Have you ever found porn in the woods?

yes.

does the pope beat off in the woods?

No, but I thought this was just an English thing?

Not in the woods, but when I worked for a highway department in college I was always finding it in ditches along the rural roads we worked on. I'm guessing people tossing it out the car window as they drove along a dark country road late at night was a popular way of destroying evidence.

tossing it out the car window

Unfortunate choice of words...

jon, I'd say a rural ditch is close enough to being "the woods" to count

I suppose "under the bridge" counts if that bridge is pretty much surrounded by woods?

does "in a bag stuffed behind a hedge" count?

Unfortunate choice of words...

lol

porn just wants to be free imo

Penthouse In The Woods by Scud Mountain Boys was a lovely song about this.

Railway lines seem to have lots of porn.

Yes in the woods, and yes carefully tucked under a garbage barrel (for later retrieval I assume) at the Stanton City Park in 1971.

I suppose "under the bridge" counts if that bridge is pretty much surrounded by woods?

IMO yes

does "in a bag stuffed behind a hedge" count?

Was this a hedge in the middle of nowhere, or was it in a city/town/village? I think in order to count it would need to be, like, a hedge on the border of farmland, ie something totally, unambiguously rural.

also kind of chuckling thinking of "Under the Bridge" being about someone losing their porn mag

Yes. in a grove of woods in UCSC (long since bulldozed) that was known as "Elfland"

there was also an, um, ziploc bag filled with guess what

maybe porn actually grows in the woods and ppl who sell it are specialized farmers

xp: oh god, please say weed because otherwise GROSS

no my hedge was in town. feel like i must've stumbled across grumble in the woods at some point tho

little baggie of porn juice.

*shudder*

not woods but an overgrown disused bit of green habitat, if that makes sense. voted yes.

was 10 at the time. a friends younger brother, maybe like 8, got really confused about the naked chicks penis was and we had to explain ladies to him.

just think, before the d34thdr0n3 debacle it never would have occurred to me that someone would spunk into a Baggie

Does behind a dumpster count as the woods?

a jizzloc bag.

if the dumpster is in the wood, yeah

wish i had a scanner so i cd show y'all "Porn Free", the classic Viz comic strip about a nature reserve for porn mags

took a dump in a dumpster

when i was a teenager i used to walk around the wooded highway cloverleafs of my little subdivision. Found a pristine copy of hustler back there once.

Only in a ditch in a suburban subdivision.

also kind of chuckling thinking of "Under the Bridge" being about someone losing their porn mag

I did not think anyone could possibly make that song any worse, but you just have >_<

I remember it so clearly, there was a long article about the Fatty Arbuckle scandal in it. I read every damn word. Never looked at coke bottles the same way again.

I had a paper route when I was about 10-12 years old that skirted a row of frat houses and a wooded area in my hometown. Found many many pr0nz that way.

Also when I was even younger we lived in the country, but after moving to town continued to own & rent the country place for a while. My dad and I found a motherlode-type stash dumped on the corner of our property, which was about 50% wooded. I rode with him and one of his buddies as they took it to the dump with a load of assorted farmhouse trash. I distinctly remember the friend saying "I like the ones where they send in pictures of their wives."

I remember it so clearly, there was a long article about the Fatty Arbuckle scandal in it.

Wait, are you sure it wasn't just The New Yorker you found?

Most of the stuff I found was copies of Barely Legal.

They don't have pictures of "slick wet beavers" in any New Yorkers I ever read.

No, just 35,000 word thinkpieces about them.

I've just never seen a porn with a detailed account of the Fatty Arbuckle scandal either.

the range of articles in Hustler in the 70s/early 80s was pretty amazing tbrr

Theodore Sturgeon wrote reviews for them for a while.

See my days of discovery of these mags in the wild was mid 1990s, when the days of articles were long gone.

This was like 1982, maybe summer of 83 at the latest.

Everyone used to find random porn out in the woods when I was a kid, and I always wondered how it got there or if this continues to happen.

When I was as senior in high school, I went to a friend's house early on a Saturday morning in the fall, like the first weekend of classes at the local university. The friend lived a couple blocks from campus and there was a young guy passed out in his driveway, in a puddle of his own urine, with a copy of Hustler in his back pocket. We stole the Hustler and my friend's mom called the cops to come pick the guy up.

Now its probably just usb drives full of porn discarded in the woods.

yes. A spinney near school.

yeah, the woods of my youth rang with poon

I remember when all this were porn

"found"

http://kevinmaher.info/wp-content/uploads/2011/05/payitforward.jpg

"I only read it for the articles, and they're about scandalized silent comedy stars of the 20s, why?"

I found a copy of "Blondes Do It Better" in the woods of a park by the Ohio River in Louisville, KY- it's a great gay porn film starring Leo + Lance, the copy I found was nasty / fungoid / damp / half-rotten, which made the images look leprous and disturbing

to explain, this was a printed color mag of stills from the film

Have you ever found woods in your porn?

If there wasn't a strict NO POSTING ANYTHING YOU FIND ON CHEESECAKE ANYWHERE ELSE ON THE INTERWEB I would be quoting some King Of Limbs slash for ya right now...

Also, Sleater-Kinney slash.

Years ago, my tweenage cousin was nearly knocked off his bike when a guy threw a Penthouse magazine centerfold out the car window at him. "Don't say I never gave you nothing" is what the guy shouted as he drove past. Weird.

Distant xpost, we were not bullied into giving him porn, we planted gross fetish porn in his yard so that he would be busted for porn possession BY HIS MOM.

cub scout paper drive. dunno if we kept any but i remember wading through the huge collection bin and fishing out playboys. if anything i feel i learned to associate good works w/ reward.

