(insert team name here) won't win the premiership 2002/2003

Have Spurs signed Robbie Keane yet?

I know it's not the Premiership, but it is a lower league, geographically at least.

However, geographically, the lowest of the low would be Gibraltar. They should be playing some proper UK league, are they?

They will finish 4th behind Newcastle, Arsenal, Liverpool in ascending order.

I've been thinking that myself lately. Really should watch more of the coverage over here (such as it is!).

Gillingham will not win the Premiership. This follows seeing as they are not in it.

Sunderland sign not one but two strikers (Stewart and Flo), but will they score owt?

and poor poor Jari goes to a team that will appreciate his talents, Omar, if you're still reading congratulations, you've got your man.

Barbary Apes v. Humans. The apes always win.

The barbary apes have been known to scurry off up the rock with the ball, the wee tinkers.

also: gerard houllier smokes crack. having wrecked litmanen, he can now concentrate on ignoring the excellent cheyrou. can't wait to see how he fucks around with le tallec next season!

as for omar: litmanen's good, but he ain't no nando rafael! haha!

As for Ajax, what about free-scoring Midu???

Today's premiership results have been odd, Sunderland hold Manyoo (Keane sent off teehee), Birmingham beat Leeds and Boro beat my dark horse tips Blackburn, quite quite odd.

We won't talk about Chesterfield losing to the bloody Hatters.

Premiership: Spurs won't win it. Hoho...the risk I'm taking with this prediction. :)

Liga: Barca and Real won't win it. Barca because they're a joke in defense. Real alas will not win it because they're entranced with their own genius and that means too many points lost against teams like Real Sociedad. It's Deportivo's year again. Real - Deportivo this season will be sheer madness: the ultimate passing game.

Ajax will win it though. [begins chanting] Litmanen woohhhoooo Litmanen whooohhhoohhoo! [ends] Oh I can't wait for the next home game... yeah Mido, he's good although he's had a bit of slow start this season. Looks distracted. Probably will be playing in England next season.

and my, doesn't that young stephen wright look good? some big club should sign him.

Ronaldo for Real Madrid... I reckon they'd sign Mr Blobby if enough people told them he was the best player in the world.

The Netherlands - Ajax, espec now Litmanen is back. Mercifully Sparta Rotterdam cannot be relegated out of the Gouden Gids Divise no matter how many matches are lost this season.

Arsenal yesterday didn't look particularly fantastic though, and neither did Chelsea, in fact it was a terrible game, hopefully tonight's will be better.

boohoo...so they thought they were just going to win la liga with no defense and a new kid on goal. Fools the lot of them.

No. Too many points lost in the first half of the season as they struggle to get a team together that really plays like a team, and which utilises all the best players.

Still, we're not doing badly considering we've only ever played a dozen or so games!

Roy Keaneian Rhapsody

Mama, just kicked a man.
There's a screw loose in my head,
Because I tried to break his leg,

Fergie, the seasons just begun,
But now I've gone and thrown it all away!

Forlan! Ooh -ooh - ooh,
Makes me want to sigh!
We'd score more goals with Sid James or Kenneth Williams,
Carry On, Camping,
The whole teams just in tatters.

Too late, my crime is done,
Tried to mangle Alfie's spine,
Now he's aching all the time,

Goodbye Mick McCarthy, I've got to go,
Got to leave the squad behind, 'cos I'm a tw*t!

Veron! Ooh -ooh - ooh
He doesn't seem to try,
I sometimes wish he'd never been bought at all.

(guitar solo)

(Opera Section)
I see a little packaged sandwich filled with prawns,

LAURENT BLANC! LAURENT BLANC!
HE'S JUST SLOW, OLD AND USELESS!

Brown & Neville fighting, very very frightening
indeed!!!

WHERE IS RIO ?,
Where is Rio?,

WHERE IS RIO?,
Where is Rio?,

Because Laurents far too slow! He's far too slow-ow-ow-ow-ow.....

I'm just a head-case, nobody loves me!

HE'S JUST A HEADCASE, WALKED OUT ON, HIS COUNTRY!

SPARE US THE WHINES FROM HIS GAFFER IF YOU PLEASE!

Here it comes, Open goal - Forlan must score.

HE WILL NOT!

No! He's simply got to score!

HE WILL NOT, NEVER, EVER SCORE!

No! He's simply got to score!

HE WILL NOT, NEVER, EVER SCORE!

NEVER, EVER SCORE, NEVER, EVER SCORE, NEVER, EVER SCORE.........

NO NO NO NO NO NO NO!

Oh where is Rio? where is Rio ?

Has he really stubbed his toe ?

Beelzebub take the Nevilles from my side, Oh Please ?

Oh Please, Oh Pleeeeeeeaaaase?

(Guitar riff)

So you think that I punch refs and spit in their eyes?

Would I kick Alan Shearer and leave him to die?

Oh baby, Even though I seem crazy,

I'm Roy the Red, rich, thick and madder each year.

(Slow bit)

All the guys I've clattered.....even poor Alfie!

Now I've got a Court case...........I just want to
kick folk, you see ?

Tell me where did Mick go ?

Frustrating thing about Hamann is he's exactly the sort of combative midfielder Newcastle have lacked since him and Batty jumped ship under the dreadlocked Dutch disaster.

Titus though?? the biggest baby in the whole wide world??

Hamann = best central midfielder in the premiership (i.e. he doesn't get sent off/banned for stupidity several times a season)

Hamman/Gerrard have to be the best midfield partnership in the premiership, when the latter isn't injured. Speed and Dyer did show plenty of fight last night ;-)

But who will it be? And will we have the definite answer on Wednesday night?

Personally I reckon it'll be a draw or narrow Arsenal win and they'll clinch the title either way. Hope I'm wrong.

That is all.