Shut up, I know how to finish in front of Hamilton - Formula 1 2013

http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-eEyJXfWm2Y4/TomfWExKcdI/AAAAAAAABDs/lIR56--WqzI/s1600/vettel+funny+ice+cream.jpg

poor attempt at continuing the ILX F1 Ice Cream meme

Let us start the year with Ronspeak:

Whatever people choose to do at the end of a contractual period, the professional thing to do is to be supportive of the other side. We don't wish him every success at Mercedes - that's understandable, as he's obviously going to be a competitor - but we don't wish him anything negative.

Farewell Brawn GP and a big hello to The Niki & Toto Wolff & possibly Paddy Lowe Show.

And yeah sure, Ross Brawn may have helped Ferrari and his own team win a few championships but Niki Lauda...uh...um, convinced Eddie Irvine to sign for Jaguar and didn't they do well?

Whoa big ol F1/Newey piece in this week's NYer (paywalled)

New cars (except Williams) that look a bit nicer and Mercedes is having a shit time at Jerez!!

Hoping that Lotus isn't sandbagging and they know what they're doing, etc.

http://www.popularmechanics.com/cars/news/industry/the-insanely-complicated-f1-steering-wheel

Ahhh hah wasn't LH complaining a couple days ago about all the new buttons on the Merc wheel

That actually looks like a more ~simple~ wheel from the early-00s iirc.

Watch out, Eric Lux: ADRIAN SUTIL IS BACK

Sick of F1 Racing shafting you with the same old stories every month? Here's a new player in the F1 magazine game from an, err, interesting publishing source: http://www.pitpass.com/48493-A-different-Formula-for-F1-magazine-publishing

Hey guys, guess which year this headline was published: "It's now or never for Mark Webber."

2004

hello to actual racing again! well, practice. vettel top in opening sesh.

sutil with new helmet design... canny ruse to avoid being served with legal documents?

looking at one of the lotuses and getting nostalgic for the days of real JPS black and gold colourschemes - thinkin baout getting this t-shirt http://8380labs.myshopify.com/products/atcc-85-unbesiegt

Do they have a Jim Richards "Pack of Arseholes" T-shirt as well?

How 'bout that McLaren? I know it's only FP1 and FP2 but has Hamilton made...the right decision?!?

only lewis' accountant knows for sure!

I suspect Mercedes are paying Lewis by the tweet.

@LewisHamilton
Can't wait to get back in the car, this track is the shizznit!! Wondering how the car will feel. But I know I got the best team around me.

@LewisHamilton
If you don't already, please follow my beautiful girlfriend @NicoleScherzy & check out her new song BOOMERANG!! Bless

Love the track maps in here, you can rotate them which is awesome

James Allen blogged that Honda will be coming back as a supplier for McLaren. Wow, just wow. Can we lock up the "former commentator" in a room with Adrian Sutil sometime?

- WET QUALIFYING
- TELEMETRY NOT WORKING

The EXCITEMENT that is VOLUNTEERS USING BROOMS TO BRUSH WATER OFF A FORMULA 1 CIRCUIT.

they loving it

remember when schuey would wring heroic quali laps from useless ferraris? I feel Lewis is not on for one of those sessions

Lewis is currently no NICO ROSBERG, BITCH.

a fit of pic

Esteban Gutted.

^da hardlol

welp, back to the FULL WETS

(australian television coverage-specific: did Greg 'Pathetically Uninformed' Rust rly have to mention that it's "bucketing down outside the Qantas Club"?)

This is what I like to call 'Paul di Resta Weather': endlessly gloomy.

https://pbs.twimg.com/media/BFdh_TFCEAAFGJA.jpg

Yep, tell Seb that it's kinda wet out here.

@H_Kovalainen
C'mon the rain is not that bad, get on with it… #F1

we gotta protect the pay drivers, heikki

SEE YOU AGAIN TOMORROW MORNING

http://www.topgear.com/au/car-news/f1-car-sings-aussie-anthem-140313

these things idle at 5,000 rpm these days

does kimi really make for a credible dandruff treatment ambassador?

He is a bit of a flake.

Well, he does enjoy a flake in his ice cream cone.

I was really hoping for some shakeup with qualifying. Alas.

Mark Webber is thrilled as ever to be starting from P2.

btw Seb has to start on those ruined super softs...good luck with dat, champ

!!! ADRIAN SUTIL IS LEADING A GRAND PRIX !!!

What a GBH (great bloody hero) he is.

Kimi knew what he was doing today.

lol, look at the little victory lane they have in the garage there!

IS HE GOING TO SWEAR ON THE PODIUM AGAIN?

~ LOTUS / PIRELLI CONSPIRACY THEORY~

I missed out on Roscoe getting a pair of shades, how did that happen?: http://instagram.com/p/dos8D1r0y_/

GOOD HEAVENS I LOVE THERMAL CAMERAS

~it's so psychedelic~

FOCUS ON THE *RACE*, NICO.

FIREWORKS!! (LITERALLY!!)

Well, it's official, they've banned fun and larks in Formula 1.

http://www.grandprixweekly.com/wp-content/uploads/Senna-Mansell.jpg

THAT IS VERY UNSAFE, AYRTON, BACK OF THE GRID NEXT RACE!!

