If ILE were highschool

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where would everyone sit

― anthony, Thursday, 9 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

anybody who wants to sit at my table can make fun of the cool table with me.

― ethan, Friday, 10 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Never sit in the back. The teacher knows you are either a dumbass who didn't study or are being mischievous. Sit somewhere in the second row. S/he will you remember you...but not too well.

― nathalie, Friday, 10 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Fantastic question, Anthony. I would be sat directly behind the brown- nosing GPA whore up front, relentlessly lampooning their wish to excel at conformity and using the football players as the butt of Small Penis/latency/Dr. Freud-type jokes. So no change there, really.

― suzy, Friday, 10 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

At the front nearest to the door, I used to get panic attacks sometimes. I'd be quiet and kinda detached, I think.

― jel, Friday, 10 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

That second row thing sounds like good advice, but I don't sit in the back row cos of those reasons. I sit there so I can feel a sense of security knowing I could easily leave without anyone noticing. I sit in the front row if the exit is at the front. But for psychological reasons I think rooms with the exit at the front suck.

― maryann, Friday, 10 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

me and Jel posted at the same time - if I'd known he was going to write about the exact same thing I would've referred to his answer to avoid repetition

― maryann, Friday, 10 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

me and maryann would be fighting to get the seat nearest the door! I have to leave for school five minutes earlier now, so that I'm first there!

― jel, Friday, 10 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

I would sit at the front. As all smart kids know, you can actually get away with being much naughtier there.

― Nick, Friday, 10 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Nick's right. But I'd need at least one person's back as shield for sketchbook/manuscript notebook. We were always seated alphabetically so I would be second person, second row whatever.

― suzy, Friday, 10 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

In the back. That way my snide comments are projected loud and clear to the whole damn class.

― Sterling Clover, Friday, 10 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

nearest the window.

― anthony, Friday, 10 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

I agree with Nick. The front of the class, but to the side of the teacher's desk, is where it's at.

― Jonnie, Friday, 10 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

back left corner...swinging on my chair...with an erection in my little school shorts.

― Geoff, Friday, 10 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Nick, I am dumb. So I could never sit there. I will always be second class (hence also second row). hah!

― nathalie (nathalie), Friday, 10 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

I would sit in the left row by the windows and heater, third seat from the back. I would have my head on my arms asleep on the desk.

― Nude Spock, Friday, 10 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

As I was such a swotty good girl at school I would now like to be behind the bike sheds smoking fags while you are all in lessons.

― Emma, Friday, 10 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Clearly the correct answer is: as close to the center of the room as possible. This way more people are within range of smart-ass commentary and shameless grandstanding. Plus, you get to intercept 80% of the notes passed during class.

― Dan Perry, Friday, 10 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Doesn't this also mean you're also going to be the one more likely to get caught with the note? Sitting at the front and not having had all that much experience with notes, were most of them for general amusement or intended for one recipient? If the latter, was anyone honourable enough not to actually unfold it if it wasn't for them?

― Nick, Friday, 10 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

I would hope the room is arranged alphabetically and thus taking the decision out of my hands.

― Steven James, Friday, 10 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Getting caught with notes is absolutely no problem if you have an under-developed sense of shame. I LONGED for the day that a teacher would ask me to the front of the room to read the note out loud; I had a pose ready and EVERYTHING.

Funniest story I know along these lines: We're studying some poetry in English class. We get to "The Tiger" by William Blake and our teacher mentions that someone wrote a song with this poem as the lyrics and asks if anyone knows it. One of my friends instantly raises his hand and says, "Oh, I do." The teacher is pleased and asks my friend up front to sing the song. My friend jumps up, dashes to the front of the room, and begins to make up his own demented little song, singing "Tiger, tiger burning bright" in a ridiculous kiddy-falsetto. Teacher shakes his head and sends friend back to his head as the class dissolves into laughter. Nothing productive is done in class for the rest of the day.

NOTE: This story loses impact without a demonstration of the song.

― Dan Perry, Friday, 10 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Dan, if it had any more impact I would have had an accident in my pants.

― Nick, Friday, 10 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

"Because I would Not Stop for Death" by Emily Dickinson can be sung to the tune of Gilligan's Island.

― Tracer Hand, Friday, 10 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

I would sit near the back but not *at* the back. That way I can partake in all sorts of mischief and listen in on the badass commentary coming from behind while also keeping one ear cocked for the teacher. For the most part, they seated us alphabetically, but I remember preferring the near back or the middle. Surrounding yourself with a phalanx of slacker/wiseass/burnout pawns is a good idea - they'll get taken out before you will.

You should always raise your hand at the first opportunity - then you're off the hook for the rest of class.

― Kerry, Friday, 10 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Who is the teacher at ILe high?

― jel, Friday, 10 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

I once had to read a note outloud. It was very violent and detailed how the writer was going to murder me with PINS. It was all in good fun but got us both in the office for quite some time dealing out our "issues".

― Ally, Friday, 10 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

I would sit on th e teachers lap

― Mike Hanley, Friday, 10 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

jel: It's gotta be Sinker, really.

OK, am I the only one here who organised the timed book drops etc. for when there was a sub/supply teacher? At my school we had this sub Mrs. Kragseth, who was the cousin of Linda 'Krystle Carrington' Evans who was evil and for whom we invented special forms of torture, ie.'Mrs. Kragseth, does it bug you that your cousin is famous and, well, you're not?' Only asked because she was very floozyish and was so clearly narked about this state of affairs.

― suzy, Friday, 10 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Suzy = gurly swot.

― DG, Saturday, 11 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

We had the worst supply teachers, one of them fell asleep and would always say "now form 3", and one of them tried to lock is a classroom after all the bad kids had walked out!

