"Fear of missing out" in one's late 30ies - still a thing?

All my life i've been extremely prone to fretting about my weekends and whether i was having as much "fun" as I could, blablabla - now in my late 30ies with wife and kid, is it normal that I'm still getting mild panic about the fact that I'm spending most of my weekend nights in?

I get fomo when thinking about friends who have kids, so yeah I suppose it's normal

A friend of mine got tenured yesterday and I got academic fomo. And he's a dad. Double fear.

i've had this kind of feeling most of my adult life. i don't know or care what "normal" is but you're certainly not alone there. panic isn't great tho - maybe you should try and analyze why you feel that way, because it's a false idea, i think. after all, the reality of going out is usually pretty mundane too when you look at it.

I think I'm quite lucky in that I honestly do not give a shit about this (full disclosure; 34, no kids). Maybe I went out alot/enough when I was younger or something, but our weekend evenings generally consist of a bottle of wine and something on TV, or (very) occasionally having people over for dinner. I pack plenty in the rest of the weekend though, I think; this weekend I got a haircut, ate a burrito, cycled 47 miles, got stung on the lip by a wasp, made a quiche, baked a cake, popped in to town a couple of times, bought an album, played a shitload of Alter Ego...

i've had this kind of feeling most of my adult life.

Man, you can't do everything.

yeah it's weird - i've spend the last 15 years going out all the time, often tagging along with people I despised just for the sake of not staying in. So I should be quite aware of the mundane reality of going out, and yet...
Now I feel more and more constrained by this mentality, which pushes me on a friday night to go for a drink with anyone and scoffing at the idea that I could go to bed early so as to get more done the next day. In a similar logic, I still can't consider moving out to a lovelier yet smaller city, eg in Italy where my wife is from, because I still cling to this idea that I need to stay close to all those rooftop parties and pop up store openings (which I never attend these days anymore).
I don't know at this stage it really feels like an antiquated and immature psycological reflex I can't get rid of.

a lot of us don't want to get old, i think that's understandable. maybe the best thing is to make the changes without thinking too hard. 12 months into a different life and i'm sure your perspective would be different.

some days i'm really angry and bitter that i'll never be 20 again, it's okay i think, cos i also remind myself that this is the hand we're dealt

yeah well - you can often quite easily pretend you're still in your 20s. I live in an environment full of single 30 somethings who've created this microcosm where it's completely normal to be "living for the weekend", partying by night and playings PS3 by day.

My fomo (lol love the acronym OP) was more of the "omg I havent bought a house and had a family" kind, but it passed in my early 30s. I actually partied more then than in my 20s.

Now after some years of hermitage I'm forcing myself back out to things cos I really DONT want to waste what remains. It mostly involves band practice,occasional gigs and drinks with mates quietly; I dont feel the need to party it up in clubs anymore. Def dont feel like I'm missing out on that front.

That said, I spent 4 hours on Sunday playing SimCity on my new PC and felt vaguely guilty I'd wasted my weekend.

I've spent my life since I was about 21 shearing off the unwanted bits - was when I realised that no, I'm not actually that into going out, mingling, chatting, getting wrecked, or whatever - I'm pretty lucky in that I've pared down to what I'm into and that those keep me busy.

Of course there are other things I'd like to do - spend whole days-on-end exploring mundane Britain, play sport, watch films, take holidays - but ultimately I would rather have a family, knees that work, a job that (finally) pays pretty well if I keep at it, hope of buying a nice house, so you make your peace with that I guess.

going out and partying all night is fun, quiet nights in are fun, insecurity that doing one or the other means you're ~doing life wrong~ is not fun

and people who turn their insecurity about aging into an extension of their personality are just boring

had a funny conversation with my oldest yesterday about how both of us wanted to listen to music in clubs but neither of us could handle clubs

vagues sr and jr otm

would like to have a longer response to this thread but my chest hurts when i think about it

and people who turn their insecurity about aging into an extension of their personality are just boring

so otm

that goes equally for the type who can never stop vocally moaning about how they don't go clubbing any more and they're in bed by 9 and oh no, old old old, as if 20-year-olds don't have quiet nights in, and also the type who do the exact same thing from a super-smug perspective, all with the undercurrent of what even are these alien young people

Wouldnt swap knees with klata but that finally wellpaying job and house sound nice.

