'where do you go to church?'

http://www.theatlantic.com/national/archive/2014/02/so-where-do-you-live-what-do-you-do/283738/

When we were in Greenville SC recently, I was surprised to learn that a very common follow-up to the greeting of “How do you do?” or “Nice to meet you,” is the question “Where do you go to church?” I wrote about it here.

Lots of you wrote in about this question, “Where do you go to church?” Some of you considered the question to be intrusive and even offensive. From a reader in Washington DC: "If someone asked me 'Where do you go to church?' I'd be flummoxed at least and offended at worst." Others were not at all flummoxed, and wondered why I would be surprised. And on a web forum at city-data.com discussing just this question, writers from places as distinct as rural Maine and Kentucky said this expression is commonly heard.

Many more of you reported other queries that you would be likely to say or hear in your own hometowns. So far, I would say that your suggestions fall into 3 different categories: social orientation, work, and neutral territory. (And to be clear here, I’m ruling out pickup lines; that’s another topic. I am referring to general conversation openers that aim for a sweet spot between impersonal and too personal, between vapid and too pungent.)

what do they ask round about your parts to figure out how to place new faces?

e.g.

'where'd you go to school?'

'… and you're with…?'

'how did you get here?'

"Who's your momma and daddy?" or sometimes even less subtle, "Who's your people?" Claiming kin, they call it.

But the church question is the main one.

in my home state, 'where are you from?' usually meant, where are you from in the state, i guess with the safe assumption that most people were not from outside it.

it's been a long time since i lived for a while in a small town. i think maybe they might have asked 'where do you go to church?'? but not so fast.

oh I was actually going to answer the question - at Tamelich Falls on the Upper McKenzie River

http://images.everytrail.com/pics/fullsize/478294-IMG_0142.JPG

"Are you one of the #familynickname?"

Where I live now, the vast majority of people moved here from another state or country (it took me about 8 months to find a true native). So it's "Where are you from originally?"

In St. Louis it's "where did you go to high school?"

Not sure what my reaction would be if someone asked me where i went to church. It probably wouldnt be a positive one.

Oregon is one of the more 'unchurched' parts of the country, so I never encounter this q.

lol Midwesterner but I would be completely unphased by this question.

i think round the twin cities 'where are you from?' gets asked in kind of a no-penalty way, like it's your chance to either register home-state or home-city or out-of-state or coastal or international origins / loyalties. just to like find out.

but maybe more often the lead-off is something like 'are you from minnesota?', because maybe you're not, lots of people are not, and because maybe you're from another part of the state and moved to the city, lots of people do.

there is a pattern in okc profiles of saying 'i went to college out of state but now i'm back' or 'i went to college on the east coast but now i'm back', which is like a pre-emptive way of trying not to claim the 'where are you from?' answer as your answer but still owning up to it

"what are you doing in my allotment?"

Clearly wanking but I don't dignify them with a response

nobody ever asks me anything

That's why yr AMA was such a bust

i grew up in cleveland and even tho it's midwest folks would never ask what church you go to. "where'd you go to high school maybe," or "what side of town you live on". rarely "what do you do." "are you a browns fan" more likely but then again maybe it's just assumed you are.

'are you there?'

'i am here'

'i see you there'

'yes from there, where you are'

'we are both here'

Where I live now it's "what department are you/your partner in?". Hearing anyone mention that they go church is kind of surprising and uncommon and nobody has ever asked me about it.

Where I grew up, once people have determined that we are not interlopers from down state Michigan and do in fact have some right to be there, there's a lot of asking if your mom and dad are who they think they are or are related to somebody they know. I've had people ask this, figured out my or my wife's lineage, and then just walk away as that was all they needed to know.

the only time I've ever gotten the question "where do you go to church?" was from my HS sophomore year homecoming date's parents. I definitely felt the fear of God right in that moment.

Lol america, I'd be doing the big fish little fish cardboard box dance and all like "THIS is my church. This is where I heal my hurts"

I guess Chicago area is a bit of exception in terms of being fully "Midwestern" but it would've been very very odd if anyone had ever asked me that there.

I live in Greenville, SC but I haven't had anyone ask me "where do you go to church?" in a long time. Guess I don't give off a churchy vibe.

