The Lone Ranger

In part because we've never actually had a Lone Ranger thread in general. But also because, well, Johnny Depp as Tonto:

http://img.gawkerassets.com/img/17fth17dj6spfjpg/original.jpg

Uh.

As the link says, "I will be totally fucking jazzed if this is a $215-million, painfully self-aware sequel to Dead Man."

I enjoyed Dead Man. But this?

(holds his hand out, palm down, and wobbles it, tilting it to the left and right alternately, while pursing his lips, in a cumulative gesture of indifference)

Quite.

I think this movie could be great if the Lone Ranger dies in the first five minutes, and the rest is a Tonto vision quest (aka Dead Man 2).

lol aimless

am assuming there'll be a "Tonto's actual name" huge subplot/revealed actual-plot

this is the 'cheap' version of the movie, as it was originally going to be pushing $250 mil before disney threatened to shut it down if they didnt cut some corners

$215m for a cowboy film is fucking insane.

holy crap! gore verbinski! hope this is basically pirates of the caribbean iv, but less sensible and longer

am assuming there'll be a "Tonto's actual name" huge subplot/revealed actual-plot

Plus a flashback about how sad and emo his childhood was.

Otoh...I liked Rango? Maybe Gore Verbinski can do better with a western than he has with the past few Pirates movies.

the angle they're going with, apparently, is one where the lone ranger is this sort of bumbling buffoon and tonto is the real hero in the outfit. heavy on indian mysticism and like... werewolves

OR MAYBE

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CebRfSFnWGM

$215m for a cowboy film is fucking insane.

Didn't Cowboys Vs. Aliens, um, flop? Flop-ish?

What are the odds the movie will include the line "what do you mean 'we,' white man?"

Didn't Cowboys Vs. Aliens, um, flop? Flop-ish?

I think the studios let Johnny Depp do whatever the fuck he wants. I mean, Dark Shadows?

runaway train of epic

Tom Wilkinson is in it. I like him.

The Lone Ranger is on my WS list.

Why did I just write that?

the angle they're going with, apparently, is one where the lone ranger is this sort of bumbling buffoon and tonto is the real hero in the outfit. heavy on indian mysticism and like... werewolves

Very...Green Hornet?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kpx9PaDw-Hc&hd=1

I am going to watch this is this racist movie.

grimngritty Lone Ranger is a delirious idea to begin with. The inevitable racism just makes it all that much stranger.

...huh.

http://io9.com/5967592/first-trailer-for-gore-verbinskis-lone-ranger-the-lone-ranger-is-a-zombie

How is what Johnny Depp doing in any way not racist?

hes got some am-indian in him

It looks like the Back to the Future 3 train! This looks goofy enough to interest me.

Depp randomly drops words from sentences to indicate that he is not a native english speaker, but rather an english-speaking native. For example: "There will come a time when good man must wear mask."

But if Depp's character has no trouble adding the "a" before "time" at the start of the sentence, why does he suddenly lose this ability within the next few words? Inquiring minds want to know. Or, on second thought, nevermind; it's not worth knowing.

How is what Johnny Depp doing in any way not racist?

― Emperor Cos Dashit (Adam Bruneau), Tuesday, December 11, 2012 3:38 PM (2 hours ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

It's definitely pretty racist. I mean Tonto was probably racist in the first place. This movie just needs to have Ming the Merciless in it too.

it is unimaginable to me that the movie won't somehow address the racism of the Lone Ranger. I mean come on now.

there will be a The More You Know segment at the end

It's ok cos it's "meta" racism, right?

it's metal racism, w/corpsepaint

This is Disney, so there are Lone Ranger Lego(s) coming. Probably a game, too.

so Armie Hammer is miffed:

Ignoring his disapproving publicist, Hammer agreed with his co-star. “I have a delightful opinion about that that she’s gonna get mad to me about sharing [his publicist]. But I’m going to tell you.

“This is the deal with American critics: they’ve been gunning for our movie since it was shut down the first time, that’s when most of the critics wrote their initial reviews.

“If you go back and read the negative reviews, most of them aren’t about the content of the movie, but more what’s behind it. It’s got to the point with American critics where if you’re not as smart as Plato, your stupid. That seems like a sad way to live your life.

http://uk.movies.yahoo.com/armie-hammer--critics-“slit-the-jugular”-of-lone-ranger-141408705.html

eh there's some truth that troubled production can color the perception of a movie before its release but it's hardly an automatic fail, titanic overcame it and even world war z managed to be a bigger hit and get better reviews (neither a tough task admittedly) than the lone ranger w/ a more troubled production plus a more known (in 2013) property that they made dumb choices in adapting.

dude's just mad that what was supposed to be his ticket to stardom didn't pan out but he should be grateful that he's not getting any of the blame (depp and verbinski are), he doesn't have that taylor kitsch stink on him yet.

i'm still at a loss to understand how a conglomerate-studio's idea for a broadly appealing LCD 'summer movie' could be adapting a 1930s radio show. For $225 mil.

I still can't get past his name

if you’re not as smart as Plato, your stupid

I still can't get past his name

I just call him Morbs.

I haven't been on a horse since the Johnson Administration

(free punchline: "Andrew?")

jimmy

I am kind of beside myself because I just discovered that his legal name is Armand Hammer and that that's a family name

it could've been worse: Naylon Hammer.

His parents were clearly dicks.

I wish I could have gone to his elementary school so I could be first in line to say OI BAKING SODA WHAT KIND OF NAME IS THAT

have you dudes seriously never heard of his great grandpa? it is kinda hilarious that this plutocrat family name has it origins in the symbol for the slp.

thinkpiece! (no judments, haven't seen it)

http://mubi.com/notebook/posts/out-of-balance-gore-verbinski-and-the-lone-ranger