By dint of being settled down for lyfe (or so i thought) and tied thereby and in other ugly ways to a deadend shithole town from the age of 18 to 24, i've actually enjoyed a big renaissance in my social life after my mid-20's and, after moving to the big city last year, another jump again after 30. Tho tbf it's mainly movie nights and quizzes and organised sports as opposed to raving nights on the batter. No harm in that, rly.

only a few years ago i was still stuck in the childish trap of feeling awkward if i didn't have something going on on a friday or saturday night - but it was pretty much only the fear of people thinking me a billy-no-mates, not the fear that there was somewhere better I could be. I don't know if that's worse than FOMO?

I'm sure loads of people I know are having fun without me! but... it's not like i'd necessarily be having as much fun as them even if i was there? I can find it quite difficult to go out to something, even when it's organised by people very dear to me, because much as I like being sociable it can be emotionally draining-- and also because the awkward bits of making conversation with vague acquaintances and drifting from group to group are still pretty terrifying to me ("oh god i am so boring and plain no-one likes me"). I have a largish group of acquaintance and I like lots of people, and I feel like I could see people more and do certain things more - i definitely don't go out dancing enough! But i'm not missing anything by not being there. I'm just... not there.

so for me I think having FOMO would require fundamentally not knowing myself? the choices that I have made and keep making about what I do, where I go, how i react to situations: those make up the person that I am. I can feel regret about not having done stuff, not having got myself into a different position in life. But I'm not "missing out" on anything. There's no alternate me who might be doing whatever other thing; there's only me.

I'm busier, more active, healthier, and happier now than when I was at uni or in my 20s. Easily. Getting older and shedding neuroses is awesome.

Until recently I experienced not panic so much as self-consciousness about being a single gay man who isn't going to the bars on Sat night or ordering in from OK Cupid. But I've also reached the age at which long dinners with friends -- two nights ago, for example -- trump those other options. I love dinners.

No fomo

I have this a bit about having kids - I can't say I have a strong desire to procreate, which is just as well since my wife is adamant she doesn't want any children, but over the last couple of years most of my friends have made babies, and now one of my closest and oldest friends who used to say she didn't want children either has decided to try and get pregnant. I'm not sure fomo is a good reason to want to have children, tho.

everybody OTM on this - in my case, it's not really the idea that I'd be having so much more fun hitting the bars than cooking an elaborate meal at home - it's more the semi-conscious ache, when going home from the supermarket or w/e and seeing youngsters getting fired up - of letting go and accepting that I'm in a different team now. So basically, this is just me struggling to come to terms with the fact that life changes.

oh FOMO is definitely a thing but it's part and parcel of being a sociable person imo - i'm never going to be the sort who retreats into one's immediate circle of friends and family, i still love socialising and meeting new people, whether that's via raving or dinner parties or whatever.

also all these things are not mutually incompatible! one weekend i might be out clubbing, another i might watch a dvd with the bf, another a sedate dinner party. whichever one trumps the others is whatever i feel like on a given night. i do not confine myself to any particular mode of socialising and neither do i reject any of those as being "for old people" or "for young people" because AGE AIN'T NOTHING BUT A NUMBER, this is actually true.

but I don't call hanging with friends and or family a retreat

the important thing is to do whatever you feel like doing at that moment

Even if you don't like the Cure...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3bhbChiA5D4

The lyrics to this one, which Robert wrote when he had just turned 40 or so, are highly applicable to this thread:

http://www.metrolyrics.com/spilt-milk-lyrics-the-cure.html

I live in a semi-constant balance between young and old due to the nature of my job -- when you're constantly working with a slew of 18 to 21 year olds, either as clientele or workers under your direction, it's hard to miss the constant roil of activity. At the same time I was always enough of a 'relax at home and read' person that I don't feel like I miss the energy so much as acknowledge its presence.

As for alternate paths for the current me? I try not to regret, and where I am right now has been the best in a long while on a personal level -- knowing the risks and uncertainties of life in general, as I was talking with someone the other day, if you told me 'hey you can go back over and see where it takes you this time,' I'd say no. How would I know that actually made for a better life, when maybe it could have been worse?

