All money is dirty, isn't it?

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I was recently approached by a very well-to-do thirty-something year old woman who offered me an undisclosed but large amount of money to favor her sexually. I have a girlfriend who desperately wants an oboe, and those things are really expensive. If I was to accept the offer, I would be able to buy her one. I have talked to my girlfriend about this situation, and she is firmly against it, even though she knows of my intentions for the money. What should I do?

― Ashley Andel, Tuesday, 27 August 2002 16:54 (twenty-three years ago)

Don't do it Dude! If your girlfriend is against it and then she suddenly gets an oboe she'll work it out. The oboe would just become a symbol, and it may bring less joy than you hoped for.

― jel -- (jel), Tuesday, 27 August 2002 16:59 (twenty-three years ago)

A great big phallic symbol.

― Ashley Andel, Tuesday, 27 August 2002 17:08 (twenty-three years ago)

Indecent Recital

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Tuesday, 27 August 2002 17:33 (twenty-three years ago)

Jel is right (except I see no chance of an oboe bringing joy, however acquired). Therefore screw the woman, take the money, but do not under any circumstances spend it on your girlfriend. It's the only right thing to do, clearly.

― Martin Skidmore (Martin Skidmore), Tuesday, 27 August 2002 18:26 (twenty-three years ago)

if you buy your gf the oboe will there be money left over? how much do oboes go for nowadays, anyway?

― maura (maura), Tuesday, 27 August 2002 18:27 (twenty-three years ago)

How do you think she'd react if you gave her a bassoon instead?

― nabisco (nabisco), Tuesday, 27 August 2002 18:28 (twenty-three years ago)

Watch "The Jerk" by Steve Martin.

― Sterling Clover (s_clover), Tuesday, 27 August 2002 18:31 (twenty-three years ago)

Samuel L. Jackson, plus evil chicken, to thread.

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Tuesday, 27 August 2002 19:03 (twenty-three years ago)

Did you know this woman before? If not, have you considered that she may be trying to set you up for something?

― Christine "Green Leafy Dragon" Indigo (cindigo), Tuesday, 27 August 2002 20:08 (twenty-three years ago)

I know this woman fairly well, and I have considered that she may be trying to set me up for something. I am pretty certain that all is relatively safe.

― Ashley Andel, Tuesday, 27 August 2002 21:05 (twenty-three years ago)

I know this sounds like a total fratboy comment, but couldn't the girlfriend do the sleeping? This solves all sorts of potential issues.

― Graham (graham), Tuesday, 27 August 2002 23:09 (twenty-three years ago)

Neither the girlfriend nor the woman may be bisexual, though.

― Christine "Green Leafy Dragon" Indigo (cindigo), Tuesday, 27 August 2002 23:16 (twenty-three years ago)

I agree with Martin. make love to the woman and take the money. But don't buy an oboe, a guitar or a pair of decks is a much wiser investment.

Unless she's planning to reform Frazier Chorus.

― Billy Dods (Billy Dods), Wednesday, 28 August 2002 06:42 (twenty-three years ago)

Since when has any woman not been at least bisexual?

― Andrew (enneff), Wednesday, 28 August 2002 07:00 (twenty-three years ago)

I wouldn't blame the money here (thopugh on a previous thread we have proved that all money is at least 20% pish).

― Pete (Pete), Wednesday, 28 August 2002 07:35 (twenty-three years ago)

Can't you just ask if the woman would like some gardening or painting done instead for the same amount of money? That's what I'd do.

― jel -- (jel), Wednesday, 28 August 2002 07:43 (twenty-three years ago)

Andrew, are you at all bitter about something? I'm curious, not being mean.

― Andrew Thames, Wednesday, 28 August 2002 08:51 (twenty-three years ago)

No, not really. I guess there was one time that an ex-girlfriend of mine ended up as a lesbian, but I broke up with her so I wasn't rejected by her or anything horrible like that.

I think I was just referring to the fact that at almost every single party I go to I see at least two miscellaneous girls kissing each other.

― Andrew (enneff), Thursday, 29 August 2002 05:07 (twenty-three years ago)

wow, is this for real? an oboe you say? I was wondering how you feel about the thirty something woman?

― rainy, Thursday, 29 August 2002 06:26 (twenty-three years ago)

Jel, your suggestion is really good!

― rainy, Thursday, 29 August 2002 06:26 (twenty-three years ago)

I heard that oboes are really hard to play.

― spectra, Thursday, 29 August 2002 06:30 (twenty-three years ago)

no harder than a what you might have to do to get one, surely.

