GOD SPEAKS

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Poll Results

OptionVotes
I love you…I love you…I love you. 2
We need to talk. 2
My way is the highway. 2
All I know… is everything. 1
As my apprentice, you’re never fired. 1
I love you…Te amo…... 1
Loved the wedding, invite me to the marriage. 1
Big Bang Theory, you’ve got to be kidding. 1
The real Supreme Court meets up here. 1
One nation under me. 1
Let’s meet at My house Sunday, before the game. 0
If you must curse, use your own name! 0
Need a marriage counselor? I’m available. 0
Life is Short, Eternity isn’t. 0
Do you have any idea where you’re going? 0
Have you read my #1 best seller? (There will be a test.) 0
C’mon over and bring the kids. 0
What part of “Thou shalt not…” didn’t you understand? 0
Keep using my name in vain, I’ll make rush hour longer. 0
That “Love Thy Neighbor” thing…I meant that. 0
Will the road you’re on get you to My place? 0
Follow me. 0
Need directions? 0
You think it’s hot here? 0
Tell the kids I love them. 0
Need a marriage counselor? I’m available. 0
Feeling lost? My Book is your map. 0


Thanks WEBSITE!! (Z S), Wednesday, 12 September 2012 23:38 (thirteen years ago)

write in vote for 'sing doo-wah-diddy'

Randy Carol (darraghmac), Wednesday, 12 September 2012 23:41 (thirteen years ago)

where is the host server for godspeaks.com

flesh, the devil, and a wolf (wolf) (amateurist), Wednesday, 12 September 2012 23:41 (thirteen years ago)

yes, i forgot to mention, feel free to write-in other things that god says!

Thanks WEBSITE!! (Z S), Wednesday, 12 September 2012 23:42 (thirteen years ago)

Do you have any idea where you’re going?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eOil_ht0khI

flesh, the devil, and a wolf (wolf) (amateurist), Wednesday, 12 September 2012 23:43 (thirteen years ago)

are there other religions where people just make up things that the deity says?

(ok so all religions just make up what the deity says, but you know what i mean)

Thanks WEBSITE!! (Z S), Wednesday, 12 September 2012 23:43 (thirteen years ago)

"And how can this be? For he is the Kwisatz Haderach!"

flesh, the devil, and a wolf (wolf) (amateurist), Wednesday, 12 September 2012 23:44 (thirteen years ago)

Automatic thread bump. This poll is closing tomorrow.

System, Saturday, 15 September 2012 00:01 (twelve years ago)

voted "What I Am is What I Am, are you what you are, or what?"

we don't wanna miss a THING!!! (underrated aerosmith bootlegs I have owned), Saturday, 15 September 2012 14:28 (twelve years ago)

we need to talk

lag∞n, Saturday, 15 September 2012 14:30 (twelve years ago)

GOD SPEAKS ― Thanks WEBSITE!!

lag∞n, Saturday, 15 September 2012 14:31 (twelve years ago)

voted "I love you…I love you…I love you."

this is definitely one of my worst threads (heated competition!)

Thanks WEBSITE!! (Z S), Saturday, 15 September 2012 15:15 (twelve years ago)

God's right about Big Bang Theory, what a dumb show

latebloomer, Saturday, 15 September 2012 15:17 (twelve years ago)

this is a perfectly good thread

lag∞n, Saturday, 15 September 2012 16:27 (twelve years ago)

I love you…Te amo…...

there is a lazy, catch-all vagueness to this, particularly in comparison to some of the tighter, smarter lines like Tell the kids I love them, it wins my vote

let's get the banned back together (schlump), Saturday, 15 September 2012 16:54 (twelve years ago)

Dominionists are weird

Fiendish Doctor Wu (kingfish), Saturday, 15 September 2012 16:58 (twelve years ago)

"Loved the wedding, invite me to the marriage."

CREEPY!

Muschiaufstand (CONGO, M.D.), Saturday, 15 September 2012 17:03 (twelve years ago)

I love you…Te amo…

oops, when i c+p'd it left off the last bit of that, which is 我爱你

which is of course "i love you" in mandarin.

