The Eye of Argon

Now how had I missed out on this before (probably because I don't go to cons):

The Eye of Argon is a heroic fantasy novella that narrates the adventures of Grignr, a barbarian. It was written in 1970 by Jim Theis (August 9, 1953- March 26, 2002) and circulated anonymously in science fiction fandom since then. It has been described as "one of the genre's most beloved pieces of appalling prose", and has subsequently been used as part of a common science fiction convention party game.

The full piece, if you can stand it.

I kind of want to poll the first paragraph:

• The weather beaten trail wound ahead into the dust racked climes of the baren land which dominates large portions of the Norgolian empire.
• Age worn hoof prints smothered by the sifting sands of time shone dully against the dust splattered crust of earth.
• The tireless sun cast its parching rays of incandescense from overhead, half way through its daily revolution.
• Small rodents scampered about, occupying themselves in the daily accomplishments of their dismal lives.
• Dust sprayed over three heaving mounts in blinding clouds, while they bore the burdonsome cargoes of their struggling overseers.

By all means!

small rodents ftw

The will to necessitate his life forced him to yield to the superior force in hopes of a moment of carlessness later upon the part of his captors in which he could effect a more plausible means of escape.

Well I'm sold.

The vile stench of the Shaman's hot fetid breath over came the nauseated female with a deep soul searing sickness, causing her to wrench her head backwards and regurgitate a slimy, orangewhite stream of swelling gore over the richly woven purple robe of the enthused acolyte.