Been working on a private writing project in memory of someone as well that has caused me to think about this already. I don't know if different actions or decisions would have changed anything at all for either me or the other person, though. I think we made the best out of who we were.

ant and grasshopper. i've spent 46 years having a good time (.............all the time) and now get fomo abt house & kids type stuff.

the important thing is to do whatever you feel like doing at that moment

Yes well - sometimes life is not strictly about doing whatever you feel like doing, eg when family/kids come into the picture. I guess in those circumstances the key is to accept that some things are mutually exclusive. You have to choose what you want more and accept to lose some possibilities in the process. Easier said than done, of course

Oh sure. I was going to add "as long as you don't hurt others" but I thought it was understood.

hen you're constantly working with a slew of 18 to 21 year olds, either as clientele or workers under your direction, it's hard to miss the constant roil of activity.

^^^ this. The other problem -- only tangentially related to this thread -- is how I often lack for adult chatter for a few days because I work with students.

feigning bafflement at young people and their world is one of the pleasures of getting older, as long as you include yr younger self in the mix

Ismael is definitely on to something with the idea that you pare down your interests and wants as you age. I'm very bad at branching out and trying new things, so I often felt like I was missing out on something, whatever nebulous thing that may have been. Now that I'm older I can confidently decide when things are _not_ for me, so I don't feel guilty doing what I know I _do_ like. There are occasional twinges where I feel like I might be missing out on something, but I think that's normal.

I don't owe the world or myself some life that includes everything.

I've said before but there's a weird thing on this site where everyone over 33 is "old" and everyone under 30 is a "kid" (with I guess a 3-yr window of being neither a toddler nor a geriatric), which doesn't even display a lack of perspective so much as an inability to do basic arithmetic

it's true, only we 30-33 year olds are normal here

I go out a lot, but "out" is a relative term, too. It's not always a big night, you know? Sometimes it's Tuesday and it's happy-hour drinks and a slice of pizza. Once in a while when I have no plans on a Saturday night (like this week), I wonder if I should have tried harder to find something to do, but I'm usually too deep in a good dinner and multiple hours of streaming netflix at that point to worry much.

I remember the frantic, fingernail-clawing feeling of anxiety from my teenage years in a small town that things were happening and I was missing them. I don't have a specific memory of feeling that kind of attack again in adulthood, not with the same force.

Yes! I've been around people who think that for some reasons weekends are special and if you don't go somewhere on Friday/Saturday night then you're lame. It's like an eternal high school mentality.

Going out all the time is expensive, I need to cut that out.

yeah it's weird - i've spend the last 15 years going out all the time, often tagging along with people I despised just for the sake of not staying in. So I should be quite aware of the mundane reality of going out, and yet...
Now I feel more and more constrained by this mentality, which pushes me on a friday night to go for a drink with anyone and scoffing at the idea that I could go to bed early so as to get more done the next day. In a similar logic, I still can't consider moving out to a lovelier yet smaller city, eg in Italy where my wife is from, because I still cling to this idea that I need to stay close to all those rooftop parties and pop up store openings (which I never attend these days anymore).
I don't know at this stage it really feels like an antiquated and immature psycological reflex I can't get rid of.

I submit that you're feeling anxiety about something else and expressing/displacing it onto this social thing. You say yourself that this is irrational and you didn't even like the things or ppl from before...so obv you've been affected for a long time by something that's not being accurately identified? Suggest mulling that over and seeing if you can pinpoint what's underneath it.

It could just be a lack of finding something that does feel right to be doing. I've found that the sense of obligation to certain social exercises disappears when you find something you do like.

I'm more the opposite. Naturally I would rather stay in and read/draw/play music/etc. than go out. In my 20s I really went all-in on becoming a social creature, but since turning 30, I have felt that pressure less and less. It's become easier for me to say "No thanks" to going out to a show and just do what I really want, and I love it!

not into getting older being equated to not going out as much tbh OR this continuing ridiculous binary.

what does change though is, oddly, you feel less time pressure...i remember in my early 20s i'd feel like i HAD to go out because i needed to strengthen my relationships with friends, i didn't know how long all this would last, i didn't even know whether a night as potentially great as this could happen again. all illogical obv. now i'm just a lot more sanguine, it feels like my chances to hang out with people in whatever setting will never end.

everything ends bro

FOMO is something that I certainly experience, but it's a subtly destructive force in an adult's life (particularly a married one with a family) and something to be worked on -- I say it's destructive because it can cause you to be absent with or even resent the people to whom you have purportedly devoted your life.