Thanks WEBSITE!! (Z S), Saturday, 15 September 2012 17:04 (twelve years ago)

"I'm watch all of you have sex"

Thanks WEBSITE!! (Z S), Saturday, 15 September 2012 17:04 (twelve years ago)

after all these years, that's still probably the most amazing thing to me about the idea of omnipresence. you see everyone having sex. and you ARE the hot sex, and the bad sex

Thanks WEBSITE!! (Z S), Saturday, 15 September 2012 17:05 (twelve years ago)

"Loved the wedding, invite me to the marriage......."

let's get the banned back together (schlump), Saturday, 15 September 2012 17:06 (twelve years ago)

then you drive ten miles

let's get the banned back together (schlump), Saturday, 15 September 2012 17:06 (twelve years ago)

then another billboard

let's get the banned back together (schlump), Saturday, 15 September 2012 17:06 (twelve years ago)

".............."

let's get the banned back together (schlump), Saturday, 15 September 2012 17:06 (twelve years ago)

"As my apprentice, you’re never fired..."
http://www.theforce.net/kids/coruscant/probe_droid/palpatine.jpg
"...you're blasted by Force Lightning!"

Emeritus Professor of LOLology (snoball), Saturday, 15 September 2012 17:09 (twelve years ago)

I voted for "One nation under me." It has that 'you are all under my thumb' vibe that god does so well.

Aimless, Saturday, 15 September 2012 17:12 (twelve years ago)

http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_Jo7lJoQhtjw/SOKVGdTW3oI/AAAAAAAACjM/glZ8qZdIEMk/s400/god+listens+to+slayer+WQ.jpg

Emeritus Professor of LOLology (snoball), Saturday, 15 September 2012 17:27 (twelve years ago)

So basically if you just listened to Slayer you could cut out the middle man.

Emeritus Professor of LOLology (snoball), Saturday, 15 September 2012 17:34 (twelve years ago)

"Nietzsche's dead."

EZ Snappin, Saturday, 15 September 2012 17:35 (twelve years ago)

just off of a highway where i grew up there was a sign that said only one word:

JESUS

and i always wondered what the point was. was it to remind christians who forgot about jesus during their car rides like, You may have forgotten about jesus but jesus is still here and he is watching you - and he loves you! or was it a pure branding exercise, like Coming in Winter 2012...JESUS! or was it meant to be imposing to non-christians?

Thanks WEBSITE!! (Z S), Saturday, 15 September 2012 17:37 (twelve years ago)

"I love you…I love you…I love you."

I saw a giant "JESUS" billboard once, too. It was near an old army helicopter perched atop a pole. The whole scene was pretty strange.

cwkiii, Saturday, 15 September 2012 17:41 (twelve years ago)

Maybe an invocation of Jesus's deity-eriffic omnipresence.

Aimless, Saturday, 15 September 2012 17:46 (twelve years ago)

99% sure i've mentioned this on ilx before but in manchester this accidental shrine created on an old bingo hall became a real reverent spot, always profound to pass by, kinda like in the angel esmerelda by don delillo

http://a3.ec-images.myspacecdn.com/images02/109/1cb44a299736491b9c1191b355ccacc8/l.jpg

(it is gone now)

let's get the banned back together (schlump), Saturday, 15 September 2012 17:48 (twelve years ago)

God's Full House?
"Two fat disciples, 88..."

Emeritus Professor of LOLology (snoball), Saturday, 15 September 2012 17:52 (twelve years ago)

Automatic thread bump. This poll's results are now in.

System, Sunday, 16 September 2012 00:01 (twelve years ago)

"Loved the wedding, invite me to the marriage."

CREEPY!

