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I Fucked Up

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hahahaha! things are bad and i've ended up in a bad situation, rock bottom and stuff, but last night i started drilling further down

i rang the person that means more to me than anything in the world and she told me she didn't want to speak to me ever again. i rang back like a fool and a man said "she doesn't want to speak to you mate, now leave her alone, please don't call again"

hahahaha! i am one of those people that people avoid. a freak! and i'm telling people on an open web board. INTERNET MENTALIST ALERT! oh dear

― gareth (gareth), Sunday, 1 September 2002 07:39 (twenty-two years ago)

INTERNET MENTALIST ALERT! should be posted as a warning above most of ILE.

doesn't sound good gareth, hope you're ok.

― stevo (stevo), Sunday, 1 September 2002 09:08 (twenty-two years ago)

FUCK. Call back in a week. If she still doesn't want to talk go round in person. SOBER. I'm presuming that's part of it. I may be way off.

― Andrew Thames, Sunday, 1 September 2002 09:12 (twenty-two years ago)

i was completely sober. i didn't get a chance to even speak. we hadn't spoken in about 6 months, so it is not like i've been bugging or anything

― gareth (gareth), Sunday, 1 September 2002 09:46 (twenty-two years ago)

maybe she's at fault then? this sounds weird.

― Andrew Thames, Sunday, 1 September 2002 09:49 (twenty-two years ago)

hey guys what's going on.

― webber (webber), Sunday, 1 September 2002 09:54 (twenty-two years ago)

Gareth you dont sound in a good way at all. Take it easy eh.

― Kiwi, Sunday, 1 September 2002 10:00 (twenty-two years ago)

Some bad advice right now would be "Go out and get plastered and forget about her..."

Just so you know.

― Andrew (enneff), Sunday, 1 September 2002 10:09 (twenty-two years ago)

perhaps writing a letter would be a good move? even if you don't send it, it might clarify your thoughts. if you do, you're communicating whilst respecting her 'no speaking' request.

― stevo (stevo), Sunday, 1 September 2002 10:10 (twenty-two years ago)

Good idea stevo. Also, it doesn't make you a psycho mentalist for discussing it on the internet.

― Andrew (enneff), Sunday, 1 September 2002 10:11 (twenty-two years ago)

Yeah do look after yrself. I know this laugh, it's very nihilistic, in my experience. Please be careful.

― Andrew Thames, Sunday, 1 September 2002 10:13 (twenty-two years ago)

She was drunk, maybe? Are there clues in what happened 6 months ago?

― Graham (graham), Sunday, 1 September 2002 10:50 (twenty-two years ago)

we fell out, we (sort of) made up, but fell out of contact. i lost my home, and ended up staying on someones floor, and then in a hostel. i wanted to get sorted before speaking to her. but i never did get sorted. and now it is too late

― gareth (gareth), Sunday, 1 September 2002 10:56 (twenty-two years ago)

i deserve it because i am stupid. if i persevere it will seem like i am a mentalist. if i don't it will seem like i don't care

― gareth (gareth), Sunday, 1 September 2002 11:04 (twenty-two years ago)

I doubt yr stupid, ok? This is how you feel NOW. Give it some time.

― Andrew Thames, Sunday, 1 September 2002 11:08 (twenty-two years ago)

I like the letter idea - as long as it sounds rational and sincere and non-mentalist. Which I'm sure it will do...

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Sunday, 1 September 2002 11:45 (twenty-two years ago)

Gareth, you're definitely not stupid. The letter idea is a good one, I think it is worth a try.

― Nicole (Nicole), Sunday, 1 September 2002 12:22 (twenty-two years ago)

The letter is probably a great idea, but they're terribly easy to not reply to. Don't rely on it, maybe, but give it a go.

― Andrew Thames, Sunday, 1 September 2002 12:24 (twenty-two years ago)

i have been stupid though

i have sent her an email trying to explain things, if she doesn't reply, i will send a letter. unfortunately over the last 2 years we've had quite a few 'explaining ourselves' situations, i am worried she's just had enough now.

i'm worried she'll just delete the email without reading, and bin the letter without reading. haha she'll probably see this and think "INTERWEB MENTALIST!".

i just want another chance, but perhaps i have already used all my chances up...

― gareth (gareth), Sunday, 1 September 2002 12:33 (twenty-two years ago)

If she actually cares about you, you can never "use up" yr chnaces. If she doesn't, you shouldn't be that worried. This is both obvious and dull advice, but I think it's true.

