nineteenth-century personal ads

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who is worthy of your devotion?

Poll Results

OptionVotes
THE LADY WHO CALLED UPON ME AT MY OFFICE 3
X.Z. - IF YOU MUST HAVE A REASON 3
AN ANCIENT MAIDEN, AGED SEVENTEEN 3
IF THE LADY WHO, FROM AN OMNIBUS, SMILED 3
ANDREW - YOU HAVE GIVEN ME SUFFICIENT 2
ROSE - IT IS USELESS - YOU ARE TOO LOVELY TO 2
MAY MINNIE - FAREWELL, CRUEL GIRL! 1
ON WEDNESDAY AFTERNOON A LADY WITH 0
WILL THE YOUNG LADY WHO SO KINDLY OFFERED 0
MARRIAGE - A GENTLEMAN, YOUNG, WITH A FAIR 0
MATRIMONIAL 0
J.A.R. - SARCASM AND INDIFFERENCE HAVE 0
A YOUNG LADY, COUNTRY BRED, BUT EASILY 0
TO PATRIOTIC UNMARRIED LADIES 0
NIBLO'S, MONDAY EVENING - OCCUPIED 0


j., Monday, 19 August 2013 05:47 (twelve years ago)

ripped from nyt ripping from forthcoming book:

http://www.nytimes.com/2005/10/30/nyregion/thecity/30pers.html?pagewanted=all

J.A.R. - SARCASM AND INDIFFERENCE HAVE driven me from you. I sail in next steamer for Europe. Shall I purchase tickets for two, or do you prefer to remain to wound some other loving heart? Answer quick, or all is lost. - EMELIE. (Dec. 18, 1865)

MAY MINNIE - FAREWELL, CRUEL GIRL! If not drafted, I will go as a substitute. Your scorn is harder and more pitiless to me than any Southern bullet could possibly be. - John No. 1 (Aug. 3, 1862)

X.Z. - IF YOU MUST HAVE A REASON why I refuse you, understand, then, that I cannot marry a man who wears soiled linen, has foul teeth and breath, and uses tobasco and whisky. Faugh! - GENERRA (Nov. 16, 1862)

ANDREW - YOU HAVE GIVEN ME SUFFICIENT cause, I think, to make me resolve to forget you if possible; but the sight of you on Thursday has set me crazy again. How can you be so cruel? Am I never to hear from you again? - B.C. (March 21, 1875)

ROSE - IT IS USELESS - YOU ARE TOO LOVELY TO be trifled with. I am married. - BENEDICT (Aug. 27, 1867)

TO PATRIOTIC UNMARRIED LADIES. - I am a soldier, just returned from the wars. Have lost a leg, but expect to get a cork one; have a useless arm, but will be called brave for it; was once good-looking, but am now scarred all over. If any patriotic young lady will marry me, why fall in line! The applicant must be moderately handsome, have an excellent education, play on the piano and sing; and a competency will not be objectionable. One with these requirements would, doubtless, secure my affections. - Address Capt. F.A.B., MERCURY Office. (Nov. 9, 1862)

A YOUNG LADY, COUNTRY BRED, BUT EASILY tamed and civilized, would like to correspond with a city gentleman, with a view to matrimony. It is necessary for him to be wealthy, and not less than forty years of age, as she would "rather be an old man's darling than a young man's slave." The advertiser is 21, and presumes her manner and appearance will recommend her to tastes not over fastidious; also a lady of position, and will expect replies from responsible parties only; therefore, triflers, take heed. - Address Matilda, Station D Post office. (Dec. 21, 1861)

THE LADY WHO CALLED UPON ME AT MY OFFICE on a Friday afternoon some four or five weeks ago, and left a note signed "You know who," will please make herself known, as she is not recognized. (Oct. 21, 1865)

AN ANCIENT MAIDEN, AGED SEVENTEEN, whose heart is drifting about - don't know where to anchor - desires to fall desperately in love, as she has never been in that delightful state, wishes to communicate with someone who knows how to mind everybody's business but his own, with the hope that the congeniality of our dispositions, united, may be instrumental in making the world in general at peace with one another. - Address, and inclose, carte de visite, LENNIE DAVIS, Broadway Post-office. N.B. First cousin to Jeff Davis. (Dec. 28, 1862)

MATRIMONIAL - A colored gentleman who resides in the country, where there are but few of his own color, and who has not the pleasure of a very large circle of acquaintances, and whose business is such that it demands his time and attention, is desirous of forming an acquaintance with a lady of intelligence, and who is good in acts as well as in looks, with a view to matrimony. He is a widower, about 38 years of age, and has a daughter whose age is 15 years. Can give the best reference as to character and sobriety. This notice is predicated on truth and sincerity, and none need answer but on the like basis. He hopes that any lady who is afflicted with any hereditary disease will not answer this communication. -Address O.R.W., box No. 237, Bethlehem, Northampton Co., Pa. (Dec. 10, 1859)

