Increasing desperation regarding TV show marketing..

In my inbox this morn:

IT'S NOT TOO LATE - THE X FACTOR LIVE-CELEBRITY JUICE-GOT TO DANCE-TAKE ME OUT-NEVER MIND THE BUZZCOCKS-A LEAGUE OF THEIR OWN-THE MILLION POUND DROP-PIERS MORGAN'S LIFE STORIES-BIG BROTHER-BRITAIN'S GOT TALENT-MR & MRS-THE ROB BRYDON SHOW-THE MAGICIANS-Q.I-RED OR BLACK?

Dear Mark G

Just ATTEND any of the recordings of LOVE MACHINE (Chris Moyles/Stacey Solomon hosted "Take Me Out" style um, what would you call it?) (Starts tomorrow) and we'll GUARANTEE tickets to one of ANY of the shows above.

Basically, you have to apply for the tickets and actually go to the recording of the Moyles/Solomon hosted whatsit,...

PLEASE just be in the same studio as Chris Moyles. You don't even have to be facing towards him! It's only for an hour and there'll be free champagne and caviar afterwards!

Chris Moyles/Stacey Solomon

Now that CERN have confirmed the Higgs boson, maybe they could begin looking for the illusive 'irritation singularity' - this TV show would be a good place to start.

I've had a series of these, basically getting more and more LOOK!!

I'm anticipating being offered Glasto tickets soon.

(I guess they've had no shortage of people who want to *be* on the show...)

Dear Mark G

Now, I'm quite sure that by now it hasn't escaped your notice that we would really like you to come to LOVE MACHINE!

OUR RECORDS SHOW THAT YOU HAVE NOT YET TAKEN ADVANTAGE OF OUR LATEST OFFER!

We have just released extra tickets for the weekend, so if you have no plans, or if your weekend plans have changed then get to LOVE MACHINE.

Don't forget, we're offering tickets of your choice JUST FOR ATTENDING (See MANY previous emails for full details)!

I have plans...