The greatest excuse you ever heard

Message Bookmarked

Bookmark Removed

Okay, so we got this email at work, from one of our tenants. The tenant will not close on his lease in the month of June because he says that the planets are not aligned correctly and there is no good day in the month of June to sign a piece of paper. He will settle on July 13th (I might point out that this is a Friday).

So what's the stupidest excuse not to do something YOU'VE ever heard? Because quite frankly this is the most perplexing excuse I've ever seen in my entire life.

― Ally, Friday, 8 June 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

When I used to work circ. at my school library I'd hear tons of lameass excuses for why their books were overdue or missing -- "My friend borrowed my book and I don't know what happened to it" or the ever popular "My Grandma died and I was in mourning so I forgot I had books checked out". Never anything particularly creative or interesting, because the majority of them were lazy dumbasses for which the books weren't going to do any good for them anyway.

― Nicole, Friday, 8 June 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

I once was late returning a book and they wanted to charge me this exorbitant fee for it, around $70. So I went into the university library with the book, shoved it on a shelf, and put in a claim that I HAD returned it and they lost it. So they found it and never charged me. I don't understand why more people don't do that.

― Ally, Friday, 8 June 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Oh, some of them do. It's really the easiest way to get out of a fine, if people were smart.

― Nicole, Friday, 8 June 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

My favorite excuse was when I found my uncle Cletus watching me from inside the hole in the shithouse. Running after me covered in shit he yelled, "I can't help it, I'm ignorant! Don't tell yer paw!" A shabby excuse because acknowledgement of one's ignorance betrays true ignorance.

― Nude Spock, Friday, 8 June 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Dear Lord in Heaven.

― Dan Perry, Friday, 8 June 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Well, it was a monday and we were trying to organise a group meeting for some uni work for the coming friday, and the lamest excuse I've ever heard came from this one girl "I'm going to be sick on Friday"...d'oh!

― james e l, Friday, 8 June 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

I was working at a parole office, and this one guy calls and says he can't come to his appointment 'cause his fishtank broke and "it's gonna take at least a week to clean up the mess".

― Patrick, Friday, 8 June 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

I wonder if that'd work to get me out of jury duty. "Listen, I can't come in, I need to clean my cat's litter box".

― Ally, Friday, 8 June 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Show up in a Star Trek uniform, like that one lady called up for the OJ trial.

― Nicole, Friday, 8 June 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

I'm just telling them to postpone my date. I kind of want to be on a jury. It'll probably be boring, but I keep thinking that Sam Waterstone will pop up and make some devastatingly-brilliant point against the defendant, after which the bailiff will play a loud "BOMP- BOMP" on a keyboard and we'll be sitting there going, "Oh, NO HE DIDNT," in the most impartial way possible.

Of course, with my luck, I'll get stuck on a pig-fucker trial. (It is left as an exercise for the reader to determine if this would be good luck or bad luck.)

― Dan Perry, Friday, 8 June 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

I got a mafia case when I had jury duty. It was fun, because it was such a cheesy case and since I was still in school it gave me an excuse to get out of class.

― Nicole, Friday, 8 June 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Dan - pigfuckers get tried where you live?

― Geoff, Saturday, 9 June 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

five years pass...

"i shit the bed"

― RoxyMuzak© (roxymuzak), Monday, 4 September 2006 18:37 (eighteen years ago)

I DEMAND CONTEXT FOR THIS EXCUSE!! :o

― Trayce (trayce), Tuesday, 5 September 2006 00:52 (eighteen years ago)

My friend the teacher still has a note he was given by a boy who was absent for two days. It says "Please excuse X. He was off school for two days because he had a touch of cancer".

― stet (stet), Tuesday, 5 September 2006 01:05 (eighteen years ago)

A co-worker of mine from the south of England tells a story about a man in his hometown who was caught in a field in a comprimising position with a sheep one night on his way home from the pub. He was duly charged with indecent exposure, and one or two other offences. When it came time for him to answer the charges in court, he stated that he was walking home drunk from the pub, and decided to cut across the field as it would save time. At this point, he felt the urge to urinate, and as he pulled his pants down to relieve himself, the sheep backed up onto him.

― J-rock (Julien Sandiford), Tuesday, 5 September 2006 05:58 (eighteen years ago)

Did Dan ever get his pigfucking trial?

― StanM (StanM), Tuesday, 5 September 2006 11:11 (eighteen years ago)

I once had to tell a notoriously strict teacher that I hadn't brought my homework in because the dog was sick all over it (which was true). He demanded that I bring in the puke sodden jotter in to prove it and actually said "and don't go making your dog sick on it tonight!"

― Onimo (GerryNemo), Tuesday, 5 September 2006 11:17 (eighteen years ago)

a guy in my school once turned up to school, to the assembly of all places, in his jeans and tshirt (we had uniforms), and so the teacher was like

teacher: erm why aren't you wearing your uniform?
kid: "erm.. my house got struck by lightning"

*room laughs

teacher: "very funny"
kid: "no seriously it did our half our house got burnt down" *cries
teacher: "oh."

― ken c (ken c), Tuesday, 5 September 2006 11:29 (eighteen years ago)

I worked with the World's Dumbest Frat Boy this summer. Here are some excuses:

A coworker asked him to punch holes in what, admittedly, was a huge pile of documents. He went into the conference room where the docs were for about five minutes and then disappeared. I found him on a far off computer looking at MySpace and asked him why he wasn't punching holes in paper:

"I took all the staples out of them."
"But you have to punch holes in the paper. That's what she asked you to do."
"We don't have a hole punch."
"There's one on the desk right next to you. And I saw you carry one into the conference room earlier."
"Look, I'm not trying to get out of doing work!"

Keep in mind that he had Frat Boy habits including getting drunk at lunch and coming in drunk from the night before in the morning. He apparently had access to a home breathalyzer because he bragged one day that he blew a .08 when he got up that morning. Once, he just didn't bother to come into work at all or call. The next day he told us that he'd passed out in the shower that morning because of all the steam and hit his head.

― Party Time Country Female (pullapartgirl), Tuesday, 5 September 2006 11:30 (eighteen years ago)

From all the steam!!!

― Party Time Country Female (pullapartgirl), Tuesday, 5 September 2006 11:31 (eighteen years ago)

teacher: why are you late?
kid: my dad got burnt
teacher: was it serious?
kid: aye miss, they don't fuck about down that crematorium

― Onimo (GerryNemo), Tuesday, 5 September 2006 11:31 (eighteen years ago)

My friend once took a day off work because he slept on his arm.

― chap who would dare to start Raaatpackin (chap), Tuesday, 5 September 2006 13:02 (eighteen years ago)

"my neighbour was being eaten by his pet snake"

― Konal Doddz (blueski), Tuesday, 5 September 2006 13:11 (eighteen years ago)

one year passes...

MANY REVIVES DECEMBER

YAYAYYAYAYAYAYAYYYYAYAY

― Heave Ho, Monday, 3 December 2007 23:48 (seventeen years ago)

You must be logged in to post. Please either login here, or if you are not registered, you may register here.