Stationery Trolls C/D?

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I just spent ages arseing about sellotaping a dumb label to sumfink coz the Stationery Troll wouldn't give me sticky labels.
Any of you non-student slackers have Stationery Troll at your place of work? If I want 2 pencils I should be able to take the damn things, not had to give written justification (in triplicate signed and notarised) to some jumped up jobsworth!!!
Sorry, rant over.

― Plinky (Plinky), Friday, 27 September 2002 09:44 (twenty-three years ago)

I just used to go over to the cabinet and grab some (still using them too). If there wasn't any of what I wanted in there I'd just get on teh hotline to Dudleys.

― chris (chris), Friday, 27 September 2002 09:47 (twenty-three years ago)

HAHA! I am a chronic pen thief - I dont not need to visit STATIONERY!

― gazza, Friday, 27 September 2002 09:48 (twenty-three years ago)

I am mean grouchy stationery girl e.g. Colleague: 'Emma have we got any compliment slips / blue biros / folders?' Me: *SIGHING HEAVILY COS ILE PERUSING HAS BEEN INTERRUPTED* 'Have you looked in the cupboard? They are in there. They WERE in there, it's not my fault if you get through them so quickly. Well then look in the other cupboard. OH GOD I suppose now you want me to ORDER some don't you?'

― Emma, Friday, 27 September 2002 09:51 (twenty-three years ago)

No, our Stationery Troll doesn't let you in the cupboard, she has a big bunch of keys and she carrys them with her wherever she goes. What does she think we are gonna do, steal loadsa pens and sell them on the Illegal Stationery Black Market?! Mentalist

― Plinky (Plinky), Friday, 27 September 2002 09:56 (twenty-three years ago)

kill her and lock the body in the cabinet.

― chris (chris), Friday, 27 September 2002 10:01 (twenty-three years ago)

Surprisingly, for an organisation which is well-known for the sort of "fill out the right form in triplicate" nonsense that Plinky rails against, my office is liberal with the stationery. I did bring my own stapler and holepunch with me when I came, however, to avoid problems. (Well, "my own" isn't quite right, I "borrowed" them from my last place of work)

― Jeff W (Jeff W), Friday, 27 September 2002 10:02 (twenty-three years ago)

we gave the stationery monitor such a hard time about the importance of urgency and exactness re finicky weird items "necessary for the production of magazine" that we are now allowed to order and regulate our own

― mark s (mark s), Friday, 27 September 2002 10:06 (twenty-three years ago)

Jeff it is because of people like you that Stationery Trolls are employed, you should be ashamed!

― Plinky (Plinky), Friday, 27 September 2002 10:07 (twenty-three years ago)

I feel your pain, Emma. I am, through no falut of my own, the Stationery Troll at my workplace and believe me it's a lot less fun being on this side of the fence. Hardly surprising if we get ratty when no one else in the office seems to be able to retain a pen for longer than 5 minutes. I would in fact happily let stationery anarchy break loose, if it were up to me. But I spent £260 on stationery yesterday and the powers that be are VERY interested to know where the money goes. So just be grateful that you get to see any pens at all, dammit! (VERY sore spot with me this week, sorry.)

― Archel (Archel), Friday, 27 September 2002 11:13 (twenty-three years ago)

I am innocent looking so the Stationery Troll lets me rummage through the supply cabinet and take whatever I want. I just wish there were felt tip pens in stock, felt tip pens are woefully underrated.

― Nicole (Nicole), Friday, 27 September 2002 11:18 (twenty-three years ago)

Oops, I seems to have offended hundreds of Stationery Persons. I feel I must clarify, being in charge of stationery does not make you a dreaded Stationery Troll. Locking all the Stationery away in big metal cupboards and carrying the keys everywhere with you, automaticaaly answering NO! to every request and handing out staples by the row rather then let somebody loose with a whole box (thereby endagering the whole office, the owner of a whole box of staples could go into a stapling frenzy...)maketh the Stationery Troll. Geddit?

