For Men, a Gluteus More Maximus

http://www.nytimes.com/2013/07/25/fashion/for-men-a-gluteus-more-maximus.html

As men age, they tend to lose fat from their buttocks, faces and hands, while gaining it in stomachs and chests, Dr. Mendieta said. Weight lifting yields only modest results for the posterior.

“The only way to pump up your derrière,” he said, “is with your wallet.”

I have never heard this medical claim before and it sounds incredibly, massively fishy and self-serving to me.

a bootius more flakius

I also can't imagine having a doctor stick gut fat into my ass cheeks but that's more of a macro problem with the whole idea being presented here.

Men's prosthetic butt stuff will always make me think of "Safe Men," which just took it for granted that HAVING IT EXIST was a funn y thing, same as sloe gin fizzes...

While preparing for the big lawn mower races in Durndle, Hank experiences back trouble. When he goes to the doctor, he is told that he has a genetic disorder called Diminished Gluteal Syndrome (DGS), meaning that he has such a small rear end that it puts added stress on his spine. The doctor gives Hank a prosthetic butt to wear, but the shame of it is too much until Peggy gets him to go to a DGS support meeting....+

I suppose there are only so many things a plastic surgeon can do to your dick before things get weird?

Weight lifting yields only modest results for the posterior.

I dunno. Couldn't it be that people just don't do a ton of butt exercises when they're working out?

as much as I love the idea of older men with bigger butts, i just can't approve of this. i just can't.

unless you need your butt to be camera-ready 94/7 i don't know why you'd want a medical intervention to deal with butt wrinkles

cycling and running will build up your ass muscles pretty good. probably just easier to plonk down 10k if you're part of NYT's core audience, though.

you could do what older gay porn stars do (steroids)

The idea of losing three inches around my waist is definitely appealing but I feel like I'd never be able to buckle a pair of pants again.

also I am puzzled by the dude whose big ass is making him feel more "synergistic"

lol i was just about to post that:

“My jeans are more comfortable and look better,” Michael said. “I feel more confident and synergistic.”

healthy butt, healthy mind

cycling makes your ass smaller, not bigger, ime

lol synergistic

butt synergy (NSFW)

it depends on how big your butt was to begin with

it definitely helps with stereotypical white man ass

xp to tlg

As for the expense of his buttocks surgery, Mr. Vickers pointed out that it was less than his Lamborghini.

key phrase alert

i wonder what geraldo does to address this issue

both are, as middle-aged men my dad traded fax jokes with in the early 90s, panaceas for dicky-doo

as they would have phrased it, rather

dicky-doo

what

cycling makes your ass smaller, not bigger, ime

width vs depth iirc

seriously, someone explain how medically expanding your ass makes you feel more synergistic

"Larry, I wasn't going to take this meeting with you but now that I've had fat implanted in my ass, I finally think I can work with you."

also I am puzzled by the dude whose big ass is making him feel more "synergistic"

― "Post-Oven" (DJP), Wednesday, July 24, 2013 2:29 PM (22 minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

shades of HIS VAGINA IS MAKING HIM CRAVE SALAD imo

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IVfgnD-2XjM

dicky-doo:

a condition where you can't see your penis because your gut hangs out further than your dicky doo.

you guys don't understand butts, do you

I took "synergistic" to mean his whole body is finally working together as a complete sexy package ever since he got his torso stuffed in his butt

I don't understand men's butts, but I am constantly attempting to further my understanding of women's.

xp Better or worse than walking around with his head stuffed up his butt?

i keep forgetting that 'synergy' is a word that actual people use and that it means something to them

I mean, does he run faster now that he has gut fat in his ass? I DON'T UNDERSTAND

well I mean I do understand, I just think "synergistic" is totally the wrong word

I think your ass flops around less when you run than your gut so maybe he just feels better about running

"i know look more like a person that people who say 'synergy' would like to bang"

I am looking for tips for that sort of thing, what with there being some attractive corporate types around here

xp In that case, he could probably get the same effect by shoving a copy of 'Peopleware' down the back of his trousers.

"i know look more like a person that people who say 'synergy' would like to bang"

that just makes me think dude's wife has a Patrick Bateman mask in the nightstand

also lol @ dude bragging about his Lambo but posing in front of his Chevy truck for the article

he also has a crucifix around his neck and a goatee

there has to be a tie-in to a megachurch in this somewhere

ever since he got his torso stuffed in his butt

Laughing at this forever

"i know look more like a person that people who say 'synergy' would like to bang"

that just makes me think dude's wife has a Patrick Bateman mask in the nightstand

― "Post-Oven" (DJP), Wednesday, July 24, 2013 8:09 PM (3 minutes ago)

mostly agree, but he seems more like the kind of guy who has a patrick bateman mask made out of his wife in his nightstand

Made by the same doctor who did his butt surgery.