I do remember being asked that a lot in elementary and middle school, by other students.

But I don't doubt the writer of the article. Greenville is a super churchy place.

http://www.simplyeighties.com/resources/Culture%20Club%20-%20Church%20Of%20The%20Poison%20Mind.jpg

I live in ATL and nobody has ever asked me this. Not sure ATL is truly Southern though. Many people here are from up north. This past week has brought back some great memories for them, i'm sure.

i'm from ohio and have lived in several other cities, and i don't think anyone has ever asked me where i go to church, at least not that i can recall.

if it's someone i knew from my hometown they might ask where i went to high school but that's it.

"Where'd you go to school?" or "Do you have a brother?" Sometimes "Where have you worked?"

Probably the church question for new kids or when schools combined, but I never encountered that.

In Minneapolis, people don't even ask IF you go to church; they ask where you live now and then where you're from. But in my home suburb, people will occasionally ask new others if they are Jewish (there's a 1 in 3 chance of the answer being YES).

why 'now', you think

I've been back in MS for 12+ years now, live in a very small town, and only been asked 2-3 times in that time. I think the practice is dying out, even here in this friendly/nosy region.

Seems to be "where do you live?" and "what do you do?" here in the LA megalopolis. Never been asked about church, and I don't even remember that from my smaller-town California youth in the 70s.

i would be very phased by this question

phased fazed

i mean i wouldn't pass through the floor or anything

No one ever asks this in the UK.

do you guys even have churches

so . . . what's your major

Do you . . . like stuff?

When I went to the US after uni (in NZ), I was completely shocked when coworkers asked what religion I was, on my first day, in my first ever conversations with them.

This was in Connecticut. While there, I was put in touch with some mutual friends, a family who had a daughter my age. They were lovely people and invited me to their home on many occasions, including Easter. I attended Easter Sunday service with them, in their crazy enormous Baptist church, which was holding FOUR services that day to accommodate the numbers, plus two Youth Services at the high school gymnasium. I was the only female in attendance who was not wearing a floral dress and Mary Janes. It was the hugest fucking culture shock. On the way back from the service, the man asked me, "So, franny. What does your FATHER do?" Ugh.

This family was white and quite rich (but I lived in New Haven, which is neither) and had a big photograph of George W. Bush and his wife on their fridge that was a thank-you for their donation to the campaign. So, super nice but also holy shit these are not my people.

Yeah if you asked this question in Australia you'd get a baffled smirk and a "you what?" reply, most likely.

Round here, people ask "where you from?". Especially if you look FORRIN.

Most often I get asked, "What hole did you crawl out of?"

http://www.ilxor.com/ILX/NewAnswersControllerServlet?boardid=51

I sometimes get "where do you belong?" or even "whereabouts do you belong tae?", Mostly older people in the coastal villages. It's a confusing question the first time you here it - a little bit too existential for introductions.

No one ever asks this in the UK.

― I wish to incorporate disco into my small business (chap), Thursday, 13 February 2014 23:52 (Yesterday) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

You sure?

Not long after I moved to Glasgow I was told that up here, the question "What school did you go to?" was code for "Are you Catholic or Protestant?" but, perhaps because of the English accent, no-one has ever asked me this in seven years.

I sometimes get "where do you belong?" or even "whereabouts do you belong tae?", Mostly older people in the coastal villages. It's a confusing question the first time you here it - a little bit too existential for introductions.

i got this, in declarative form, in my last workplace (where everyone seemed to be challenging my presence there on the first week, they get a lot of interlopers i guess). but after we introduced ourselves and i was on my way my coworker said 'j.… you belong here.' like, taking a mental inventory.

Third question I get asked whenever I meet new neighbors. Second question is usually "How much did you pay for your house?"

in my neighborhood "where do you go to shul?" which is obv the jewy version of "where do you go to church?"

haha unless you're running into them at work shouldn't the answer for jews be 'HERE'

at restaurants, walking down the street, at someone's house for a meal, etc. the most recent time i got that question was from the owner of a house for sale we were looking at.

If I'm feeling generous, I'll tell them that we are not members of a specific church.

If they press, I tell them that I was raised Catholic and they get this "Ohhhh" expression and shut up.