25 rules for living from a semi-successful 26-year old

Not included: Dogs rule cats drool

Where do I vote for "bros before hos?"

where do i vote for "more like 6 year-old"

oh wait this guy thinks he's a big deal?

what the fuck

what's this coda?

Hopefully they save you some trouble. And I guess, the message, at the end of the day, is that it’s never too late.

to get invited to cool private parties in your area, and the chance to win a four-person trip to a mystery city for an an exclusive Patrón summer party.

is it venice

Probably somewhere in Colorado

who are these people

That beins said, people who constantly correct pronunciation mistakes are indeed vile.

to mangle a quote, he's not consistently wrong, but he is consistently an asshole

xp "being"

idk I thought it was nice that even though this whole thing comes of douchey, some of his rules are actually about how not to be too douchey

i like this kid. i cut a huge line at airport security the other day and it felt amazing.

voted "You should be ashamed"

it's weird that he tells you to cut in line but also not to recline your seat on an airplane

Eat at the same place every day for instant VIP status

cannot fault this tbh

I bet this kid doesn't even lift

xp well except a) it wouldn't be instant and ii) who wants to eat at the same place every day?

agreed on taxi cabs/ stairs and parking spots

everything else = this kid needs a punch in the nose

also no one is impressed if you carry a book around

Meetings are dumb, mostly

The top rated reviews on his "best selling" book (the 66,121st FASTEST selling book on Amazon.com!) are pretty brutal:

http://www.amazon.com/Trust-Me-Lying-Confessions-Manipulator/dp/1591846285/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1371743521&sr=8-1

Pfft if you dont wanna speak a foreign language then dont, but getting pissy about getting called out on mangling it is a loser look

The best way to attract women is to catch tuberculosis? trains? tentacool?

this guy sounds like he's 26

Dmac otm

The one about running in new places.

20-something douchetrepreneurs with book deals are the most disgusting savages

should I be voting for the one which most enraged me or the one I actually agree with?

'semi-successful'

Don't recline on airplanes. Economics!

#grocerybag

26-year-olds aren't "kids" btw

he's pretty childish imo...

but you're right. which makes his douche 'tude all the more embarassing

"only small people"
only go to a meeting "if the person is more important or successful than you"

fuck you, mister

signed,

one of the small people

(punches monitor)

Ignore anyone who wants to talk about their life

u got it son

Haha

can we circle back to this little treasure of a man when he's 52 and see how he's doing with this life rules?

if you're writing rules for living when you're 26, it's because you're stupid

Now that I think about it, they didn’t really teach much how to do a lot basic things either. I’m not talking about how to fix a flat tire or how to change your oil–you can pay someone to do that. This is embarrassing but I remember checking into my first hotel as an adult, during college probably, and getting assigned to room 1214 or something and actually thinking for a second: “How am I supposed to know what floor that’s on?” All I’m saying is that it would have been really nice if one of my parents, during the several dozen times we’d stayed in a hotel as a child, had taken two seconds to say, “Hey six year old, this is how this whole system works.” You know, instead of hoping I observed everything (which in the case of the elevator thing, I probably should have but clearly did not).

apparently even complete and utter dipshits can be successful

omg he linked his Wikipedia entry

this is the world we live in

I've done and continue to do way stupider things than that hotel room thing in my adult life. I think (hope) I'm not as much of a jackass as this guy is, though.

i cut a huge line at airport security the other day and it felt amazing.

― sleepingbag, Thursday, 20 June 2013 15:57 (26 minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

probably a safer option than trying to smuggle it onto the plane, good call

voted 'ashamed' w/o looking at any of the others, incidentally

lool mencap

during the several dozen times we'd stayed in a hotel as a child

After you’re done eating at a restaurant, just hand the waiter your card. You don’t need to see the receipt first (99% of the time it’s right and if it isn’t–it’s their fault. Send them back to fix it). Also, there’s no need to calculate the tip. I just enter the final number I’m paying. I’m paying them, they can do the math for me. (Provided you actually tip well.)

so let's dissect this a little:

- It's better to have an incorrect charge on your card reversed than to not have it put on in the first place. Okay dude, tell me how that works out for you when you're trying to pre-qualify for a loan.
- You don't need to calculate a tip in order to leave a tip, just write a number and everything magically works itself out. Or, you know, do what everyone else does and move the decimal point one place to the left and divide the result in half; this is basic grade school math we're talking here, fucking get over yourself.

The parking advice is solid, the rest not so much

Move to the other lane, sometimes

^ srsly pls do this

There was a time when I'd try to pronounce "Avril Lavigne" with the French pronunciation, although I'm not sure she even does that when speaking English.

'gimme somma dat spanish sossidge'

j. OTM

I've got no problem with saying "cho-ree-so" but how far do we take this? At what point does a word become native? Should people pronounce "dossier" like they're speaking French?

I have said "chor -ee - so" all my life and it never occurred to me that this might be taken as pretense, though I'm old enough that when I learned the word it was not a standard menu item in the US -- I think I probably actually learned it in Spanish class.