OTOH, one nice thing about getting to do less stuff, is that when you finally do get to do stuff, you appreciate it much more. E.g. yesterday we left K with the mother-in-law for a few hours and went to PS1 and ate at the M.Wells dinette. Just getting to experience some interesting food and to see good art and enjoy some pleasant weather was so exhilarating, whereas we probably would have been jaded about the experience a couple of years ago.

I do agree with Adam that there's also sometimes a certain freedom in having an "excuse" not to go out all the time, when a lot of times I really would rather stay in. There's something very of-our-time about the idea that we're supposed to be accumulating "experiences" constantly -- the bucket list approach to life. But having some genuinely close interaction with your family at home can be a lot more powerful and life-improving than checking yet another box on the restaurants-eaten-at, places-traveled-to, or bands-seen list.

it feels like my chances to hang out with people in whatever setting will never end.

yh and isn't this weird? because actually people are dropping off the radar all the time -- but not in a way that makes me feel frantic. Maybe it's the way social media long-tails relationships but I tend to feel that people could pick up again where they left off without much effort. But then the social group we share has a pretty positive turnover, doesn't just slough people off but picks new and old friends up. And in it there's not a lot of people who've settled down into childrearing, which I imagine would make more of a significant difference.

I always wonder what it says about my choice in friends that so few of them have settled down, whereas so many of my wife's have.

Looking back, I've had a lot of different social phases, and I have enjoyed most of them, but it has always been with the understanding that if I want to do something (anything) I am going to have to do it myself because no one is going to make it happen for me magically. With that in mind, there is no fomo because I am not missing out on things I want; only things that other people want (whether it's going out or having families or w/e).

In some ways I've settled down, and in others I am apparently just getting started. That's ok. It's my life so it's not anyone else's business anyway.

The main thing is that getting older, you are more comfortable with yourself - you've already done the self-definition/self-mythologizing thing. It's not necessarily about stayin in or settling down, it's about doing what YOU really want to do.

By 'cargo pants' I assume you mean 'combat trousers', ie fucking horrible foul beige things like the Manic Street Preachers wore circa This Is My Truth, with horrible bulky pockets on the side of the thigh?

Yeah, those are WORSE.

Even if you're 22 years old and going out all weekend every weekend, you're still missing out on more than you're experiencing. You could have gone to that different pub, that different club, met that person you will now never meet, heard that amazing tune you'll now never hear. Feels like the anxiety in this thread is less about missing out on individual experiences and more about life paths being closed off. It's an impulse that keeps you looking for new things but it's not entirely constructive either.

It's not really about whether or not you still go out partying in your 30s. Still, there are certain things you can do in your early 20s that for health reasons are really not advisable as you get older, and that feeling can sting a bit from time to time. As it stands I usually find that one big blowout every six months or so scratches that particular itch for me, but it's not as if I'm not out doing *something* most weekends, even if it's just going to a restaurant or a pub or whatever. If anything, London feels like it's more geared towards 30-something social lives than it ever has been, precisely because people are having kids later in life.

Staying at home every weekend evening probably isn't healthy for your mental wellbeing, but it's not as if your social life can't take other forms.

This is the problem with growing older. You make more choices, your paths narrow, and you have to try not be haunted by the things you didn't do.

this has hit me badly this year. I lost a lot of time in my early-mid 20s before I got more centered and I feel like I'm trying to make up for it now that I'm 34.

I've actually logged ~6,300 miles in road trip driving this year for concerts alone (~1,600 by air). don't get out to as many parties and can't drink anywhere close to what I used to (nor do I want to - I've cut way back after my near-DUI).

where years ago I felt content to sit indoors on a weeknight, I often feel the itch to leave the house and just do shit, all the time. With or without other people. the latter is much easier to do for me now than it was then - I don't feel that it's lame to be able to entertain oneself. but I do like the company of my friends too, had to force myself to spend time with them all last weekend to make up for all the nomadic adventuring I was doing alone.

Even if you're 22 years old and going out all weekend every weekend, you're still missing out on more than you're experiencing. You could have gone to that different pub, that different club, met that person you will now never meet, heard that amazing tune you'll now never hear.

