20 Signs You're At A Bear Pool Party (Topical Gay Poll #2)

1. You've never seen the official invite, everyone 'just knows'
2. The food will consist of hot dogs, hamburgers, mac&cheese, sides dishes, chips, and cookies.
3. Alcohol will consist of: Beer, vodka, coke/diet coke, cranberry juice, and flavored vodka no one knows what to do with.
4. Its a great place to find pot
5. There's a designated spot along the house/fence where you should piss
6. At some point there will be minor argument over who's iPhone should be the DJ
7. A cute bathing suit isn't important because its going to come off anyway.
8. Someones having sex upstairs
9. Someones getting jerked off underwater
10. There's never enough noodles
11. You've been introduced to the host couple but you're not sure which is which because they're always introduced as 'Todd and Rick.'
12. There will be a Twerk-Off. Someone will win, some one will cry.
13. That guy you hate will be there and you'll have to fake a smile all day
14. Someone will want you to take an action shot of him jumping into the pool. Afterward he'll realize his phone was in his pocket and is now ruined.
15. There's never enough ice or sunscreen
16. 5 other bears will be wearing the same Old Navy bathing suit as you. You know the navy blue one with a white stripe down the side...
17. You'll leave shoes, sunglasses, underwear or some other accessory behind.
18. Two words: Jello shots
19. The street will be to narrow and the parking will suck.
20. Watch out because someone might shit in the garage.

Things Millenial Gays Like is so out, Bear Pool Parties are so in

cmon guys I really thought this would take off

well i've never been to one.

a lot of these sound like any pool party/barbecue

hahaha hamburgers and hot dogs, so true amirite!

good list

going with todd and rick

"there's never enough noodles" is pleasingly surreal, gets my vote

xp yes the banality of it is what I find so amusing about it and how it speaks to this greater tendency of bearish men to immerse themselves completely in 'bear culture' and then take all of these actually really commonplace things and attach it to their scene as, like, unique bcz they are SO IMMERSED that it is the only social world that they know

Beer, vodka and soda at a POOL PARTY! And pot, whooooa!! Fighting over the music! Only in Bear Town, y'all! LOL OH MAN I LEFT MY SUNGLASSES AT THE BEAR POOL PARTY, I AM SUCH A BEAR!!!

oh wait I think I get it, because those are not like "traditionally" gay things but rather "bear" things (which happen to be more like ordinary heteronormative bbq things specifically because they are "bear" things) yes?

ya p much, "bear culture" is p ridic in many ways

http://thedcgayz.tumblr.com/post/21650371507/pizza-arrives-at-bear-happy-hour

Apparently that list was created in response to BuzzFeed's 20 Signs You're At A Gay Pool Party which is falls on the opposite side of the spectrum, like instead of being really obvious and not all that diff from a normal pool bbq, it's all the most ridic ott improbable shit that I doubt happens with nearly enough frequency to get the "omg soooooo true lol!!" type of response that most BuzzFeed listicles attempt to elicit, like who the fuck is that list written for?

xp actually I have been to Bear Happy Hour in DC and watched the pizza arrive (it's like 20 of them and like 150 dudes) and that is actually kinda otm (though not v creative tbh and only v mildly lol)

Wait, the list that includes ...

7. A cute bathing suit isn't important because its going to come off anyway.
8. Someones having sex upstairs
9. Someones getting jerked off underwater

... is the list that inadvertently describes every normal, mundane pool party?

3 signs I've never been to ANY pool party.

Okay not ALL of it is totally mundane but a LOT of it is and the rest of it is like the same sentiment expressed a bunch of different ways (7. horny gay dudes have sex 8. horny gay dudes have sex 9. horny gay dudes have sex)

also "bear humor" is a) totally actually a "thing" b) one of the most excruciatingly obvious, unsubtle, and unfunny brands of niche humor in existence

like seriously it is the *worst*, ask plaxico, I bet he would agree

Bears in general tend to be somewhat obvious and unsubtle in my experience.