― Plinky (Plinky), Friday, 27 September 2002 11:19 (twenty-three years ago)

I fear at this rate I will grow up to be a bona fide Stationery Troll though :(

― Archel (Archel), Friday, 27 September 2002 11:25 (twenty-three years ago)

Surely there must be some way to prevent this terrible demise?
Throw open the Stationery Cupboard doors and declare today Open Day!

― Plinky (Plinky), Friday, 27 September 2002 11:29 (twenty-three years ago)

The greatest irony is: I don't even HAVE the keys to the stationery cupboard! No, for that would be too easy! I ORDER the stationery, stationery arrives, cupboard is opened by key-wielding superior, I put stationery in cupboard, staff members ask me for stationery, I go to key-wielding superior ETC ETC. It is mentalism.

― Archel (Archel), Friday, 27 September 2002 11:45 (twenty-three years ago)

Ohmygod, you are a Deputy Troll!

― Plinky (Plinky), Friday, 27 September 2002 11:46 (twenty-three years ago)

Archel = Stationary Troll's BEEYOTCH.

― Graham (graham), Friday, 27 September 2002 11:51 (twenty-three years ago)

Exactly, which is why I fear that all my thwarted stationery dreams and accumulated resentment against the Key Holder will eventually EXPLODE into full-blown Trollery. Save me.

― Archel (Archel), Friday, 27 September 2002 12:11 (twenty-three years ago)

Maybe the key is the One Key and it is slowly turning you evil.

― Nicole (Nicole), Friday, 27 September 2002 12:14 (twenty-three years ago)

You must destroy the key!

Erm, how do you destroy a key?

― Plinky (Plinky), Friday, 27 September 2002 12:16 (twenty-three years ago)

One Key to rule them all and in the darkness (the stationery cupboard is very dark) bind them! It all makes sense now! I think though, instead of going to all the trouble of throwing the key into the fires of Mordor/the paper shredder, I will just find a new job.

― Archel (Archel), Friday, 27 September 2002 12:20 (twenty-three years ago)

Or you could do battle with the Stationery Troll and become all powerful....

― Plinky (Plinky), Friday, 27 September 2002 12:26 (twenty-three years ago)

for a moment sam saw archel capering like a mad thing on the lip of the paper-shredder of doom, then she stepped back too far and fell: there was a final shriek of "my bodger!!" from the depths, then the mountain exploded with great gouts of tipp-ex

― mark s (mark s), Friday, 27 September 2002 12:31 (twenty-three years ago)

does anyone use tipp-ex any more?

― mark s (mark s), Friday, 27 September 2002 12:32 (twenty-three years ago)

We do, coz the Stationery Troll wont buy anything else!

― Plinky (Plinky), Friday, 27 September 2002 12:36 (twenty-three years ago)

My mistakes are erased forever now...

― Archel (Archel), Friday, 27 September 2002 12:46 (twenty-three years ago)

My dad uses Tipp Ex only he calls it Sno Pake (poss. because that is the weirdo alternative he has in his desk, it is very strange and probably doesn't exist any more, he has been keeping the same bottle going for 29 years thanks to judicious use of thinner. Also he doesn't make many mistakes).

― Emma, Friday, 27 September 2002 12:51 (twenty-three years ago)

Emma, our Stationery Troll would luv your dad!

― Plinky (Plinky), Friday, 27 September 2002 12:52 (twenty-three years ago)

There's a rubbish movie in there somewhere Emma.

― Graham (graham), Friday, 27 September 2002 12:53 (twenty-three years ago)

I thought this thread was going to be about immobile ugly people.

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Friday, 27 September 2002 12:56 (twenty-three years ago)

My boss calls it Sno Pake (or SnowPaque or whatever) too. It took me ages to work out what she was talking about.

― Archel (Archel), Friday, 27 September 2002 12:56 (twenty-three years ago)

Does anyone still call it "white-out"?
My bottle is snappily titled 'EXPplus 20ml White (Correction Fluid)'

Actually it says 'Correction Fluid' in 6 languages;

God, I'm bored.