― jel, Saturday, 11 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

No, not the gurly swot at all. Too mouthy and opinionated in class (example: had a frightening toad of a 9th grade English teacher who knew fuck-all about Greek myths but was teaching them for the Odyssey's sake. She was also fond of shrieking 'this is MY TIME' when we got rowdy. My standard reply: 'no, actually it's our time. Please try to be a little more interesting.') Only my GPA saved me from permanent occupation of those chairs outside principal's office.

― suzy, Saturday, 11 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

"am I the only one here who organised the timed book drops etc. for when there was a sub/supply teacher?" That is prime gurly swot behaviour despite your protestation. You're supposed to volunteer and then 'forget', so everyone misses out on homework. GURLY SWOT GURLY SWOT GURLY SWOT!

― DG, Saturday, 11 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

cheezis god. Class close yer eyes you fucking fucks while teach has his nice crack. Today we will mostly be learning of medieval latin. Suzy I said I wanted everyone sitting at the back that includes you. This is MY TIME!! Stop that Hanle y. That? Yes, that's OK. No one ever did that before. K-Blimey.

― mark s, Saturday, 11 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

DG, you don't know what a book drop is, has nothing to do with homework. It's when you pick a random time, say 10.38, and everyone simultaneously nudges maths books off desks to go THUMP! on floor at this time. If done properly the nervous sub jumps out of own skin and attaches self to ceiling. Other variations on this theme include Mass Bronchitis (huge lurgey-hawking coughing jag, also timed), various other Drops and the Lavatory Relay, where the whole class asks to be excused one by one. But my favourite was loading the filmstrip projector's cassette player with Relax by Frankie set to the 'come!' break.

― suzy, Saturday, 11 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Oh well, I stand corrected. This 'book drop' of which you speak never occured at my school, we'd attempt more surreal shit like turning everything round when the teacher left the room.

― DG, Saturday, 11 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

We did that too!

Who are the ILE substitute teachers, then?

― suzy, Saturday, 11 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

When we would haev a sub in band , the mayhem began. People wh played trumpet would come back and play drums and vice versa. Also, I had to start a song with cymbal and I made it be like 4 timesa as fast as it should be. It was frantic fun. Everyone laughed.

― Mike Hanley, Saturday, 11 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

oh god, band was the best. We'd play every fifth note a tritone away and watch the teacher's eyebrows twitch every time, or coordinate it so that the entire band would know that when the substitute teacher calls "When The Saints Go Marching In" means that we all play "The Liberty Bell". I miss band fuckery.

― Dave M., Saturday, 11 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

We never had anything like band at my school. You got an A for just turning up to music class! ILe high music teacher?

― jel, Saturday, 11 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

I think i would be the odd dark boy at the end of the hall who was rumored to like boys.

― anthony, Saturday, 11 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Mr. Currie...skills at guitar lessons already proved. Outlet for other didactic tendencies. Lord knows what one would have to do for extra credit!

― suzy, Saturday, 11 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Sterl: Remember when we made the teacher cry with our snide comments?

― JM, Sunday, 12 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

JM: No. Remind me.

― Sterling Clover, Sunday, 12 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Last year I sat on the side with a book or notebook under the desk. Now I try to be in the middle of people, even if they turn out to be boring and I get the book out again.

The back row works if you make decent grades. The teacher leaves you alone and you don't have to turn around to talk (which makes you conspicuous).

― Lyra, Tuesday, 14 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

You must excuse me -- having actually taught classes, *I* am the teacher. OBEY!

― Ned Raggett, Tuesday, 14 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

This would be yet another school I'd drop out of anyhow. It sounds completely ass.

― Ally, Tuesday, 14 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Lyra does speak sense. I remember frustrating many teachers from the back of the room by having full conversations with friends while they were lecturing. The teacher would invariably call me out and ask me a question, since I wasn't paying attention. I would answer the question correctly, then resume my conversation. If I was feeling particularly evil (or if I hadn't done the reading), I would answer the question with a vague question relating to the human condition and mire the entire class in philosophical discussion until the bell rang. (This strategy didn't work very well in algebra.)

― Dan Perry, Tuesday, 14 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

It totally works in algebra. You just ask, "Why do you need me to know this? Why is it important to you?" Then the teacher is all like, "Because, it is very helpful for your life if you know this." Then you go, "Oh, how?" Then they go "If you are in the supermarket and they ring you up wrong, how will you know?" Then you go, "How does x=y squared plus 43 minus z cubed relate to grocery shopping?" Then they get flustered and angry.

― Ally, Tuesday, 14 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Your teachers were evidently none too bright or used to very docile classes. Mine always meandered on about thinking skills, beauty of mathematics and so forth when asked why we had to do more advanced maths. Saying trig or calculus was useful in everday life was just an invitation to get smart arse comments from all the maths haters (of which there were many). Of course the aforementioned teachers meanderings inevitably triggered off rambling philosophical conversations anyway, but at least they didn't have everyone just laugh at them.

― Richard Tunnicliffe, Tuesday, 14 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

ILe high music teacher?

Doubt it. My music teacher was a nun. I don't really see her sucking at a bong. Or even joint A cross maybe.

― nathalie (nathalie), Tuesday, 14 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Your teachers were evidently none too bright

There's a reason why I was bored enough to drop out of school, you know.

― Ally, Tuesday, 14 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Dan, your idea doesn't always work. Tenth grade English teacher got angry at my friend and I sitting off at the side talking all period and answering all of the questions right and yelled that if we were so special and smart we'd be in the honors class. (There is no honors class at my school. Brilliant man.) The math teacher was asked "What use is this?" and she always said, "None. It's preparation for higher mathematics. And you need it to graduate. Now back to the lesson."

Do we have a choir at this school?

― Lyra, Tuesday, 14 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

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