― rainy, Thursday, 29 August 2002 06:34 (twenty-three years ago)

Yeah, I want a banjo, I guess I wouldn't have to do much for that, but I want a piano too. oh crap this joking around has misfired on me. I'm sorry.

― spectra, Thursday, 29 August 2002 06:42 (twenty-three years ago)

''I heard that oboes are really hard to play.''

bassons are hard to play as well apparently.

― Julio Desouza (jdesouza), Thursday, 29 August 2002 07:10 (twenty-three years ago)

I think I'd like to see pictures of oboes on this thread.

― rainy, Thursday, 29 August 2002 07:12 (twenty-three years ago)

and bassons too!

― Julio Desouza (jdesouza), Thursday, 29 August 2002 07:20 (twenty-three years ago)

Here's a bassoon:

http://www.wwnorton.com/classical/glossary/gifs/bssn.jpg

― Miss Laura, Thursday, 29 August 2002 07:43 (twenty-three years ago)

& here's an oboe:

http://www.wwnorton.com/classical/glossary/gifs/oboe.jpg

― Miss Laura, Thursday, 29 August 2002 07:44 (twenty-three years ago)

thanks Miss Laura!

― rainy, Thursday, 29 August 2002 07:48 (twenty-three years ago)

You're welcome!

― Miss Laura, Thursday, 29 August 2002 07:56 (twenty-three years ago)

actually I was thinking that an oboe was more of a tuba-like thing. This thread seems a little less slapstick a little more sordid now that I know the visual truth about oboes.

― rainy, Thursday, 29 August 2002 08:17 (twenty-three years ago)

obes and bassoons have double-reeds, which makes it harder to get a note out of them

― mark s (mark s), Thursday, 29 August 2002 08:25 (twenty-three years ago)

Jel - if the woman wants sexual gratification, I doubt she'll settle for some weeding instead.
I third the motion to do her bidding and take the money.
Don't tell the girlfriend or else it become a bone of contention. Arf.

― Simeon (Simeon), Thursday, 29 August 2002 08:34 (twenty-three years ago)

ummm andrew (not mandrew) women who kiss other women aren't necessarily bisexual.

― di smith (lucylurex), Thursday, 29 August 2002 08:38 (twenty-three years ago)

don't sleep with the woman. your girlfriend doesn't want you to.

― di smith (lucylurex), Thursday, 29 August 2002 08:40 (twenty-three years ago)

obomobo?

― mark p (Mark P), Thursday, 29 August 2002 09:46 (twenty-three years ago)

Di, I just get annoyed at this fashionable bisexuality sometimes. (you know what I'm talking about here)

And interestingly, my girlfriend calls me 'Mandrew' all the time. :)

― Andrew (enneff), Thursday, 29 August 2002 09:59 (twenty-three years ago)

And also, Ashley, you'd be a damn fool to sleep with this woman. If you love your partner, do what makes her happy. She'll never enjoy an oboe that was earnt through those kind of actions.

― Andrew (enneff), Thursday, 29 August 2002 10:01 (twenty-three years ago)

Apparantly, it's easier to get a few notes out of a thirty-ish woman than out of an oboe. Haw!

― Colin Meeder (Mert), Thursday, 29 August 2002 10:26 (twenty-three years ago)

Just cos she wants an oboe/
Don't become a ho no.

― Graham (graham), Thursday, 29 August 2002 10:28 (twenty-three years ago)

Graham is the new Mike Skinner!

― Nicole (Nicole), Thursday, 29 August 2002 10:42 (twenty-three years ago)

(I'm starting to think this whole thread was a setup for that)

― Graham (graham), Thursday, 29 August 2002 10:44 (twenty-three years ago)

It was a worthy payoff.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 29 August 2002 13:32 (twenty-three years ago)

Would it be possible to train a bonobo to play an oboe? Cause that would be hilarious.

― nabisco (nabisco), Thursday, 29 August 2002 14:01 (twenty-three years ago)

andrew: me too. myself and menelaus darcy are famous around here for ranting about "mock lesbians".

― di smith (lucylurex), Thursday, 29 August 2002 20:37 (twenty-three years ago)

are they anything like Mock Turtles?

― electric sound of jim (electricsound), Thursday, 29 August 2002 22:49 (twenty-three years ago)

why would anyone want to be The Turtles?

― di smith (lucylurex), Friday, 30 August 2002 01:11 (twenty-three years ago)

I think the question is "who wouldn't want to be The Turtles?"

― Andrew (enneff), Friday, 30 August 2002 01:24 (twenty-three years ago)

i for one.

