's name? Count the number of letters in each name...Ronald Wilson Reagan...666!"

This one has the slight mitigation factor of getting on the nerves of fundamentalist religious Republicans who take the Bible very seriously.

― j.lu (j.lu), Sunday, 25 August 2002 23:12 (twenty-two years ago)

Sometimes I think the world is an bowling alley and I'm the best pair of shoes for hire in the whole place.

Oddly enough, I often think the same thing myself.

― Christine "Green Leafy Dragon" Indigo, Sunday, 25 August 2002 23:16 (twenty-two years ago)

I'm not so much the shoes as the pin collector.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Monday, 26 August 2002 00:44 (twenty-two years ago)

The introductory chords to "Dust In the Wind" are really neat in terms of how they lie under your fingers. You couldn't write a better "first day of fingerpicking" lesson. I figure that's about as profound as AOR ballads get.

― sundar subramanian, Monday, 26 August 2002 00:55 (twenty-two years ago)

Unless you were referring to something other than the Kansas song, in which case never mind.

― sundar subramanian, Monday, 26 August 2002 00:55 (twenty-two years ago)

nam is man spelt backwards. fuck is kcuf spelt backwards.

― naked as sin, Monday, 26 August 2002 01:14 (twenty-two years ago)

Looking it up on OLGA it's not quite as neat as what I thought it was (and doesn't sound as good) though it's still OK so maybe I was an A-1 idiot for a while.

― sundar subramanian, Monday, 26 August 2002 01:17 (twenty-two years ago)

Sundar: I was talking more about the lyrics than anything else. Remedial Nihilism 101. (It's a striking song otherwise. Not a good song, but a striking one.)

― Christine "Green Leafy Dragon" Indigo, Monday, 26 August 2002 02:15 (twenty-two years ago)

What if they had a war and nobody came???

Hitler was a vegetarian/loved his dog.

Jim Morrison.

― Tom (Groke), Monday, 26 August 2002 06:00 (twenty-two years ago)

Zen and the art of Motorcycle Maintenance.

― Andrew L (Andrew L), Monday, 26 August 2002 06:39 (twenty-two years ago)

It's nice to be important, but it's more important to be nice...

― Siegbran Hetteson (eofor), Monday, 26 August 2002 07:28 (twenty-two years ago)

it takes 42 muscles to frown, but only 5 to pull the trigger... :)

― William G, Monday, 26 August 2002 07:43 (twenty-two years ago)

"Dance like no one is watching. Work like you don't need the money."

Oh, wow.....that's so *inspirational*.

― Miss Laura, Monday, 26 August 2002 08:35 (twenty-two years ago)

Fight Club.

― webber (webber), Monday, 26 August 2002 09:32 (twenty-two years ago)

Radiohead.

― Julio Desouza (jdesouza), Monday, 26 August 2002 09:58 (twenty-two years ago)

Radiohead's lyrics.

― Julio Desouza (jdesouza), Monday, 26 August 2002 09:58 (twenty-two years ago)

Rob D.

― Ronan (Ronan), Monday, 26 August 2002 13:11 (twenty-two years ago)

Moby, anything else with fucking strings and "brooding" noises.

― Ronan (Ronan), Monday, 26 August 2002 13:12 (twenty-two years ago)

(Ronan jsut described "Tower Of Strength" by Mission UK and I am sad.)

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Monday, 26 August 2002 13:16 (twenty-two years ago)

Star Wars.

Horrible, all of it.

― gcannon, Monday, 26 August 2002 13:20 (twenty-two years ago)

Hey, now I'M sad.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Monday, 26 August 2002 13:22 (twenty-two years ago)

Well, I know it's not for nothing that they're so beloved...

but gotdamn are they bad.

Check this out: www.hermenaut.com/a53.shtml

― gcannon, Monday, 26 August 2002 13:46 (twenty-two years ago)

All those lousy pseudo-scientific "Gosh, men and woman are diff'rent!" books.

― Colin Meeder (Mert), Monday, 26 August 2002 13:53 (twenty-two years ago)

E-mail forwards that say believe in your soul multiplied by the number of friends you dislike and you get the number of your house minus the number of discarded mcdonalds cups in your car. Thanks very much for that lovely email.

