VegemiteGrrl's Home for the Absent-Minded

Welcome to Vegemite Grrl's Home for the Absent-Minded, where you can tell tales of putting milk in the pantry/driving to the store and then forgetting what you went there to buy/looking for your glasses for 20 minutes before you realize you're wearing them/etcetera without fear of reprisals*.
*Polite and or incredulous laughing and headshaking are par for the course and to be expected.

I hope I'm not the only one who fills this full of tales. Oh I have so many. Here's today's:

I have a cool hoonjadoonja that I plug my iphone/ipod into so that it will play through the car stereo. It's awesome.
...Except for when I put my phone/pod in my pocket without unplugging it and go to get out of the car. That's when I feel a sharp tug and a) my phone flies out of my pocket onto the ground still plugged in, or b) the rest of the device that plugs into the console rips out and I notice a cord coming out of my pocket and go "OHH RIGHT".

Hangs head.

Welcome, one and all.

Recently my wife emailed me at work a digital photo of our utility drawer. Where I had replaced the scissors I had used to cut open a cheese package. And where I also placed the cheese.

<3 welcome. You are among friend/s, Dan.

Today I let a no knead bread rise for 10 hours too long, then when I dumped it out on the workspace to salvage, discovered I had used twice as much water as called for. The white, pasty, wet gloop spilled all over everything.

Goes to supermarket to get one specific item I'm out of (toilet paper, margarine, water, coffee, stuff you need every day), returns with a car filled with everything on the shopping list, except that one thing I needed. But I did cross it off the list in the store. Why do I even make lists?

oh god I do that so much

hi

Today I was in the kitchen holding the baby and trying to rinse a dish. Next thing I know I am in the bedroom and could hear water running because for some weird reason I forgot to turn of the kitchen faucet.

I shall try to spare this thread my continuing adventures in never being able to remember if I locked the front door, but I'm sure I'll have many other things to bring here :(

yesterday I forgot to check there was nothing sitting on top of the fishtank (which is too close to the wall to look behind and too heavy and full of fish to move) before opening it, and had to sheepishly ask if the birthday card I rescued just in time was the only thing that had been there, or if I had lost anything useful

Goes to supermarket to get one specific item I'm out of (toilet paper, margarine, water, coffee, stuff you need every day), returns with a car filled with everything on the shopping list, except that one thing I needed. But I did cross it off the list in the store. Why do I even make lists?

i do this all the time but last week outdid myself when i left the house to get a couple of essentials and somehow completely forget to go to the shop at all. i think i literally just wandered around for a bit listening to nicki minaj and got distracted by a market with nice food.

This one time after making a cup of tea I put the kettle in the fridge, and had to re-arrange quite a lot of stuff in there to make it fit.

Three times a day I wander around my classroom for four or five minutes trying to locate something I've set down--my clipboard, student work, my coffee, a red pen, etc. Yesterday I left the coffee cup in the supply cupboard. As I look for these things, usually muttering to myself, five students will come up to me in the interim with a question about something; "Hang on," I'll say tersely, as I wave them away before continuing my search.

I once somehow misplaced a pen in my pocket. Yes, in my pocket. I totally couldn't find it, so grabbed another pen and put it in there. Then at the end of the day, I found two pens in my pocket.

I've got one pen in my pocket
And the other one...correction--two pens in my pocket.

This one time after making a cup of tea I put the kettle in the fridge, and had to re-arrange quite a lot of stuff in there to make it fit.

This one made me giggle like mad.

That's like me putting a coffee pod in the machine and hitting "brew" and not realizing I hadn't put a cup under the spout. Did that in full view of my manager once.

I caught myself one morning about to pour milk in the water-tank of the espresso maker. O_o

i love these. esp the cheese one.

Mr Veg has this one particular look he gives me when these things happen. It's like a cross between abject concern for my mental health and sheer unbridled amusement at my ridiculousness.

Had to get up early today for work, closed (usually always open) bedroom door so wife could sleep in. After breakfast, remembered something I had to get from wardrobe, ran full-tilt into bedroom door in the dark, bent glasses/nose/knee. Now knee hurts in the cold, and I have become an old man.

not to mention woke up your wife rather abruptly, I would imagine

oh James owwww

turned out she was awake all along

The best friends an absent-minded person will ever have are habits so deeply rutted, so acidly etched upon the brain cells as to be automatic, and utterly and mechanically reliable. For example, I trained myself never to close a car door unless the keys to the car are enclosed in my fist. I verify this over and over, habitually. Even when I am not the driver.

i can't even count the amount of times that i've frantically scrambled around the house searching for my keys before realizing they're in my back pocket

Yep aims I do that too, I developed a "look back at the seat I just got up from" habit when exiting trains/cafe seats/etc to ensure i dont leave behind bags or umbrellas. I put my keys in a spot, same spot, no matter what when I come home.