― di smith (lucylurex), Friday, 30 August 2002 01:26 (twenty-three years ago)

id love to be a ninja turtle. pizza EVERY NIGHT

― boxcubed (boxcubed), Friday, 30 August 2002 01:31 (twenty-three years ago)

Yeah, are we talking Teenage Mutant Ninja, or not, cos I'm not committing until I know?

― Graham (graham), Friday, 30 August 2002 01:32 (twenty-three years ago)

ashley, if you were a mock ninja turtle, you wouldn't be in this dilemma. and you'd get pizza every night.

― di smith (lucylurex), Friday, 30 August 2002 01:36 (twenty-three years ago)

So have you come to a decision? For some reason this whole thing being about an OBOE just struck me as pretty funny. Since yr on morally dubious ground anyway, have you considered stealing one?

― Andrew Thames, Friday, 30 August 2002 02:42 (twenty-three years ago)

The nasty things are kept under thick glass.

― Ashley Andel, Saturday, 31 August 2002 01:12 (twenty-three years ago)

I guess you must live in a more Oboe-protective area than I.

― Andrew Thames, Saturday, 31 August 2002 01:19 (twenty-three years ago)

Colin Meeder is my hero!

― luke, Saturday, 31 August 2002 08:37 (twenty-three years ago)

seven months pass...

REVIVE for no reason other than the sheer absurdity.

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Monday, 31 March 2003 14:54 (twenty-two years ago)

Did we ever find out the details?

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Monday, 31 March 2003 15:00 (twenty-two years ago)

DON't DO IT!!! Sexual favors for oboes? Blech!

― Sarah McLUsky (coco), Monday, 31 March 2003 15:06 (twenty-two years ago)

I love how the title is so much bigger than the question. "All human economic relations are irrevocably tainted by exploitation and subjection, so...it's okay for me to have sex with a woman to pay for my girlfriend's oboe, right?"

― g--ff c-nn-n (gcannon), Monday, 31 March 2003 15:10 (twenty-two years ago)

does she want you to do something kinky with the oboe?

― j fail (cenotaph), Monday, 31 March 2003 15:38 (twenty-two years ago)

I was going to offer my old oboe to this person but then I saw the date of the thread. But anyway "Wood Fox oboe available w/ a hard and soft case. Fine condition" I seem to remember the oboe being $2000 but I don't want to believe that but I think it was at least $700. Damn, good oboes are expensive. And now I am absurd talking about my oboe.

― Carey (Carey), Monday, 31 March 2003 15:51 (twenty-two years ago)

saxamaphone?

― mark p (Mark P), Monday, 31 March 2003 15:57 (twenty-two years ago)

I'd like to hear an Oboe version of Stevie V's "Dirty Cash". I'm sure Dan is with me on this one.

Also, back pat for Ned's "Indecent Recital".

― Spencer Chow (spencermfi), Monday, 31 March 2003 15:58 (twenty-two years ago)

One tries.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Monday, 31 March 2003 16:39 (twenty-two years ago)

I'd like to hear an Oboe version of Stevie V's "Dirty Cash". I'm sure Dan is with me on this one.

DAMN STRAIGHT I AM.

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Monday, 31 March 2003 18:36 (twenty-two years ago)

We already knew THAT, you've made that clear.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Monday, 31 March 2003 19:09 (twenty-two years ago)

Ned Raggett: Saucy Bitch.

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Monday, 31 March 2003 19:17 (twenty-two years ago)

Bernaise Raggett

― Spencer Chow (spencermfi), Monday, 31 March 2003 19:19 (twenty-two years ago)

Tangy, zesty and best served over chicken?

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Monday, 31 March 2003 19:27 (twenty-two years ago)

Mm, curious, what's this, a hankering... a hankering for an oboe? Best go to the doctors, I think.

― Cozen (Cozen), Monday, 31 March 2003 19:36 (twenty-two years ago)

seven months pass...

So, did he do it...or not?

― @d@ml (nordicskilla), Sunday, 9 November 2003 23:58 (twenty-two years ago)

wow, nordic, that random button is dangereaux

― Skottie, Monday, 10 November 2003 00:07 (twenty-two years ago)

I am staggered nobody thought to make the "this one time at band camp" joke. I demand a refund.

― Trayce (trayce), Monday, 10 November 2003 00:42 (twenty-two years ago)

Trayce, give me your paypal email and I'll return your signup fee.

― Andrew (enneff), Monday, 10 November 2003 00:50 (twenty-two years ago)

You can send beer via email, now? ;)

― Trayce (trayce), Monday, 10 November 2003 00:51 (twenty-two years ago)

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