― Ronan (Ronan), Monday, 26 August 2002 13:57 (twenty-two years ago)

The lyric of Imagine owns this thread!

― Martin Skidmore (Martin Skidmore), Monday, 26 August 2002 15:45 (twenty-two years ago)

pink = punk

― mark s (mark s), Monday, 26 August 2002 15:52 (twenty-two years ago)

Work like you don't need the money

That would be NOT AT ALL

― electric sound of jim (electricsound), Monday, 26 August 2002 21:28 (twenty-two years ago)

The lyric of Imagine owns this thread!

oh i'll fucking SECOND that one i will

― mark p (Mark P), Monday, 26 August 2002 22:15 (twenty-two years ago)

I'll third that one.

"A smile is only a frown turned upside down."

― Christine "Green Leafy Dragon" Indigo (cindigo), Monday, 26 August 2002 23:44 (twenty-two years ago)

Oprah.

― webber (webber), Monday, 26 August 2002 23:46 (twenty-two years ago)

some of these are too facile

we need to wade deeper into the waters of pseudo intelligentsia twaddle

unfortunately, in time honoured ilx tradition, i am now drunk and cannot swim

― mark p (Mark P), Monday, 26 August 2002 23:50 (twenty-two years ago)

Okay mark: Cellular Automata.

― Dan I. (Dan I.), Tuesday, 27 August 2002 02:14 (twenty-two years ago)

Everything in life happens for a reason.
And: It's not Easy Being Green by Kermit.

― lyra (lyra), Tuesday, 27 August 2002 02:38 (twenty-two years ago)

You only regret the things you don't do.

― Tom (Groke), Tuesday, 27 August 2002 08:02 (twenty-two years ago)

there is no joy in sneering at idiots.

― jel -- (jel), Tuesday, 27 August 2002 08:08 (twenty-two years ago)

You only regret the things you don't do.

Tom's always repeating this. isn't it 'You should only regret the things you don't do'?

― N. (nickdastoor), Tuesday, 27 August 2002 08:12 (twenty-two years ago)

no nick, we're talking A-1 idiots: only B-12 idiots think yr version is profound

― mark s (mark s), Tuesday, 27 August 2002 08:16 (twenty-two years ago)

vitamin B12?

― jel -- (jel), Tuesday, 27 August 2002 08:20 (twenty-two years ago)

What's so civil about war?

EH?

My favourite of course is the profundity from Forrest Gump: "Life is like a box of chocolates, you never know which one you're going to get". Unless you look at the handy guide printed on the top of the box?

― Pete (Pete), Tuesday, 27 August 2002 08:24 (twenty-two years ago)

I think Forrest was referring to putting yr hand into the box and withdrawing a chocolate. You don't know what yr gonna get. Once you've done this you look at the handy guide. It works with tower configuration choc boxes like Roses and Quality Street,but not with desktop ones like All Gold and Black Magic.

What about the infinite no. of monkeys + infinite no. of typewriters --> complete works of Shakespeare? Actually you wouldn't coz they wouldn't return the carriage.

― MarkH, Tuesday, 27 August 2002 08:39 (twenty-two years ago)

Infinite number of monkeys would soon break all the typewriters too. And kill each other with them. And starve. Or write the complete works fo Jeffery Archer.

― Pete (Pete), Tuesday, 27 August 2002 08:42 (twenty-two years ago)

It only works with Revels and if you eat Revels you deserve what you get.

Nick - it's not profound with or without the should.

― Tom (Groke), Tuesday, 27 August 2002 08:43 (twenty-two years ago)

But Revels are lovely!

― Emma, Tuesday, 27 August 2002 08:50 (twenty-two years ago)

an infinite number of monkeys would write everything evah, that's what infinity means: please keep up

― mark s (mark s), Tuesday, 27 August 2002 08:57 (twenty-two years ago)

No-one said anything about an infinite amount of time....

― Pete (Pete), Tuesday, 27 August 2002 09:05 (twenty-two years ago)

You only need a finite amount of time if you've got an infinite number of the buggers.

― RickyT (RickyT), Tuesday, 27 August 2002 09:10 (twenty-two years ago)

So it's an infinite number of monkeys at an infinite number of word processors with automatic text wrap to save the pesky carriage return problem, all posessed of infinite life spans. Where do we find such marvellous everlasting monkeys? I want one.

