30 Things Every Woman Should Have And Should Know By The Time She's 30

11. A set of screwdrivers, a cordless drill, and a black lace bra.
or
8. An email address, a voice mailbox, and a bank account -- all of which nobody has access to but you.

all homogenized glamor-magazine ideal-woman bullshit imo

They're lying about #12.

Although #14 is not terrible advice.

Uhhh the second #14, I guess. Not to apologize for something that isn’t your fault. I do sometimes stop myself from opening emails or messages with "Sorry, but..." when it's totally uncalled for and I haven't done anything wrong.

#4 - why would any suitcase or umbrella be embarrassing?

i'm not saying that all of these things are wrong and/or warped, though some are, just that the list as a whole assumes every woman is privileged and heterosexual - perhaps the Glamor mag target audience, but to see it spread via huffpo etc is not good. and so as a whole, i think it's just shaming and gross.

No, yes, absolutely, rrrobyn completely correct.

Privileged, cisgendered and heterosexual, and cares about this kind of shit to begin with.

this is like some gussied up version of that when i am an old woman i will wear purple horseshit

Laurel otm

"women's mags" are the worst. almost as bad as "men's mags"

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sTJ7AzBIJoI

that list reads like a ghastly portrait of luna.

This is extremely stupid.

all homogenized glamor-magazine ideal-woman bullshit imo

rrobyn ultra-otm

i forget now which sagging, irrelevant online dinosaur bought huffington post, but they've obv dug a very deep hole for themselves and have pitched hp into it

I hope it falls far enough into the hole for me not to have to see it anymore.

Prescriptive "should" shit like this tends to make people feel like shit for not measuring up to ridiculous ideal or it turns them into automatons, ticking boxes on someone else's "to do" list. Eff it in the bee.

#5 threw me a bit. I thought A youth you’re content to move beyond was, like, an actual person your supposed to move beyond.

31. free mustache rides

13. The belief that you deserve it.

Yay for victims of domestic abuse!

4. When to try harder and when to walk away.

This sounds like an Air Supply song.
4a. How to make all your demons be gone
4b. How to make love out of nothing at all
4c. How to make all the stadiums rock

I thought A youth you’re content to move beyond was, like, an actual person your supposed to move beyond.

lot of hard-to-resist youths out there tbh

cougars etc

7. The realization that you are actually going to have an old age -- and some money set aside to help fund it.

this is ghastly when you start thinking about various health issues people may have

some of these are no-brainers though; if you are 30 and you're still padding your resume, you should just give up IMO

#4 Gotta know when to hold 'em, know when to fold 'em

many of these are more fun if you think of them as advice to serial killers:

11. A set of screwdrivers, a cordless drill, and a black lace bra.

i hope this inspirational list has been translated and recorded and is blasted out daily over loudspeakers at every refugee camp in the world.

milo: my umbrella is broken and hangs down on one side and I'm too cheap/lazy to replace it. So something like that. But I'm not 30 til November so I have a few months to get my act together!

"wow, i'm 29 now, i should work on figuring out how i feel about having kids!"

16) Stop giving a shit about how ~Womens Magazines~ think you should run your life.

Thanks for making me feel even more inadequate, stupid list. ;_;

if you are 30 and you're still padding your resume, you should just give up IMO

Oh no, wait. Thanks for making me feel even more inadequate, DJP. ;_;

I did have second thoughts about posting that tbh, and I should have listened to them

this is ghastly when you start thinking about various health issues people may have

Yeah, I actually cringed when I read that one.

Googled the buyout. Now I recall that HuffPo == AOL. The most sagging and irrelevant online dinosaur of all.

my gf has a clear plastic umbrella w plastic polka dots that i borrowed once when i couldn't find mine. it was very deep, so when it was open, it was like i was enclosed in a vinyl-smelling, polka-dotted cone of silence. it was somewhat embarrassing.

Everybody should know how to pad their resume by age 30.

16) Stop giving a shit about how ~Womens Magazines~ think you should run your life.

preach it, sister

it was like i was enclosed in a vinyl-smelling, polka-dotted cone of silence
that is what makes these umbrellas so desirable! it's like being inside a transparent mushroom.

