Best of the Semi-Comprehensive List Of Everything Tyler Perry Pretends To Do In Alex Cross

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Originally by Will Leitch

Poll Results

OptionVotes
Skypes with Jean Reno. 2
Tells a coked-up secretary he just ate at McDonald's. 2
Fails. 1
Sees a dead body and looks sad. 1
Tells Edward Burns he loves him. 1
Looks furtively in several directions while a camera circles him. 1
Sasses his mother. 1
Asks Giancarlo Esposito if he knows a chemist. 1
Says, "Yep, we got him good." 1
Shakes Edward Burns's hand. "Thank you, brother." 1
Hits chemist with golf club. 0
Throws chemist into a table. 0
Rams Matthew Fox's car with his truck. 0
Watches Edward Burns weld. 0
Chases Matthew Fox into the Michigan Theater. 0
Bangs Matthew Fox's head against a pipe. 0
Screams as Matthew Fox breaks his arm. 0
Goes back home. 0
Nods as Edward Burns says, "We got him." 0
Smirks as Jean Reno realizes Alex Cross has framed him for a crime. 0
Listens on Skype as Jean Reno explains his grand plan. 0
Tells Edward Burns, "This ain't over." 0
Drops Matthew Fox to his death. 0
Hangs from a pipe. 0
Throws Matthew Fox down a staircase. 0
Looks at daughter. 0
Saws off shotgun. 0
Tells Matthew Fox, "I'm gonna watch your soul come oozing out of your body, you maggot." 0
Praises a psychotic's charcoal painting technique. 0
Puts on another shirt. 0
Calls his partner (Edward Burns) on the phone. 0
Answers phone. 0
Kisses his wife. 0
Untucks his shirt. 0
Is surprised his wife is pregnant. 0
Punches a man. 0
Holds a gun. 0
Uses a woman's severed thumb to open a safe. 0
Jumps out of the way of a grenade. 0
Comforts a scared Jean Reno. 0
Runs to save his wife from Matthew Fox. 0
Asks Matthew Fox if he "zaps his testicles with a stun gun." 0
Has a drink with his wife. 0
Looks annoyed by Jean Reno. 0
Refuses Cognac. 0
Describes Matthew Fox as a "stimulus-seeking sociopathic narcissist." 0
Explains what Matthew Fox's nose looks like to a sketch artist. 0
Crawls out from under a table. 0
Runs. 0


formerly r. bean (soda), Thursday, 18 October 2012 22:52 (thirteen years ago)

Explains what Matthew Fox's nose looks like to a sketch artist.

formerly r. bean (soda), Thursday, 18 October 2012 22:53 (thirteen years ago)

'Sasses his mother' by a mile. Madea is his mother in this, right?

Burgled Hams (Old Lunch), Thursday, 18 October 2012 22:58 (thirteen years ago)

Spiritually, I'm sure.

Ned Raggett, Thursday, 18 October 2012 23:25 (thirteen years ago)

Shakes Edward Burns's hand. "Thank you, brother." over Refuses Cognac.

balls, Friday, 19 October 2012 00:24 (thirteen years ago)

i had to go with Looks furtively in several directions while a camera circles him. but Thank you brother tempted me as well

turds (Hungry4Ass), Friday, 19 October 2012 00:46 (thirteen years ago)

That is a lot of things to pretend to do. But then, I suppose that's why they call it.. acting.

Andrew Farrell, Friday, 19 October 2012 00:49 (thirteen years ago)

I am the only one on ILX who has actually seen this crap movie, right?

Bobby Ken Doll (Eric H.), Friday, 19 October 2012 00:50 (thirteen years ago)

Because, voting "Fails."

Bobby Ken Doll (Eric H.), Friday, 19 October 2012 00:51 (thirteen years ago)

i hope this moment - Asks Giancarlo Esposito if he knows a chemist. - is played up hilariously w/ esposito looking at the camera all 'this guy' afterwards and madea giving a wink and a shrug to ppl in the audience that are 'in the know'.

balls, Friday, 19 October 2012 00:51 (thirteen years ago)

Didn't realize the movie was set in Detroit til now. Doesn't Detroit have enough problems?

controversial cabaret roommate (Nicole), Friday, 19 October 2012 01:10 (thirteen years ago)

eric h please post your thoughts in the official alex cross thread

Alex Cross, starring a macho Tyler Perry and a roided-out Matthew Fox!

turds (Hungry4Ass), Friday, 19 October 2012 01:12 (thirteen years ago)

Automatic thread bump. This poll is closing tomorrow.

System, Thursday, 1 November 2012 00:01 (thirteen years ago)

Automatic thread bump. This poll's results are now in.

System, Friday, 2 November 2012 00:01 (thirteen years ago)


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