pooping at work vs. napping at work

only one of these is really doable but it's never particularly satisfying

is this one of those things where if i pick one the other is forever off the table

pooing at work

cattle grind

squeezing out a massive chocolate python at work

Many years ago I dozed off for a few minutes while on the shitter at work -- a drunken evening hours before, see.

napping at work is but a fabled dream

pooping at work is a fabled reality

i have vomed at work a couple times

i have lied about vomming at work a couple times

I have worked at places where I was able to find a preferred pooing toilet but have never worked at a place where I was able to find a preferred napping place, i.e. somewhere you could disappear to for thirty minutes of guaranteed uninterrupted napping. tbh if there was a workplace where such a place existed, it would probably be occupied by office boners 9-6.

this poll is missing a third option, which is wanking at work.

i am never horney at work

i have done all of these things

vomiting at work is just about the worst thing ever

i would like to get high at work.

very productive with weedian tokage and coffee

I have never felt guilty about pooping at work

indeed -- i've felt somewhat triumphant

because the last thing i want to be confronted with when i get to work and need to simply have a pee and wash my hands, is someone else's poop noises and foul odors

― cutty

I have worked at places where I was able to find a preferred pooing toilet but have never worked at a place where I was able to find a preferred napping place, i.e. somewhere you could disappear to for thirty minutes of guaranteed uninterrupted napping. tbh if there was a workplace where such a place existed, it would probably be occupied by office boners 9-6.

― 乒乓, Thursday, December 27, 2012 9:54 PM (51 minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

hey you should write for [TELEVISION SHOW SET IN HOSPITAL]

https://twimg0-a.akamaihd.net/profile_images/2259626443/simply_logo__1_.jpg

i voted

Pooping at work = less time at my desk

one would fuckin hope

I don't think I've ever taken an actual nap at work, but I've always said that if I ever owned a business I'd have a nap room and anyone who wanted could take a 20-minute nap break.

(Of course this is among the reasons why I should probably not own a business.)

sometimes i poo more than once during a workday

all depends how much Quaker Oats I consume that week

whey protein breakfasts are my cause de poop

i've never had one of these fancy grownup jobs that give you a chance to sleep anywhere, but at my last job the big east coast earthquake happened just as a sat down to take a poo at work so that was pretty cool

*as i

tis only lately i've had a job where they gave you a chance to shite anywhere tbph

are you permitted to shit in all the bathrooms now then?

well they frown at me if i go in to the ladies' but sure fuckit what're they gonna do, realistically?

otm

i may have a story relating to this on the co-workers thread fwiw

our office is over two floors, with a small wc on my level (upper) and bathrooms down below.when i moved up to this floor a few months back one of the ladies took me aside and explained rather genteely that 'we only use this floor for wee-wees and make-up' and 'we all know how boys are, hmm?' so, would i, bearing this in mind, take pains to respect this practice which, fair enough and a little o_Oily at the request, i have done.

but this morning somebody clearly broke rule number one about number ones, because she started dropping wrinklenosed hints around me about the 'disgusting smell' as she was putting her face on while the rest of us were busy housing the great and good of rural ireland. i was having a bit of a nightmarish morning as it was, numerous mishaps and administrative pratfalls by superiors with me as the arsecushion, so after the sixth or seventh scatalogical slander slung in my general direction across the heads of two other colleagues i'm afraid i put my third crying tenant of the day on hold and hissed at her-

"look, i didn't shit in your precious toilet"

the rest of the day passed in glorious silence, i'm hoping next week follows suit

― (govtname)mac (darraghmac), Saturday, 21 January 2012 00:45 (11 months ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

that's why i asked tbrr

tip of the cap

wee-wees and fucking make-up, i ask you- i nearly shit right there and then out of fuckin spite

I gotta confess that twice this week I arrived at work and promptly decamped to the conference room with comfy chairs and went back to sleep on the couch.

Automatic thread bump. This poll is closing tomorrow.

