Girl Six

1. No.
2. No.
3. No.

had phone sex but never paid for it.

I often dream, but I never am alive. WAIt ! Don't call me incoherent. Don't you suspect I knwo what I'm up to? I am earth

Almost like sense.

No.

At age 8 the village pastime was to go to the local phone box and proposition the operator, usually using dirty words like "shag" and "bum". Does that count?

Sick pervert? Er, thanks.

that was you nathalie? mmmm

Oh Geoff, no, no, no. :-) I once got a weirdo phonecall at work. Some guy said he knew what line of work I did. Then giggled. That was his attempt at either seducing me or... what?

An ex-girlfriend once worked for one of those 'party lines'. It's common knowledge that 99.999% of the callers are male, so they had an office full of women receiving calls to make it seem like a legit 'chat room'. According to her, most of the callers sounded very lonely, old, disabled, homesick foreigners etc., and wanted to meet up, though occasionally you'd get the rubber- or piss-freak, who sounded easier to deal with.

Oh, oh, oh: only dirty phone call I ever received —
PHONE RINGS. PICK UP
mark s: hullo
caller [v.shy, tentative, abt eight yrs old, I think male]: Do you have a [small pause] cock? [giggles]
PHONE DOWN

No way was this Graham. It was maybe ten years ago and he would have been — oh...

At least it wasn't "Do you have a small [pause] cock?" although I suppose they could have been selling something. I bet Tom could use his magical market research to figure out: 1. Whether people had cocks.
2. Whether they were small. But I think it'd have to be internet users only.

I worked on a project once about bald men and what they thought of hair restorers. And one where we had to survey where was best to meet women. But never one on cock size.

I rang a sex line once when I was drunk. I waited for about a minute and all it was was adverts so I put the phone down. I've never made a dirty phone call.

Back in the days when modems first were used (ohh, say, when I was in 7th Grade) the hot number to get was for Jam Line. You rang this, and when your connection came up you could hear vast numbers of other teenagers calling out for cute girls and guys as if it was a darkened gym in space.

No crank calls apart from ringing beauty salons to ask about bikini waxes while trying not to laugh LONG before the days of the Brazilian. The offended beauticians would always hang up even before they realised it was a joke.

As I highly inexperienced and frustrated youth, I indulged in phone sex with my g/f for a few months. I insisted we stop, thoroughly disgusted after a while, and she was pissed at me for it. We never did end up having real sex, either.

What do bald men think of hair restorers? Where's the best place to meet women? Are you against the idea of cock research in principle or is it just not practical?

The idea of the projects was to find out what was most important to consumers when choosing a hair restorer or when choosing a place to meet women (this latter commissioned by a dating agency). Both projects were total failures.

In the first one what emerged as most important to consumers when choosing a hair restorer is that it restores your hair. Admittedly the point of Market Research is to tell the client what they want to hear but this was pushing it.

In the second one everybody claimed that 'opportunity for casual sex' was totally unimportant when meeting women and so there was no statistical fit between what they alleged was important (conversation, fidelity, sense of humour) and the places they actually went to meet women (bars, discos).

I would not be opposed to cock surveying - I cannot see any way in which it contravenes the Market Research Society guidelines. You'd have to put that bit on the questionnaire saying "This survey may contain questions of an intimate nature. Do you wish to continue" but after that I'd say go for it.

Hi Nathalie...

I want to make your acquaintance. I'm glad to know you. Please alwayas contact me. I will do anything what you want.

The ultimate phone sex loser movie to watch is, of course, "Even Hitler Had A Girlfriend". The guy who plays the main character, Marcus Templeton, does the lonely guy thing VERY WELL. It was made by a couple of dudes from Omaha in 1991 or so. It feels very HBO2... but it's a great way to pass time for insomniacs. It will also make sure you never think about phone sex or initiating anything of the sort via a phone ever again.