That would be a better approach than my current 'keep everything in your pockets at all times, thus carrying 2kg of crap on your hips at all times' method

haha omg, im a fucking space cadet: after riding to work one day i took the subway home carrying my bicycle helmet, walked in the door and saw the empty spot on the wall where my bike usually goes and shouted "holy shit! where's my bike??". I set up for a performance that i completely forgot i was performing in. and i have (more than once) walked about 5 blocks from the house before i realized i was supposed to be checking the mail. fucking hippie parents man. they ruined me.

dude...I so feel you on this.

I carpool with Mr Veg & usually have the car, but every now and then he'll drop me at work and take the car. Inevitably on those days I will grab my keys at lunchtime, walk all the way out to the parking lot where I usually park my car and then go 'where the fuck is my ca----oh wait I don't have the car today'.

My housemate forgot to go to one of his best mate's wedding. I think thats pretty stellar.

I lose stuff all the time - when it comes around the time for hat and scarf, I will always go through 1-2 of both before they settle in 'on the inventory' and I know to check for them on getting up from wherever I've been. And then when it is no longer time for hat and scarf, there's a few weeks of occasional panic that I've left them somewhere, fading into more existential dread that I've left something somewhere, but what?

my worst, most horrifying absent-minded moment was when I was immigrating to the States. I took a flight that had 24 hour layover in Japan, so that necessitated going through customs etc. So as I'm preparing to re-embark on my journey after the layover, I've gone through the security check where they've x-rayed my carry on luggage etc etc and I'm now standing in line at customs, holding my passport and boarding pass waiting to get my passport stamped.

As I'm standing in line I see a Japanese airport guard walking along the length of the room, holding up a black satchel. He's not saying anything, just displaying it, walking back and forth along the lenght of the room. He walks by again and this time I notice the bag and think, huh that's a similar bag to mine. I look down, and realize that I AM NOT WEARING MY CARRYON BAG IE BLACK SATCHEL HOLY FUCK THAT'S MINE and I bolt after the guard to meekly reclaim my important possessions. ie wallet money, phone, everything I own.

I still get a wave of nausea thinking about that.

Needless to say I'm ridiculously ocd about my belongings when I travel now

ACE thread

on sunday I spent fully 15 minutes looking for the keys that were in my back pocket

oh and the thing where I'll be looking for 'er indoors in a shopping centre/street and repeatedly not see her standing right in front of me (this happens weekly)

your bag story is terrifying btw, the worst possible thing to lose at the worst possible time

oh and yesterday I put a bottle of olive oil in a calico bag and realised 10 minutes later that I hadn't put the lid back on

i don't know why but my most advanced displays of absent-mindedness involved bathtubs. I once switched on the tap to start myself a bath. While waiting for the tub to fill up I started doing other things and then decided I needed to do my grocery shopping. which took me about a half hour. I came back to a well-flooded apartment and some very angry neighbors. Another time, same thing, tub filling up and I start watching a movie. After a while I realised that the sound of water flowing that I was hearing did not come from the movie but from my bathroom where luckily the tub had only just a bit overflowed. And for some absent-mindedness that did not involve tubs, there's the day I went outside my flat to throw away the garbage. The door to my flat shut behind me. I then noticed I didn't have my keys. So I start knocking on the door hoping my flatmate hears me. Then after 10mns I remember that he's not home. So I go knock at our neighbor's place to see if I can hang out with him until my flatmate returns. Neighbor wasn't there so I spent 1 hour waiting outside my apartment only to see my flatmate return and open the door without a key. That's when I remembered that unless you used your key, the door isn't locked.

oh god your airport story VG

once when i was coming back from atlanta, i went through customs as normal, including taking my laptop out of my hand luggage for the scanner as is standard. got out the other end, got my stuff together, took the little train thing from customs to the terminals, settled down in the lounge and decided i had time to go on the internet and OMG WHERE IS LAPTOP. i'd just walked off from customs without it!!!! luckily i had enough time to take the train back, endure the mocking laughter of the officials as i reclaimed it etc.

yesterday i popped out to the shops, halfway down road realised i'd forgotten my wallet, duh. nothing new here. got home, decided to change my coat as well cuz it wasn't as cold as i thought it would be, left house again, got to the shop and realised i had STILL FORGOTTEN MY WALLET. goddddddddddd

the whereabouts of my keys are also a permanent mystery to me - even though i actually HAVE a designated place i always put the fucking things all the time in order to prevent scenarios like, eg, having to cancel social engagements because i can't find my keys anywhere (this happens on a regular basis).

