request for ah, er dating advice

Message Bookmarked

Bookmark Removed

in the course of the last few weeks, i've made freinds with a woman who rides my bus. she sits next to me unsolicited, talks excitedly, seems freindly. now i fancy her.

i don't have any hang-ups about my desirableness or ability to make a good impresssion. the problems are that she's most likely not a native speaker of english (i think hindi is her first language; noticed her having trouble with slang) and that this isn't usually how i meet people. is there something inherently creepy about asking out someone in a situation like mine ?

― mike (ro)bott, Monday, 16 September 2002 21:33 (twenty-three years ago)

No, do it you fucker.

― Graham (graham), Monday, 16 September 2002 21:35 (twenty-three years ago)

(a) It doesn't sound as if she'd mind, Mike: give it a shot. She enjoys talking to you on the bus ==> it's quite likely that she'd enjoy talking to you elsewhere. Nothing creepy about that.

(b) Conversations with non-native speakers of English are better for you: you have to think twice as hard about what you (and they) are really trying to say. So you lose a clever joke now and then: you'll live.

― nabisco (nabisco), Monday, 16 September 2002 21:40 (twenty-three years ago)

Thought you'd like a woman's point of view.

Go for it.

― nory (nory), Monday, 16 September 2002 21:43 (twenty-three years ago)

I had a Russian friend I badly wanted to date and she was always surprising me by her unfamiliarity with certain idiomatic expressions. Her English was quite good, overall, but if I said something like, "I was afraid he swept you off your feet" she would be totally lost. She liked when I would say, "if the spirit moves you," but she would always mix it up and say, "if the spirits move you," which I thought was great.

Meta-Advice: Don't take dating advice from me.

However, I would advise what I'm sure a lot of people would say: make a relatively inocuous invitation for coffee or something of that sort.

What's wrong with you that you don't have any of those hang-ups that so many of us have? ;)

― DeRayMi, Monday, 16 September 2002 21:49 (twenty-three years ago)

Don't you dare. I'm so damn sick of people thinking i'm coming on to them when i'm just trying to be friendly, and i'm sure she is too. And yes, it is revolting to ask out some poor lonely woman who, if she does go out with you, is probably just desperate to have someone to talk to.

― , Tuesday, 17 September 2002 00:31 (twenty-three years ago)

What, did Philip Larkin return from the dead or something?

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Tuesday, 17 September 2002 00:43 (twenty-three years ago)

reminds me of some of the sentiments on another thread not so long ago

― ron (ron), Tuesday, 17 September 2002 00:58 (twenty-three years ago)

You should rhythmically bash your head into her back and bite her about the head. Well, turtles find this enticing.

― Mike Hanle y (mike), Tuesday, 17 September 2002 03:38 (twenty-three years ago)

why would you assume that she's lonely prometheus ? or that i'm a cad ?

― mike (ro)bott, Tuesday, 17 September 2002 04:35 (twenty-three years ago)

There's nothing creepy about asking someone out in this situation at all. I was once asked out by a man who had just crashed into my car.
She obviously likes you, and seems to be sending out positive signals that she enjoys your company. Probably best to make a low-key suggestion that maybe you could go for a coffee together or something rather than asking her out on a proper 'date'........and just see how it goes. Good luck!

― C J (C J), Tuesday, 17 September 2002 04:55 (twenty-three years ago)

yes you should ask. just say, "hey look, do you fancy going for a coffee sometime next week?", kind of like the idea had just occured to you, but what a good idea, why didn't i think of it before type thing

i met a girl on plimsoll road a couple of weeks ago, asked her for a drink, and hey, things seem to be going ok!

― gareth (gareth), Tuesday, 17 September 2002 08:15 (twenty-three years ago)

A bit like CJ, I once asked out a colleague who was giving me a lift home. She immediately went and had a moderately nasty car acident (with me in the car). Women, ph34r my libido!

As for the dilemma, I don't see why it needs to be what prometheus said. All you need to suggest is that you meet somewhere else to have your chat, rather than in a bus with it's publicness and in-bult time limit. A coffee place near your bus stop, maybe. Don't do anything sleazy or loaded, and she will no doubt respond as she thinks is appropriate. Eeveryone's a winner!