― petra jane (petra jane), Tuesday, 27 August 2002 09:15 (twenty-two years ago)

that'd be a lot of strewn poop

― mark p (Mark P), Tuesday, 27 August 2002 09:24 (twenty-two years ago)

but what is the minimum time you need? as typing is temporally quantised, i think the minimum time it takes a money to make a single keystroke is all you need (then you just sort and compile)

― mark s (mark s), Tuesday, 27 August 2002 09:26 (twenty-two years ago)

also you only need one typewriter, they can come at it serially (so you can do the carriage return yrself): they can go off and throw poop and be all mortal and undisturbed by the need-to-type forevah!!

― mark s (mark s), Tuesday, 27 August 2002 09:29 (twenty-two years ago)

if you're sorting the letters, then you pretty much wrote the thing, because you're making patterns out of random letters.
i think the minimum amount of time you would need is the shortest time physically possible to complete whatever task it is you're talking about.

― webber (webber), Tuesday, 27 August 2002 09:32 (twenty-two years ago)

What about evolution? And the lifespan of the observer? And typewriter repairmen? Infinite number of monkeys would need an infinite amount of matter/energy so an infinite universe. Prove that to me first.

(Of course argument that this has already happened with a finite number of monkeys and no typewriter : Shakespeare is a monkey.)

― Pete (Pete), Tuesday, 27 August 2002 09:37 (twenty-two years ago)

Did he eat bananas then?

― RickyT (RickyT), Tuesday, 27 August 2002 09:38 (twenty-two years ago)

Verily - forsooth.

― Pete (Pete), Tuesday, 27 August 2002 10:00 (twenty-two years ago)

What if the monkeys do tons of typing but then poop on the results? Do we regard them as self-critics?

― jel -- (jel), Tuesday, 27 August 2002 10:04 (twenty-two years ago)

Of course the girl monkeys do far more typing than the boy monkeys. I blame lad culture. It's not cool to type hard.

― MarkH, Tuesday, 27 August 2002 10:37 (twenty-two years ago)

The movie Pi. great sound, great visuals, rubbish dialogue/story. is this officially ILX's least favourite movie?

― Alan (Alan), Tuesday, 27 August 2002 13:07 (twenty-two years ago)

American Beauty?

― N. (nickdastoor), Tuesday, 27 August 2002 13:16 (twenty-two years ago)

Successories, "Who Moved My Cheese," Tom Peters, and other business-lit nonsense.

― maura (maura), Tuesday, 27 August 2002 13:54 (twenty-two years ago)

geest = danish for ghost = hamlet's father DO YOU SEE??

when you reduce it to just one typewriter (ie one monkey one keystroke) you strip out that sorting temptation (final order of letters = initial order they take their positions) => they will still do it

give or take typos it will be completed many times over before infinite matter is reached (anyway this requirment is rub, every breath we take includes 123984769t820934857903456792434 atoms which Caesar once had in his lungs, so a monkey in year 123984769t820934857903456792434 is made up of monkeys long gone to dust in year one)

(ditto if you chuck out all typing attempts that are plainly NOT shakespeare, eg when they achieve Who Move's Hamlet's Dads' Geest's Cheese instead, and recycle => infinite time does not require the universe to have infinite matter in it per se, though possibly it requires infinite not-necessarily matterform energy

― mark s (mark s), Tuesday, 27 August 2002 14:20 (twenty-two years ago)

The Deep

― Michael Jones (MichaelJ), Tuesday, 27 August 2002 14:36 (twenty-two years ago)

Nick is OTM with American Beauty as the Movie Of The Thread. What is the book of the thread? Women Are From Mars, Men Are From Venus (if that's the right way round)? Any lifestyle guide with Zen in the title? I'd suggest Lord Of The Rings but it has lots of fans around here...

― Martin Skidmore (Martin Skidmore), Tuesday, 27 August 2002 16:36 (twenty-two years ago)

Thank you to all the monkey & typewriter posters, that was the *best* thing I've read all day. I'm still trying to stop laughing. :)

Book of the thread: Probably anything on the NY Times Miscellaneous Bestsellers list. Those pop-self-help books that seem to fill it up every week are always a bit suspicious.