My daughter, who's now 22, still remembers the trauma of us heading out to something important when she was about 7 and we were seriously delayed by my inability to locate my keys.

To this day, whenever I'm looking for something, she suggests 'the vegetable rack'

oh man just remembered one from when i was a kid (around 8-9). I had football practice with my brother. once it was over, i walk back to school talking with a friend (that's a 15minute walk). when i arrive at school you're supposed to register upon arrival so i give me and my brother's name. the guy looks at me strangely and i don't understand why. then he asks me where my brother, whom i'm registering, is. he was by the football field patiently waiting for me to take him to school.

I left my passport by the sink in the airport toilets once. Got back to the gate where the plane was about to leave and realised and ran back to the toilets in a panic not even knowing if I'd had it when I went there. Luckily it was still there and the plane hadn't gone yet. If someone had nicked it, or even helpfully handed it in at some kind of central desk far away from my gate...

(I have hated airports since the time I missed my plane because the queue for the security scan was going really slowly, and there are no clocks or flight announcements in the security area so I didn't know my flight was being called, and anyway there were no staff around to ask to be let through faster. You don't get a refund for that, the staff just look at you like you're a moron and then you have to go and pay for a new flight. I still feel it was not quite my fault, but uh, I could have been checking the time more instead of just standing where I was told and assuming that since I hadn't heard my name on the completely silent tannoy it was all fine)

xps I can't have a leather wallet like a grownup, I need one of those canvas skater type ones cos leather wallets don't have anything to attach one's keys onto and whenever they get seperated I lock myself out of places at basically the first opportunity

I have actually done the thing that you're really not supposed to be able to do any more - due to poor ticket checking on the part of the steward, got on the wrong plane and only realised when there was fortunately someone already in 'my' seat.

I've just this evening missed a flight to my parents place because I completely blanked on the concept that I was travelling to the airport in peak hour traffic, and didnt factor that in to my timing :( Fuckin.

I feel like a complete dickhead. Luckily they allowed me to move to the first thing tomorrow morming flight for only a small extra fee.

Ive never missed a plane in my life, I'm always meticilously early to airports, so I am really mad at myself.

far out :(

Put an electric kettle on the hob over christmas. Haven't had a hob kettle for about 5 years.

has anyone else ever...forgotten to put their shoes on when leaving the house?

couple of years ago i was actually on the tube, one stop away from my house, when i realised i was still wearing my slippers. never felt so self-conscious as when i had to go back and shuffle home to put my shoes on :(

* unfolded my appointment letter*

obviously I had just looked at the top of the letter and not even unfolded it. More like slipshod stupidity rather than absent mindedness.

Ack I’ve done stuff like that it’s so infuriating.

I did once get a warning letter from the NHS about an appointment I’d missed, a on day that was still two weeks in the future. It almost feels like it doesn’t matter whether you read NHS letters properly or not – whatever happens is going to happen.

The room tidying track is amazing, thanks Cow

It does sometimes feel like objects become sentient and place themselves in a pocket dimension for a short while, just so they can show you who’s boss

having factored in the geospatial zones and continental drifts and warping of timespace, i now wish VegemiteGrrl a happy birthday

you are wonderful

:D

thanks mookie!!

have a great day VG!

I was dreaming of Jenny Powell the other night, the television presenter, and in the dream I also started to recall a girl from school who looked like her. When I awoke I spent most of the morning trying to remember this girls name. As the day went on the memory of this girl started to fade. I hit a point where I thought, oh man this girl didn't exist at all and I'm crazy!

Until late in the evening in the pub I interrupted my friend in mid conversation to exclaim "Sarah Salisbury!", because she did exist after all.

I also had a dream about Jenny Powell recently. Something in the air. I don’t know your friend though!

whoa really?