MARRIAGE - A GENTLEMAN, YOUNG, WITH A FAIR portion of cash and very "large expectations," desires to make some good and handsome girl his wife. Her happiness will be his own, and the sincere object of marital relations; money no object, but youth indispensable. Old maids, widows, and ugly women over 18 need not respond to "Ye Man," Herald Office. (March 8, 1866)

IF THE LADY WHO, FROM AN OMNIBUS, SMILED on a gentleman with a bunch of bananas in his hand, as he crossed Wall Street, corner of Broadway, will address X., box 6,735 Post Office, she will confer a favor. (March 21, 1866)

ON WEDNESDAY AFTERNOON A LADY WITH black silk quilted hat walked nearly side by side with a gentleman in a drab overcoat from Tenth to Fourteenth Street, in Broadway. Both were annoyed by the wind and dust. Her smile has haunted him ever since. - Will she send her address to Carl, Union Square Post Office? (March 8, 1861)

WILL THE YOUNG LADY WHO SO KINDLY OFFERED me grace, when I accidentally stepped on her dress in Fifth Avenue, on Sunday last, allow me to offer any further apologies in person? If agreeable, please answer through this column, as an everlasting impression has been made on - CHARLES BYRON. (Feb. 11, 1862)

NIBLO'S, MONDAY EVENING - OCCUPIED Adjoining seats in parquet; repeated pressure of arm and foot and hands met when separating. - If agreeable, address Bruno, box 211 Herald office. (July 17, 1867)

j., Monday, 19 August 2013 05:48 (twelve years ago)

damn, I can't add aaaaall of these to my OkCupid profile now can I.

SKYLER FFS SKYLER SKYLER SKYLER (Merdeyeux), Monday, 19 August 2013 06:12 (twelve years ago)

AN ANCIENT MAIDEN, AGED SEVENTEEN, whose heart is drifting about - don't know where to anchor - desires to fall desperately in love, as she has never been in that delightful state, wishes to communicate with someone who knows how to mind everybody's business but his own, with the hope that the congeniality of our dispositions, united, may be instrumental in making the world in general at peace with one another.

Geez girl get a LiveJournal.

It is like ganging up on Enya (Trayce), Monday, 19 August 2013 06:38 (twelve years ago)

i love that one

in France they piss on Main Street (Noodle Vague), Monday, 19 August 2013 07:18 (twelve years ago)

i was loving the "colored gentleman" too until he blew it with the "hereditary disease" line

in France they piss on Main Street (Noodle Vague), Monday, 19 August 2013 07:20 (twelve years ago)

Faugh!

j., Monday, 19 August 2013 07:28 (twelve years ago)

THE LADY WHO CALLED UPON ME AT MY OFFICE, surely :D

imago, Monday, 19 August 2013 07:50 (twelve years ago)

i like the man with the bananas and the post office box.

estela, Monday, 19 August 2013 08:10 (twelve years ago)

Haha Trayce otm

albvivertine, Monday, 19 August 2013 08:12 (twelve years ago)

the hereditary disease line tbh speaks to a greater unspoken story considering that he's a widower w/ a teenage daughter

1staethyr, Monday, 19 August 2013 08:15 (twelve years ago)

don't wanna get burned again

1staethyr, Monday, 19 August 2013 08:15 (twelve years ago)

it's quite pleasing to think that any indispensibly youthful handsome girl who took up "ye man"'s offer would be at least 160 years old by now.

estela, Monday, 19 August 2013 08:16 (twelve years ago)

Torn between THE LADY WHO CALLED UPON ME AT MY OFFICE and ROSE IT IS USELESS

Troughton-masked Replicant (aldo), Monday, 19 August 2013 08:20 (twelve years ago)

I love how petulant John No. 1 is. That'll show her, champ

albvivertine, Monday, 19 August 2013 08:36 (twelve years ago)

IF THE LADY WHO, FROM AN OMNIBUS, SMILED

cardamon, Monday, 19 August 2013 12:04 (twelve years ago)

"Ye Man" sounds like a #toplad and no mistake

transmisogyny express (DJ Mencap), Monday, 19 August 2013 12:38 (twelve years ago)

ROSE - IT IS USELESS vs IF THE LADY WHO, FROM AN OMNIBUS, SMILED

I think Rose wins.

emil.y, Monday, 19 August 2013 13:28 (twelve years ago)

"too lovely to be trifled with" < can't decide if this should become my family motto, display name ,&c.

ogmor, Monday, 19 August 2013 13:36 (twelve years ago)

Faugh!

― j., Monday, August 19, 2013 3:28 AM (6 hours ago)

Sir Lord Baltimora (Myonga Vön Bontee), Monday, 19 August 2013 13:42 (twelve years ago)

in my head I'm pronouncing it to sound like "phwoar", despite this very likely being incorrect

transmisogyny express (DJ Mencap), Monday, 19 August 2013 13:47 (twelve years ago)

When lilacs last from the omnibus smiled...

Ned Raggett, Monday, 19 August 2013 13:49 (twelve years ago)

Automatic thread bump. This poll is closing tomorrow.

System, Saturday, 24 August 2013 00:01 (twelve years ago)

Automatic thread bump. This poll's results are now in.

System, Sunday, 25 August 2013 00:01 (twelve years ago)


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