VegemiteGrrl's Home for the Absent-Minded

Welcome to Vegemite Grrl's Home for the Absent-Minded, where you can tell tales of putting milk in the pantry/driving to the store and then forgetting what you went there to buy/looking for your glasses for 20 minutes before you realize you're wearing them/etcetera without fear of reprisals*.
*Polite and or incredulous laughing and headshaking are par for the course and to be expected.

I hope I'm not the only one who fills this full of tales. Oh I have so many. Here's today's:

I have a cool hoonjadoonja that I plug my iphone/ipod into so that it will play through the car stereo. It's awesome.
...Except for when I put my phone/pod in my pocket without unplugging it and go to get out of the car. That's when I feel a sharp tug and a) my phone flies out of my pocket onto the ground still plugged in, or b) the rest of the device that plugs into the console rips out and I notice a cord coming out of my pocket and go "OHH RIGHT".

Hangs head.

Welcome, one and all.

Recently my wife emailed me at work a digital photo of our utility drawer. Where I had replaced the scissors I had used to cut open a cheese package. And where I also placed the cheese.

<3 welcome. You are among friend/s, Dan.

Today I let a no knead bread rise for 10 hours too long, then when I dumped it out on the workspace to salvage, discovered I had used twice as much water as called for. The white, pasty, wet gloop spilled all over everything.

Goes to supermarket to get one specific item I'm out of (toilet paper, margarine, water, coffee, stuff you need every day), returns with a car filled with everything on the shopping list, except that one thing I needed. But I did cross it off the list in the store. Why do I even make lists?

oh god I do that so much

hi

Today I was in the kitchen holding the baby and trying to rinse a dish. Next thing I know I am in the bedroom and could hear water running because for some weird reason I forgot to turn of the kitchen faucet.

I shall try to spare this thread my continuing adventures in never being able to remember if I locked the front door, but I'm sure I'll have many other things to bring here :(

yesterday I forgot to check there was nothing sitting on top of the fishtank (which is too close to the wall to look behind and too heavy and full of fish to move) before opening it, and had to sheepishly ask if the birthday card I rescued just in time was the only thing that had been there, or if I had lost anything useful

Goes to supermarket to get one specific item I'm out of (toilet paper, margarine, water, coffee, stuff you need every day), returns with a car filled with everything on the shopping list, except that one thing I needed. But I did cross it off the list in the store. Why do I even make lists?

i do this all the time but last week outdid myself when i left the house to get a couple of essentials and somehow completely forget to go to the shop at all. i think i literally just wandered around for a bit listening to nicki minaj and got distracted by a market with nice food.

This one time after making a cup of tea I put the kettle in the fridge, and had to re-arrange quite a lot of stuff in there to make it fit.

Three times a day I wander around my classroom for four or five minutes trying to locate something I've set down--my clipboard, student work, my coffee, a red pen, etc. Yesterday I left the coffee cup in the supply cupboard. As I look for these things, usually muttering to myself, five students will come up to me in the interim with a question about something; "Hang on," I'll say tersely, as I wave them away before continuing my search.

I once somehow misplaced a pen in my pocket. Yes, in my pocket. I totally couldn't find it, so grabbed another pen and put it in there. Then at the end of the day, I found two pens in my pocket.

I've got one pen in my pocket
And the other one...correction--two pens in my pocket.

This one time after making a cup of tea I put the kettle in the fridge, and had to re-arrange quite a lot of stuff in there to make it fit.

This one made me giggle like mad.

That's like me putting a coffee pod in the machine and hitting "brew" and not realizing I hadn't put a cup under the spout. Did that in full view of my manager once.

I caught myself one morning about to pour milk in the water-tank of the espresso maker. O_o

i love these. esp the cheese one.

Mr Veg has this one particular look he gives me when these things happen. It's like a cross between abject concern for my mental health and sheer unbridled amusement at my ridiculousness.