Lost its luster a bit now that I work at home but definitely pooping. Napping at work, at best someone walks by and either sprays water in your face, tries to wake you up, or yells at you, but one can't be disturbed when atop his throne.

we had an empty office on a seldom-used floor at my old job where i would sneak off to on slow days (and there were a lot of slow days) to take a 15-20 power nap. really did wonders for my mood in the afternoon

respect the work napper
"sleep is not sleep until sleep's vulnerable"

has anyone pointed out the two don't have to be mutually exclusive, i.e. "crap naps"? saved my life when I was temping and staying out all night on the regular after college.

we had an empty office on a seldom-used floor at my old job where i would sneak off to on slow days (and there were a lot of slow days) to take a 15-20 power nap. really did wonders for my mood in the afternoon

― Still S.M.D.H. ft. (will), Tuesday, January 8, 2013 7:14 PM (2 minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

Actually we did have a men's lounge where I used to do this, and it did help me recharge, but the damn thing didn't lock properly (like you could lock it, but someone turning the handle from outside 'overrode' the lock), and even despite putting the placard into "In Use", some fucktard would walk in and say "ooooh sorry didn't know nobody was in here", or occasionally one of the maintenance guys would tell me to leave so he could throw chairs in there.

which kills me because it was a room designed for either short breaks or laying down when you didn't feel well.

last time we caught someone napping at work we all pooped on him!

wow, nice way to talk down to someone with a serious neuroscatalogical condition

sorry it's just my rheumatism acting up

What about skidmark leavers? Was is the proper office protocol for skidmarks? I'm always so mortified when I go into the washroom (even to pee, say) and discover skidmarks in the bowl. Because then the next person might think it was me...

brush that shit, there is no other protocol

unless you leave scrubby brushes in each stall, Ichabod Marker streaks are an inevitable evil....

i'm glad you specified bowl and not underwear btw

excrement skidmarks the spot

xpost man fuck that if there's snaketrails in yer trou and you're over the age of 12, you need to go back to buttwiping school IMO

ok, let's all shit our work pants to something new

btw dmac your work story is A+ and I am formally requesting that you say "I didn't shit in your precious bowl" to a person to whom you have just been introduced at some point

ty, ty, but idk where one would word it into the conversation- short of learning the phrase in say french and repeating it all about you like eliza dolittle's 'how d'yoodoo' and just hoping nobody calls you on it

What I also love about that story is its entirely possible one of the other ladies she was dropping hints over the heads of was sitting there going "oh man, I hope she never works out it was me..."

Automatic thread bump. This poll's results are now in.

unless you leave scrubby brushes in each stall, Ichabod Marker streaks are an inevitable evil....

Flushing some toilet paper should take out the streaks.

I can't believe I missed this thread.

Anyway, when I worked for state government, my officemate and I would sometimes take 10 minute disco naps at our desks. One wall of my office is glass so I can't pull that off at my current job.

Would have had to vote pooping, though, since that's when I catch up on Twitter.

My office closed and we moved into another building in the area with another division in the company. Shortly after we moved in, I walked into the bathroom to hear someone from the other division not only talking loudly on the phone while in a stall, but FaceTiming

I may need a new job.

There's a guy in our office whose stall time sounds like an obscene phone call. "Mmm..eh. Eh. Eh. Mmm. Mem. Um...ehh...mmmmmm. Eh. Eh. Muh." It's the most unsettling toilet vocalization I've ever encountered, and it never varies.

the office i work in has one shared, unisex toilet for fifteen or so people

some disgusting savage regularly manages to leave a poop-smeared impression of their crack on the toilet seat and it's staggeringly vile

i like everyone i work with for the most part but the knowledge that one of them is wandering around with a poop-crack is starting to weigh heavily upon me :(

Our 1 men's toilet (between something like 40 men, which I have pointed out to our office management is actually illegal, but they don't care) is blocked AGAIN.

I think I must work with Field Marshall Poo.

My office closed and we moved into another building in the area with another division in the company. Shortly after we moved in, I walked into the bathroom to hear someone from the other division not only talking loudly on the phone while in a stall, but FaceTiming

I may need a new job.

― its subtle brume (DJP), Thursday, February 18, 2016 10:24 AM (31 minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

the solution is obv to occupy the next stall and start doing this:

There's a guy in our office whose stall time sounds like an obscene phone call. "Mmm..eh. Eh. Eh. Mmm. Mem. Um...ehh...mmmmmm. Eh. Eh. Muh." It's the most unsettling toilet vocalization I've ever encountered, and it never varies.

