i just had an earwig in my mouth

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er, um i mean a FUCKING EARWIG IN MY MOUTH!! MY MOUTH!!! sweet jesus, if you understood how i feel about this insect you would start to grasp just how unacceptable this is. how it got into my tea cup, i'd really like to know. it has been not but 3 days since i nearly atomized an earwig by blasting it with extreme prejudice with a hammer. this one surely was out for revenge!!

― ron (ron), Monday, 26 August 2002 02:56 (twenty-three years ago)

similarly, I recently kicked a cricket's ass with a big can of raid. Hell hath no fury like me awoken at 3am by noise. It actually leaptat me to attack, but my foot ended its life HARD!!!!

― Mike Hanle y (mike), Monday, 26 August 2002 03:12 (twenty-three years ago)

ron, it was just trying to kiss you

― boxcubed (boxcubed), Monday, 26 August 2002 05:00 (twenty-three years ago)

This is a very upsetting thread.

― felicity (felicity), Monday, 26 August 2002 06:41 (twenty-three years ago)

earwigs are for ears!!

― mark s (mark s), Monday, 26 August 2002 07:29 (twenty-three years ago)

'EAR POISON: do not get in eyes'

― Josh (Josh), Monday, 26 August 2002 07:39 (twenty-three years ago)

An earwig is one of the worst monsters in the D&D Monster Manual.

― felicity (felicity), Monday, 26 August 2002 07:52 (twenty-three years ago)

go against [a kind of] logic and store your teacups upside down--nothing will get into them without YOU knowing. unless you store them on a patch of earth, then worms and the like could burrow in. moles, even.

― RJG (RJG), Monday, 26 August 2002 07:56 (twenty-three years ago)

it fell into yr teacup because yr ceiling is not sticky as per govt requirements, and it couldn't get out because your cups lack regulation insect ladders (are earwigs insects? i think they might be tiny land-lobsters) (rather than Tony Land-Lobsters, as i first wrote: he is a v.v.minor Swingin' 60s TV presenter)

― mark s (mark s), Monday, 26 August 2002 08:21 (twenty-three years ago)

it has been not but 3 days since i nearly atomized an earwig by blasting it with extreme prejudice with a hammer.

Good for you ron. Next time spear it's remains on a cocktail stick and put it outside your door as a warning to all foul beasties: 'This is how earwigs are dealt with round my gaff!'
And beatles can fuck off as well.

― DavidM (DavidM), Monday, 26 August 2002 09:33 (twenty-three years ago)

pinefox to thread.

― RJG (RJG), Monday, 26 August 2002 10:35 (twenty-three years ago)

are earwigs those bugs with the one big claw at its stern?

― lawrence kansas, Monday, 26 August 2002 11:46 (twenty-three years ago)

yes, big claws upon its ass. after i spit it out into the sink, and just before smashing it, i asked "did you really think you were not going to die?"

― ron (ron), Monday, 26 August 2002 12:11 (twenty-three years ago)

Oh dear. Ron is now going to be brought low by the earwig Jean-Claude Van Dam.

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Monday, 26 August 2002 12:13 (twenty-three years ago)

wtf is this terrifying bug with claws on its ass?! holy shit! is this some kind of northern hemisphere thing?

― mitch lastnamewithheld, Monday, 26 August 2002 12:27 (twenty-three years ago)

http://www.dgsgardening.btinternet.co.uk/earwig.JPG
NUM NUM.

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Monday, 26 August 2002 12:31 (twenty-three years ago)

holy shit!

― mitch lastnamewithheld, Monday, 26 August 2002 12:33 (twenty-three years ago)

i mean i'd heard of earwigs before, but the name sounds so cute, like a toupee you could get to simulate those little hairs that grow out of yr ears when you're old, only with ladybug wings or something. but this!

― mitch lastnamewithheld, Monday, 26 August 2002 12:47 (twenty-three years ago)

if I had a hook upon my ass I would hang from a horizontal flag pole and laugh at everyone below me. Oh how I would laugh! I certainly wouldn't be hanging out in a teacup.

― lawrence kansas, Monday, 26 August 2002 12:49 (twenty-three years ago)

"She gazed into his eyes as she slowly took the earwig into her mouth."

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Monday, 26 August 2002 13:15 (twenty-three years ago)

PERVERT. You are to be killed.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Monday, 26 August 2002 13:21 (twenty-three years ago)

see see see THIS is why i store the cups upside down!

