There is a squirrel outside my window EATING a garden gnome

I have found that squirrels are full of surprises.

The other possibility is that it has eaten so many cigarette butts it has gone insane (squirrels don't understand that they have nicotene withdrawl)

Or maybe there is a war between the squirrels and the gnomes.

Only one of these suggestions is ridiculous

Is it sad that I now want to go back to my parents' house purely to check on the progress of a half-eaten gnome?

This thread hath helped win the love of many a fair maiden. I am glad it's been revived.

I'll have to go back to my parents in order to look. However, I neglected to factor in the added complication of PAINT. It is also entirely possible, nay, likely, that the poor blighter has been poisoned.

NATURE lovers fear that squirrels could become hooked on crack cocaine plundered from addicts' hidden stashes.

The furry animals are thought to be behind a new drugs turf war in Brixton - stealing rocks of crack hidden in front gardens.

Tough police action to rid the town centre of dealers and addicts has seen crackheads abandon their usual drug stash hideouts.

But the blitz has displaced some dealing into nearby residential streets.

Drug addicts are known to be hiding small stashes of crack rocks in people's front lawns late at night.

Squirrels have been spotted in the same front gardens, seemingly hunting out the buried narcotics.

The discovery has led some residents to speculate that the squirrels are already in the grips of addiction. One resident, who asked for his name to be withheld, told the South London Press.

"I was chatting with my neighbour who told me that crack users and dealers sometimes use my front garden to hide bits of their stash.

"An hour earlier I'd seen a squirrel wandering round the garden, digging in the flowerbeds.

"It looked like it knew what it was looking for.

"It was ill-looking and its eyes looked bloodshot but it kept on desperately digging.

"It was almost as if it was trying to find hidden crack rocks."

Crack squirrels are a recognised phenomena in the US.

They are known to live in parks frequented by addicts in New York and Washington DC.

The squirrels have attacked park visitors in their frenzied search for their next fix.

An RSPCA spokesman said he was unaware of the squirrels taking crack in Brixton.

Car combusts - squirrel gets the blame

Jersey Journal
Friday, October 19, 2007

It's Rocky the Frying Squirrel!

A kamikaze squirrel fell from the sky and detonated a Bayonne woman's car Wednesday, police said yesterday.

Lindsey Millar, 23, and her brother, Tony, 22, were both home Wednesday at about 12:45 p.m. when they suddenly noticed Lindsey's car burning outside their 42nd Street home.

Tony Millar said yesterday that firefighters told them it was the work of a buck-toothed saboteur that had been gnawing on power lines connected to a transformer above the 2006 Toyota Camry.

"The squirrel chewed through the wire, was set on fire, fell down directly to where the car was," Tony Millar said. "The squirrel, on fire, slid into the engine compartment and blew up the car.

"They're always coming around here chewing through the garbage," he added.

Tony Millar says his sister's car was fully insured.

"It's something to laugh about once she has a new car," he said. "It's not funny yet."

Police said there were no injuries - except, that is, for the squirrel, which is dead.

The Millars' home is decorated for Halloween, complete with a tiny plastic tombstone on their front lawn. Tony Millar said the family will consider dedicating the tombstone to the squirrel, who was not named.

N. CLARK JUDD

Watch out!
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