I always feel like this after every festival or big night out - 'wish i could go back and do the whole weekend again but totally differently'.

in your 50s you know youve missed out and dont give a fuck

― skateboards are the new combover (Dr Morbius), Thursday, July 30, 2015 6:16 AM (2 hours ago)

Speak for yourself, Mr. Pitiful. I've missed out but still give a fuck.

this is only vaguely related, but this thread reminds me of a conversation two of my friends were having recently about a shared mutual desire to just go off into the wilderness and live alone for an extended period of time. one of them said they couldn't understand the mindset of not wanting to do this, as it had been an itch he'd wanted to scratch for a long time (at this point i'd point out that i don't see either of them lasting more than 48 hours in the wilderness - one refuses to go camping with us because it's uncomfortable and he won't sleep. the other has trouble buttering toast)...
but yeah, i said i had little or no desire to rough it alone and the idea of it would probably drive me a bit mad. part of the reason (other than my outdoorsmanship is sorely lacking), is that not only do i sort-of crave society and other people (i like alone time of course, but it's nice to know there are people nearby i can see if needed), but i also feel that it would be a waste of time. literally, i think i'd feel as though i wasn't making the most of my life on earth because it wouldn't be working towards anything particularly creative or productive, which is when i feel most at-ease.
i've come to realise that unless i am being productive in some way i get extremely anxious. i don't often feel like i can just switch off and watch trash tv all evening - if i watch something, i would have to feel it's rewarding me or challenging me in some way. i can't really go on a night out without thinking of it as some sort of networking opportunity. if i go on holiday, i would much rather turn it into a cultural visit or set myself some sort of mission, unless i use the time to read books. i love sleep, but increasingly on weekends, i feel myself getting up earlier than my partner because i want to make the most of my freetime. the only times i switch off and phase out are when i get absorbed on internet - facebook, ilxor etc, but even so this is generally when i am on public transport or in work downtime, and even so a big part of this is about networking, learning, self-enrichment through communication in a way.
i generally feel as though i have to be learning or making or doing something or fulfilling myself in some way or else i see it as a pointless waste of time. i don't know if that's a common thing or not. it probably is, and what constitutes 'worthwhile things' varies for most people, but it's only after having this conversation that i've really thought about it.

I was never like that til I had a kid. Now those 'spare' 20 mins are precious.
I mean I still arse around on the internet for stupid amounts of time, but now I feel bad about it.

I quit playing live music a few years ago, not entirely intending on it, but things had reached a point where my bandmates were all getting married and having kids, or moving away, etc. Now I have no idea what to do w my social life, it was always tied to all those years spent going to parties and clubs and shows.

The funny thing is the last handful of shows we played, there was always a stink from one of the groups about when we were playing. This is because there was always something better going on, something that the performing bands thought was a more worthwhile thing to go to than their show. Nobody wanted to headline because if they went on 2nd they could leave and make it to the better show across town.

This happened multiple time ffs.

oh yeah i know that. 'if i don't get to bed by 11, i can't function...' etc. you're supposed to be in a rock band ffs.

Heh well yeah it's cool if you have to cook the morning shift, I'm talking they want to go to a competing show/party that same night.

i'm out like every night, it's overrated fwiw

I find that my standards for going out have gotten unrealistic at times. like everything has to be an 'event'.

not that I don't like just having a quiet conversation with people (I prefer that to really large crowds) but I tend to prefer more exciting venues now. I guess I really must have hated how boring my 20s were.

the other thing is I make enough money now to where I can do things that years ago I couldn't

interesting point about retreating to the wilderness dog latin. totally agree, i could not do that and i don't have any desire too. maybe for a weekend here or there. i think i've realized more and more as i get older is that social connection, friendships, & intimacy are what i value in life, that's what feeds me, things like nature and creativity do too but only insofar as they enhance connection to other people. solitude is important yea and i'm somewhat introverted but solitude for me is only valuable as a balance to connection w/ other people

things like drugs and sex are obvious things that i wish i did more of in my twenties before marriage/kids -- not just because of the pleasure they induce but most really most importantly because of the social and connective experiences associated with them

i realize that not all drugs/sex experiences are connective and intimate but for me that is really what i like most about both of them. i will still smoke some weed here and there by myself as a way to "reconnect with my own energies" (quoting will oldham here, i really love that language re: smoking weed) but getting high w/ my friends or my family is way fucking better because we having a shared experience

solitude for me is only valuable as a balance to connection w/ other people

this, totally. it's always a tough balance for me. the other issue of late is that my dad is temporarily living on my couch (he and my mom moving back to my state next month, getting their own place), and the lack of privacy due to his incessant prying tends to make me want to leave the house to get the 'me' time I used to get at home.