I took my ear pods out of their case and back into my pocket

I dropped by the community center today to pick up some books and puzzles for our upcoming Friends of the Library book sale. Parked around back, then told Allyson I'd meet her in the front to load the boxes. Jumped in the car...and headed home; halfway, I turned around and went back, laughing the whole way. Wanted to say, "There's a message-board thread where I sometimes post about absent-mindedness, and you just found out why."

(Actually, I was preoccupied with some drama on our town FB group; not sure if being preoccupied with something and absentmindedness go hand-in-hand more often than not.)

https://i.imgur.com/hVEDGIa.png

Allyson standing next to a bunch of boxes, watching your car go past the front window.

lol

this is 100% something i would do

I did ask her if she saw me drive right by--yes, Fargo!

"Clemenza's fleein' the scene! AND HE FORGOT HIS PUZZLES!!"

More like general duh-stupidity than absentmindedness, but: I weigh myself on a digital scale, and for at least a couple of weeks, 10 or so weigh-ins, I was getting exactly the same reading every time, 160.2 lb. The possiblity that something was screwy didn't occur to me, even though the odds of that are probably astronomical. Finally I thought to put one foot on the scale, then step on with the other and re-weigh myself; sure enough, I had gained three or four pounds. The thing that's making me laugh is that this is exactly what happens in The China Syndrome when a stuck gauge nearly causes a meltdown.

Had a job at Hamlet P.S. over in Stratford today. There's also Romeo Public School there, a few streets over, which is on Rebecca St. There's a Romeo St. in Stratford, but no schools on there--Anne Hathaway P.S., on street over, is very close. Shakespeare Public School is in Stratford; over in Shakespeare, about 10 km outside of Stratford (a very small village), there's one elementary school, Sprucedale. As far as I know, no schools named Macbeth or Othello in either Stratford or Shakespeare.

I could put this in the I-Always-Get-Those-Two-Mixed-Up thread, but for me, it belongs here. I have shown up at Sprucedale in Shakespeare when I was supposed to be at Shakespeare in Stratford. (Luckily, different starting times, and I was close enough to make it over in time.) One day, I bet, I'll show up at Hamlet when I'm supposed to be at Romeo, or Romeo when I'm supposed to be at Hamlet. Happily, Falstaff Public School was turned into the Falstaff Family Centre before I ever moved here.

https://www.historicplaces.ca/en/rep-reg/place-lieu.aspx?id=15007

gawd that would do my head in!

I am on the street, yelling to myself that I have a runny nose and forgot to pack any tissues. At the same time I am carrying a two-pack box of giant Kleenex that I bought only two minutes ago.

I feel like maybe Ontario loved doing shit like that Clem- I went to James Robinson PS in Markham (no relation to the following I think just giving you general idea of area) and my classmates lived on a bunch of streets named after Robin Hood for some reason not as obvious as those in a town named “Stratford”

If there were a "What's the Funniest Part of Getting Old?" thread, I'd post there...Whenever I use the stove now and leave to go sit at the computer or something, I've gotten into the habit of whispering "stove on, stove on" till I return, just to make sure I don't burn the house down.

I'm the supermarket i picked up biscuits and put them in the basket. i also remember scanning them. i then went and bought shoes. got home, no biscuits. did i imagine buying the biscuits? did i lose them on the way home somehow? it's a mystery for our age.

And why do my feet feel so doughy?

Feelin ya on the biscuits koogs.

I think my wife might be hiding them

i will spend three next week visualising a packet of gingernuts rolling around the shoe shop floor where i put the grocery bags down whilst trying shoes on. except they'd've been in my over-the-shoulder bag which fastens. maddening.

Completely forgot about my 10 a.m. appt. with the tax guy this morning, the first time in my life I've ever just completely spaced on an appt. like that. They called me at 10:20 and I was practically in tears with apologies. I don't want to get feeble-minded!!!!!

I've gotten into the habit of whispering "stove on, stove on" till I return, just to make sure I don't burn the house down

Sometimes I sing "I am locking the door, I am locking the door" in a really silly voice to myself when I leave the house, to stop myself from coming back five minutes later to double-check that I locked the door. The idea is, I am more likely to remember something embarassing than just locking the door like usual.

I don't know why I do this - I've never ever left the house with the door open!

I do this too, and make a point of trying to open the door before I leave to implant that memory in my mind. Usually I do this only when leaving on a trip, because just before leaving I am in and out, sometimes not even shutting the door so I also remember walking out with the door open.

If I remember something essential under the shower, I then chant it to myself until I get out of there.

