rolling new food laboratory inventions for american chain restaurants thread

http://i.imgur.com/7siqm.jpg

http://i.imgur.com/qeSY7.png

http://i.imgur.com/BWQ2l.jpg

http://i.imgur.com/z6zhx.jpg

gonna be an important thread for future historians i feel

feel like you could shop the open end of that p'zolo onto goatse and no one would notice

wow the p'zolo is huge. truly something to behold.

it's kind of maddening. i mean if pizza hut and these other places would just take all the $$ they are presumably putting into r&d or whatever it's called in the fast food/chain restaurant world and instead put it towards quality ingredients with the aim of making simple (if greazy) good ol' fashioned pizza, then their products would be edible, something like they last were decades ago. the drive for novelty has become increasingly silly to the point where, when i opened this thread i momentarily thought these were just some jokey ideas that dayo or another person had photoshopped. the p'zolo things just look nightmarish. are they using half-starved drug-addled homeless ppl for their test-marketing subjects or what?

even mcdonald's has more dignity

A COOL COLLISION OF SALTY SWEAT

just bought a bacon sundae fyi

did it come with a decorative piece of bacon sticking out?

this is obvious but this is a direct correlation to the emphasis on drawing hits on websites instead of reporting news/doing actual journalism - these food products (see also the pizza with hot dogs in the crust) get the restaurants press coverage, draw in consumers who just want to try the products so they can say they tried them - it's all about boosting numbers

edible memes

consume the thing that consumes you

did it come with a decorative piece of bacon sticking out?

they
give you one big slice and then a bunch of bits

wow, that bacon thing is real?!

how times have changed

I could see the bk burger artist asking his manager on how many slices of bacon to put in the sundae

holding out for a vegan version with tofutti or soy delicious and some of those imitation bacon bits

this is obvious but this is a direct correlation to the emphasis on drawing hits on websites instead of reporting news/doing actual journalism - these food products (see also the pizza with hot dogs in the crust) get the restaurants press coverage, draw in consumers who just want to try the products so they can say they tried them - it's all about boosting numbers

yeah i reckon that's so but it still seems absurdly short-sighted. but whatever. capitalism in the nineties. or whatever decade this is

The p'zolo looks, like, alive.

http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3355/4574468954_24ecbdb89b.jpg

cant believe the bacon sundae is real

idk ppl have been putting bacon in desserts for a while now, not that crazy that a big fast food restaurant would jump on that

yeah my best bro's fiancee sprinkles bacon in coffee.

full english breakfast smoothie

Thick, Hardwood

^ porn names

and yeah, BK bacon sundae is not super surprising to me. makes sense: further mainstreaming of "yum bacon" meme, sweet + salty has been a food trend for a while. not a bad idea, though i don't trust burger king to do right by it.

http://i.imgur.com/dcnTf.jpg

I've had bacon + ice cream or bacon + chocolate on a few occasions and it's never really been a very successful combination. It's basically just a sweet thing with a few chewy out-of-place bits of bacon floating around.

I saw the P'zolo commercial on TV last night and startled my wife by yelling "WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT BULLSHIT" at the television

What in the fuck is the purpose of the apostrophe in the P'zone/P'zolo, other than to irritate me? Is there something wrong with "Pizzolo" (the word)? It's not like they're saving any syllables, really,

A made up word can be trademarked.

p'zolo live once thats the motto ni**a zolo

is "pizzone" a word?

http://www.sogoodblog.com/2012/06/08/review-pizza-hut-pzolos/

http://www.sogoodblog.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/06/pzolo2.jpg

hahaha "The P'Zolo: Better than a Hot Pocket!"

poo zoos only live once

I have never heard of a poo zoo coming back from the dead so there is that

poo zoo was the first p z combo I thought of, I should've went with the second: pussy zipper

"coprophiliac zoophile" - two words you never want to see together.

pinata zoroaster

Pazuzuzolo

I guess the name was chosen because "p'zolo!" is the sound someone makes when they bite into one and spit it out because it's too hot.

If there was a Klingon Pizza Hut, what would they call these?

pizza vuvuzelas think abt it

so who is gonna be the first one of us to actually eat a p'zolo?

i mean we all know it's gonna be me but i just figured i'd give someone else the opportunity to step up to the plate this time

https://i.postimg.cc/jSq8XTDF/Screenshot-2024-07-09-at-12-23-32-PM.png

SubKrunch

Subway's new SubKrunch is made of seasoned, crispy corn bits

they looks like the busted Fritos at the bottom of the bag

https://people.com/thmb/G5NBNcJF46q-bSSkY9OSvIb-kh8=/750x0/filters:no_upscale():max_bytes(150000):strip_icc():focal(761x218:763x220):format(webp)/Subway-SubKrunch-070924-tout-c1a7a821d56e427ba38dc5a23d895dad.jpg

Subway “innovations” are always so sad, like the box car Homer made for Bart

Who will try, document, and report back?

Says someone who went to a Guy Fieri restaurant and ilx live-blogged about it

everyone's trying the crispy bits on a sandwich thing now

Jimmy John's just introduced a Firecracker potato chip and has a sub/wrap that includes them

I'm willing to check out Subway's SubKrunch, it's just that every other sandwich shop is preferable so I haven't been there in years

https://cdn.smoothieking.com/images/site/simply-ketchup-hero-desktop.jpg

assumed that was fake, looked it up, am reeling

barf

gross

Like a bloody mary, but smoothied?

