There is a fish in a bucket in my living room

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No really, I'm not making this up.

My mentalist housemate keeps fish. One of them has, apparently, swim bloat which means for most of the day until he went to work he was excerising the fish to make it get rid of the trapped air in its stomach. He has now gone out leaving said fish in bucket in the middle of the living room. It's horrible and gives me the creeps, just like the housemate. I despise him.

I don't know why I'm teeling you this, other than the fact I am now confined to the upper level of the house where the creepy fish is not.

― Anna (Anna), Thursday, 26 September 2002 15:18 (twenty-three years ago)

!!!

― nabisco (nabisco), Thursday, 26 September 2002 15:20 (twenty-three years ago)

Eat the fish.

― Graham (graham), Thursday, 26 September 2002 15:21 (twenty-three years ago)

Fry it and eat it. When asked suggest it made a daring escape.

― Anonymous (Anonymous), Thursday, 26 September 2002 15:21 (twenty-three years ago)

So in lieu of shunting "exercising the fish" over to the euphemisms thread, can I just offer my condolences? To you and the fish both, obviously.

― nabisco (nabisco), Thursday, 26 September 2002 15:21 (twenty-three years ago)

No, don't eat the fish. Balance the bucket on top of his bedroom door kids'-TV-prank-style.

― Graham (graham), Thursday, 26 September 2002 15:23 (twenty-three years ago)

How does one exercise a fish, anyway? Racing? Free weights? Or is he actually squeezing the fish by hand?

― nabisco (nabisco), Thursday, 26 September 2002 15:23 (twenty-three years ago)

I swear I don't have a life, it's just a series of sitcom episodes strung togther.

― Anna (Anna), Thursday, 26 September 2002 15:23 (twenty-three years ago)

I do feel sorry for the fish too, but it's still creepy. I don't know what he was doing to it. I think he was just trying to make it swim rather than lying inert.

― Anna (Anna), Thursday, 26 September 2002 15:26 (twenty-three years ago)

"Foul bubbles, I command you to LEAVE this FISH in the NAME of JESUS!!"

― Colin Meeder (Mert), Thursday, 26 September 2002 15:27 (twenty-three years ago)

I really want to see that now Colin.

― Anna (Anna), Thursday, 26 September 2002 15:27 (twenty-three years ago)

I read this thread and my pathetic brane immediately started pumping out (first) "There's a fish inna bucket what am I gonna do... I'm goona shoot that fish that's what I'm gonna do" and (then) "there's a fish in my bucket, dear Liza, dear Liza".

I'm a wreck and I need to go home.

― Tim (Tim), Thursday, 26 September 2002 15:34 (twenty-three years ago)

I would say don't punish the fish. You seem to be putting the negative feelings you have towards your housemate onto the fish. The fish could become a good friend!

(this is supposed to be a witty pop pyschology aside)

― jel -- (jel), Thursday, 26 September 2002 16:41 (twenty-three years ago)

But jel, it wouldn't be fair to use the fish just to get back at your housemate by having a better relationship with the fish than you ever could with the housemate. (Fish have feelings too, or maybe they don't, I never worked it out and Kurt Cobain went and died before going into any more detail on the subject.)

― Rebecca (reb), Thursday, 26 September 2002 17:53 (twenty-three years ago)

Troy Maclure to thread!!!

― Julio Desouza (jdesouza), Thursday, 26 September 2002 18:38 (twenty-three years ago)

Can't you just drop a couple of Alka-Seltzer into the bucket to make the fish burp to cure its 'fish bloat'? It could then rejoin its tank mates and your problem wd be solved.

― C J (C J), Thursday, 26 September 2002 19:01 (twenty-three years ago)

but the poor little fish would dissolve! fish are made of acid.

― jel -- (jel), Thursday, 26 September 2002 19:03 (twenty-three years ago)

Are they? oops!

Then Anna must scoop the fish out of the bucket (poss wearing rubber gloves to avoid actual fish-to-skin contact) and perform the Heimlich Manoeuvre on it, to enable fish to burp up trapped wind.

― C J (C J), Thursday, 26 September 2002 19:50 (twenty-three years ago)

how much pressure should she apply? I'd be loath to try lest I crush its delicate body.

― MarkH (MarkH), Friday, 27 September 2002 08:46 (twenty-three years ago)

do fish not fart then?

take it for a swift walk around the block. swimming + walking = better exercise.

― gazza, Friday, 27 September 2002 08:50 (twenty-three years ago)

Hmmmm...... how big is the fish, I wonder?

If it were a Goldfish you'd have to be quite careful but if it were, say, a Garoupa or a Trout you could afford to be a little more brutal.

― C J (C J), Friday, 27 September 2002 08:51 (twenty-three years ago)

I don't think you can take fish for a walk. It would be more of a 'scrape'.

― C J (C J), Friday, 27 September 2002 08:52 (twenty-three years ago)

I meant take it for a walk in the bucket silly!

- ummmm, but that wouldnt really work either would it? But at least it would get a whole new outlook on life?

― gazza, Friday, 27 September 2002 08:56 (twenty-three years ago)

Surely it would only get a new outlook if the bucket were see through?

― Plinky (Plinky), Friday, 27 September 2002 08:57 (twenty-three years ago)

ok , ok , yes......but perhaps it could look up at the sky? Can fish look up? Perhaps Anna could take it for a walk in its bowl?

Work with me Plinky! Throw me a bone here!