― maybe my clam is just more toxic (Old Lunch), Thursday, February 18, 2016 10:32 AM (23 minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

Somehow I don't think the dude who opens a FaceTime conversation with his buddy with "HELL YEAH I'M TAKING A SHIT AT WORK" is going to be fazed.

A friend of mine worked in a (large, global, household name company) with hundreds of people in the office where, for a period of about a fortnight, one unknown individual would just shit in random places throughout the building (bathroom sinks, waste paper baskets, a stock cupboard). I started demanding pretty much daily updates on this at one point but the culprit was never caught :(

Some say he or she is pooping in a file cabinet in an office somewhere at this very moment...

A colleague of mine took an emergency shit in an empty council flat, even though all the tenants had been moved out there was a strict no shitting policy on site and they had a 2 yellows and you get thrown off site card system. It was on a massive housing estate and the toilet facilities at the site office were appalling, image like three shitters that about 80 labourers been have emptying their guts in for weeks and nobody is cleaning them. All the windows in the flat had steel covers so he didn't see that a plumber was working on the soil-pipe outside and he sprayed his shit all over his open tool box. He got a straight red for this one and was thrown off site and billed for a whole new set of hand tools by the plumber.

Thread delivers.

There's a guy in our office whose stall time sounds like an obscene phone call. "Mmm..eh. Eh. Eh. Mmm. Mem. Um...ehh...mmmmmm. Eh. Eh. Muh." It's the most unsettling toilet vocalization I've ever encountered, and it never varies.

― maybe my clam is just more toxic (Old Lunch), Thursday, February 18, 2016 10:32 AM (51 minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

dying @ this

Maybe the next time I encounter Mr. FaceTime, I'll start singing the mezzo vocalizations from "The Colouring of Pigeons" in retaliation.

you should FaceTime with him

Once I was pooping at work while other people were in the bathroom, and I was looking at facebook and wanted to take a screenshot of something, and it made a super-loud camera shutter noise.

okay massive lol

There used to be a guy who always prayed Out loud while he pooped at my work. It was so annoying.

... Did he think he wasn't going to make it? Maybe he should have seen a doctor

"Casting out demons"

There's another dude in my office who wipes like he's grating parmesan. CHIKACHIKACHIKACHIKACHIKA.

I try not to spend too much time in our restroom.

you know how in public most people seem to act and live roughly the same, but if you are in their homes you start to see small variations in their habits that make you feel like their lifestyles are completely foreign to your own? i completely understand getting that feeling about the wiping habits of others

have caught this one dude from upper mgmt on the pooper dozens of times since ive been here

oh shit

waking up a co-worker on the toilet is just rude imo

i kno mf'er seems me thru the crack too cuz i always make sure i try to open the door

sees*

youre probs asking y is infinity going to the toilet so much he must be one huge pooper himself

no

the urinal in one restroom is broken and everyone loves to piss in the other restrooms for sum raison d'etre

luv 2 fall asleep at work and shit myself

have u ever dropped yr phone inside the toilet after a good piping

the call is coming from inside the bowl

had a coworker in a call centre who was the manager's daughter's boyfriend and, despite the fact that the manager hated him and thought he wasn't good enough for her daughter, this meant she basically wouldn't fire him. he would go and fall asleep in the toilet regularly.

Control+F masturbating

pooping at work is one of life's truest pleasures

surprisingly i hear a lot of people answering business calls in the restrooms here, even while on the shitter

When I started this thread, I was in my fourth week of my first Real Job, having moved from the US east to west coast. Being jetlagged and with no real responsibilities yet, napping at work was both feasible and practical. I probably took no naps at work after December 2012 or January 2013.

On the other hand, sometime in the last 7 years I started doing nearly all weekday pooping at work, before noon. This routine, the evidence it gave me for my regularity, and the cost savings in toilet paper for the home were minor but undeniable comforts.

Now, under covid, I must poop at home, and I've had some difficult BMs in that time. I have to use my own toilet paper. I have to scrub the toilet more. Trials all.

But, after years of inaccessibility, I can and sometimes do take a nap bang in the middle of business hours, and only god can judge me.

Pooping hard or hardly pooping?