TWENTY THINGS A MOM SHOULD TELL HER SON

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TWENTY THINGS A MOM SHOULD TELL HER SON

1. Play a sport.
It will teach you how to win honorably,
lose gracefully, respect authority,
work with others, manage your time
and stay out of trouble.
And maybe even throw or catch.

2. You will set the tone
for the sexual relationship,
so don't take something away from her
that you can't give back.

3. Use careful aim when you pee.
Somebody's got to clean that up, you know.

4. Save money when you're young
because you're going to need it someday.

5. Allow me to introduce you
to the dishwasher, oven,
washing machine, iron,
vacuum, mop and broom.
Now please go use them.

6. Pray and be a spiritual leader.

7. Don't ever be a bully
and don't ever start a fight,
but if some idiot clocks you,
please defend yourself.

8. Your knowledge and education is something
that nobody can take away from you.

9. Treat women kindly.
Forever is a long time to live alone
and it's even longer to live with somebody
who hates your guts.

10. Take pride in your appearance.

11. Be strong and tender at the same time.

12. A woman can do everything that you can do.
This includes her having a successful career
and you changing diapers at 3 A.M.
Mutual respect is the key to a good relationship.

13. "Yes ma'am" and "yes sir"
still go a long way.

14. The reason that they're called "private parts"
is because they're "private".
Please do not scratch them in public.

15. Peer pressure is a scary thing.
Be a good leader and others will follow.

16. Bringing her flowers for no reason
is always a good idea.

17. It is better to be kind
than to be right.

18. A sense of humor
goes a long way
in the healing process.

19. Please choose your spouse wisely.
My daughter-in-law will be the gatekeeper for me
spending time with you and my grandchildren.

20. Remember to call your mother
because I might be missing you.

Poll Results

OptionVotes
3. exercise pee caution 8
14. hands off your junk in public 8
2. you set the sex tone 6
19. choose your gatekeeper wisely 3
TWENTY THINGS A MOM SHOULD TELL HER SON 2
18. patch adams 1
17. be nice not right 1
16. bring her flowers 1
10. make sure you look good 1
9. treat women right 1
8. knowledge and education is important 1
4. save money 1
5. clean up duty 1
6. religion is important 1
1. play sports 0
15. Peer pressure is scary. 0
7. don't be a douche, only fight if you have to 0
13. "Yes ma'am"/"yes sir" 0
12. never forget: women are equal 0
11. strong + tender 0
20. call mom 0


LIKE If you are against racism (omar little), Monday, 3 December 2012 21:41 (twelve years ago)

lol well obv the first option isn't a real choice but i may vote for it anyway

LIKE If you are against racism (omar little), Monday, 3 December 2012 21:41 (twelve years ago)

14.

before and after broscience (goole), Monday, 3 December 2012 21:43 (twelve years ago)

3

ciderpress, Monday, 3 December 2012 21:43 (twelve years ago)

def 3

*rad hug eomticon* (Control Z), Monday, 3 December 2012 21:48 (twelve years ago)

Still chuckling at Patch Adams option, espcially since he isn't terribly funny irl.

Un monde où tout le monde est heureux, même les riches (Michael White), Monday, 3 December 2012 21:49 (twelve years ago)

19 is pretty good too actually -- I think I will vote for that. Choose your gatekeeper to grandbabies wisely!

*rad hug eomticon* (Control Z), Monday, 3 December 2012 21:54 (twelve years ago)

is her son the keymaster?

pun lovin criminal (polyphonic), Monday, 3 December 2012 21:55 (twelve years ago)

I like how 15 basically goes the exact opposite direction that you think it will

"Peer pressure is scary, so make sure you get out in front of that shit and inflict it on others before they can establish themselves"

I loves you, PORGI (DJP), Monday, 3 December 2012 21:56 (twelve years ago)

You will set the tone
for the sexual relationship,
so don't take something away from her
that you can't give back.

this doesn't even make sense, what if he takes her virginity

CGI fridays (Edward III), Monday, 3 December 2012 21:57 (twelve years ago)

revirginize her son

CGI fridays (Edward III), Monday, 3 December 2012 21:57 (twelve years ago)

write-in vote for 'i'd rather be rich than stupid'

spottieottiespanakopita (schlump), Monday, 3 December 2012 21:58 (twelve years ago)

so glad i never got taught the strategic value of feigning kindness as a way to fend off dying alone

spottieottiespanakopita (schlump), Monday, 3 December 2012 22:00 (twelve years ago)

pee caution hands down

dansplaining (dan m), Monday, 3 December 2012 22:01 (twelve years ago)

look ma no hands

spottieottiespanakopita (schlump), Monday, 3 December 2012 22:02 (twelve years ago)

'befriend a black person so no one can accuse you of racism'

mookieproof, Monday, 3 December 2012 22:02 (twelve years ago)

Your Favorite Ian-Riese Moraine! Screennames

buzza, Monday, 3 December 2012 22:08 (twelve years ago)

7. Don't ever be a bully and don't ever start a fight. But poison the bigger children in advance, to diminish their advantage before it becomes an issue.

spottieottiespanakopita (schlump), Monday, 3 December 2012 22:10 (twelve years ago)

assassin's creed guide to child rearing

CGI fridays (Edward III), Monday, 3 December 2012 22:13 (twelve years ago)

I think I like 19 best because it's so candidly selfish and presumptuous. Pick the gatekeeper to MY GRANDBABIES carefully!!!!