― lyra (lyra), Tuesday, 27 August 2002 22:26 (twenty-two years ago)

Does anyone really think Lord Of The Rings is profound? I mean, lots of people love it, yes, but that hardly equals thinking it profound.

― RickyT (RickyT), Wednesday, 28 August 2002 06:34 (twenty-two years ago)

Well, I guess LOTR is profound if by "profound" you mean "pretty cool, really."

― Andrew (enneff), Wednesday, 28 August 2002 07:03 (twenty-two years ago)

And YES, Fight Club deserves a double-mention in this thread.

I actually wrote one of the best flames of my life in response to someone who wrote "Fight Club is one of the deepest movies around..."

― Andrew (enneff), Wednesday, 28 August 2002 07:05 (twenty-two years ago)

Fight Club is wicked good.

― N. (nickdastoor), Wednesday, 28 August 2002 07:16 (twenty-two years ago)

I'm worried about these monkeys evolving into a sentient being which could then realise what they are up to and go read Shakespeare with the rest of their lives and then knock it out together. Whither entropy in all this too?

Fight CLub is double wikkid good.

― Pete (Pete), Wednesday, 28 August 2002 07:33 (twenty-two years ago)

entropy in all this = on the way to getting shakespeare down from the sheklves, they log onto ilxor and the entire project grinds to a halt (no.of monkeys it wd take to type all of shakespeare on ilxor = infinity squared plus a million bazillion squillion times infinity plus one SO THERE!!)

― mark s (mark s), Wednesday, 28 August 2002 08:17 (twenty-two years ago)

That Tolkien found the act of creating Middle-earth profound for himself, especially in terms of his religious beliefs, is definitely clear (as opposed to any inherent reverence towards the texts as texts). I don't find the depths of my soul in LOTR, but there are parts -- and very key parts at that -- where his thoughts and words resonate. Last time I reread it was a few weeks after 9/11, and Gandalf's speech about 'dealing out death in judgment' -- which is as compact and beautiful a statement about avoiding an eye for an eye as any other -- impacted deeply, though I had read those words many times before.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Wednesday, 28 August 2002 13:51 (twenty-two years ago)

mark s.

― david h (david h), Wednesday, 28 August 2002 15:27 (twenty-two years ago)

Book of Thread = Jonathan Livingston's Seagull?

― david h (david h), Wednesday, 28 August 2002 15:27 (twenty-two years ago)

Post 9-11 poignancy in lyrics written before that date?

― david h (david h), Wednesday, 28 August 2002 15:33 (twenty-two years ago)

Didn't mean to dig at you there Ned, (I just read fully what you said, last post).

― david h (david h), Wednesday, 28 August 2002 15:34 (twenty-two years ago)

Hm? Don't worry about it.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Wednesday, 28 August 2002 16:11 (twenty-two years ago)

American Beauty, god yes!

― Keith Harris (kharris1128), Wednesday, 28 August 2002 16:33 (twenty-two years ago)

The Prophet

― Aaron A., Wednesday, 28 August 2002 17:48 (twenty-two years ago)

Richard Linklater

― Aaron A., Wednesday, 28 August 2002 17:56 (twenty-two years ago)

Email forwards
Internet quizes
Livejournal users

Jewel
Innocent things in childrens stories/shows (omg the smurfs were communists lorfle!~)
Bill Hicks
Post rock
Using strings in trance tracks
Motivational speakers
Anything on a bumper sticker
Shakespeare

ps RADIOHEAD ROX TOOL SUX

― webber (webber), Wednesday, 28 August 2002 23:38 (twenty-two years ago)

ps. TOOL ROX RADIOHEAD SUX

― Andrew (enneff), Thursday, 29 August 2002 04:57 (twenty-two years ago)

Oh wait, I like Radiohead too. Ignore that.

― Andrew (enneff), Thursday, 29 August 2002 04:57 (twenty-two years ago)

I too think Fight Club is a prime example of what goobers stupidly think is profound. Hmmm maybe Radiohead, like 'fake plastic trees' or something. And lots of shitty lyrics and just-about-everything-she-says: Patti Smith (I get the feeling I'm going to be slammed back for that one) but please, she's like Jim Morrison except more people take her seriously.

