my ex-girlfriend has been lying all along! wheeeeee!

turns out 'home' for two weeks actually meant 'flying to v. to be with him'

you know how i found out? a simple guess. total bluff. i sensed she was lying, looked her in the eyes, told her simply 'i know' and it all came out.

honestly, i've never felt more traded in. she can rot.

the last time i saw her where she was really truly *there* was about four weeks after our breakup. she was leaving to go home for a week and we kissed goodbye.

then buddy told her he had feelings, they fooled, she came back to me - completely shut herself off to me - and proceeded to lie for two months about what was going on leaving me to boggle over the situation and her sudden absence and why she was suddenly completely and utterly unavailable. all the while she made me feel like a prick for thinking something else was going on.

you may prefer to think of relationships in baseball terms; forgive me if i get a little bent out of shape when my best friend morphs into a robot and lies to me for two months

thanks etc

so she was with you? you didnt make that clear. you said shes your ex. i was just trying to show you things from a different point of view. you said she could rot and thats pretty mean! why should she rot just for sleeping with someone else when she was single? also you caught her in a lie (not that its anyones buisness who anyone sleeps with) by LYING! sorry for being straight up but you posted about this on a huge ass message board so obviously you were asking for comments.

she spun this whole weave about *needing* "independence" right now and assuring me that she couldn't be with anyone and (worse yet) making me feel like absolute shit for ever suspecting that she could just move on from our relationship so quickly to someone else.

i realize that no relationship/breakup "rules" have been violated per se, but its the manner in which it was done and the nature of her sudden and swift deceit.

its a strange, strange feeling to have your best friend and once-lover turn on you quickly and suddenly and NOT know why, then to be made to feel like an absolute *prick* for insinuating that something awful was happening (insecurity or intuition?)

im not articulating myself very well here (surprise) but rest assured i've been more than fair (even at one point encouraging her to go to him if that was what she really wanted)

i mean, why the fuck am i telling you people this anyway?

''i mean, why the fuck am i telling you people this anyway?''

mentalist!

bottom line: i'm a reasonable person, i know what's right, what's wrong, what's fair game after a relationship ends, etc etc etc. and this is about more than that, more than ego, more than someone waiting in the bullpen - there were lots of things going on that were *not* fair game, no matter what, in a relationship or out.

i've just done what i should've done all along (rather than blab it to ilx), which is talk to a v. close friend of mine who happens to also be ex-gfs best friend. if it's worth anything, best-friend thinks ex-gf is a total mentalist right now and is completely shocked at what she's done. (trust me, she wouldn't lie abt this to appease me - we have a brutally honest rapport -> she's been harsh on me in the past wherever she saw fit)

also: it *was* naive of me to spill on ilx, so i suppose i totally deserved this type of reaction. forgive me, i was drunk on lost love (and beer, etc)

julio, your pat insensitivities are getting dead boring

I've been in a similar situation and whilst I can forgive the swiftness of my ex's change in attitude to wanting me back (had be begging me to become girlfriend again instead of just good friends) and the swiftness in entering a new relationship - the lying and deceit means that they are no longer welcome to be part of my life on any level, ever. Staying friends after a relationship is always a bit tricky though.

if so- how you going to get her back? how does someone repair that? if all hope seems to be lost?

i have moved on, we're friends, everything is rosy!