― nabisco (nabisco), Monday, 26 August 2002 13:25 (twenty-three years ago)

xxxxxxxx: haha I really laughed and squirmed about your earwig thread! "DID YOU REALLY THINK YOU WERE NOT GOING TO DIE?"

ronnylongjohns: ho ho

ronnylongjohns: he had it coming

ronnylongjohns: there were interesting deals about the previous encounter also, maybe you would appreciate

xxxxxxxx: it sounds like a long-term war you have going

ronnylongjohns: erm, details, not deals

xxxxxxxx: I might appreciate whatever dealmaking you have going with the earwigs but I really hate them

ronnylongjohns: ok i was sitting on a cart at work and felt a bite on my ankle

xxxxxxxx: this is going to be bad . . .

ronnylongjohns: and when i looked down, there was the earwig

ronnylongjohns: and so i smacked at it, and called it a bastard, or some such

ronnylongjohns: and that initial whack severed its claws

ronnylongjohns: but the rest of it lay writhing on the cart

ronnylongjohns: and this is where the hammer comes in...

xxxxxxxx: uh

ronnylongjohns: and all my co-workers were curious about the ruckus too, i might add

ronnylongjohns: haha

xxxxxxxx: I hope the severed claws weren't pinching and opening

ronnylongjohns: so anyways later on, like two hours later

ronnylongjohns: i'm doing something over at my workbench

xxxxxxxx: this is going to be awful

ronnylongjohns: and i look down, and THERE ARE THE PINCHERS

xxxxxxxx: NO

ronnylongjohns: it just wouldn't end!

xxxxxxxx: NO NO NO WHAT WAS HAPPENING WITH THEM?

ronnylongjohns: i was like, give me a break you dumb ass bug

ronnylongjohns: no they were not wiggling or anything, get a hold of yrself over there, haha

xxxxxxxx: phew

― ron (ron), Thursday, 29 August 2002 02:29 (twenty-three years ago)

*adds xxxxxxxx to buddylist*

― boxcubed (boxcubed), Thursday, 29 August 2002 03:21 (twenty-three years ago)

eight months pass...

Dear Felicity,

I just found a dead earwig on my carpet.

Regards,

Ron

― ron (ron), Sunday, 11 May 2003 17:44 (twenty-two years ago)

i just saw the bit in Raiders Of The lost Ark where Indy is standing on the top of the ravine with a rocket launcher and a fly crawls into the Nazi General's mouth...or maybe it was just a fly on my TV screen...

― stevem (blueski), Sunday, 11 May 2003 17:54 (twenty-two years ago)

Dear ron,

I thought I had successfully erased this incident from my memory.

But now I look back on it with fondness.

Best regards,

felicity

― felicity (felicity), Sunday, 11 May 2003 17:57 (twenty-two years ago)

Maybe finding a dead earwing is good luck!

― jel -- (jel), Sunday, 11 May 2003 17:59 (twenty-two years ago)

Better luck than finding a live one, certainly.

― Millar (Millar), Sunday, 11 May 2003 18:18 (twenty-two years ago)

no that fly really did go in his mouth stevem! you'd think they coulda shot the scene again

― Chip Morningstar (bob), Sunday, 11 May 2003 18:46 (twenty-two years ago)

*shakes editing-crazed head* I read the thread title as "...hedwig in my mouth."

― j.lu (j.lu), Sunday, 11 May 2003 23:40 (twenty-two years ago)

and a fly crawls into the Nazi General's mouth.

You mean rival French archaeologoist Belloq's mouth, not that Nazi General's.

"Indiana, we are merely passing through history, you & I. This IS history!"

― Alex in NYC (vassifer), Sunday, 11 May 2003 23:48 (twenty-two years ago)

Dear Felicity,

I remain, yours very truly,

Ronald Longjohns, esq.

― ron (ron), Monday, 12 May 2003 00:16 (twenty-two years ago)

Hmmmm...my family tells a horribly embarassing story of me, pre-walking phase, crawling around the yard, catching earwigs and eating them. Apparently my uncles thought it was so funny that they didn't want to stop me. My mother was not impressed by their niece-sitting skills.

― I'm Passing Open Windows (Ms Laura), Monday, 12 May 2003 00:43 (twenty-two years ago)

Has anyone ever got a fly caught in their eye? This happened to me twice. It was so horrible.

― slutsky (slutsky), Tuesday, 13 May 2003 02:51 (twenty-two years ago)

This is a hilarious and disturbing thread.

I had a traumatic experiences with a moth in a cereal bowl as a kid and now I keep all my cups upside down.

