how do i get my lil doggie to chill the f*ck out

so i have a lil doggie. he is a 10 lb miniature dachshund.

every time i take him for a walk, he goes nuts when he sees another dog. barking like crazy, getting up in the other dog's face, pulling at his leash. of course, this makes me hesitant to walk him at any normal hours, and he doesn't like to go for walks when it's dark.

in fact, i am super-freaked out at the prospect of walking him around the block for fear he's going to get in a fight with another dog. and people are pretty nice about it since he's little and cute and non-threatening but i also worry that they look at me like i'm a bad dog owner.

i can't afford to take him to doggie classes. so what am i supposed to do when he does this? how can i train him out of this myself without turning into a nervous wreck?

people have suggested watching different dog shows on animal planet but i have no TV so if anybody wants to share tips from TV that would be fine.

does Animal Planet not have a video archive on their website?

i don't know much abt dog training myself, but i've seen my inlaws train a number of large, unruly dogs over the years. There's definitely something to be said for asserting yourself as the alpha in a calm, but imposing way. your puppy needs to know that you're in charge, and he will learn to take his cues from you if you seem like you know what you're doing. otherwise he just thinks it's a free-for-all barkfest, lol

I found this, I have no idea if it's helpful though

http://www.cesarsway.com/tips/problembehaviors/5-tips-for-handling-nuisance-barking

Cesar Millan's Best Tips to Stop Dog Barking

By Cesar Millan

Remember, barking is natural! It's an important means of communication for dogs. But sometimes problems can develop. As the pack leader, it's your job to step in and control excessive barking. Here are my 5 tips to help you stop nuisance barking for good.

1. Correct dog problem behavior and follow through.

Tell your dog to stop barking using a look, a sound, or a physical correction. But don't stop there. Your dog may pause and then go right back to what he was doing. His body relaxed, but his brain was still on alert. Be patient. Wait until your dog completely submits before you go back to what you were doing.

2. Stay calm when trying to stop dog barking.

Constant barking can be irritating, but you won't be able to correct the dog behavior problem if you are frustrated. Animals don't follow unbalanced leaders. In fact, your dog will mirror your energy. If you're frustrated, he will be, too! And barking is a great release for that frustrated energy. Take a moment to curb your own internal barking first.

3. Stake your claim to stop the barking.

Is your dog barking over and over again at the same object, person, situation, or place? Then you need to step up and claim that stimulus as your own. Use your body, your mind, and your calm-assertive energy to create an invisible wall that your dog is not allowed to cross. Do it with 100% dedication and focus, and the results may surprise you.

4. Stop the barking by challenging your dog mentally and physically.

Excessive barking is often the result of pent-up energy. If this is the case, the solution is simple: release that energy in more productive ways. Does your dog receive a daily walk? Can you make the walk more challenging with a bicycle, a backpack, or by walking on an incline? Can you provide more mental challenges, such as herding, agility training, or simple obedience games? There are many, many ways to increase the challenges in your dog's life. Find one that you enjoy that your dog can participate in safely.

5. Get professional help to stop dog barking.

When you brought this dog into your life, you made a commitment to provide the care he needs. Prevent dog barking, and other dog behavior problems by calling in a canine professional to help him cope with a behavior issue.

Learn more about Nuisance Barking in the 5th Volume of the Mastering Leadership DVD Series, Common Canine Misbehaviors.

Read more: Cesar Millan's Best Tips to Stop Dog Barking | Dog Whisperer Cesar Millan

you could try a pinch collar

My dog--60 lb female black lab--also freaks out uncontrollably when she sees other dogs on walks, to the point that one incident caused her to injure her neck/throat recently. Vet suggested we switch from a leash to a harness, as it apparently affords the dog less control and reduces their ability to pull (as well as be possibility for injury). She still flips out when other dogs approach her (unless I let them meet/socialize, which isn't always practical or advisable or even allowed by the other owner) but she does indeed seen to have less control now. So that might be one way to go.

this one seems a bit more chill and not quite as zen-master-y sounding (that dog whisperer dude kinda weirds me out tbh)

http://blog.adoptapet.com/stop-dog-on-leash-barking/

i do use a harness. and when he barks i get down and hold him and his nose and make him look at me, and i tell him to stop barking. but that doesn't seem to be working. wonder if i'm doing something wrong.

http://blog.adoptapet.com/uploads/2011/03/5gettyimage-dogleashagg.jpg

^^ exactly what it's like

my dog that wigs out wears some freakish thing called a "gentle leader" and he is a little better with it on. it goes around his snout and when i tug on it, he knows to stfu. he's kinda strong (esp on icy sidewalks) but it has helped over the years. a yank and he at least pays attention to me.

now if only i could get him to stfu when people come over :-/

oh my god, treats. why didn't i think of that. i am so dense sometimes. of course, i would be surprised if he actually stops barking long enough to earn a treat. maybe the treat will distract him long enough that the other dog can get close.

when he gets close to other dogs he does usually manage to calm down enough to do the butt sniffy friend-making thing.

and the other weird thing is that at the off-leash dog park he does well! no barking, no craziness, just running round playing doggy games.

oh yeah, i had to use treats at first! it was the only way. the little smelly bacony ones were the most effective because he knew the smell and knew he had to behave to get one.

my cat keeps slapping me. anyone got any advice on that?

slap her back

j/k

i've never had any luck training a cat to do anything, think you're screwed buddy

also think he's trying to kill me by trying to run under my feet as i'm walking down the steps

he was always such a nice boy

when i had a cat, this would happen every morning

1. jumps on my sleeping chest
2. slaps my mouth until i pull the sheets over my mouth
3. kneads my eyelids with paws until until i pull the sheets over my head
4. sits on my head, thereby suffocating me until i get up to feed her

the other cat just screams all morning until i drag my fat ass out of bed and feed her.

tbf she's like 17 years old, so i try to remember it's like an incontinent old person with dementia screaming until i feed her.

my friend's cat wakes her up every morning by taking a strand of hair and pulling it slowly between its teeth until she can't stand it