― Muschiaufstand (CONGO, M.D.), Saturday, September 15, 2012 1:03 PM (7 hours ago)

threeway to heaven

vincent black shadow giallo (Edward III), Sunday, 16 September 2012 00:14 (twelve years ago)

I love you…I love you…I love you

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P6CuBK0cgX4

a shark with a rippling six pack (Phil D.), Sunday, 16 September 2012 00:31 (twelve years ago)

anyone driving into my hometown will be greeted by this:

http://farm7.staticflickr.com/6197/6078796348_943acebf89_z.jpg

Džeijn Osten (clouds), Sunday, 16 September 2012 13:45 (twelve years ago)

That reminds me of a lot of the gas station signs that people were putting up in the late 1st century AD

Thanks WEBSITE!! (Z S), Sunday, 16 September 2012 14:25 (twelve years ago)

SOON

lag∞n, Sunday, 16 September 2012 14:28 (twelve years ago)

one month passes...

I thought there was one that said "Don't make me come down there."

pretty even gender split (Eazy), Friday, 19 October 2012 16:35 (twelve years ago)

there definitely is, shit! i don't know, when i was doing this highly successfully poll i thought i found a webpage that had a list of them all...seemed pretty comprehensive, but i guess not! shoot, there may be other things that god is saying that i don't even know about

down w/ obana...he is the reson were in dept (Z S), Friday, 19 October 2012 16:39 (twelve years ago)

so God is basically a sitcom character now

frogbs, Friday, 19 October 2012 16:54 (twelve years ago)

sitcoms evolved

the oft-posited third fisherman (darraghmac), Friday, 19 October 2012 16:58 (twelve years ago)

I'm actually disappointed there isn't one that says, "Remember, I made Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve" - God

frogbs, Friday, 19 October 2012 17:00 (twelve years ago)

hahaha

down w/ obana...he is the reson were in dept (Z S), Friday, 19 October 2012 17:01 (twelve years ago)

*God makes Kramer entrance*

sleepingbag, Friday, 19 October 2012 17:01 (twelve years ago)

i think the good news here is that you can use photoshop to make the sign say whatever you want

down w/ obana...he is the reson were in dept (Z S), Friday, 19 October 2012 17:02 (twelve years ago)

"Whatchoo talkin' bout, Judas?"

pretty even gender split (Eazy), Friday, 19 October 2012 17:02 (twelve years ago)

"When you die, you'll have to answer for your entire search history. Happy browsing!" -God

frogbs, Friday, 19 October 2012 17:08 (twelve years ago)

i'd like the ppl who makes these to read maimonidies or something

bryan "radical" ferry (clouds), Friday, 19 October 2012 17:09 (twelve years ago)

"Where would you go if you died today? What if you died right now? Like, while reading this billboard?" -God

frogbs, Friday, 19 October 2012 17:12 (twelve years ago)

"Take your hands off the wheel. I'll drive." -God

pretty even gender split (Eazy), Friday, 19 October 2012 17:20 (twelve years ago)

Can you change all these from "God" to "Bob Marley?"

C-3PO Sharkey (Phil D.), Friday, 19 October 2012 17:21 (twelve years ago)

"Do you love me? Do you really love me? Would you do anything for me? Would you cut off your own right hand as a sacrifice?" -Justin Bieber

frogbs, Friday, 19 October 2012 18:25 (twelve years ago)

"What part of 'If two men are fighting and the wife of one of them comes to rescue her husband from his assailant, and she reaches out and seizes him by his private parts, you shall cut off her hand. Show her no pity.' don't you understand?" -God

frogbs, Friday, 19 October 2012 18:26 (twelve years ago)

"On the road to Satan? What are you using, Apple Maps?" -God

frogbs, Friday, 19 October 2012 18:28 (twelve years ago)

"You want to talk bro code? How about this? Rule #77: Before your very eyes I WILL TAKE YOUR WIVES AND GIVE THEM to one who is close to you, and HE WILL LIE WITH YOUR WIVES in broad daylight." -God

frogbs, Friday, 19 October 2012 18:37 (twelve years ago)

"Led Zeppelin is me, maaaaan" - God

down w/ obana...he is the reson were in dept (Z S), Friday, 19 October 2012 18:37 (twelve years ago)

"Think your life sucks? King David had to earn the hand of Michal by fondling the penis of 200 dead Philistines while surgically removing the foreskin from their penis!" -God

frogbs, Friday, 19 October 2012 18:39 (twelve years ago)

"My beloved is to me a sachet of myrrh resting between my breasts. How about you? -God"

pretty even gender split (Eazy), Friday, 19 October 2012 18:41 (twelve years ago)

"Free will? Yeah man, Rush is the balls" - God

bryan "radical" ferry (clouds), Friday, 19 October 2012 19:26 (twelve years ago)

one month passes...