― Andrew Thames, Sunday, 1 September 2002 12:44 (twenty-two years ago)

Stop explaining yourself you interweb mentalist, and try and do something she might like you again for, whatever she liked you for before.

― Graham (graham), Sunday, 1 September 2002 12:52 (twenty-two years ago)

In situations like this its good to remember the benefits of having a bath in moonlight while eating expensive Italian pastries and listening to Firefall.

― Mike Hanle y (mike), Sunday, 1 September 2002 13:16 (twenty-two years ago)

That kind of thing would totallly throw me as I usually (like Gareth) think I have a good sense of behaving in such a way as to avoid someone reacting that way to me. Everyone, for clarification: Gareth is not a mentalist. Not that I wish to denegrate mentalists, they need help and stuff, but Gareth is not one.

Maybe a letter, but resist the temptation to make it a long one, or emotionally charged. Just like 'Well, I didn't expect you to be like that but hey I'm here if you ever change your mind and want to make up' kind of thing, maybe?

― N. (nickdastoor), Sunday, 1 September 2002 13:29 (twenty-two years ago)

That is good advice. Freaking out further, whether on the phone or on the page, is not a good way to prove you are not a desperate nutcase. Play it cool and confident. (A double negative and I sound like a deodorant ad.)

― bnw (bnw), Sunday, 1 September 2002 14:56 (twenty-two years ago)

Listen to the Fall. Seriously.

― Andrew Thames, Sunday, 1 September 2002 15:26 (twenty-two years ago)

i feel like you have way too much emotion invested in this girl. maybe you should just write a short letter apologizing for continuing to contact her, and wish her well. then get on with things and in a few years it won't feel so icky anymore. i'm not trying to sound like a jerk either, it's just that this seems monumentally unhealthy.

― ron (ron), Sunday, 1 September 2002 16:51 (twenty-two years ago)

A change of scene (say a road trip to America) might do you good.

― felicity (felicity), Sunday, 1 September 2002 16:57 (twenty-two years ago)

gareth -

i sixth the letter idea. it'll give you a chance to say things you actually mean, rather than risk being misunderstood in some panicked, emotional conversation.

one word of advice: sometimes a mere 'i'm sorry' or 'i miss you' or 'i want you back' isn't good enough. if there's an element of apology to any part of what you're writing, don't just leave it at that. try to explain where yr head is at and what you want from her within a framework of honesty and reason.

i mean, not that i'd imagine you wouldn't do that anyways. but coming from a situation where i was basically begging an ex as recently as a month ago to come back to me, i know how emotion can sometimes hinder reason.

― mark p (Mark P), Sunday, 1 September 2002 17:32 (twenty-two years ago)

ugh. that made no sense at all, but i hope it works out nonetheless.

― mark p (Mark P), Sunday, 1 September 2002 17:33 (twenty-two years ago)

i'm with the letter idea too. good luck.

― di smith (lucylurex), Sunday, 1 September 2002 21:14 (twenty-two years ago)

large difference between being a mentalist and being in love.

― Mr Noodles (Mr Noodles), Sunday, 1 September 2002 21:19 (twenty-two years ago)

On the contrary, very little difference at all IMHO Mr Noodles.

And in Plato's dontcha know *tries to avoid adopting a smug, lofty, snooty expression expressing utter disdain*. See Phaedrus.

I've experienced a very similar situation Gareth. I hope it works out for you. If, on the other hand, it looks like it won't...

I have developed a few phrases and philosophies for the use of unrequited obsessive lovers.

1. Perhaps a great love is never returned.
2. True Love Sucks.
3. Read Ovid's The Art of Love (sic ???)
4. Listen to Pete and Dud.
5. Write a book/album that becomes really sucessful and that'll teach her the cow.
6. Listen to Into each life some rain must fall (the inkspots/ella collaboration). Adapt that jazzy, laissez faire attitude if possible.
7. Get completely pissed and storm around screaming "Women are FICKLE FICKLE FICKLE creatures" at no-one in particular. Then have a nice sandwich.
8. Everybody's been burned.
9. WHATEVER YOU DO, DON'T LISTEN TO THE SMITHS.
10. Try to avoid using the word "mentalist".

I hope I've been of some assistance.

― chris sallis, Sunday, 1 September 2002 23:01 (twenty-two years ago)

No. 9 goes for Leonard Cohen, too.

― Andrew (enneff), Sunday, 1 September 2002 23:03 (twenty-two years ago)

I reckon write the letter, but don't send it. Write it for yourself. You've got things you need to say but at the moment she may not need to hear them. Hang on to the letter and then in a couple of months review it. If you feel like you can't wait that long then it's all the more important that you do. That's my advice anyway.