Had to get up early today for work, closed (usually always open) bedroom door so wife could sleep in. After breakfast, remembered something I had to get from wardrobe, ran full-tilt into bedroom door in the dark, bent glasses/nose/knee. Now knee hurts in the cold, and I have become an old man.

not to mention woke up your wife rather abruptly, I would imagine

oh James owwww

turned out she was awake all along

The best friends an absent-minded person will ever have are habits so deeply rutted, so acidly etched upon the brain cells as to be automatic, and utterly and mechanically reliable. For example, I trained myself never to close a car door unless the keys to the car are enclosed in my fist. I verify this over and over, habitually. Even when I am not the driver.

i can't even count the amount of times that i've frantically scrambled around the house searching for my keys before realizing they're in my back pocket

Yep aims I do that too, I developed a "look back at the seat I just got up from" habit when exiting trains/cafe seats/etc to ensure i dont leave behind bags or umbrellas. I put my keys in a spot, same spot, no matter what when I come home.

That would be a better approach than my current 'keep everything in your pockets at all times, thus carrying 2kg of crap on your hips at all times' method

haha omg, im a fucking space cadet: after riding to work one day i took the subway home carrying my bicycle helmet, walked in the door and saw the empty spot on the wall where my bike usually goes and shouted "holy shit! where's my bike??". I set up for a performance that i completely forgot i was performing in. and i have (more than once) walked about 5 blocks from the house before i realized i was supposed to be checking the mail. fucking hippie parents man. they ruined me.

dude...I so feel you on this.

I carpool with Mr Veg & usually have the car, but every now and then he'll drop me at work and take the car. Inevitably on those days I will grab my keys at lunchtime, walk all the way out to the parking lot where I usually park my car and then go 'where the fuck is my ca----oh wait I don't have the car today'.

My housemate forgot to go to one of his best mate's wedding. I think thats pretty stellar.

I lose stuff all the time - when it comes around the time for hat and scarf, I will always go through 1-2 of both before they settle in 'on the inventory' and I know to check for them on getting up from wherever I've been. And then when it is no longer time for hat and scarf, there's a few weeks of occasional panic that I've left them somewhere, fading into more existential dread that I've left something somewhere, but what?

my worst, most horrifying absent-minded moment was when I was immigrating to the States. I took a flight that had 24 hour layover in Japan, so that necessitated going through customs etc. So as I'm preparing to re-embark on my journey after the layover, I've gone through the security check where they've x-rayed my carry on luggage etc etc and I'm now standing in line at customs, holding my passport and boarding pass waiting to get my passport stamped.

As I'm standing in line I see a Japanese airport guard walking along the length of the room, holding up a black satchel. He's not saying anything, just displaying it, walking back and forth along the lenght of the room. He walks by again and this time I notice the bag and think, huh that's a similar bag to mine. I look down, and realize that I AM NOT WEARING MY CARRYON BAG IE BLACK SATCHEL HOLY FUCK THAT'S MINE and I bolt after the guard to meekly reclaim my important possessions. ie wallet money, phone, everything I own.

I still get a wave of nausea thinking about that.

Needless to say I'm ridiculously ocd about my belongings when I travel now

ACE thread

on sunday I spent fully 15 minutes looking for the keys that were in my back pocket

oh and the thing where I'll be looking for 'er indoors in a shopping centre/street and repeatedly not see her standing right in front of me (this happens weekly)

your bag story is terrifying btw, the worst possible thing to lose at the worst possible time

oh and yesterday I put a bottle of olive oil in a calico bag and realised 10 minutes later that I hadn't put the lid back on