― zebedee, Friday, 27 September 2002 13:02 (twenty-three years ago)

which languages?

― mark s (mark s), Friday, 27 September 2002 13:03 (twenty-three years ago)

It was part of my dad's special Old Person vocabulary which we used to mock as kids, e.g. saying 'Hit Parade' instead of charts or 'jerkin' instead of er, whatever a jerkin is. I think he used it to refer to body warmer type things.

― Emma, Friday, 27 September 2002 13:03 (twenty-three years ago)

My gran used to say jerkin, she also called the microwave the micro-oven

― Plinky (Plinky), Friday, 27 September 2002 13:06 (twenty-three years ago)

I think Sno Paque (it hardly ever snows at Easter tho my nan swore blind it snowed on Derby Day once) is a 1950s correction fluid coz my Dad calls it that too. Oh and DID YOU KNOW Mike Nesmith's mum ect ect....

― MarkH (MarkH), Friday, 27 September 2002 13:10 (twenty-three years ago)

EMMA: Dad, what do you think of this blouse?
DAD: That blouse is totally jerkin', dear.

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Friday, 27 September 2002 13:11 (twenty-three years ago)

mark: guess!

― zebedee, Friday, 27 September 2002 13:12 (twenty-three years ago)

Snopake are a stationary company who have been around for some time. We just made a very big order with them - for not just whiteout (snopake also sometimes mis-said as Snow Plate - as in plating the poaper) but pens & pads.

― Pete (Pete), Friday, 27 September 2002 13:19 (twenty-three years ago)

wrong Mark i know but:

English
Spanish
German
Italian
Dutch
Portuguese

― MarkH (MarkH), Friday, 27 September 2002 13:20 (twenty-three years ago)

the best stationery is Niceday as it has various animals on the packaging. I can't remember them all but I recall a dog and a stork.

― MarkH (MarkH), Friday, 27 September 2002 13:22 (twenty-three years ago)

very nearly correkt, wrong Mark (haha will this name now stick?)
French, not Portuguese

― zebedee, Friday, 27 September 2002 13:28 (twenty-three years ago)

(Ha ha Dan, the idea that a) I would ask my dad's opinion on clothes or b) he would call me 'dear' is v. funny)

― Emma, Friday, 27 September 2002 13:29 (twenty-three years ago)

if you buy your own pencils then you can have as many as you want.

― ron (ron), Friday, 27 September 2002 13:30 (twenty-three years ago)

Wrong Mark, are you a closet Stationery Troll? You appear to have an in depth knowledge......

― Plinky (Plinky), Friday, 27 September 2002 13:31 (twenty-three years ago)

no, my heavy stationery using days are over since nearly all my work is on my pooter. I hardly ever write anything down. In fact, I'm forgetting how to.

What does mr. hamilton say in place of "dear"? Lass?

― MarkH (MarkH), Friday, 27 September 2002 13:37 (twenty-three years ago)

If he is feeling charitable he calls me Em. If not he has an assortment of nicknames which need never go beyond the realm of my immediate family.

― Emma, Friday, 27 September 2002 13:56 (twenty-three years ago)

Revised scenario:

DAD: Em, why don't you put on that jerkin' jumper your mother bought you?

EMMA: I refuse to wear anything with ANTLERS crocheted on it.

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Friday, 27 September 2002 14:01 (twenty-three years ago)

If John Ritter can get a new sitcom, I say Dang should be given a chance to put Emma's Family on the air.

― Nicole (Nicole), Friday, 27 September 2002 14:05 (twenty-three years ago)

We recently had the painreleivers put in guarded custody at work. In a way it makes me pissed at my workplace but these things always wind up being the result of some dickhead abusing the system, like grabbing handfulls of painreleiver. Unfourtunately, I am not innocent of this. Thus , I am not good.

― Mike Hanle y (mike), Friday, 27 September 2002 14:05 (twenty-three years ago)

i think dang shd put it in space

― mark s (mark s), Friday, 27 September 2002 14:09 (twenty-three years ago)

But then Emma couldn't be in it because she's been foiled by NASA.