― toraneko (toraneko), Sunday, 1 September 2002 23:09 (twenty-two years ago)

two weeks pass...
well, i emailed her rather than a letter. but, no response. i am feeling tempted to mail again just saying "i would like to meet up or speak" or something. its probably too soon isn't it? but, you see, the big part of the problem is months going by without contact, don't want there to be any more.

i just feel so stupid. this time last year, it was total reversal, i wouldn't listen when she wanted contact. why didn't i just listen when i had the chance?

― gareth (gareth), Wednesday, 18 September 2002 10:46 (twenty-two years ago)

Reading this thread makes me feel like there is a certain circular completion to the world.

― kate, Wednesday, 18 September 2002 10:59 (twenty-two years ago)

one year passes...
I got mad at my gf/ex-gf on her birthday. I feel like she treats me like crap, but at the same time I wonder why I get so angry at her. I should be above it, but I'm not. I love her very much, but I feel like I'm doing it all so wrong. This is the thread where I say, blah blah blah.

― Spencer Chow (spencermfi), Tuesday, 11 May 2004 09:40 (twenty-one years ago)

wow, that sounds like every relationship i've ever had spencer.

― ipsofacto (ipsofacto), Tuesday, 11 May 2004 09:44 (twenty-one years ago)

Felt a similair way myself last night (without the birthday bit).

― Chewshabadoo (Chewshabadoo), Tuesday, 11 May 2004 10:00 (twenty-one years ago)

WOW! I was drunk last night! We worked some of it out on the phone today.

― Spencer Chow (spencermfi), Tuesday, 11 May 2004 19:36 (twenty-one years ago)

nine months pass...
we never spoke again

shes left town now

― ilkleylido (gareth), Saturday, 19 February 2005 16:56 (twenty years ago)

you are better off

― kyle (akmonday), Saturday, 19 February 2005 17:17 (twenty years ago)

:-(

― stevie nixed (stevie nixed), Saturday, 19 February 2005 17:18 (twenty years ago)

if it helps: hey, me too!

― jermaine, Saturday, 19 February 2005 17:34 (twenty years ago)

we never spoke again.

she's left town now.

― cozen (Cozen), Saturday, 19 February 2005 17:50 (twenty years ago)

don't spend too long dwelling on past 'failures' and 'mistakes'. keep moving on.

― Alienus Quam Reproba (blueski), Saturday, 19 February 2005 17:54 (twenty years ago)

"What is it you buy so dear/With your pain and with your fear?"

― cozen (Cozen), Saturday, 19 February 2005 18:45 (twenty years ago)

five years pass...

can see myself on here in a few weeks if some miracle doesn't happen soon.

― De que estas hablando? (Tannenbaum Schmidt), Saturday, 29 May 2010 17:20 (fifteen years ago)

hahahahaha you too? ;-)

― some men enjoy the feeling of being owned (acoleuthic), Saturday, 29 May 2010 17:22 (fifteen years ago)

well i dicked me over
now i'll pay
i fucked up
aaaaahhhhhh

― English: The Money Woman (history mayne), Saturday, 29 May 2010 17:23 (fifteen years ago)

bored, hungover, just gave myself a haircut. saturdays without football are a disaster

― May be half naked, but knows a good headline when he sees it (darraghmac), Saturday, 29 May 2010 17:34 (fifteen years ago)

T Schmidt is probably doing a postgrad course as well. O THE STRUGGLE

― some men enjoy the feeling of being owned (acoleuthic), Saturday, 29 May 2010 17:42 (fifteen years ago)

ha! no, but my gf is and boy o boy have I f'd up.

― De que estas hablando? (Tannenbaum Schmidt), Saturday, 29 May 2010 17:46 (fifteen years ago)

did u delete something, or is it unrelated?

― May be half naked, but knows a good headline when he sees it (darraghmac), Saturday, 29 May 2010 17:49 (fifteen years ago)

Today I committed an act of dumbness too stupid and too completely what-the-hell-was-I-thinking unnecessary to admit to on the internet, but I felt like announcing it here in the hope that getting it out there will stop the constant loop of "well duh" currently echoing round my head

best wishes T. Schmidt

― atoms breaking heart (a passing spacecadet), Saturday, 29 May 2010 17:53 (fifteen years ago)

hey i owned up about my haircut, less of this coy rubbish

― May be half naked, but knows a good headline when he sees it (darraghmac), Saturday, 29 May 2010 17:54 (fifteen years ago)


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