― Mark C (Mark C), Tuesday, 17 September 2002 09:23 (twenty-three years ago)

I think there is a little too much concern these days about not inappropriately asking people out/& or coming on to them. Yes, it should be a serious concern where there is a power discrepancy (e.g., supervisor/employee); but when you meet someone in a relatively safe public setting (as opposed to, say, trying to chat up some lone female on a dark street at 1AM), I don't see why you have to be so cautious about making them uncomfortable. Obviously, yes, pay attention to their body language and whatever signals they may be sending. But most people like to make connections to other people and it becomes very difficult for that to happen if everyone is pussyfooting around, too afraid of being sleazy. How exactly are people supposed to meet each other? Those of us who work spend a lot of time there, and it's not always appropriate or desirable to date co-workers. Many of the changes that have occurred in our society over the last 50 years or so have tended to perpetuate loneliness and isolation. If you can't talk with (relative) strangers and make invitations, it's going to make it that much harder to make some sort of connection with others.

I've had other guys come on to me on the street or while I was leaving a public Men's room. I find that a bit sleazy, but so what? I certainly don't feel wronged by their actions. If anything, I feel somewhat flattered. (I would like a woman to come on to me like this, just once--at least I think so.) I suspect that most women would be offended by the sort of come-ons I have received from other men though.

― DeRayMi, Tuesday, 17 September 2002 11:42 (twenty-three years ago)

Go for it! What better opportunity is there, than someone you're chatting to and liking and seems to feel the same way? What better start is there? And if you do it in a light enough manner, there seems little downside to be risked.

― Martin Skidmore (Martin Skidmore), Tuesday, 17 September 2002 12:18 (twenty-three years ago)

Because, like most people inclined to give advice, i'm living vicariously through your life, projecting myself into the situation, and imagining how i would feel, of course. Serves you right for asking a bunch of arm-chair, er computer chair, philosphers how to live your life.

― , Tuesday, 17 September 2002 15:53 (twenty-three years ago)

much as i suspected.

― mike (ro)bott, Tuesday, 17 September 2002 17:19 (twenty-three years ago)

Is there ever an appropriate situation in which to ask a stranger out? Doesn't it happen anyway?

― nabisco (nabisco), Tuesday, 17 September 2002 17:22 (twenty-three years ago)

four years pass...

there is no appropriate time or response or way to do this. either you ask someone out or you dont. (obv i know this thread is ancient and the moment might have passed by now but still, for anyone else in a similar situation, just ask these afraid, friendly, strictly plutonic women out)

― titchyschneiderMk2, Sunday, 25 February 2007 00:03 (nineteen years ago)

Do plutonic women set off Geiger counters?

― Laurel, Sunday, 25 February 2007 00:56 (nineteen years ago)

that sexy green glow adds an extra 'so wrong but so, so right' kick to all your make-out sessions

― unfished business, Sunday, 25 February 2007 01:30 (nineteen years ago)

I get the vibe public transportation in big cities is quite different. Less indigence? not that it's hellish and inhospitable here, but my bus-riding peers are mainly far gone. I've had to tell several to quit hitting on me. This lady sounds friendly to you as a person and you do not dislike it. I am rambling, no?

― Abbott, Sunday, 25 February 2007 07:16 (nineteen years ago)

Oh teehee, I am giving non-advice to five years in the past. Hi 2002, you crazy palindrome you.

― Abbott, Sunday, 25 February 2007 07:18 (nineteen years ago)

six months pass...

Hypothetically, if I was to go on a date with a goth, should I wear my new pink t-shirt, a white hip-hop style shirt, or a red stripey one? I really like the pink shirt I just bought, but maybe a goth would think it's silly? I really don't know how they think.

― Tuomas, Thursday, 6 September 2007 10:20 (eighteen years ago)

how did you get this hypothetical date?

― electricsound, Thursday, 6 September 2007 10:22 (eighteen years ago)

Wear what you like. If they don't like it, they don't like you. Don't act they way you think they could want, if they like that role you play you'll have to play it forever.