What I believe happened in Heaven yesterday....
The messenger approached the Father, in reverent adoration. "Father, they will be arriving soon."

"Yes," replied Father. "Please tell Son I'd like Him to meet them, bring them to the Great Hall. I want the milk and honey on tap."
"Yes, of course, but Sir," the messenger glanced in direction of the gate. "Your Son is already there, waiting."

Father lifted His gaze toward the pearly gate, glistening, and there indeed was His Son, waiting. "Very good. I should have known He would be waiting, without haste. I will see you in the Great Hall?" It was more a statement than a question. The messenger nodded his agreement as he watched Father prepare to open The Book. The messenger slipped out towards the Pearly Gate, just as trumpets began to sound, one at first, then another and another, and soon the entire Heavens were filled with the crescendo of a hundred thousands trumpets, announcing the arrival.
The Son stopped His pacing before the gate, and turned just as it began to open. An Angel stepped through, nodded, and moved to the right. Behind him, eighteen small children walked in a single file line, awe filling their faces.

The Son dropped to one knee, spread open His arms, and simply said "Come." The children didn't hesitate, they broke their formed line and ran to The One who offered comfort. The Son wrapped His arms around as many of the children as He could, angels pressed in around them, finishing the circle.

"Welcome, Dear Ones." Tears glistened in the Son's eyes, but His smile beamed at the children. "We have been expecting you. My Father has prepared a great feast in your honor, so let us go and find your seat at the banquet table."

"Will our parents be there?" a small voice asked.

The Son pulled the small child to Him. "I am sorry, not yet. Your parents are still on the Earth, for their work there is not done. We have sent the very best of our Comforting Angels to help them, to be with them, and guard them. Do not fret, Little Ones, we have not forgotten those still on Earth." He smiled again, and looked around the group of little ones. "I do believe your teacher will be there." Smiles lit up their faces, and excited chatter passed through the group. "Come, let us go see."

They began their walk toward the door of the Great Hall, the messenger led the way, while the Son walked admist the children, smiling and chattering with them.

Suddenly the Heaven's shook. Thunder rumbled, lightening flashed in the Great Sky, and a booming voice filled the Heaven's as judgement was pronounced.

"What was that?" The children asked.

The Son looked at them, a grave expression on his face, and He replied, "Judgement, for the one who brought you here. Come, we will think of him no longer. Let us continue to our feast."

They had just made it to the door, when the trumpets began again. The Son lifted His gaze to the messenger, who shook his head.

"Children, continue on, I will be there in just a bit." He ushered the children toward the door, and motioned the Angels to settle them at the Banquet Table.

He rushed back to the gate, as two more children were escorted through the Gates. He wept as He again dropped to His knee and swept the two children into His arms.

"You are safe, Little Ones, safe. " He smiled into their sweet little faces. "No one will ever hurt you again. Come, while it is a grievous event that brings you to us, we must celebrate your arrival. Precious Children, come."

He stood and took them both by the hand, leading them to the Great Hall, where the other children waited.

Soon they were all settled into their seats, and The Father joined them. Suddenly, the Hall filled with a chorus of Angels. They broke into song, singing first "Jesus Loves the Little Children" quickly followed by "This Little Light of Mine" and others.

Moses entered the Hall, saw the sight before him, and wept with joy. "Welcome, welcome dear children!"

Other inhabitants of Heaven began to pour into the hall, welcoming the children, hugging them, kissing them, assuring them that they were forever safe, and no one would ever harm them again. After the greetings, a prayer of Thanksgiving and Rejoicing was said to the Father, and the Great Feast Began.

The table was laden with every food imagineable, and every child's favorite dish was served as well. It was a time of Great Celebrating, and all traces of tears and sadness were wiped away.

dexpresso (Z S), Monday, 17 December 2012 14:10 (twelve years ago)


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