8. An email address, a voice mailbox, and a bank account -- all of which nobody has access to but you.

Who, by age 30, has started their own ISP, phone company and bank? Although I guess you can just run a mail server on your computer and do all of your mail from that, but no one aside from a computer person is going to do that.

an email address, voice mailbox, bank account, bomb shelter, supply of food for a year, gun - all of which nobody has access to but you

i think every person should know how to appreciate that peculiar and most pleasant sensation by the age of 30 tbh.

also aimless otm -- lol aol 2012

"help, i'm 29 and don't know how to kiss right!"
http://images.wikia.com/jurassicpark/images/9/9e/Diplodocus1.jpg

many of these are more fun if you think of them as advice to serial killers:

11. A set of screwdrivers, a cordless drill, and a black lace bra.

It's like a mash-up of 'Dressed to Kill' and 'Saw'

32. set a bar stool on fire and act like it wasn't a thing

How to kiss in a way that communicates perfectly what you would and wouldn’t like to happen next

this is some next-level shit where you kiss me like you want to repair the water damage in your living room or maybe play skee ball and then walk around the lake checking out mansions

I'm every woman

5. How to kiss in a way that communicates perfectly what you would and wouldn’t like to happen next.

woah woah hold the phone

what?

11. A set of screwdrivers, a cordless drill, and a black lace bra.

Add a strap on and most eventualities are covered.

a kiss that says 'anal is not gonna happen'

where's God

otm

i used to subscribe to esquire in college. i must've been insecure about my masculinity (i was). it is truly one of the worst magazines.

That's OK, nobody buys it after they are 30.

hahaha

The only "lifestyle" magazine I ever had a subscription to was Men's Fitness, and that was solely for the workouts; once their editorial tone started shifting more towards "and here's how you should LIVE, brah" I canceled it (and then got fat, lol *sob*)

I decided never to buy magazines like that after an incident when I was 17 and a guy in my class had a copy of GQ and was like "Yeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaah this is how to be a man, snoball, betcha don't know anything about that, eh? Eh? Eh? Eh? Eh-eh-eh-eh-eh?!", all the while waving it in my face, and I realised that he was just a colossal twunt and the magazine may have only been partly responsible for that, but responsible enough for me to avoid that kind of thing.

Waving the magazine in my face, I should say.

this is gonna sound obvious but all these kinds of magazines tap into real concerns ppl have about who they are and how to perform gender roles in society. i'm speaking about men's magazines bc that's my personal experience, but i imagine there are similar dynamics at play in women's magazines. rather than try to open up the discourse about what it means to a man in 2012 and some of the many possible/legitimate ways to perform maleness, magazines like esquire tap into this fantasy half-cribbed from 1950s aesthetic-fetishism and half from fratboy prolonged adolescence and then sell them to ppl as the only real standard of maleness. even when the lesson is coming from the right place (cf 'treat women with respect'), it is still backed by this reactionary incoherence ('bc a strong man needs to take care of a weak woman'). i'm not surprised young ppl have latched onto 'this is how to be a man, snoball,' bc that's what is explicitly being sold and there is not enough to counter it. see also: men's movements blah, this man's blog teaches you how to live, grantland (lulz), etc.

I flicked through a copy of "Chap" magazine this lunchtime.

What's that all about, then?

That Esquire list is seriously "Traits 1-49 of people who read Esquire", also WTF at people shouldn't play fantasy sports after 30, I mean maybe "don't talk about your fantasy team like people give a shit" but seriously like 80% of the people I know who are into fantasy are 30+

My 40-something gf susbcribes to Esquire, oddly enough. I read it occasionally. I mostly skip the fashion and 'how to be a man' shit but there's occasionally a good article in it.

Magazines are largely just advertisements, anyway, just less obviously so in the 'content' so I largely ignore any advice or normative stuff as being slightly less than perfectly disinterested.

Here's a solid rebuttal: http://thoughtcatalog.com/2012/30-other-things-every-woman-should-know-by-30/

17. Be careful about confiding personal information. Relationships change.

I learned this in fifth grade! Told close friends that my parents smoke pot (which was a source of stress to me at the time) and they spent the rest of the year making fun of me for it. Kids can be assholes.

finefinemusic, I just sent you a webmail thru ilx. i don't know if you get those...

i like that thought catalog piece!

even tho i don't follow all those things. but at least i don't feel shamed for it by that piece.

18 is great advice on that one

23 is sound advice

;_: I can't read that excellent advice, it's blocked for me

the kiss thing only gets to me because it seems to imply that you shouldn't *have* to use your words, and that verbally expressing your desire (or lack thereof) needn't occur because -- uh, women need to be wily masters of non-verbal communication? by the time they're 30? idk, it just feel like it's the male-active vs female-passive thing again. women as subtle manipulators, men as sexual agents.

― zubaz fupa (elmo argonaut), Friday, April 27, 2012 10:40 AM (2 hours ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

Yeah, I know that's how people were reading it. I think I just read it as being in addition to, not instead of, verbal communication.