As for "dossier," I have never heard any American pronounce it to rhyme with "bossier" -- is this actually done? I wouldn't say I pronounce it like I'm speaking French, but I say "DOSS-ee-yay." What are the other options? I also pronounce "resume," as in what you submit with a job application, as "REZ-oo-may," not identically with the word that's spelled the same but means "to start again."

guys.. its pronounced 'cheetos'

WDYLL in January 2011 - owwwwww, my head

I wouldn't say I pronounce it like I'm speaking French, but I say "DOSS-ee-yay."

Yeah, that's the standard English pronunciation but that still sounds fairly different from the French pronunciation to me ("o" sound, lexical stress). I'm sure anyone who knows French could come closer.

i got that one too:

'folder'

I mean, the difference between "cho-ree-zo" and "cho-ree-so" doesn't seem much bigger than that to me.

xpost

hurry up w my damn [kʁwa.sɑ̃]

I thought of giving that example too.

i agree that learning the correct pronunciations of foreign words is a real chorizo.

in re: pronunciation it's kinda like...where I grew up absolutely nobody said "choreezo." the most dick van dyke fuckin dude in the room would not soft-z el chorizo. I wouldn't correct the British in how they say choreezo but to myself with people who live in the USA I think, look, there's about three options: 1) if you speak Spanish fluently, pronounce it in Spanish, which you probably already do reflexively -- dickheads will think you're striking a pose, but dickheads' opinions are worthless anyway, there won't be any of these assholes left in fifty years so who cares 2) split the difference and say "cho-ree-so" - pretty much pronouncing the word right, just not slipping into an accent so people who wrongly think that's always an affectation can not get their damn balls in a sling about it or 3) needlessly Anglicize it for no real reason except you GOTTA SHOW THAT YOU AIN'T PRETENTIOUS, NOSSIR, in which case, lol at you

― tight in the runs (underrated aerosmith bootlegs I have owned), Sunday, June 30, 2013 9:08 PM (1 hour ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

wait wtf is a soft z then? do you mean hard z? isn't a soft z more like an s and a hard z more like a z?

it's not always about sounding pretentious. sometimes it is, like in the case of my friend. but, like, i speak french fluently and i don't slip into my impeccable french accent every time i use a french proper noun while speaking english. when i speak french and use an english word i don't slip back into perfect english either, it usually comes off with a smear of french accent, inevitably. that's just, like, a natural way of talking. you're ascribing effort to anglicization when really it's like... if you're speaking english you're just rolling anglicize on

french is a good example because it's a beautiful language that sounds straight up terrible when spoken by anyone without a good accent. in france, if you speak french with an accent, most people will just start speaking to you in french to spare you the disgrace

surprised to find out people in france will just start speaking to you in french

ENGLISH

*

god do i ever feel like a fool right now

a bartender in france openly mocked my pronunciation of the word "merci"

i once gave a lecture and a frenchman in the audience stopped me midway and said that he could not allow me to continue until i pronounced a certain french technical term to his satisfaction

ok lol

i hope you asked him how they pronounce "dickhead" in french xp

i wasn't even offended, he seemed sincerely to be in anguish about it

and yet every French person i've heard speak English has a heavy accent, however fluent they might be

every English person i've heard also speaks english with a heavy accent, fwiw

with a heavy French accent i meant

french is a good example because it's a beautiful language that sounds straight up terrible when spoken by anyone without a good accent. in france, if you speak french with an accent, most people will just start speaking to you in english to spare you the disgrace

this is actually a common misconception. the few who speak English fluently are v. proud of their English / want to show it off.

basically their true scorn is for their fellow frenchmen who aren't geniuses like them

in france, if you speak french with an accent, most people will just start speaking to you in english to spare you the disgrace

true in Paris but not elsewhere in France ime

maybe yes because outside of Paris, English is not so widespread (o/w they wouldn't get me into convos in French down here, since pardon my French etc)

bro is back with some tight culture-hacking

http://betabeat.com/2013/07/exposing-the-racket-a-simple-stunt-reveals-how-blogs-will-print-anything-for-pageviews/

ie the choad lied a bunch

not the least of his lies: that anyone considered the announcement of hus book deal "a major online story"

too bad he left out the part about fabricating Amazon reviews

I've never said anything other than cho-ree-zo, but I'm in central iowa and went to middle school with a bunch of kids with immigrant parents so I probably sound like Peggy Hill.

que?

como?

mai oui

natürlich

Does anyone know what the Spanish is for "meter data?"

datos del medidor apparently

Datos del medidor, I'm a Shakey baby, so why not mis-post me?

i was talking about chorizo yesterday and pronounced it "chorizo", felt good

http://thoughtcatalog.com/2013/so-you-want-to-be-a-writer-thats-mistake-1/

this fucker

he really has apprenticed with some of the biggest douchenozzles

didnt take long for that to go to "your comments are awaiting moderator approval"

if you're serious about being a writer you need to get out in the world and do things, like work at american apparel

Go out in the world and write at your local Starbucks.

sleep on tucker max's semen-encrusted floor

hey now

it's a semen-bedecked floor

Ten rings on
Lake a basketball player
semen on my floor
like a basketball player