re: the connection with other people, even when I go on solo activities, I tend to try and meet new people more than I ever used to. ie concerts, which if I went to alone was this "sit aloof in the corner until band takes stage" type thing, usually just try and strike up a convo with strangers. have met several new friends that way.

xp to marcos re: wilderness - i could maybe handle it for a day or two, tops, then i'd start to get anxious and lonesome.
since i started going to the gym more regularly, i've been savouring it as meditative alone time which i can have for a few hours a week. i get to reflect on ideas i've been having or things going on in my life. of course there are still people around me, but i don't technically speak to them unless i have to. it's just me and my headphones and that's really quite therapeutic, but still i'm y'know, exercising, so it's productive at the same time. there's a goal in sight. whereas just disappearing for 6 months on my own feels counter-productive.
i guess i understand the appeal of being at one with nature, learning survival skills and maybe discovering what it's like to be self-sufficient for an extended period of time, but i've never felt the need to disappear completely or actively shun social interaction. i don't see how that would necessarily be fulfilling or a good use of my time on earth.

I've always liked doing nothing. I think I'm quite good at being bored. I think that's why I like cycling so much; you don't do anything but pedal and look around and think about... nothing, usually... for hours at a time (if you're lucky).

I guess my job is all about productivity, about ideas and websites and brochures and strategies, so I no longer have the impetus to do that productive stuff (write, blog, photograph, whatever) in my spare time like I did in my 20s, when my job was pretty dull. So in my downtime now I cook, I hang out with my wife and baby, and I play sport.

(Also I don't know ow people afford to go out all that much; I guess now I earn a decent salary it all goes on mortgage and living costs and baby etc).

I do totally feel a slight wanderlust about living out in the wilderness, though - again, that's part of cycling, going out and getting deep into countryside, especially Dartmoor, way away from civilisation. That doesn't feel like wasted time to me; time spent not doing that feels wasted. But then I follow a load of cyclists on Instagram who seem to regularly cycle out into the emptiness outside Austin or LA for days on end, bikepacking in small groups (not alone though, mostly, I note); so yeah, that's about enhancing connections to other people.

I feel less and less desire to be a significant human being as I get older, I think. This was happening anyway, but having a baby has accelerated it I think.

I definitely feel that way -- being so deeply significant to a couple of people really diminishes my vague need to be "significant" in general.

I feel less and less desire to be a significant human being as I get older, I think. This was happening anyway, but having a baby has accelerated it I think.

yeah, me too. i'm happily married, i have a good job, i have hobbies i enjoy and that's what feels important to me at the moment. the prospect of not leaving much of a splash at the end of my life doesn't seem like something to fear as long as i'm happy in life - even the most celebrated of us will be forgotten eventually and anyway it's not like there's any personal benefits to making a mark which you can enjoy after you're dead

And I feel really happy, actually, to be past that anxiety of wanting to feel like you're part of everything, in the know, "not missing out", "having experiences," etc. One thing that's never on the list of "1000 things to do before you die" is find some peace about all the stuff you'll inevitably miss out on.

Being happy is really the only thing that matters. I've heard enough complaining millionaires and billionaires to know that money and material success doesn't add up to a whole lot in reality.

Yeah, exactly; Em and I were talking the other day about what Nora might want to be when she grows up, and, both working in higher education, we've gone "oh a scientist / doctor / academic / engineer" whatever, but honestly, when she gets to the age of expressing what she wants to be when she grows up, I hope she just says 'happy', cos that's basically what I decided a few years ago.

Sometimes when I think thoughts like "I've seen a lot less of the world than my friends" I counter it with "and more than almost any middle-class person 100 years ago, other than maybe career military or sailors"

Be happy at doing reasonably well; do not be upset at not doing amazingly.

I've also recently found what I think is a great job for me, and that helps a lot, being the thing that occupies more of my waking hours than any other single aspect of my life.

it's going to be very strange starting my new job because it'll be so much more creative than anything else i've ever done. compared to my current job, which is pretty samey and unimaginative, i'll be having to think on the spot all day. so i wonder if that might change my outlook? i've spent so many years feeling bored and frustrated at work and then dashing home so i can get on with making music or writing or what have you. hoping this new role will satisfy the creative itch, but i'm also hoping it doesn't dull me outside of work, which is increasingly possible as i draw towards my mid-30s.