i don't know why but my most advanced displays of absent-mindedness involved bathtubs. I once switched on the tap to start myself a bath. While waiting for the tub to fill up I started doing other things and then decided I needed to do my grocery shopping. which took me about a half hour. I came back to a well-flooded apartment and some very angry neighbors. Another time, same thing, tub filling up and I start watching a movie. After a while I realised that the sound of water flowing that I was hearing did not come from the movie but from my bathroom where luckily the tub had only just a bit overflowed. And for some absent-mindedness that did not involve tubs, there's the day I went outside my flat to throw away the garbage. The door to my flat shut behind me. I then noticed I didn't have my keys. So I start knocking on the door hoping my flatmate hears me. Then after 10mns I remember that he's not home. So I go knock at our neighbor's place to see if I can hang out with him until my flatmate returns. Neighbor wasn't there so I spent 1 hour waiting outside my apartment only to see my flatmate return and open the door without a key. That's when I remembered that unless you used your key, the door isn't locked.

oh god your airport story VG

once when i was coming back from atlanta, i went through customs as normal, including taking my laptop out of my hand luggage for the scanner as is standard. got out the other end, got my stuff together, took the little train thing from customs to the terminals, settled down in the lounge and decided i had time to go on the internet and OMG WHERE IS LAPTOP. i'd just walked off from customs without it!!!! luckily i had enough time to take the train back, endure the mocking laughter of the officials as i reclaimed it etc.

yesterday i popped out to the shops, halfway down road realised i'd forgotten my wallet, duh. nothing new here. got home, decided to change my coat as well cuz it wasn't as cold as i thought it would be, left house again, got to the shop and realised i had STILL FORGOTTEN MY WALLET. goddddddddddd

the whereabouts of my keys are also a permanent mystery to me - even though i actually HAVE a designated place i always put the fucking things all the time in order to prevent scenarios like, eg, having to cancel social engagements because i can't find my keys anywhere (this happens on a regular basis).

My daughter, who's now 22, still remembers the trauma of us heading out to something important when she was about 7 and we were seriously delayed by my inability to locate my keys.

To this day, whenever I'm looking for something, she suggests 'the vegetable rack'

oh man just remembered one from when i was a kid (around 8-9). I had football practice with my brother. once it was over, i walk back to school talking with a friend (that's a 15minute walk). when i arrive at school you're supposed to register upon arrival so i give me and my brother's name. the guy looks at me strangely and i don't understand why. then he asks me where my brother, whom i'm registering, is. he was by the football field patiently waiting for me to take him to school.

I left my passport by the sink in the airport toilets once. Got back to the gate where the plane was about to leave and realised and ran back to the toilets in a panic not even knowing if I'd had it when I went there. Luckily it was still there and the plane hadn't gone yet. If someone had nicked it, or even helpfully handed it in at some kind of central desk far away from my gate...

(I have hated airports since the time I missed my plane because the queue for the security scan was going really slowly, and there are no clocks or flight announcements in the security area so I didn't know my flight was being called, and anyway there were no staff around to ask to be let through faster. You don't get a refund for that, the staff just look at you like you're a moron and then you have to go and pay for a new flight. I still feel it was not quite my fault, but uh, I could have been checking the time more instead of just standing where I was told and assuming that since I hadn't heard my name on the completely silent tannoy it was all fine)

xps I can't have a leather wallet like a grownup, I need one of those canvas skater type ones cos leather wallets don't have anything to attach one's keys onto and whenever they get seperated I lock myself out of places at basically the first opportunity

I have actually done the thing that you're really not supposed to be able to do any more - due to poor ticket checking on the part of the steward, got on the wrong plane and only realised when there was fortunately someone already in 'my' seat.

I've just this evening missed a flight to my parents place because I completely blanked on the concept that I was travelling to the airport in peak hour traffic, and didnt factor that in to my timing :( Fuckin.

I feel like a complete dickhead. Luckily they allowed me to move to the first thing tomorrow morming flight for only a small extra fee.