*rad hug eomticon* (Control Z), Monday, 3 December 2012 22:14 (twelve years ago)

TWENTY THINGS SUN TZU SHOULD TELL HIS SON

spottieottiespanakopita (schlump), Monday, 3 December 2012 22:16 (twelve years ago)

if your sibling is of short temperament, do not seek to provoke him while my stories are on

CGI fridays (Edward III), Monday, 3 December 2012 22:18 (twelve years ago)

what percentage of these bubble with the subtext Promise me you'll grow up straight

spottieottiespanakopita (schlump), Monday, 3 December 2012 22:18 (twelve years ago)

14. The reason that they're called "private parts" is because they're "private". I don't want you playing with Bobby from next door anymore.

spottieottiespanakopita (schlump), Monday, 3 December 2012 22:21 (twelve years ago)

3. Use careful aim in the sexual relationship.
Somebody's got to clean that up, you know.

I'm okay, Eurogay (Paul in Santa Cruz), Monday, 3 December 2012 22:43 (twelve years ago)

where are these from btw

Force Boxman (Shakey Mo Collier), Monday, 3 December 2012 22:47 (twelve years ago)

not sure of the "origin story" but this shit is all over facebook

LIKE If you are against racism (omar little), Monday, 3 December 2012 23:00 (twelve years ago)

it's either pee caution or scratching

set the controls for the heart of the sun (VegemiteGrrl), Monday, 3 December 2012 23:21 (twelve years ago)

i think it's pee caution

set the controls for the heart of the sun (VegemiteGrrl), Monday, 3 December 2012 23:21 (twelve years ago)

this doesn't even make sense, what if he takes her virginity

the point is that you should never have sex with virgins

i know your nuts hurt! who's laughing? (contenderizer), Monday, 3 December 2012 23:29 (twelve years ago)

grandbabies gatekeeper, ie do not let your son marry gandalf

passion it person (La Lechera), Monday, 3 December 2012 23:33 (twelve years ago)

would mom teach #2 via a demonstration?

乒乓, Monday, 3 December 2012 23:34 (twelve years ago)

i just whispered all 20 of these in some baby's ear and nothing has changed! now what?!

Z S, Monday, 3 December 2012 23:36 (twelve years ago)

remember a women can do everything you can, except set the tone for a sexual relationship, get her own flowers or make a phonecall to her son

bill paxman (darraghmac), Monday, 3 December 2012 23:37 (twelve years ago)

pour yourself a drink

乒乓, Monday, 3 December 2012 23:37 (twelve years ago)

http://i0.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/masonry/000/004/773/wt.jpg

LIKE If you are against racism (omar little), Monday, 3 December 2012 23:38 (twelve years ago)

you set the sexx bone

Pillbox, Monday, 3 December 2012 23:46 (twelve years ago)

ah shit i don't want to think about the events that lead to the sex bone needing to be set

bill paxman (darraghmac), Monday, 3 December 2012 23:48 (twelve years ago)

Press the reset button.

It's inside, near the front

Mark G, Tuesday, 4 December 2012 00:04 (twelve years ago)

Somebody's got to clean that up, you know.

how's life, Tuesday, 4 December 2012 00:12 (twelve years ago)

16 otm

brimstead, Tuesday, 4 December 2012 00:55 (twelve years ago)

#4 p/a hint re: luxury condo she envisages him buying for her retirement

nitin sawhiney (qiqing), Tuesday, 4 December 2012 01:00 (twelve years ago)

14 definitely

crüt, Tuesday, 4 December 2012 07:14 (twelve years ago)

Automatic thread bump. This poll is closing tomorrow.

System, Tuesday, 18 December 2012 00:01 (twelve years ago)

Automatic thread bump. This poll's results are now in.

System, Wednesday, 19 December 2012 00:01 (twelve years ago)

I admire how 'be kind to others' and 'don't scratch your crotch' are put on a purely equal footing.

Aimless, Wednesday, 19 December 2012 00:56 (twelve years ago)

As well they should be.

this will surprise many (Nicole), Wednesday, 19 December 2012 01:24 (twelve years ago)

22. No woman actually believes going wrong hole is an accident.

Kiarostami bag (milo z), Wednesday, 19 December 2012 04:33 (twelve years ago)

77 should brainstorm a FATHER-DAUGHTER version and see how viral it can go

Kiarostami bag (milo z), Wednesday, 19 December 2012 04:33 (twelve years ago)


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