Nice one Lotus

Urgh

again

I dunno, I'm with the stewards on this one - scary

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1HO91FVHIRY

Barrichello at Sauber, maybe

Nico Rosberg has admitted he took objection in Singapore when world champion Sebastian Vettel suggested his rivals are lazy.

After dominating the floodlit grand prix, German Vettel explained Red Bull's advantage by insisting that while his team works "very hard", the others are "hanging their balls in the pool very early on Fridays".

It may have been a joke, but Mercedes' Rosberg did not laugh.

"Maybe he shouldn't be thinking about my balls," he is quoted on Thursday by Germany's Auto Motor und Sport.

"It was definitely inappropriate," added Rosberg. "My team works its ass off. And he can't possibly know how much we work compared to them.

"My boys work like crazy."

And as F1 figures puzzle over why Vettel is being booed on post-race podiums, Rosberg said comments like the one made in Singapore do him no favours.

"He is in very clear danger of losing the respect of the other drivers," he said.

McLaren's Jenson Button agrees: "It was a wrong and unfair thing for Sebastian to say."

But Vettel said he found it "strange" that his comment was so controversial.

"It was not my intention to say anything against someone else," he said, "but only to show that our success is no accident."

"Maybe he shouldn't be thinking about my balls" -next year's thread title?

Ahhhh hah ha I can't believe that quote is real

http://www.auto-motor-und-sport.de/formel-1/rosbergs-rat-an-vettel-weniger-gedanken-ueber-meine-eier-7764162.html

It's official: Massa no longer gives a shit.

"WHEN ARE YOU GONNA CALL ME IN, MAN? THESE TYRES ARE FUCKED!"

"Uh, Lewis, did you see those sparks?"

Leading the Korean Grand Prix is...uh, some guy in a SUV.

That was Nico Hulkenberg's best drive yet but he's such a heavy bastard, so he can fucking stay at Sauber.

Pitpass on its high horse because J. Allen is a certifiable cretin non shocker: http://www.pitpass.com/50084/Death-of-a-non-story

The Conspiracy of The Week is brought to you by that well known motorsport journal, er, Wired: http://www.wired.com/autopia/2013/10/red-bull-f1-traction-control/

Alright, Jalopnik had it first (http://jalopnik.com/red-bull-may-have-invented-a-secret-new-hybrid-technolo-1442585020) but the former has really run with it adding on why Webber is still shit.

Yeah I heard about that on Windsor's podcast. It would explain a lot, I buy it. That's what you do in the sport, come up with ways around the rules your competitors haven't thought of

alright the championship is over

!!!! FOURTH WORLD CHAMPIONSHIP !!!!

http://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2013/07/27/article-2380092-1B049488000005DC-202_634x405.jpg

DONUTS!!!!

SHOWMANSHIP!!!!

Seb is on a serious humanizing charm offensive, about time

Kim Raikkonen (the guy who hasn't gotten paid) is sent to the back of the grid because of something wrong with the Lotus (the car of the team who hasn't paid him).

Uh, maybe he won't turn up for the race now.

Kimi did the least he possibly could.

Mysterious investors buy into Lotus, demand that they sign up The Hulk.

This will be a) awesome or b) "Tradition of Excellence" despair.

In a landmark ruling, a French court on Wednesday ordered Google to prevent its search engine from providing links to images of a sadomasochistic orgy involving former Formula One boss Max Mosley.

http://img.gawkerassets.com/img/18s43f2rdisqvjpg/original.jpg

That court case is going to be either the most fascinating thing or a series of "lol Bernie is a crook" anecdotes.

This one falls squarely into the latter: http://www.pitpass.com/50399/F1-team-bosses-bribed

Double points for the last GP of the season next year? What the fuck is this, NASCAR?

This has only made me even more angry about F1 after Maldonado got that Lotus drive.

L. Hamilton's Twitter and Instagram is the gift that keeps on giving.

schumacher's condition now critical after skiing accident brain trauma, initially reported as not so serious

Fucking hell

Didn't Joely Richardson pass p much that way, seemed fine at first etc

That news sucks.

The initial reports were false, serious brain trauma and in a coma on arrival.

Used to be able to buy money with this dude, backing him for a podium finish. Hope he can get through this shit :(

Uh Natasha Richardson even

Bloody hell, guys.

The reports keep getting worse.

yes, it's awful.

Uh Natasha Richardson even

... and Sonny Bono, a Kennedy. Stupid pastime.

Yeah the thought of this (and many, many knee wrecks etc) makes me look at skiing as akin to motorbiking without the helmet or bike, on ice

ppl wear helmets now tbf

For instance, Michael Schumacher was wearing one

Skiing itself has proportionately fewer fatalities than cycling or swimming, says Dr Mike Langran, a GP who founded the website ski-injury.com. The figures he cites suggest that the death rate for skiing is 2.07 deaths per million people skiing, compared to 29.4 per million cycling, and 72.7 per million swimming. (The rate is calculated by taking the total number of people who do the activity in a year and dividing it by the number who died doing that activity.)

When it comes to injuries, there are about "2-4 injuries per 1,000 days spent on the slopes", he says.

How 'bout that fake priest? Well done, journalism.