Things to try on a first date

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This is something I just learned from an acquaintance of mine...

"Before picking up your date, cruise through the drive-thru of your favorite fast food establishment, be it Wendy's, Mcdonald's, Burger King, whatever. The only thing that matters is that they sell french fries. Order yourself enough french fries to load you glove compartment full of 'em. I'm not talking one supersizer. I am talking enough so that you really have to slam the door to the glove compartment to get it to stay closed."

"When you're in the car with your date, he or she will surely get a whiff of the unmistakable smell of fast food. At first, s/he won't say anything. Eventually... perhaps after the movie... when s/he realizes the smell is still in your car, s/he may ask you about it."

"That's when you reach over, unleashing the mound o' french fries in you glove compartment. Proclaim excitedly, 'SURPRISE!! FRIES!!!' ... (pause) ..."

"SUR-FRIES!!!"

---

So, what kind of fun perks do you suggest adding to a first date?

― donut bitch (donut), Thursday, 3 October 2002 21:05 (twenty-three years ago)

This thread should be sub-titled, "What's the best way to get a stranger to stick a shoe up your ass?"

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Thursday, 3 October 2002 21:07 (twenty-three years ago)

lick her neck, her back, her @1#%, and her crack.

― jess (dubplatestyle), Thursday, 3 October 2002 21:07 (twenty-three years ago)

Make sure you wait until she gets in the car, Jess.

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Thursday, 3 October 2002 21:09 (twenty-three years ago)

yeah, there's nothing worse than licking cheap japanese import upholstery.

― jess (dubplatestyle), Thursday, 3 October 2002 21:10 (twenty-three years ago)

well, not unless you have Bad Badtz Maru stickers all over it.

KAWAI!

― donut bitch (donut), Thursday, 3 October 2002 21:13 (twenty-three years ago)

yeah, there's nothing worse than licking cheap japanese import upholstery.

(oh and momus to thread obv.)

― jess (dubplatestyle), Thursday, 3 October 2002 21:15 (twenty-three years ago)

So, DB, how long has it been since your friend has gone on a second date?

― j.lu (j.lu), Thursday, 3 October 2002 21:26 (twenty-three years ago)

I went on a date once and licked her arsehole in a circular motion while she choked on a piece of food. Experts call that "THE HIND LICK MANOEUVRE".

― Lek Dukagjin, Thursday, 3 October 2002 21:43 (twenty-three years ago)

I went on a date once and licked her arsehole in a circular motion while she choked on a piece of food. Experts call that "THE HIND LICK MANOEUVRE".

Oh my god.. that's, like, the funniest joke ever told.

― donut bitch (donut), Thursday, 3 October 2002 22:47 (twenty-three years ago)

So, DB, how long has it been since your friend has gone on a second date?

I'm not sure, but don't be doubtin' his abilities. He recently publicly professed a desire to cannibalize Bijou Phillips, and he still has the harem of googly-eyed girlies.

― donut bitch (donut), Thursday, 3 October 2002 22:48 (twenty-three years ago)

He recently publicly professed a desire to cannibalize Bijou Phillips

A dream we've all had.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 3 October 2002 23:44 (twenty-three years ago)

he's maintained for quite a long time that this frequently worked like a charm. it only occurs to me now that i've never asked him what precisely it's worked at doing.

― mark p (Mark P), Friday, 4 October 2002 01:48 (twenty-three years ago)

Bahahahahahhha.

― Andrew (enneff), Friday, 4 October 2002 05:07 (twenty-three years ago)

i guess if you want creamy pants, it works like a charm.

hey, my U key isn't very sensitive! how frustrating! i have to push it harder than all the other keys. but i digress...

― g-kit (g-kit), Friday, 4 October 2002 09:08 (twenty-three years ago)

my friend j used to stick a hole in a milk creamer and palm it, magician-stylee, in his hand. then he'd pretend to have something in his eye, move his hands up towards his face, and grow increasingly more agitated with the 'thing' in his eye before tipping the leaked creamer and syncing the flow of the obscured cream with his own pained howls.
he's maintained for quite a long time that this frequently worked like a charm. it only occurs to me now that i've never asked him what precisely it's worked at doing.

-- mark p (mpytlik@r...), October 4th, 2002.

A routine that he stole from Penn & Teller. Except they did it as more of a sudden spurt.

― Lek Dukagjin, Friday, 4 October 2002 09:09 (twenty-three years ago)

oh, he's so busted.

― mark p (Mark P), Friday, 4 October 2002 12:06 (twenty-three years ago)

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