I keep thinking of how we could incorporate this into Silence of the Lambs

It stuffs the ab flab in its butt or it gets the hose again?

I was thinking about how skinny-fat dudes typically get a gut and love handles but age tends to make the face more angular

maybe we can get some sort of gut->butt->face round-robin of fat repositioning going

Carl, do I need a bigger butt?

also lol @ dude bragging about his Lambo but posing in front of his Chevy truck for the article

these are different dudes, tho

different dudes, each with their own butt insecurities

Ok so when someone called this gut-to-butt surgery on the other thread the picture in my mind was of some kind of extreme body mod micro trend where ppl would get, like an ostomy on their belly and then have it routed externally through a hose around their hip and BACK INTO THEIR ANUS.

The reality of the thing is p innocuous...

is it ok to post pics of rafael nadal itt, y/n

Who can even see their ass good enough to tell if they need it. Do they always check themselves out in mirrors?

Confession: the underwear I'm wearing is supposed to be adding an inch of pow to my pooter.

Vickers is the contractor in the picture who ends the article with a quote about how cheap his butt surgery (buttgery?) was compared to his Lambo

btw I am pretending Jon's post doesn't exist

oh man, i missed that. i thought the lambo belonged to the obnoxious tech startup dude xp

i'm too distracted by this thread, and now i'll be thinking about all sorts of butts for the rest of the day THANKS DAN

In the Calvin Klein Body Boost Butt Trunk ($22), support straps inconspicuously woven into the fabric of the boxer briefs lift and support. Elastic undergirdings in the 2(x)ist Lift No Show Brief ($24) also give hindquarters a boost.

I wonder, when Andrew Adam Newman got to "Calvin Klein Body Boost Butt Trunk" did he double over his keyboard for 5 minutes with helpful laughter? If so, we have something in common.

xp: HAPPY HUMPDAY

eric not to be forward but can you tell us about your skivvies? do they really enhance? do they lift AND separate?

They actually separated a little too much, tbh.

Oopsie.

I haven't butt-selfied side-by-sides to compare, but maybe will when I get home. They sort of feel like they're on backwards or something.

Jeff: no, your butt is great as is.

we should do a fundraiser for an ILXor to get this surgery

I will volunteer if someone will donate their stomach fat.

I volunteer if I can replace my face with a butt

Then I could be waterbutt

Can't wait to see Santa'a butt shake like a bowl full of jelly.

http://southparkstudios.mtvnimages.com/shared/characters/adults/the-thompsons.jpg

dicky-doo:

a condition where you can't see your penis because your gut hangs out further than your dicky doo.

― mh, Wednesday, July 24, 2013 2:56 PM (53 minutes ago) Bookmark
lol wtf at this

also jon otm, i saw "gut-to-butt" on the other thread and thought it was some kind of tunnel being dug through the torso to facilitate adding something to one's gut and releasing it through one's butt, so the idea of fat redistribution is kinda mild. haven't people been adding fat/articifial plumpers (collagen) to their faces for some time?

i never knew men felt so self conscious about their butt wrinkles, i will say that.

I can't explain middle-aged man humor of the early 90s, I assume they all enjoyed watching "Home Improvement" too

In the Calvin Klein Body Boost Butt Trunk ($22), support straps inconspicuously woven into the fabric of the boxer briefs lift and support. Elastic undergirdings in the 2(x)ist Lift No Show Brief ($24) also give hindquarters a boost.

this is poetry

if there's money to be made, there's a way to get people to feel insecure about themselves. it's the american way.

where do I buy that man version of spanx or whatever, just tried on my "going to a wedding" pants and am having issues

TBH I boggled at "synergistic" and "Calvin Klein Body Boost Butt Trunk ($22)" more than the actual surgery

http://www.goodcowfilms.com/web/asstoassguy.jpg
"Gut to butt!"

2 guts 1 butt

jfc even the headline of the article sounds like a nytimes parody

what was that #nytimesmovies twitter hashtag that popped off a coupla months ago? i.e. "in seattle, sleepless"

I keep coming back to "Body Boost Butt Trunk"

It sounds like it should be the name of one of Zangief's special moves

lmao

lmgo