why do i suddenly feel less intelligent since becoming a mother?

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yes its true..........i am the same person, with the same intellect and if anything even more insight into many things than i had pre-parenthood, yet i have this awful sneaking squirmy sense that i am viewed as somewhat less smart now.
pisses me off a lot. is it my own insecurities coming to light? or my own pre-conceived ideas of what mothers are? or am i simply noticing a real difference in the attitude of other people...
in any case, i find myself almost defensive about it all.
what do you feel when you see mothers about with young babies? do you think." oh there goes an educated intelligent insightful etc etc woman?" or do you think " .........."

― donna (donna), Monday, 16 September 2002 05:14 (twenty-three years ago)

the thing is ( yes this is really nagging at me ) i feel kind of lumped into a box labelled ' mother dealing with mum-type stuff do not attempt to involve in conversation that doesnt relate to baby'
aaaaaaaaagggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhh

― donna (donna), Monday, 16 September 2002 05:24 (twenty-three years ago)

I *think* you're one of only two mothers on ILX and there are persistent rumours that the other one is made up i.e. you're likely to be more intelligent than us about a lot of things. My Mum apparently used to complain about this too.

― Tom (Groke), Monday, 16 September 2002 05:44 (twenty-three years ago)

Of course you might be made-up too, who knows!

― Tom (Groke), Monday, 16 September 2002 05:50 (twenty-three years ago)

aha!!!!!! caught out again!!!!!!!!!!!!!! nooooooooooooooooooooooooo

― donna (donna), Monday, 16 September 2002 05:54 (twenty-three years ago)

nah i'm real.....all real and 'mothery' and cranky about it hahahahaha. apart from the actual mother bit, thats cool.

― donna (donna), Monday, 16 September 2002 05:55 (twenty-three years ago)

C-J-the-Unruly is not made up!!

― mark s (mark s), Monday, 16 September 2002 07:37 (twenty-three years ago)

yr thinking of jess!!

― mark s (mark s), Monday, 16 September 2002 07:38 (twenty-three years ago)

Gale?

― Andrew L (Andrew L), Monday, 16 September 2002 09:06 (twenty-three years ago)

I'm not made up. I am real. *pinches self to prove point*

Ouch

― C J (C J), Monday, 16 September 2002 16:26 (twenty-three years ago)

There was some research about this that got into the papers about three years ago.

― N. (nickdastoor), Monday, 16 September 2002 17:16 (twenty-three years ago)

Yes, something about the brain shrinking during pregnancy. I'm not sure this amounted to or was developed into evidence of shrinking intelligence, nor do I recall any evidence that it lasts beyond pregnancy.

I don't think anything about people's intelligence when I see them on the street generally, whether they have kids or not, but I do take your point, in that if we think of images of intellectuals or suggesting high intelligence, and we think of images of motherhood and its associated ideas such as nurturing, it is hard to find an overlap or a connection. This obviously doesn't in any way constitute evidence that mothers are less intelligent, and I don't imagine for a moment that this is the case. Though I guess becoming a mother increases the likelihood of talking baby-talk, which doesn't give the cleverest impression (ditto for fathers, but I'd guess they're less inclined to the goo-goo gee-gee stuff in public than mothers, poss).

You could try wearing a mortarboard, a la the teachers in the Bash Street Kids, whenever you accompany your baby in public. That would work, trust me.

― Martin Skidmore (Martin Skidmore), Monday, 16 September 2002 18:59 (twenty-three years ago)

hahaha yep ok i will start working on it right away. i know it was a strange time during pregnancy, and yes things did sort of become a bit um.....delayed or fuzzy. and i have also heard of so called scientific research done on this but no it doesnt last after the birth really, it seems to be more the expectations of others than anything else ie: people will only speak to you of your baby, or assume you are only interested in that subject.
admittedly they do consume most of your time and thoughts since they are totally dependant BUT that doesnt take away the need for other forms of communication or stimulation. i find i get left out of the loop a fair bit when topics become interesting! as if i have automatically lost the will to stay involved in life-other-than-baby
and that is not the case.

― donna (donna), Monday, 16 September 2002 19:35 (twenty-three years ago)

the rumors of my children are unfounded.

― jess (dubplatestyle), Monday, 16 September 2002 20:04 (twenty-three years ago)

I am sure it is true that people are too inclined to talk only of your baby, Donna - but I have found that many parents themselves seem to lose interest in talking of anything else, and sometimes forget that their child may not be equally fascinating to non-relatives. By the way, the first person who comes to mind when I'm saying that is not a mother but my brother.

― Martin Skidmore (Martin Skidmore), Monday, 16 September 2002 20:13 (twenty-three years ago)

I don't think I'd give a damn about my intelligence if I had a baby. Not for a while, anyway.

― N. (nickdastoor), Tuesday, 17 September 2002 12:05 (twenty-three years ago)

Maybe people think you're less intelligent because you are willingly (presumably) submitting yourself to the joys of pregnancy, childbirth, terrible twos and terrible teens? Oh, and vomit and poo.

― toraneko (toraneko), Tuesday, 17 September 2002 12:14 (twenty-three years ago)

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