Signed, a proud otter.

idk if im just out of touch w/gay culture or just too much of a dirtbag but i don't know anyone with a pool, and sort of 'don't get' either of the two lists lynxed itt

went with 'it's a great place to find pot' since thats p useful info to have

does a bear shit in the garage?

the banality of it is what I find so amusing about it and how it speaks to this greater tendency of bearish men to immerse themselves completely in 'bear culture' and then take all of these actually really commonplace things and attach it to their scene as, like, unique bcz they are SO IMMERSED that it is the only social world that they know

this kind of confirms something i always suspected!

what the hell

this list is made by and exclusively for dudes recently back in NYC after provincetown bear week, y/n

19. The street will be to narrow and the parking will suck.

i mean, right????? SO TRUE. such a bear thing

i've been to one gay pool party in my life, there were many bears, it was pretty much exactly like this. though i think with less sex and more water volleyball. it was fun. the end.

Watch out because someone might shit in the garage.

a variant on shitting in the woods

if the guy's phone was in his pocket what did he want you to take a picture of him with?

I guess if I had gone to Bear Week in Provincetown, there might've been bear humor under the Dick Dock?

How did they miss Pool filter is clogged with body hair ?

i was wonder that very thing myself actually

At some point there will be minor argument over who is iPhone (should be the DJ)

fixed

2 way you know it's bedtime if you're a bear.
1. You have to work tomorrow and get up really early!
2. You're firmly implanted into normative power structures that dictate your quotidian cycles

3. (BONUS!) You surround yourself with decoys to yourself that you fall on the margins of society and your image of the larger gay community, but are only effective because in actuality those who are truly relegated to the margins are COMPLETELY INVISIBLE TO YOU

4. Winter is coming.

Automatic thread bump. This poll is closing tomorrow.

I thought that was a pretty good joke.

if you let me smoke some of your pot, i'll think that too.

it was a beary good joke

sorry

(s)teddy on now...

being as it was directly after this post....

4. Winter is coming.

― Boven is het stil (Eric H.), Tuesday, July 23, 2013 11:27 PM (5 days ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

.... i read the next one as .....

Automatic thread bump. This pool is closing tomorrow.

― System, Saturday, July 27, 2013 8:01 PM (Yesterday) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

bump

wish i was at one rn

me 2

or rather I wish I was at a pool party with a bunch of beefy hairy men (who did not nec align themselves with the "bear community")

otm

Automatic thread bump. This poll's results are now in.

so bear parties are nothing like this IRL?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P5oFTlae9cg

Actually they are. But with a lot of body hair and beer guts.

i.e. replace everyone in the pool with Chris Farley

I totally knew what that YouTube embed was just from the screenshot

bear dance party

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AihvuZiDhsg

And to that soundtrack even!

GUYS YOU GUYS I think someone's inviting me to a BEAR POOL PARTY IN REHOBOTH

Kohoutek?

We'll see!

did u go?

Well

I went but the pool party did not materialize.

Kohoutek this was not!

Spoiler alert: #8 is a thing that totally happens at these things it would seem.

My post about bear pool parties was a much bigger success than I ever would've expected. One of the most common questions and responses is around #20. Having someone shit in your garage really isn't that common but I had to include it as an inside joke to the Connecticut bears. The story behind it is legendary. The follow post was originally posted last year and had about 40 viewers. Seeing as how the pool party post had over 4500, I decided to repost it to let everyone in on the joke. Bedtime Stories: #20 Explained

The rest of this guy's blog.....

Staying at a W Hotel had been on my bucket list....

We ended the evening in Times Square to see all the neon and lights at night when they come alive. The last must see is so great that I hesitate to talk about it because I don't want it to become over run by the general public.... The women at the table next to us said it perfectly "I love it up her because its quiet and you get the amazing view without having to be among all the dirty crazy people." Contact me privately for the location of this secret gem.

New York: A City of Sixes. I've long noticed, and this trip further cemented my opinion that there is a lack of hot men in New York City. NYC is the capitol of the world and you'd expect it to be crawling with super hotties. Not true.

And the pool party post ends with P.S. I LOVE Buzzfeed! Check them out in case you've been living under a rock and haven't yet.

His naïveté is excruciating.

W hotel bucket list

omg u guys buzzfeed

https://sphotos-b-iad.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ash3/q71/66918_560168024039811_1908620535_n.jpg

so calm rn

saw a guy with what i thought were bear track tattoos on his arm but they were eyes, mind blown