When I was in 7th grade in the wilderness in Montana I found a cabin full of porn. Porn and so many rat turds and ENORMOUS rats.

The cabin had clearly been abandoned for ages ago. It was inn the woods about 1/4 mile from my house with no visible road or path anywhere. It had a loft with a mattress, which is where all the porn was. I liked that porn b/c despite not knowing I was gay then, I enjoyed *something* about the scenes with both women AND men....

Unfortunately my friend-turned-mortal-enemy (had a savage fight with him that involved a pipe, and he made his friends make death threats to me and my parents over the phone) knew about the cabin, too, so I was always terrified that we would run into each other.

Also in the cabin was a selection of books of "love poems." I think each one actually had "love poems" in its title.

The other porn shack in Montana was on the property of a crazy recluse who told me and my dad a few times that he would shoot my dog if he ever saw her chasing a deer. I was too scared to go there, so I brought the porn home and hid it in a furnace vent and damn if my dad didn't fucking find it. What the fuck was he doing digging around in the ductwork??

obv he was looking for a place to hide his porn

I showed him: 5 years after he found my stash, he discovered I'd been calling LUBED-UP-MAN-ON-PRECUM-DRIPPING-MAN phone chat lines. LOL bet he wished I'd give Hustler a second chance then.

Seeing what was clogging up the furnance vent most probably

xpost

But appropriate, still.

When I was in 7th grade in the wilderness in Montana I found a cabin full of porn.

The porn shack! This is a whole other area of porn discovery!

When I was in my mid-20s, I lived in North Carolina and shared a small house with M___, a guy I knew from work. Since the area had been populated for a long, long time without ever becoming urban or even fully suburban, the woods were full of abandoned shit, and M___ was an inveterate looter of the unclaimed. Once, while out exploring, we found an old house in the middle of nowhere that had apparently last been occupied by a bunch of hobos during the 30s and/or 40s. In one of the upstairs rooms there was a huge cache of old leather corsets and pages torn from Sears & Roebuck catalogs advertising the same. Early 20th century hobo porn! There were also a number of crude, handmade toys (?) constructed mostly of wire, wood and string, of the sort where you turn a knob here and a bunch of other parts move to and fro over there.

I kept a couple of the toys and one of the corsets for a while, but they were pretty decrepit to begin with, and I wound up getting rid of them eventually.

20th century hobo porn

^ underrated King Crimson outtake

That's kind of enchanted
x-post

Did you also find Bon Iver demos?

Contenderizer: That sounds like an awesome discovery. I don't think I could of taken anything except pictures though I'd be afraid too for some reason. No pictures?

Of course there was porn in the woods. Finding porn in an abandoned building / house is a youth staple. Yet to find a dead body, though. Beer cans were a more rewarding find.

Better still ...finding a pack of Marlboro's! Nothing funnier than a bunch of twelve-year-olds getting excited about a cigarette.

nah, no pix. oversight. the yard was also full of old stone mile markers, but that may have been from a different hobo/non-hobo.

I'm glad that ILX is relatively free of parody threads but was tempted by the spectre of "have you ever shot porn in the woods?"

There were also a number of crude, handmade toys (?) constructed mostly of wire, wood and string, and cardboard tubes filled with wasps.

For the life of me I cant remember if I found porn in the woods but I want to say yes. I'm not going to vote.

I'm glad that ILX is relatively free of parody threads but was tempted by the spectre of "have you ever shot porn in the woods?"

Yeh, I resisted "have you ever found poon on your wood" which is no great loss for ILX.

Does a porn shit in the woods

That's one of those German specialties, right?

poop shelf iirc

porn shelf. well, i guess we all have those.

And to address the original question, I found a porn paperback walking home from work one night as a teenager. Not in the woods per se, but it was stuffed in an oleander bush, luckily about eye level so I spotted it. I still remember the name "Yodel In The Canyon" and it was actually fairly well written, compared to subsequent books I read. My friend and I eventually amassed a collection of books/mags, which we buried in a field behind our houses for safe keeping. I know I never went back for them, and kind of doubt he did either. I imagine they were ruined by rain after a while even though we wrapped them in plastic. The field was later developed for houses, so maybe some teenager forced to dig a hole for something found them and got an illicit reward.

ha thats one of those things that prob seemed perfectly reasonable as you were doing it but would just be totally baffling to anyone who dug them up

Automatic thread bump. This poll is closing tomorrow.

I saw a torn-out page from a porn magazine on a bike path near the lake (in a more industrial part of town) once, I don't know If that counts.

yah it counts

Automatic thread bump. This poll's results are now in.

Wow, that's impressive.

bravo ilx!

Is this the highest turnout for an ILX poll ever?

not sure i really believe this

xp: did you miss the Smiths vs. the Cure or what?

does a bear wank in the woods?

looking for porn in A Forest

If Morrissey leaves Manchester at 7:30PM heading South, and Robert Smith leaves Crawley at 7:45PM heading North, which of them will find some porn in the woods first?

So where do I find these woods?

"The girl was never there
It's always the same
just porn in a forest
again and again and again and..."

The Boy With The Porn In His Woods

Have you ever found porn in the woods?
Walking along, and finding the goods.
It's not always chicks, it's not always dudes,
Have you ever found porn in the woods?

(apologies to the Lovin Spoonful)

A Porner Forest

There was this aspen grove outside town my high school boyfriend and I liked to walk through/fool around in. Once he pointed out a large, flat rock and said, "If I had porn, I would hide it under that."

lol

that is like a short story/graphic novel right there

That's is a much better title for OJ Simpson's book, imo.