Also my girlfriend has a phobia of house centipides, she calls them scrugs after the Edward Gorey beastie and was convinced they had to be some kind of tropical monstrosity. So I've slain a couple over at her place...the worst part is that after you smash them with the hardcover book, their circle of legs always remains on the wall twitching.

― Jordan (Jordan), Tuesday, 13 May 2003 03:46 (twenty-two years ago)

Oh and if that ever happened to me slutsky I would probably have an aneurysm.

― Jordan (Jordan), Tuesday, 13 May 2003 03:47 (twenty-two years ago)

I still can't believe it happened twice.

They weren't big houseflies though. I'd probably still be crying about it if they were.

― slutsky (slutsky), Tuesday, 13 May 2003 03:49 (twenty-two years ago)

I got some kind of flying bug stuck in my ear once while I was playing football. I was like to go mad, scrabbling at my ears, wailing. Every time it buzzed its tiny little wings it sounded like a helicopter was inside my brain. My parents tipped some oil into my ear but I think it had already stopped. Sudden thought: I never really saw it come out!

― Tracer Hand (tracerhand), Tuesday, 13 May 2003 05:10 (twenty-two years ago)

it's probably trapped in that oil, like the mosquito from jurassic park!

― jonas lefrel (jonas lefrel), Tuesday, 13 May 2003 05:13 (twenty-two years ago)

i also had a termite in my mouth, but never a fly in my eye. YET

― ron (ron), Tuesday, 13 May 2003 05:17 (twenty-two years ago)

Yeah jonas, unfortunately for some future scientist the DNA will be from me, so any future amusement parks based on the discovery would just be filled with lots of Tracer Hands. The horror.

― Tracer Hand (tracerhand), Tuesday, 13 May 2003 05:33 (twenty-two years ago)

did you know.................in a one year period, over 80 people are treated at sydney hospitals for having cockroaches stuck in their ears.
now that is disgusting.

― donna (donna), Tuesday, 13 May 2003 06:03 (twenty-two years ago)

How in gods name does a cockroach fit inside one's ear? Oh god, the very thought is making me feel extremely ill.

― Trayce (trayce), Tuesday, 13 May 2003 06:09 (twenty-two years ago)

it wriggles in.........nastily.

― donna (donna), Tuesday, 13 May 2003 06:18 (twenty-two years ago)

*shudder*

― Trayce (trayce), Tuesday, 13 May 2003 06:41 (twenty-two years ago)

three years pass...

I had a cup of tea this morning and when I went back to the kettle for a top up, I found a dead moth inside that i had been boiling up. Mind you, the woman outside sells fried grasshoppers to eat so I took it in my stride.

― Paul Kelly (kelly), Tuesday, 6 February 2007 09:15 (eighteen years ago)

And as they say "what is worse than finding a worm in your apple?"
"cancer!"

― Paul Kelly (kelly), Tuesday, 6 February 2007 09:16 (eighteen years ago)

haha, great thread.

― plan b: videodrome (fauxhemian), Tuesday, 6 February 2007 09:38 (eighteen years ago)

i had a cockroach attach itself to my face once, right between my eyes. i am convinced this was a revenge deal as half an hour earlier i had unthinkingly flicked one off the railing to the ground 20 or 30 feet below (should have just killed the fucker). this was the day i learned that cockroaches have very very sticky feet.

― emsk ( emsk), Tuesday, 6 February 2007 10:29 (eighteen years ago)

This thread gives me the fear. I've had a fly fly into my eye before, get caught in the lashes for a couple of seconds before escaping, but never one properly stuck. That was bad enough. I've also drunk a half dead one that was unnoticed in a glass of wine - spat it out, but this is partly why I refuse to drink things like orange juice with bits: WHAT IF THERE ARE BUGS IN IT? You wouldn't notice. Gaaaaaah.

― emil.y (emil.y), Tuesday, 6 February 2007 10:41 (eighteen years ago)

if you don't notice what's the problem?

― RJG (RJG), Tuesday, 6 February 2007 10:47 (eighteen years ago)

Always end up swallowing loads of flies going running in the summer. Makes you cough a bit when they get lodged in yer windpipe, but you just have a swig of drink to wash them down. Mind you, there was a story in the paper once about a jogger who had a bat fly into his mouth, which must have been pretty freaky.

― NickB (NickB), Tuesday, 6 February 2007 10:53 (eighteen years ago)

RJG, because if I'm drinking it then I am in a constant state of PH34R that I am swallowing bugs, even though it is likely that I am not, but the fear is there because, were I, I would not notice. The phenomenal experience of drinking juice-with-bits is therefore equated with the phenomenal experience of drinking juice-with-bits-of-bug.