Heinz must be desperate to find ways to shore up the slow erosion of their brand. I wonder what they're paying Smoothie King for this promotion.

might be good with vodka & worcestershire

Does it have beef tallow and bonded oils? If so, it’ll do fine.

No seed oils

aren't nightshades frowned upon by these weirdos?

Nothing is more American than ketchup!

well neither is Red #5 but these freaks now think it's a no-no

RFK would rather eat a dead possum than ketchup smoothie

might be good with vodka & worcestershire

i think in order to make a slushie loads of sugar is required. sounds godawful for the only fairly proposed purpose IMHO
xpost

heinz baked bean smoothie is next

xpost if you think heinz ketchup is not loaded w sugar boy do i have news for you

good thing i'm opting for the "less sugar" primal kitchen ketchup smoothie at protein factory after my cardio pump class

anything that helps get more ketchup into the American diet is a good thing

Heinz gets a little too po-lit-ICK-al for my tastes, so I'm sticking with my tried-and-true Hunt's Master Shake from SONIC.

what’s the problem here, tomato is a fruit

yr mom is a fruit

in addition to being totally disgusting, there’s just something diabolical and cursed about a smoothie being thicker than the thing it gets its primary flavor from :(

I had to look up the review of the Heinz Ketchup Smoothie. It's only got a little ketchup and is mostly berries. I could see it working, just a little ketchup umami tanginess in there

That color in the stock photo image is very misleading

It's only got a little ketchup

You're talking about a smoothie though...

I mean, I have to fan myself when a fellow diner puts ketchup on their eggs, so putting it into a smoothie is a no-can-do for me.

Speaking of chains: https://slate.com/business/2025/08/chilis-menu-restaurants-food-tiktok-red-hot-mozz.html

Speaking of chains: https://slate.com/business/2025/08/chilis-menu-restaurants-food-tiktok-red-hot-mozz.html🕸

I made it halfway through that article before realizing I'd gone out to the shed and was about to douse myself in gasoline.

Don't forget the sizzle sauce!

haha i made it two sentences in before i was like "chains are what would be required for me to give one more moment of my time to this subject and these people"

god i can't believe i used to read slate regularly, i must have been really desperate for something to do.

I haven't eaten at a Chili's since a work happy hour in...2006? As far as low end chains it wasn't terrible at the time.

i'm sure the food is ok to fine, it's just that the whole experience that comes with going to a chili's - navigating an endless parking lot desert punctuated by brand totems as far as the eye can see where signs of positive humanity go to die - is about the last thing on earth i ever want to do these days.

but it's just a preference thing and enjoyers of chains and strip malls are not my enemy

xxxp there's a Salon story up today that has a picture of a high school cafeteria with Jimmy John's and Sonic signs and it really depressed me.

we had a chik-fil-a in mine! i loved it at the time tbr. jimmy john's in any context is pretty dire though imho.

The only time I ate Chik-Fil-A I got so nauseated I threw up a half hour later. I hadn't read the disclaimer: do not feed to gay people.

I can’t think of Chili’s now without remembering two things:
1. The video embedded in this post: https://bsky.app/profile/paleofuture.bsky.social/post/3luynos2mik2w
2. The fact there is a Chili’s a couple blocks from the office my coworkers are at in Hyderabad, India

Is it Chili's or Applebee's where the menus spy on the customers?

https://www.cbsnews.com/sacramento/news/call-kurtis-investigates-are-restaurant-tablets-spying-on-you/

if i went to a restaurant and they tried to make me order with a tablet, or touch a tablet in any way, i would just not do that

What if they made you order with a table?

https://i.imgur.com/U7eAhOQ.jpeg

I kid, but these have gotten to me too — having to lean over to read the small print, seeing my reflection leaning over to read the small print...

Twenty years ago, at an Applebee's out in the Appalachian provinces, my partner was trying to find something without dairy (allergic) and the very sweet waitress was shuttling back and forth to the kitchen to try to figure out options. Ultimately it was determined that, while the vegetables came pre-buttered in a microwavable bag, they could prepare the pasta primavera by rinsing the vegetables under the sink before putting them on the pasta.

https://archive.ph/72j5O

It was April 2022 when a handful of senior employees from the two companies first gathered at Hershey’s headquarters to discuss the idea of a dual-track collaboration.
For Mondelez, the task was creating a double-stuffed Oreo that looked and tasted like the 113-year-old classic, while working in Reese’s trademark peanut butter.
Hershey’s mission was to incorporate Oreo’s signature cocoa-cookie crunch and vanilla creme into its tried-and-true peanut butter cups.
Adding to the challenge: No one would be sharing any recipes.
The blueprints for both Oreos and Reese’s peanut butter cups are closely guarded secrets, and neither company was eager to provide details about its No. 1 product to a competitor. So Hershey and Mondelez had to figure out a way to get their offerings to taste like the others without knowing their rival’s exact formulas.
As the projects got under way, lawyers were called in to draw up contracts and intellectual-property agreements. Terms of the collaboration ultimately included details like how much Oreo will be used in the final Reese’s product.
The companies devised code names to refer to the projects. Mondelez’s was “Project Snoopy,” an homage to the beloved “Peanuts” character. Hershey’s was “Project Powerplay.”

https://i.imgur.com/6LkWbZf.png

“Can I identify the flavor profile of my Oreo in your product? Or is it being overpowered by your peanut butter?”

(Thanks for the link, G.)