Ive never missed a plane in my life, I'm always meticilously early to airports, so I am really mad at myself.

far out :(

Put an electric kettle on the hob over christmas. Haven't had a hob kettle for about 5 years.

has anyone else ever...forgotten to put their shoes on when leaving the house?

couple of years ago i was actually on the tube, one stop away from my house, when i realised i was still wearing my slippers. never felt so self-conscious as when i had to go back and shuffle home to put my shoes on :(

H A P P Y   B I R T H D A Y

you rule, despite certain lacunae that i shall not mention

Yes, happy birthday S. You are sunshine. Hope you have a wonderful day.

(the lacunae involve her failure to appreciate billy squier, just in case anyone took that seriously)

(i mean she *should* appreciate billy squier, but is kickass nevertheless)

thank you guys!

my lack of appreciation for billy squier is a feature, not a bug fyi imo iirc

hb to you vg!

Happy birthday and thank you for the painful joy that is this thread!

Happy birthday love!!

Mookie how do you feel about broccoli because she and I have faced off on this in the past

HB, vg. Whenever i see a show rec from you i take notice on account of the fact that . .. you're always right? Hope your day is lovely!

bewdy m8

There was a time before VG on ilx but I hope there will never be a time after.

you guyyyyyys <3

Remembering to wash your face: ⭐⭐
Remembering to take your glasses off first: ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

Today was a ⭐⭐ day.

Outstanding! x

lol amazing

I've been reading a lot of articles about ultra-processed foods lately, so I've started checking the ingredients on food packaging more often.

This morning I noticed a strange ingredient in my organic muesli, "FLAKED AI MONDS", and for a few seconds I started thinking "AI monds? AI MONDS??? Has AI reached my breakfast serial too??? Is nothing sacred, Silicon Valley??????"

And then two seconds later I was like "Oh right, almonds."

(Not quite on topic but)

We're travelling at the moment, checked in to a hotel yesterday, then this morning showered there for the first time - the showers had the things you see in the showers in hotels, three near identical squirty bottles. After we'd both showered, we talked about how it was weird that the bottles were "Conditioner", "Hand and Body Wash", and "Bath and Shower Gel" - what's the difference between the last two? And then we both went quiet and looked over at the sink, and it turns out that we've between us probably half a dozen times washed our hands and not noticed we were using the bottle marked Shampoo.

(I'm sure they're mostly the same thing, it's just that we didn't notice)

Don't leave a spray-bottle of Clorox disinfectant on your washing machine. You may absent-mindedly think it's Spray 'n Wash and grab it to remove a tiny coffee stain from your Jefferson Airplane T-shirt, thus transforming one prominent section of said shirt from green to yellow.

ohhh no

Thank you for reminding me to check on my laundry that’s been in the dryer for an hour?

I should have taken a picture of the shirt before throwing it away...Tie-dye, sort of, but egregiously wrong.

yeah was gonna say, maybe it's more psychedelic now

i once worked in a restaurant kitchen with a dude who checked whether a spray bottle was bleach sanitizer or water by spraying it in his mouth. he was otherwise a very normal seeming dude.

xps

That is beyond bananas

Went on to become two-time president of the United States...except for the normal part.

Hey, is this bleach, hand sanitiser or water, could you check for me? thanks Obama!

that is crazy
i hope he was not called upon to taste food for the restaurant ever bc i would wager that is a v compromised palate lmao

He coulda just sprayed it in his eyes, duh

ran out of milk yesterday so i must remember to get some this morning. but my daily walk takes me right by a supermarket so that's no trouble.

walk, supermarket, get home, go to put the bread in the fridge and there's already half a loaf in there. i am confused...

I think my all time best is still the time I lovingly sliced a bunch of mushrooms for dinner and then threw them in the bin.

I did an old classic yesterday, getting very annoyed with myself for losing my backpack before I left the house, huffing and puffing confusedly around the house for several minutes, then (of course) remembering I was wearing it all the time.

Also, there are certain objects I keep losing - I should make it easier on myself and just throw sunglasses and iPad pencils directly into the garbage after buying them.