― Nicole (Nicole), Friday, 27 September 2002 14:17 (twenty-three years ago)

My mind is boggling. In a good way.

― Emma, Friday, 27 September 2002 14:24 (twenty-three years ago)

(Emma's line should really be, "Crocheted antlers don't BLING.")

"foiled by NASA" = wrapped up like a potato pre-campfire baking?

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Friday, 27 September 2002 14:26 (twenty-three years ago)

That would be a tin-foil jerkin, then.

― Nicole (Nicole), Friday, 27 September 2002 14:27 (twenty-three years ago)

My dad doesn't understand bling but my mum does since when I asked what my dad got her for her birthday one time, she said 'a diamond necklace, it's very bling'.

(NO CHEAP PEARL NECKLACE GAGS PLEASE)

― Emma, Friday, 27 September 2002 14:28 (twenty-three years ago)

(Expensive pearl necklace gags encouraged.)

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Friday, 27 September 2002 14:30 (twenty-three years ago)

(blinging diamond necklace gags even more so)

― Graham (graham), Friday, 27 September 2002 14:31 (twenty-three years ago)

(Placing the words "pearl necklace" and "gag" in such close proximity may not have been such a grebt idea, either.)

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Friday, 27 September 2002 14:36 (twenty-three years ago)

DO I SUCK OR NOT?

http://antwrp.gsfc.nasa.gov/apod/image/0105/face2001_mgs.jpg

― mark s (mark s), Friday, 27 September 2002 14:44 (twenty-three years ago)

(Dan you are a Bad Mang for abusing your inside info in such a manner ha ha)

― Emma, Friday, 27 September 2002 14:46 (twenty-three years ago)

(I'm sorry, I couldn't stop myself)

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Friday, 27 September 2002 14:50 (twenty-three years ago)

Fortunately our stationary regime is restricted to "have a woman look at you suspiciously when you get stuff".

The "Have to make a request to get paracetomol thing" is to make sure that employees finish their current project before overdosing. Similar reasons are why many of the Fortune 100 companies will refuse to allow employees simultaneous access to bleach and cups.

OK, now I think I have to stop listening to Eels

― Sofa King Alternative (Sofa King Alternative), Friday, 27 September 2002 15:09 (twenty-three years ago)

I'd just like to know when they switched from the brush in a bottle of liquid paper to that odd little sponge thing? Also, "extra-coverage" isn't - to whom do I complain?

Having said that, I am said Stationary Troll, only not Troll, as I'm quite happy to order anything anyone wants (I don't have to pay the bill) and let them run rampant in the supply closet anytime they'd like.

― luna.c (luna.c), Friday, 27 September 2002 16:06 (twenty-three years ago)

four months pass...

The stationery troll was just nice to me! I asked her if she could weigh a personal package so I know how many stamps to put on it and she just winked and put an orrifice franked thingy on it. I'm worried, does this make me one of her minions?

― smee (smee), Wednesday, 5 February 2003 15:28 (twenty-three years ago)

At my old office, letterhead paper was free-flowing. I would screw up stuff all the time and throw a bunch of it in the trash. Here, you have to sign for every piece of paper and the secretary troll counts it out one-by-one. I even get paranoid about leaving any out on my desk at night because someone might steal it.

Also, we don't have labels for the post meter machine here. So, it only prints out really faintly on packages. Plus, she won't bother to change the ink.

At least at my old office, everything was spread out, so you could always sneak into cabinets and get what you wanted without having to go through someone else.

― Sarah McLusky (coco), Wednesday, 5 February 2003 15:37 (twenty-three years ago)

(the supply cabinet here is locked - only troll has the key)

Please note, she's a nice troll, but still a stationary troll none-the-less.

― Sarah McLusky (coco), Wednesday, 5 February 2003 15:37 (twenty-three years ago)

A nice stationery troll is a contradiction in terms!