― gazza, Friday, 27 September 2002 09:03 (twenty-three years ago)

Perhaps the vibration of her footsteps and the gentle swishing of the water as she walked would relax the fish enough to cure it's flatulence?

Consider that a bone.

― Plinky (Plinky), Friday, 27 September 2002 09:11 (twenty-three years ago)

I think Halibut can look up, due to the fact they are so flat and their eyes are on the top of their heads. Maybe it's an Halibut. Or am I thinking of Lemon Sole?

― C J (C J), Friday, 27 September 2002 09:11 (twenty-three years ago)

yes, yes ...vibrations and swishing...thats what I was thinking of.

Does one eat Lemon Sole with a wedge of Lemon or would that be tooo Lemoney?

― gazza, Friday, 27 September 2002 09:15 (twenty-three years ago)

skates and rays can look up too. Somehow I think it's unlikely to be one of these. Or indeed one of the cave-dwelling catfish which have NO EYES AT ALL.

― MarkH (MarkH), Friday, 27 September 2002 09:21 (twenty-three years ago)

Good question but why are they called Lemon Sole, are they yellow, do they eat lemons? Who names fish anyway?

― Plinky (Plinky), Friday, 27 September 2002 09:23 (twenty-three years ago)

Good question - their discoverer? Jacques Costeau?
Where does the name Halibut come from - and who named the Squid?

― gazza, Friday, 27 September 2002 09:28 (twenty-three years ago)

Main Entry: hal·i·but
Pronunciation: 'ha-l&-b&t also 'hä-
Function: noun
Inflected Form(s): plural halibut also halibuts
Etymology: Middle English halybutte, from haly, holy holy + butte flatfish, from Middle Dutch or Middle Low German but; from its being eaten on holy days
Date: 14th century

― MarkH (MarkH), Friday, 27 September 2002 09:31 (twenty-three years ago)

Octopus.
I get the Octo bit but what cat ever looked like that?

― Plinky (Plinky), Friday, 27 September 2002 09:32 (twenty-three years ago)

Mine does

― C J (C J), Friday, 27 September 2002 09:35 (twenty-three years ago)

haly, holy holy = halibut are named after a Neil Diamond song?

Fish are such an interesting topic innit?

― gazza, Friday, 27 September 2002 09:36 (twenty-three years ago)

CJ - Evidence is required, you could be on TV (if only That's Life was still on...)

― Plinky (Plinky), Friday, 27 September 2002 09:38 (twenty-three years ago)

Plinky NO! That thought is frightening!

(I still dread that bloke dressed as a tulip leaping out at me and starting to sing every time I'm at the garden centre).

― MarkH (MarkH), Friday, 27 September 2002 09:41 (twenty-three years ago)

Humble apologies, I just couldn't hleping thinking of the dog that says Sausages and the Cat the looks like an Octopus teaming up as a double act...

― Plinky (Plinky), Friday, 27 September 2002 09:47 (twenty-three years ago)

I just invented a new word, "hleping". Any suggestions on a definition?

― Plinky (Plinky), Friday, 27 September 2002 09:50 (twenty-three years ago)

How's the fish today, Anna?

― C J (C J), Friday, 27 September 2002 16:01 (twenty-three years ago)

Hahaha CJ has turned Anna into a fishmonger.

― nabisco (nabisco), Friday, 27 September 2002 16:55 (twenty-three years ago)

Have not! I am merely concerned re poor little piscean's welfare. Interested to know whether fish has burped or farted today, that's all. It's almost like part of the family now.

― C J (C J), Friday, 27 September 2002 17:23 (twenty-three years ago)

You still haven't told us what kind of fish it is, Anna! I'd be pleased if it were a shark or manta ray, but I suspect not. Piranha?

― Martin Skidmore (Martin Skidmore), Friday, 27 September 2002 20:30 (twenty-three years ago)

Hahaha also Anna has no follow-through on her tantalizing fish threads.

― nabisco (nabisco), Friday, 27 September 2002 21:56 (twenty-three years ago)

five months pass...

There was a frog behind the fridge in my kitchen today. I have no idea how it got there, apparently someone left the door open. They got me to chase it out the door with a broom. During which time it made the most terrifying blood-curling squeek which I've never know before - we used to have wild frogs in the pond at my old house and they never made noise when we tormented them.

Has anyone heard a frog SQUEAL before?

― Graham (graham), Tuesday, 4 March 2003 19:50 (twenty-two years ago)

did you not kiss it?

― Ed (dali), Tuesday, 4 March 2003 19:58 (twenty-two years ago)

alvy singer to thread.

― RJG (RJG), Tuesday, 4 March 2003 20:06 (twenty-two years ago)

No Ed, I didn't pick it up.

(DYS?)

― Graham (graham), Tuesday, 4 March 2003 21:16 (twenty-two years ago)

This one time in college I came home from my radio show at 3am and I noticed the cat was playing with some brown silky bag. I went over to it and realized that it was a bat. I was tired and didn't know what to do so I put a pot over it with a weight on top and a note that said "BAT UNDER POT". And then I went to bed. Of course my male roommate got up before me and saw a pot in the middle of the living room and looked underneath. And lo and behold there WAS a bat under the pot. I think he eventually took it outside (it was probably close to death after spending the night probably injured under a pot in very hot summer weather with no bat air conditioning).

― Carey (Carey), Tuesday, 4 March 2003 21:38 (twenty-two years ago)

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