I slept very poorly for a couple nights in a row back in January, when it was still really dreary and dark out. I could not for the life of me remember the name of a thing: fire hydrant

I was like, uh, fireplug, the thing the fire department uses by the curb to get the water

Sometimes I think I’m losing my mind because I can’t remember Jason Segel’s name, but that’s probably okay

Actors are a tricky one. I can recall all kinds of movie ephemera, who directed or even who the DP was on some movies, but there are certain actors that I'm seemingly incapable of naming

i called corvids 'covids' the other day

I slept very poorly for a couple nights in a row back in January, when it was still really dreary and dark out. I could not for the life of me remember the name of a thing: fire hydrant

I go through this occasionally. Worried about letting my teammate down on "Password".

got premade chicken salad and some tasty bread, was looking forward to chicken salad sandwich for lunch. only to get home and realize i'd bought chicken PASTA salad, and there was like ... maybe 2 pieces of chicken in there :(

as of two days ago I've forgotten how to fix one of the final permute-edges patterns on my rubik cube. I've done it hundreds of times before but am now just drawing a blank. the odd thing is that i have done it a couple of times without thinking, but when i try and think it's just not there.

X A X
A X B
X B X

this one

M2 U M2 U M' U2 M2 U2 M' U2 apparently

I hate it when brains do that! I have certain strings of numbers completely solidly memorised for good reason (eg PINs and such), and yet on a rare occasion my brain will go HAHAHAHAAAA NOT TODAY SATAN while I'm trying to buy $100 of groceries and completely blanked on the PIN I use all the fucking time.

that pattern, i realised, isn't the one i used to use but it's better so i might start. the two other patterns on the same link i found for permuting the last edges were also better so i might start using those too. requires some learning, and some unlearning, though

This really belongs on a general klutz-related thread, but there isn't one; thought also of the worst-part-of-getting-old thread, but I'll put it here instead.

At a Friends of the Library meeting tonight, I spilled a just-brewed Keurig cup of coffee on my right hand. Much commotion: while others cleaned up my mess, I stood there, as directed, with my hand under very cold running water. That was so uncomfortable, I next knocked the cell phone out of Barb's hand as I shook my own.

One woman had me scared half to death: blistering, excruciating pain tonight, etc. Two hours later, it seems fine--I think I was probably saved by Keurig's inability to brew a truly hot cup of coffee.

Not absent-mindedness, but except for when I'm sleeping*, I am an accident-waiting-to-happen every minute of the day. *(Until the day I fall out of bed in the middle of the night, that is.)

I should have posted here: Clumsiness

work badge on lanyard, i had swung it behind my shoulder while eating, reservoir dogs style. reached down to pick something up off the floor and get hit right in the eye by edge of swinging badge.

I think I may have stumbled onto a whole new ad campaign for Keurig: "Hot enought to drink, safe enough to spill."

One woman had me scared half to death: blistering, excruciating pain tonight, etc.

that's McDonalds lawsuit coffee. normal coffee is not nearly that hot!

That was the difference for sure. Also learned that, if this does happen, you're supposed to run cool/lukewarm water over your hand, not (what I did) ice-cold water...Anyway, hand is 100% intact, functioning, and cosmetically sound today.

I was looking out of the corner of my eye and picked up a soldering iron by the wrong end in middle school, but let go pretty quickly. It must have shocked the nerves enough that it didn't actually hurt for several minutes. I'd also overcompensated and ran to the freezer and was icing my fingers, but stopped after a moment when I realized it didn't hurt.

Thankfully I had all the healing capabilities of a 13 year old and all was fine in a couple days

HAPPY BIRTHDAY M8

:D thx mookie!

heading over to the 50 thread - crested the half century milestone wee ugh

At school dropoff, I took my daughter's bag, with a unicorn raincoat, a bag of rice cakes, and a Hello Kitty water bottle. She took my bag, with my house keys, reading glasses, and a 1980s paperback of Dune.

Quick summary: changed to summer tires on Monday; Tuesday night at the tennis courts, someone noticed my front passenger tire was flat; temporarily pumped it up, drove it over to the mechanic about 5 km away and someone gave me a ride home; checked in the next morning and they fixed it.

Once I got home (another 4-5 km), I took a look back at the car before entering my house. My tennis racket was sitting on the front hood, passenger side. I must have set it down there Tuesday night, and it stayed in place for 10 km of driving to the auto shop and home.

"How slow do you drive?" someone asked me when I related the story. (Also belongs on the "You Know You're Getting Old When..." thread.)