― StanM, Thursday, 6 September 2007 10:29 (eighteen years ago)

(says the guy who has never been on a date :-) )

― StanM, Thursday, 6 September 2007 10:30 (eighteen years ago)

I saw someone wearing a great t-shirt that said "Cheer up Goth". You should wear one of those.

― nate woolls, Thursday, 6 September 2007 10:33 (eighteen years ago)

Wear your high heeled boots.

― kv_nol, Thursday, 6 September 2007 10:33 (eighteen years ago)

hahaha, yeah!

― Just got offed, Thursday, 6 September 2007 10:34 (eighteen years ago)

Hypothetically, she asked me online. And I wouldn't wanna wear any gothy clothes (even if I had those), I think I made it perfectly clear to her that I'm far from a goth. But I'd just like to make a good first impression.

Those boots weren't mine, sadly, they belong to a German friend, and she took them with her.

― Tuomas, Thursday, 6 September 2007 10:45 (eighteen years ago)

The bitch!

― kv_nol, Thursday, 6 September 2007 10:47 (eighteen years ago)

i say red stripey

― Tracer Hand, Thursday, 6 September 2007 10:59 (eighteen years ago)

Whatever you are going to feel more comfortable in, and act more naturally in. Sorry for unhelpful answer, but it's 'struth.

― Masonic Boom, Thursday, 6 September 2007 11:00 (eighteen years ago)

I'm not so sure about red stripey tops. They remind me too much of "Where's Wally".

― C J, Thursday, 6 September 2007 11:05 (eighteen years ago)

There should be a tuomas sundae tshirt you could wear on occasions like these.

― StanM, Thursday, 6 September 2007 11:06 (eighteen years ago)

You mean like t-shirt with that pic printed on it?

― Tuomas, Thursday, 6 September 2007 11:13 (eighteen years ago)

I guess the girls would know what to expect then.

― Tuomas, Thursday, 6 September 2007 11:14 (eighteen years ago)

Yes! Humor and hotness on the outside = no nasty surprises on the inside.

― StanM, Thursday, 6 September 2007 11:14 (eighteen years ago)

No. Pegging.

― kv_nol, Thursday, 6 September 2007 11:15 (eighteen years ago)

i would pair the red stripey shirt with a dark navy-blue jacket and a dry prosecco

― Tracer Hand, Thursday, 6 September 2007 11:18 (eighteen years ago)

I saw someone wearing a great t-shirt that said "Cheer up Goth". You should wear one of those.

-- nate woolls, Thursday, September 6, 2007 10:33 AM

wait WAIT - i just saw this tee the other day. i wonder if we were in the same place? is it some trendy brand that i didn't know about? i just assumed it was home made.

― CharlieNo4, Thursday, 6 September 2007 11:21 (eighteen years ago)

http://www.baseacid.com/product_info.php?pName=cheer-up-goth

http://www.routeone.co.uk/ProductDetails.aspx?CurrentCategory=Brands%7Cmeatandcheese&ProdId=22268

http://www.threadless.com/submission/52246/Cheer_up_Goths

http://www.visualcandy.co.uk/pd_cheer_up_goth_slogan_t-shirts.cfm

http://www.purplemonkeystore.com/product_info.php?products_id=10

First page google hits for "cheer up goth"

― aldo, Thursday, 6 September 2007 11:27 (eighteen years ago)

I'd go naked. Just to make sure she gets the message you wanna bang here. And didn't you say that all this talk and rules about wearing clothes is just rub, that we should be able to do what we like, y'know, go nekkid and stuff (read: masturbate in public). Now, Tuomas, I want YOU to adhere to these things and show us the way. But don't masturbate or you'll be wasting good sperm all for nothing!

Please let us know what happened.

― nathalie, Thursday, 6 September 2007 12:20 (eighteen years ago)

nathalie OTM!

― Tracer Hand, Thursday, 6 September 2007 12:42 (eighteen years ago)

You must be logged in to post. Please either login here, or if you are not registered, you may register here.