agoraphobia

as lynskey says, getting out of your routine can be helpful.

i would STRONGLY recommend eliminating coffee and alcohol, esp. coffee.

It doesn't always help me, but it can work quite well. I have to constantly self-talk and check myself, otherwise I get into all kinds of states and cope in the worst ways possible (booze, smokes, drugs etc) and thats no answer :(

Me, I've been "functionally" agoraphobic since I was about 20 y.o. (I'm now 36). My father's father was severely afflicted, as was an uncle on my father's side, so it definitely runs in the family. I call myself a 'functional' agoraphobic 'cos my life has never been hampered to such an extent where I couldn't do what I absolutely had to do -- get up, get to work, interact w/ coworkers, etc. -- but it has played a huge role in what I've done with my life and my interactions with others. Reading Jess's experiences and hearing about what my grandfather and uncle had to go through, I do feel fortunate, to some extent, but man what I would do to just be "normal" in this respect.

I got out of jobs in part because of the stress involved in public speaking, meetings, etc. (my main dysfunction). I've missed friends' weddings, blown off "big" church events, and other stuff just because the thought of attending such formal events put the fear of god in me. Also attendant with this phobia is a moderate fear of flying, so that has made the decision not to attend friends' weddings or other big events out of state even easier.

Anyway, I'm a stubborn motherfucker, and I've opted not to choose therapy or pharmaceutical intervention, mainly because I never want to feel that, if my condition keeps worsening, I have nowhere to go after that. That would totally suck. So, this means more sweaty palms and racing pulses during cramped staff meetings at work, waiting for an uncrowded subway car to come along before I step foot in it, worrying about hurling during every flight I take, etc....for those "big" days (like my wedding last year), I'll either cross my fingers and I hope I don't totally fucking freak out or take a Valium (borrowed one from my mother-in-law on my wedding day, and it was all good).

Anyway, if others here are similarly afflicted, I'd love to hear your stories. I have plenty more, too.
Anyway,

i suffer from it very badly at times. people on both sides of my family have had very bad anxiety problems as well, so i guess the genes are at least partly to blame.

i got to a point last year where i could literally almost not leave the house. i have had bad experiences with doctors, shrinks in the past, so i refused to seek help for the longest time until i pretty much had no choice.

i decided to go to an acupuncturist...who's been helping me, but the one of the first things he said was 'hey, traditional chinese medicine is an amazing thing, but it's not magic; it can't necessarily cure everything.' so he suggested going to a psychiatrist to get something to help 'take the edge off'.

uh, right now i take something called buspirone (buspar) it's non-addictive...basically what it does is quiet down the part of your brain that makes you hyper-alert, over-worrying...it helps with muscle tension, etc. it is a very safe drug with hardly any side effects, it's been around for awhile, so it has a proven safety record...it's something they give to old folks who have anxiety problems, as it is tolerated very well.

i also sometimes take very small doses of clonazapam, (klonipin, which i think is the ugliest-sounding name ever, which is really saying something as far as the world of prescription drugs go) if i'm anticipating doing something particularly stress-inducing. its a benzodiazapene (sp?), like valium or xanax. you gotta be careful with that stuff, though, because if you take it on a regular basis, your body becomes habituated to it. no big deal if that happens, but you just have to taper off of it slowly, under the guidance of your physician/shrink. it's bad to suddenly stop (go cold turkey).

the buspar is a little weird, initially it can make you dizzy for 15 minutes or so the first few times you take it, but eventually the dizziness ceases to occur. oh, and it takes at least two weeks before it starts working. but it does work! i personally hate taking medication; i don't even take aspirin or whatever when i get a headache, but i take this stuff without any problems.

i recommend trying all options. do what it takes. your life is worth it. taiji, yoga, meditation, saying mantras, learning coping skills for when anxiety/panic sets in, physical exercise, dancing, self-expression, support from friends, psychological counseling, spiritual practice, cutting out caffeine/sugar, getting enough of the right vitamins/minerals (b vitamins are very important, as are some minerals like calcium, magnesium), progressive muscle relaxation, massage/bodywork, being in touch with your emotions...there are tons of stuff you can do to help yourself.

it's important not to feel ashamed. i would always feel totally ashamed about being anxious, like it was some personal weakness/character flaw i had. it ain't your fault; ain't nobody's fault, it just is. and, it need not rule your life. i've been getting somewhat better at not adding to the problem by beating myself up about it.

i'm sorry for anyone who has to deal with agoraphobia/anxiety/panic attacks (or any other physical or psychological ailment, for that matter) it really really sucks and it feels so cruel and unfair. but it's not the end of the world. you can totally work through it, just be open to options. when your life starts coming back, you will fucking feel unbeatable.

footnote to this...ssri drugs like paxil are also supposed to help with anxiety problems. personally, they're not for me...i have many reservations about them, but if they work for you, then more power to you. the bad thing is to self-medicate; like if you have to drink a couple beers before leaving the house, it's eventually gonna catch up with you. and your liver and all that stuff.

if as the result of suffering, one can be of help to someone, then it makes it at least a little worthwhile...so if anyone ever needs advice or just wants to commiserate or whatever, i'm here for you, brothers and sisters. seriously. you can feel free to e-mail me, if you like. i wish you all and anyone who struggles with anxiety the best from the depths of my selfish little heart.

"it's gonna be alright. wait and see. wait and see."
--a very wise man

normally it varies from just an kind of semi-permiable wall that i need to push a little harder to go out and do things to an actual uncomfortability while out of the house

...like no matter how much I'm enjoying myself while I'm out, there'll always be a little dread-filled voice in my head urging me to go home. And on days when I don't have to be anywhere, it takes me forever to leave the house.

i think some of the worst aspects that go along with these things include the way one tends to exacerbate the problem by feeling guilty and imagining (rightly or wrongly) that one is making others feel uncomfortable when they witness one's manifestations of anxiety...

as well as the gap that exists between you and other people who've never had such problems; no matter how sympathetic they are, you feel that they're simply unable to appreciate what your subjective experience of anxiety is like; how miserably frustrating it can be...

Not many people understand it, I don't think. Most people claim to, but on this level it's not all that common. (This is really closely related to the 'hate yourself' stuff, I think... personally, not enough POSITIVE experiences of other people seems to always be the root of these issues.)

one can't blame everything, of course, on early negative social experiences (less-than satisfactory parents and so forth) but it sure does create a lot of obstacles down the road which can be difficult/tricky to overcome.

it gets so confusing. am i just a jerk? or is it that the other person is a jerk? or some combination thereof?

I've had ten years of this shit and I'm am really, really sick of it now. And what's worse is I knew this would happen and did nothing about it.

if you're really, really sick of it, maybe you can get yourself to a physician/psychologist/psychiatrist/professional of some sort whom you can trust and initiate a good rapport with (may take a few tries). it's not necessary to have to suffer so.

there is help available, if you earnestly seek it out...

& it may surprise you how sympathetic people may be to what you are struggling with...no need to be ashamed/angry & pile more bad on top of bad. (but if you do, that's okay too.)

your personal happiness and well-being are infinitely more important than a career.

This is getting worse again.

It's not even the low-level stuff like not wanting to use the phone or speak to people in shops. I am actually having trouble leaving the house at the moment. Haven't done the shopping, haven't done the laundry in weeks.

It's not that I'm *afraid* that something bad will happen if I leave the house, I just don't *want* to.

I'm also terrified of having to spend money, which is kind of understandable, but to the point of not going out because I don't want to pay for a bus pass.