Good kissing is definitely an excellent form of communication

gonna try to figure out how to communicate to my wife via kissing that we are almost out of toilet paper

That other list is great.

spesh for dan, will come out unnumbered tho

Always ask for more money at your job, even if you don’t think you deserve it.
Try to be kind to the people who are rude to you. It’s not personal, they’re just having a really bad day/month/life.
Don’t go to doctors that advertise. Ask a friend for a recommendation.
If you are hungover, drink water, eat a banana and try to sleep it off.
If you believe in opportunity, opportunity will present itself.
Sometimes when things are really bad, you just have to go through the motions of your life until they get better.
Surround yourself by only the books, images, music and people that make you happy.
Your ability to speak honestly about your weaknesses, failures and disappointments is your greatest strength.
Nothing is more fulfilling than helping other people.
There really are plenty of fish in the sea.
Wear sunscreen or a hat when you’re in strong sunlight.
You need to take the big risk, even if it scares the living crap out of you.
Sometimes water is thicker than blood.
Shoes that are too tight can be stretched by a shoemaker.
Don’t worry about living a life that looks good on paper.
Go to the gynecologist every year, even if you hate it.
Be careful about confiding personal information. Relationships change.
Go to events and parties and lectures you have no interest in going to.
Ask yourself what you want. Then take the necessary steps to get it.
Don’t stay in a bad relationship because of the anticipated misery of a breakup.
When you have a headache, drink a glass of water before you do anything else. It might just be dehydration.
Anyone worth having sex with should think that you’re gorgeous the way you are.
When people are speaking gibberish English with a bunch of unrelated words strung together they’re usually talking about a band.
Just because you’re in love doesn’t mean you’re with the right person.
You can have a fulfilling life without ever having kids.
Do what comes naturally to you, it’s what you’ll have the most success at.
Be thankful that things you wished for didn’t come true. Know that this will happen again.
Let yourself be happy when you’re happy.
Force yourself to overcome your fears.
Remember that no one else has it figured out either.

When people are speaking gibberish English with a bunch of unrelated words strung together they’re usually talking about a band.

lol ILM lurker

I hate all of these lists but I also hate being told what to do esp when I am already doing it and AM NOT LOOKING FOR LIFE ADVICE. So even though that list is fine, I hate it.

How does your garden grow? ;)

haha the funny thing is that i'm not looking for advice either - i just like seeing that other people aren't thinking/doing totally inane things with their lives all the time. and inane things some of the time. i just like to relate or at least feel connected to other people, even strangers on the internet (obv!), like this is how the world goes round, garden grows, etc.

garden's flourishing, thank u

lol b_g I have a kitten umbrella too! Very similar to that one. My MIL gave it to me and it folds up nice and small.

dumbest 30 things ever

I hate all of these lists but I also hate being told what to do esp when I am already doing it and AM NOT LOOKING FOR LIFE ADVICE. So even though that list is fine, I hate it.

I feel the same way. I don't know if it's just an adolescent bristling at anyone telling me what I should be doing, but it sets my teeth on edge.

The heart wants what the heart wants. You should know that you're 30

Got it Mordy will email back on Monday :)

tbf, "dude with a boner can't think straight" is borderline some 1950-shit

yeah, no kidding, I can't think straight even when I am NOT tumescent

Your ability to speak honestly about your weaknesses, failures and disappointments is your greatest strength.

I'm really good at this but I don't know that I would consider it a strength, necessarily...?

more like whininess amirite

crippling depression a beautiful strength

Let yourself be happy when you’re happy.

OK THIS is advice I should have heeded years ago.

I have none of these (I'm guessing an Ikea computer chair and a crappy MFI desk with ill-fitting drawers don't count for my not-handed-down furniture) and have learnt none of these but the biggest gift of my 30s is the growing realisation that I don't actually care about most of them

My Nan (RIP) gave me an umbrella with big-eyed kittens on for my 30th birthday; I thought she had just forgotten that I was not 6 any more, but this thread makes it a v. appropriate gift I guess

Worry about letting things you want to do slide without DOING THEM, you will regret it I say!!! DOnt think "I can do that later/when I have more money/when I have time". Carpe the damn diem.

I think I spent my late teens / early 20s not doing creative things because I was waiting for someone to tell me that my creative stuff was good enough to be worth taking to the ~next level~ of actually working on and showing to people, except I never showed anybody it, so how was anyone ever going to, etc etc

(and right now I am not visiting places I'd like to see because I have no money and it's hard to book time off but mainly because I'm not good at the planning related to travelling, should work on that too I guess)

31. Math is hard, let's go shopping

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If you believe in opportunity, opportunity will present itself.

BALLS.

if you believe in pixies

and ~magic~

if you believe in unicorns, unicorns will present themselves

if you believe in BALLS

*believes furiously*

9. A résumé grocery groin that is not even the slightest bit padded.

*sound of no hands clapping*

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