― smee (smee), Wednesday, 5 February 2003 15:38 (twenty-three years ago)

She means well, but she is destined for trolldome.
http://www.sideshowtoy.com/images/gold/thumb/8702R.gif

― Sarah McLusky (coco), Wednesday, 5 February 2003 15:40 (twenty-three years ago)

I'm worried, does this make me one of her minions?

no, you're still one of mine, yo.
you don't get away that easily.

― g-kit (g-kit), Wednesday, 5 February 2003 15:46 (twenty-three years ago)

Update: after a year of thankless trolling, I am now the Keeper of the Key! And anyone who disturbs my coloured paper shelf had better watch out. Basically, get down on your knees and start minioning.

― Archel (Archel), Wednesday, 5 February 2003 16:34 (twenty-three years ago)

never heard it called that before!

― MarkH (MarkH), Wednesday, 5 February 2003 16:38 (twenty-three years ago)

WE got in a box of 20 or so signs with the company name on them that my boss ordered/paid for, but they did not come with stands.

I went to the troll just now and explained the problem. I basically told her to please find out why we didn't get the stands.

She said, "Oh, they don't come with stands! You have to buy them separately... But we have some here at the office."

me: "Alright, may I have one?"

Troll: "You DO realize you'll have to pay for that, right??"

― Sarah McLusky (coco), Wednesday, 5 February 2003 16:39 (twenty-three years ago)

Typical troll innit?

Archel has been promoted to a full blown troll! Beware...

― smee (smee), Wednesday, 5 February 2003 16:56 (twenty-three years ago)

http://www.morttucker.com/mtportfolio/StudioAdvertising/troll.jpg

― Archel (Archel), Wednesday, 5 February 2003 17:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Awww, if only all stationery trolls were this cute....

― smee (smee), Wednesday, 5 February 2003 17:01 (twenty-three years ago)

Of course that should be 1000 reams of coloured paper, not a circuit board or whatever it is.

― Archel (Archel), Wednesday, 5 February 2003 17:10 (twenty-three years ago)

It's non stationery related item, you shouldn't care - your life is devoted to stationery now....

― smee (smee), Wednesday, 5 February 2003 17:11 (twenty-three years ago)

two weeks pass...

OH MY GOD! I have LOST the One Key!!!!

I cannot access my Precious... er, I mean the company's valuable stationery supplies! What shall I do???

:(
:(

― Archel (Archel), Monday, 24 February 2003 14:25 (twenty-three years ago)

I'm afraid you must abuse the stationery! Albeit one small part of it - straighten a paperclip out and pick the lock.

― MarkH (MarkH), Monday, 24 February 2003 15:05 (twenty-three years ago)

Woo! The technician had it all along! PROVING my thesis that everyone who works here is useless apart from me, though I get all the blame when things go wrong. Gahh.

― Archel (Archel), Monday, 24 February 2003 15:31 (twenty-three years ago)

ten months pass...

OMG I cannot believe what fuxors the online ordering people are. Here I am, a harrassed stationery troll just wanting some bloody lever arch files. And they change their whole system to great fanfare, don't tell me my new password, call me 'Mr Richard Playforth' and then crash every 2 minutes. When they're not loading at the speed of continental drift. New? Better? My grumpy arse.

― Archel (Archel), Tuesday, 20 January 2004 15:26 (twenty-two years ago)

The specified CGI application exceeded the allowed time for processing. The server has deleted the process.

No! Don't delete the process! I spent whole precious MINUTES typing that order in! I have to go home in 2 hours, will I even have 'proceeded to the bloody checkout' by then? DICKMONKEYS!

― Archel (Archel), Tuesday, 20 January 2004 15:29 (twenty-two years ago)

Your connection to [name deleted for anger management reasons] has timed out. Please browse to our home page by clicking on the link below.

Arrrrrghhh!

― Archel (Archel), Tuesday, 20 January 2004 15:32 (twenty-two years ago)

*winces*

― Pinkpanther (Pinkpanther), Tuesday, 20 January 2004 15:55 (twenty-two years ago)

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