― emil.y (emil.y), Tuesday, 6 February 2007 10:59 (eighteen years ago)

I was just going to post something creepy, but thank god it's an urban legend and NOT TRUE. Only click if you can handle creepy thoughts about something that could possibly happen while you sleep (but it doesn't happen!).

― StanM (StanM), Tuesday, 6 February 2007 11:06 (eighteen years ago)

it's good to drink bugs and not notice

― RJG (RJG), Tuesday, 6 February 2007 11:12 (eighteen years ago)

We have a moth breeding grounds somewhere in our food storage shelves, and often end up consuming dead ones by mistake. It's never done me any harm.

― chap (chap), Tuesday, 6 February 2007 18:02 (eighteen years ago)

Many years ago, I lived in the basement of this grody old house. I also smoked a lot of pot (this was in my wayward youth, you understand). One night, I made an apple pipe and smoked a few bowls. Then went to sleep.

Woke up the next morning, took a big hit, and felt something leggy squirming around on my tongue. I spit it out...

IT WAS A FUCKING EARWIG! AAAAAGH! I HAD A EARWIG ON MY TONGUE!

Good times.

― the new sincerity (Pye Poudre), Tuesday, 6 February 2007 18:31 (eighteen years ago)

im always paranoid there will be a mouse leg in the toaster.

― sunny successor agrees: gay dad always trumps slutty mom (katharine), Tuesday, 6 February 2007 18:45 (eighteen years ago)

Why just a leg?

― the new sincerity (Pye Poudre), Tuesday, 6 February 2007 18:46 (eighteen years ago)

Glaaaaah! I am afraid of earwigs more than most every insect! EXCEPT the horrifying time bollweavils took over my oatmeal container.

― Abbott (Abbott), Tuesday, 6 February 2007 20:28 (eighteen years ago)

IT WAS A FUCKING EARWIG! AAAAAGH! I HAD A EARWIG ON MY TONGUE!

that happened to a friend of mine in high school. one had gotten into his hookah. i was on the phone with him at the time, and his screams were truly awesome.

― lauren (laurenp), Tuesday, 6 February 2007 20:31 (eighteen years ago)

this thread is so horrible.

― Ms Misery (MissMiseryTX), Tuesday, 6 February 2007 20:33 (eighteen years ago)

"...his screams were truly awesome."

I can imagine. During my "earwig encounter", the revulsion and horror were genuinely and very deeply psychedelic. Much more so than the (relatively weak) drugs. I couldn't tell what was real or if I was dreaming or anything. I almost went into convusions.

― the new sincerity (Pye Poudre), Tuesday, 6 February 2007 20:37 (eighteen years ago)

...Or maybe not.

― the new sincerity (Pye Poudre), Tuesday, 6 February 2007 20:38 (eighteen years ago)

But still...

― the new sincerity (Pye Poudre), Tuesday, 6 February 2007 20:38 (eighteen years ago)

Those tropical centipede things are the freakiest creatures that have ever strolled by my bed just before I was about to turn off the light. Obviously, I did NOT turn off the light after that, but breathed heavily and contemplated leaping to my feet atop my bed to scream "DIE, MOTHERFUCKER!!!" and use my copy of Moby Dick as a pro-death iron maiden (i'm sure the many legs puncturing its exoskeleton would work as well as spikes do for endoskeletons).

― Andi Headphones (Andi Headphones), Wednesday, 7 February 2007 03:03 (eighteen years ago)

honour the insects, man.

― darragh.mac (darragh.mac), Wednesday, 7 February 2007 03:07 (eighteen years ago)

Some years ago (and I couldn't find the link now on a bet) I read in Asia Times or some such about a guy eating live octopi with hot sauce as a snack while watching TV. One of 'em got over feisty or not well chewed enough perhaps, and decided to hang on for dear life rather than go gently into that ravenous gullet. In so doing, this tenacious invertebrate blocked the windpipe of the seaafood enthusiast, causing asphyxiation and soon afterwards death.

So. Creepy-crawlies in the mouth, right?

― Candy: tastes like chicken, if chicken was a candy. (Austin, Still), Wednesday, 7 February 2007 03:18 (eighteen years ago)

four years pass...

I... just woke up @ 23:15 because something moved on my head. There was an earwig in my hair. I flushed it down the toilet but now I can't get back to sleep :-(

― StanM, Thursday, 22 September 2011 21:29 (thirteen years ago)

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