Feels like the anxiety in this thread is less about missing out on individual experiences and more about life paths being closed off. I

xp to this quote from matt dc, yea, it is very much about this tbh. i was a different person in twenties, i had a lot more fears about embracing or acknowledging many aspects of myself that i am not starting to feel more comfortable with, and i think those fears i had in my twenties hindered me in a lot of ways. there were a lot of life paths and relationships and experiences that i closed off, for better or worse i guess.

i think certain mythical societal narratives, too, about what we are supposed to achieve, attain, or accomplish before your 30s set in, did a lot to fuck with me in my twenties, too -- "i need to have marriage/career/kids lined up by early 30s, and if i do that i am ahead of the game, if not i am fucked" -- very much bullshit. i am grateful for having some of these things established and but yea those narratives are bullshit and i definitely didn't need to be try to live up to them as early as i did

woops "i had a lot more fears about embracing or acknowledging many aspects of myself that i am not now starting to feel more comfortable with"

it's going to be very strange starting my new job because it'll be so much more creative than anything else i've ever done. compared to my current job, which is pretty samey and unimaginative, i'll be having to think on the spot all day. so i wonder if that might change my outlook? i've spent so many years feeling bored and frustrated at work and then dashing home so i can get on with making music or writing or what have you. hoping this new role will satisfy the creative itch, but i'm also hoping it doesn't dull me outside of work, which is increasingly possible as i draw towards my mid-30s.

― (no offence to people) (dog latin), Thursday, July 30, 2015 10:33 AM (4 minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

I found a job in my same field, which is still somewhat dry, but the approach to work is totally different -- we're given tons of freedom to set our schedules, a lot of autonomy on projects, etc. I'm coming from a neurotically and unhealthily micro-managed place. There's definitely relatively more room for creativity just because of the attitude of management.

travel is one thing i regret not having done so much of, but then not really? i know that in my late-twenties i suddenly got a sense of anxiety because a lot of my friends had been and come back from taking gap-years or going travelling in far off places and coming back with photos and stories etc, whereas i'd never had the chance.
but i came to realise there was a reason for that - and the reason is similar to the 'disappearing' thing: i've never strongly felt the need to backpack around australia or go snorkeling in thailand because these things seem like indulgences; fun diversions that get little done beyond 'i have done this, i have had this experience'. were i to go travelling for any extended period of time, i'd want to have some sort of mission, like going out to investigate something specific or to write a blog about, say, an obscure pop music scene in a far-flung country or something like that. i'm not denying that the former experiences weren't enriching for my friends who went, but their stories and photos were rarely enough to galvanise me into wanting to go myself.

younger people generally seem p silly to me so I don't feel like I'm "missing out" on their shenanigans. I do envy their ability to sleep whenever they want for however long they want though.

we are all silly dude

yes but I assume my silliness is only evident to those older than me

haha

Feel like some of the titular fear is due to commercial brainwashing. Like if you add up all of the Cheerios commercials you have ever seen in your life and take that into account, there is a part of your subconscious that is deeply sad every time you are at a grocery store and pass up the experience of buying a box of Cheerios.

Add up every beer commercial you have ever seen, with young people partying, some hot chicks, tons of booze, etc. maybe the same thing? People are partying right now and I'm missing out!

just like women are conditioned to pay excruciating amts of attention to the correction of their flaws
it's bs
if you fall for that, it's on you

the issue for me is not having enough time to absorb every event and every bit of information and film and game and television show and album and magazine and comic and work of art ever created ever

working on it

literally anything you do or don't do there's the potential for regretting doing it or not doing it or not doing something else in lieu of what you did. just need to realize this is reality and that you can't know what would be best, so just enjoy whatever you've chosen as much as possible.

Add up every beer commercial you have ever seen, with young people partying, some hot chicks, tons of booze, etc. maybe the same thing? People are partying right now and I'm missing out!

― AdamVania (Adam Bruneau), Thursday, July 30, 2015 12:03 PM (6 minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

lol gross dude i have never once seen a beer commercial and wished i had life experiences that matched up w/ it

too bad it's awesome

All those people going 'wazzzuuuupppp' at each other. You missed out big time.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bjnpOuorMnU

i got shorts

in every color

I got cargo shorts

in every color

lol