at what point should you just give up on your family?

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i mean when do you actually say 'ok thats it i really cant deal with you lot i'm off, dont call me i'll call you'.......?
not that i am considering it, well, not seriously anyway.

― donna (donna), Tuesday, 1 October 2002 05:46 (twenty-three years ago)

blood being thicker than water and all that.

― donna (donna), Tuesday, 1 October 2002 06:01 (twenty-three years ago)

Same as with any other personal interaction. When the positive aspects of the interaction are clearly outnumbered the negative aspects (either in quantity or quality or both) and it is clear that the interaction is immutable one should cut their ties with that person. (Note: I am not advocating doing this if your dad (or anyone really) won't buy you a Hello Kitty! necklace. . . save this for serious stuff like complete lack of respect, support, kindness, love, etc.)

― Alex in SF (Alex in SF), Tuesday, 1 October 2002 06:32 (twenty-three years ago)

I get plenty of all those lacks from my mother, and I have cut the amount of contact, but I know how much it would hurt her to make a complete break, so I don't. It's isn't the same as other personal interactions because you can find another girlf/boyf/friend but not another mother (except me! I was adopted!).

― Martin Skidmore (Martin Skidmore), Tuesday, 1 October 2002 11:46 (twenty-three years ago)

My mother and I have a somewhat, erm, rocky relationship (she still manages to make me feel about 15 years old whenever I'm in her company, consequently I begin to act like a spoilt adolescent) I've cut off contact on more than one occasion but I always go back, like the man says, you can't replace your mother and you'll miss her when she's gone.

― Plinky (Plinky), Tuesday, 1 October 2002 11:52 (twenty-three years ago)

I have a really nice family, who gave me a great childhood (up to about the age of 12 anyhow). Unfortunately, they are all devoutly Christian, in a fairly traditional sense, and I have rejected that faith. My sister and her husband, in particular, have, over the years, written me letters and notes (including many included in birthday cards!) exhorting me to change my rebellious ways and bend my knee to Christ and so forth. I really can't handle spending a lot of time around someone who sees me as being totally depraved (not that it's anything personal, since everyone is born that way) and in need of being snatched from the jaws of Hell. I have other issues with my father, since his turn-the-other-cheek-ism set me up for a lot of psychological abuse as an adolescent, something which I think I would have handled much better had I followed a more natural path (i.e., kicked some people's asses). I find it impossible to forgive him for this at this point, which is a shame since he is an exceptionally kind and loving person. Still, I feel that I have borne the brunt of the influence of Jesus's unrealistic ethics based on millenial expectations of an imminent overturning of the social order, in a way that the rest of my family has not.

― Rockist Scientist, Tuesday, 1 October 2002 12:02 (twenty-three years ago)

my father and mother are catholics and believe in god, etc. i have doubts. I did tell him that there may come a time where i will reject faith and so on. If that happens i hope he takes it well (i think he will). he knows i have doubts and he seems quite happy for me to figure things out by myself.

― Julio Desouza (jdesouza), Tuesday, 1 October 2002 12:35 (twenty-three years ago)

Birth

― Graham (graham), Tuesday, 1 October 2002 12:38 (twenty-three years ago)

Every children's genetic should be a unique combo.
There should be no famely: childrens should all be raised together.
Thus Spoke The Hegemon

― the Hegemon, Tuesday, 1 October 2002 13:01 (twenty-three years ago)

fucking hell, graham, take away what little joy i can find in my life.

― jess (dubplatestyle), Tuesday, 1 October 2002 13:11 (twenty-three years ago)

OK, sorry. I didn't mean that.

Go download Do What You Want by Atomic Kitten.

― Graham (graham), Tuesday, 1 October 2002 13:15 (twenty-three years ago)

I can't imagine ever wanting to give up on my family. I'm v.lucky, I guess.

― N. (nickdastoor), Tuesday, 1 October 2002 13:19 (twenty-three years ago)

haha no, i mean, i wanted to post "birth", but you got there first!

― jess (dubplatestyle), Tuesday, 1 October 2002 13:21 (twenty-three years ago)

5 days ago-
father: "you're a failure"

son: ...

he has never expressed his disappointment in me in such clear terms.
True to the pattern, three days later he called me, crying, to tell me he loved me. This has been going on since I was 15. I have always forgiven him, but there is a finality to the words YOU ARE A FAILURE that i cant ignore. i dont feel like he cant unhurt me this time. so I'm done. I'm not going to wait around for the next round of emotional abuse and guilt-inducing contrition.

in 30 minutes i'm going to out for breakfast with him and my mom and my sister. today he's flying back to spain forever, after 14 years of soul-crushing alienation in the suburbs of Minneapolis. i probably won't see him until next summer in Madrid. Maybe then we can start over, as his assholeness and self-hatred tends to evaporate as soon as he sets foot in that country.

son: WHY DIDN'T leave this horrible place 14 years ago!??!

father: i was waiting for you and your sister to get out of highschool.

and he did- he spent a lifetime waiting

― gabriel rodriguez-doerr (gabe), Tuesday, 1 October 2002 13:35 (twenty-three years ago)

(why didn't YOU leave, rather...)

― gabriel rodriguez-doerr (gabe), Tuesday, 1 October 2002 14:46 (twenty-three years ago)

Jeez Gabriel. :-( That sucks major rocks and then some, but I'm glad you've decided to break that particular cycle. My best for you and your sister. :-)

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Tuesday, 1 October 2002 18:50 (twenty-three years ago)

thank you Ned.

― gabriel rodriguez-doerr (gabe), Wednesday, 2 October 2002 04:24 (twenty-three years ago)

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