― spectra, Thursday, 29 August 2002 05:07 (twenty-two years ago)

one month passes...

"Who are 'they'?"

― N. (nickdastoor), Tuesday, 15 October 2002 10:47 (twenty-two years ago)

"The only member of ZZ Top who doesn't sport a beard is named, ironically, Frank Beard."

― Jody Beth Rosen, Tuesday, 15 October 2002 10:55 (twenty-two years ago)

Pop Cliché: Advanced Level

― N. (nickdastoor), Tuesday, 15 October 2002 11:05 (twenty-two years ago)

The answer to this question can be found on another thread.

― Nicole (Nicole), Tuesday, 15 October 2002 11:20 (twenty-two years ago)

who thinks the zz top thing is profound?!

― bob zemko (bob), Tuesday, 15 October 2002 12:59 (twenty-two years ago)

"Fight Club" wasn't PROFOUND (and the ending was completely unecessary) but it was certainly a lot of fun (and a grand way to tell a story). Even Ron Howard thought so, seeing as he lifted the story-telling technique wholesale for "A Beautiful Mind"...

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Tuesday, 15 October 2002 13:03 (twenty-two years ago)

The phrase "all but one of the Village People were straight".

Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon.

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Tuesday, 15 October 2002 14:25 (twenty-two years ago)

taking pride in one's hipper-than-thou-ness

― felicity (felicity), Tuesday, 15 October 2002 16:09 (twenty-two years ago)

ILXOR.com

― ?, Tuesday, 15 October 2002 17:03 (twenty-two years ago)

Michael Moore.

― dan (dan), Tuesday, 15 October 2002 23:20 (twenty-two years ago)

"'E V I A N' is 'N A I V E' spelt backwards." (duh)

"'TED HEATH' is an anagram of 'THE DEATH'" (duh again)

"Virtue is it's own reward." (like fuck is it)

"Money can't buy happiness." (oh yes it can)

"It's a small world." (no, it isn't)

"Things happen for a reason." (esp. gratifying after being dumped, fired etc)

English people saying/writing "ass" when they mean "arse". How clever & cosmopolitan. Cunts.

I've got my coat. I'm gone.

― Android (Android Elvis), Tuesday, 15 October 2002 23:40 (twenty-two years ago)

Magazine page (maybe an ad? I didn't look too closely) taped up on a door that I saw today: "American ends with I Can"

― lyra (lyra), Wednesday, 16 October 2002 01:22 (twenty-two years ago)

Australian ends with Alian which is nearly Alien.

― toraneko (toraneko), Wednesday, 16 October 2002 02:18 (twenty-two years ago)

English people saying/writing "ass" when they mean "arse". How clever & cosmopolitan. Cunts.

Oh no! I do this quite a lot. The word 'arse' just sometimes comes across as too "ha ha I'm saying 'arse'" for it to be appropriate. It makes me think of people saying 'pants' as an adjective. It makes me think of wankers on bulletin boards who are ridiculously proud of British spellings and vernacular in the face of what they see as an uncultured American hegemony. It makes me think of unfunniness. So sometimes I say 'ass'. I never think it is profound, though. That would be mental.

― N. (nickdastoor), Wednesday, 16 October 2002 11:47 (twenty-two years ago)

i love the pronunciation of 'arse' so i use it...i still love 'pants' as an adjective as well, its so perfect...my old australian housemates found it bizarre and hilarious

― blueski, Wednesday, 16 October 2002 12:00 (twenty-two years ago)

in new zealand, rugby commentators have this habit of saying "the game will be the winner on the day". retards.

― di smith (lucylurex), Thursday, 17 October 2002 03:19 (twenty-two years ago)

hey rugby is always the winner on the day, even though its a game of two halfs, full credit to the other team but the team who scores the most points will win the game.

― Kiwi, Thursday, 17 October 2002 05:49 (twenty-two years ago)

halves maybe... pick the rugby player

― Kiwi, Thursday, 17 October 2002 05:52 (twenty-two years ago)

The Bible?

― Mckenzie (Mckenzie), Thursday, 17 October 2002 13:51 (twenty-two years ago)

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