Xp yeah Jen stopped me from 'helping her' by grating a carrot into the food bin last week - stopped before I did it, to be clear, a horrifying act of thoughtcrime that discounts the chance that I would have noticed myself before I did it (I: would not have)

I think my all time best is still the time I lovingly sliced a bunch of mushrooms for dinner and then threw them in the bin.

oh god i laughed hard at this

Once at work I was walking to drop off some mail in the outbox. I got distracted and accidentally tossed it into the shred bin.

Made a large latte this a.m. and poured it in a thermos to keep it warm. Got a phone notification that a Music League round was starting, came upstairs to log in on the desktop. Three hours later, remembered that the thermos is still downstairs.

I forgot to add one from some time ago. Prob more due to "lol drunk" than a brainfart but still...

- walked home from pub late on my own, left B there talking to some guy
- got home, unlocked door, came in and sat down.
- immediate panic because I cant find my phone anywhere
- assuming I'd left it at the pub I proceed to panic-flood B with emails and messages using my laptop in case he got up and left and didnt see my phone.
- I realise a few (too many) minutes later that, when I'd let myself in not five minutes earlier, I had lit up the lock on the front door with my fckin phone's torch.
I'd put the phone down on the table just inside the doorway which I never ever do usually, and my brain just Severance'd on me.

I need to be watched by an armed guard every time I make soup, or I will forget to take the bayleaf out and puree it with everything else into the soup.

I did that yesterday and spent ten minutes delicately sieving the soup to remove crushed bay leaf bits. And after ten minutes, at the bottom of the soup I found… a completely intact bayleaf.

I an odd-day yesterday where everything seemed to work - like a reverse-Red Wedding of absentmindedness. First I found my lost glasses (in the cafe where I thought I'd left them) then later, without even trying, I found my long-lost iPad pencil. It was in my box of pencils, which should perhaps have been an obvious place to look. But never mind.

The worst is when I convince myself that the thing I have lost is not in its usual place and I tear the house apart and hours later see that, no, my wallet is indeed in the fucking bowl by the door where it is supposed to be.

The kids, who both lose things constantly, will come to me wailing that they have lost their whatever. I know that I can probably walk into their room and find it within a minute.

Instead, I make them clean their room.

I took my son on a 4 hour round journey, involving some long waits in grim bus stations with unreliable bus services to a hospital appointment. Upon arrival was told I had turned up a week early according to their system. I was like wtf, look at the appointment letter here, it says 20th February. The receptionist unfolded my appointment and showed me the bit below that said the appointment from the 20th had been bumped forwards a week.

* unfolded my appointment letter*

obviously I had just looked at the top of the letter and not even unfolded it. More like slipshod stupidity rather than absent mindedness.

Ack I’ve done stuff like that it’s so infuriating.

I did once get a warning letter from the NHS about an appointment I’d missed, a on day that was still two weeks in the future. It almost feels like it doesn’t matter whether you read NHS letters properly or not – whatever happens is going to happen.

The room tidying track is amazing, thanks Cow

It does sometimes feel like objects become sentient and place themselves in a pocket dimension for a short while, just so they can show you who’s boss

having factored in the geospatial zones and continental drifts and warping of timespace, i now wish VegemiteGrrl a happy birthday

you are wonderful

:D

thanks mookie!!

have a great day VG!

I was dreaming of Jenny Powell the other night, the television presenter, and in the dream I also started to recall a girl from school who looked like her. When I awoke I spent most of the morning trying to remember this girls name. As the day went on the memory of this girl started to fade. I hit a point where I thought, oh man this girl didn't exist at all and I'm crazy!

Until late in the evening in the pub I interrupted my friend in mid conversation to exclaim "Sarah Salisbury!", because she did exist after all.

I also had a dream about Jenny Powell recently. Something in the air. I don’t know your friend though!

whoa really?

I took my ear pods out of their case and back into my pocket