Gimmicky tracks that were clearly intended to be big hits but weren't

Also should point out both of these are UK specific

the new hyperpop camila cabello/playboi carti track fits the bill, imo (i like the song, but still)

Oh god that 1-2-1 song. No wonder no one bought it

“I Luv It”? That’s a case where the video makes the song seem more interesting than it actually is

Methods of Mayhem's "Get Naked" feels very much of a piece with these other tracks.

should have been huge!!!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jZ-0a3lvxPY

Efua's Somewhere. Smoky garage house tune in which a future fitness trainer playfully gives a offbeat lecture on how to find satisfying love or something. I see it called Soul II Soul-ish, maybe because she's married to Jazzie B. Ends very abruptly because she gets bored and then she flushes a toilet (oh yeah this all apparently takes place in the ladies room?)

It appeared, pre-emptively, on Now 25. Apparently Radio 1 played it a lot, and Simon Bates thought it would go to number one. She even performed it on the Radio 1 Roadshow. But it only reached number 42. In Australia it was no. 26 on the Triple J Hottest 100 1993 but I gather it's just as obscure there.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7uvahxS3dPQ

In execution there was a not dissimilar track, Stan's Suntan, that reached no. 40 around the same time. I don't think there was as much visible huffing and puffing to make it a hit though (at least I hope not)

Remember when the singers from the ubiquitous Sheilas' Wheels car insurance adverts released a single (written and produced by Mike Stock and Pete Waterman)? Perhaps not, as it only reached number 91.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AGqBHctnEzk

See also: Samanda feat. Honey Monster - Honey Love (didn't chart), both early 2010s Yeo Valley adverts (reached no. 71 and 94), and when the reactionary prick from the Halifax adverts covered Barry White (did pretty well, made the top 20)

I owned Now 25 and remember that Efua song well, if only for how odd it was. The video got shown on the ITV Chart Show at least once but I had no idea there was such a push behind it! LOL Simon Bates, that figures. I remember 'Suntan' as well, terrible times.

that lil nas x song

I wonder how many of these were prompted by The Manual by the KLF?
Also in the OP, “Brock Landars” is clearly trying to knock off the character from Boogie Nights, adding to the overall air of effort.

That would explain the laboured press release (i've never seen the film)

https://www.discogs.com/release/144070-Brock-Landars-SMDU-Smack-My-Dick-Up/image/SW1hZ2U6MzkyMDQyMTA=

I wonder how many of these were prompted by The Manual by the KLF?

my first thought with this thread was "every single by Scooter", some of which *do* become big hits, though which ones do and which ones don't is anyone's guess. Scooter have been pretty open about taking "The Manual" seriously.

I'm surprised I didn't lead with this originally tbh - Echobass's "You Are the Weakest Link"

Which is basically a 2-step tune sampling The Weakest Link theme tune and some of Anne Robinson's famous lines. On these grounds alone this is fairly standard, if still possibly a tad desperate.

But they really pulled out all the stops. Its expensive, stylish video is shot in Málaga and features the one guy in Echobass chasing the other while both are being stalked by the haunting spectre of Anne herself, appearing as an enormous hologram in the sky or morphed into the side of an oil tank or onto the protagonist's girlfriend's face. All of which is the main guy's nightmare as he drifts off on the sofa in front of The Weakest Link. Naturally.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VZs0DX0HHqQ

And they did a few TV interviews for it too, two of which (presumably the only two) are on YouTube.

And there was actually two lead versions of the track - the regular one and then a mix with Ratpack. And you can see from one of those interviews that the Ratpack version had its own version of that video too, Evenson Allen having joined them on their trip.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9LzR7BfJF60

And two hits compilations from summer 2001 feature it - Top of the Pops Summer 2001 has the original, Smash Hits! Summer 2001 has the Ratpack version.

The result of all this hard work? A No. 53 hit.

Other game show novelty tracks that flopped:

The Bar-Codes feat. Alison Brown - Supermarket Sweep (Will You Dance with Me) (1994). Essentially Whigfield's "Saturday Night" but with Dale Winton - or "M.C. Dale" as he is dubbed on the sleeve - doing his "next time you're at the check-out and you hear the beep..." and "going wild in the aisles" and what not. An easy No. 72 smash.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZtZlRrzJOlM

And the Jim Bowen Rap of 1991, clamouring for some of that Happy Mondays money. It didn't even chart.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Uq-nXl9xbCc

And aren't you just glad to have your day brightened by them

I remember hearing this on the radio and thinking oh christ that's going to be massive, then it wasn't
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AfOkXtqF8sc

Wow, not heard that before. I remember Wubble-U as a quirky early 90s dance act so that seems like quite the pivot

Nice, that's also new to me. I know a few other Wubble-U tracks, most obviously "Petal" which I had actually thought of before for this list - only thing is I'm not aware of any real push for it on the level of, well, performing on CD:UK. But it's kinda like e.g. the Grace Brothers' "Are You Being Served" to me, mid-90s gimmicky dance that can't do better than go to about number 50.

Another track in that pantheon which definitely counts is Hotbox's "Too Spicy", a hardbag tune from late '96 built around licensed samples from Peperami adverts (the voice of Ade Edmondson, no less). It was on Telstar, who pre-emptively included it on a few of their hits compilations (The Greatest Hits of 96 and The Best of Dance 96). All pipped for success.

Except the label pulled it the day before release. Which we know because Hotbox himself re-emerged a couple of decades later as the nun on a mobilised piano Musical Ruth, and in a Vice interview there is this:

Indeed, before his complete immersion as Musical Ruth for an agreed fee, Hunt even produced his own club banger. "I did produce as a hobby," he reveals. "I had a single out—Hotbox, "Too Spicy." It had a sample taken from the Peperami 'Too Spicy For You' advert. I got a deal with Telstar Records. And the day before they were due to release it, they pulled it. Peperami were behind the whole thing, but they had Ant and Dec on their label at the time and their record sold really badly, so they pulled everything."

Which is weird, because Ant & Dec's single at the time - one "When I Fall in Love" - actually performed just as well as all their other hits, in a lengthy string of hits reaching positions 10-16. So who knows.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yhwG-CvFe9M

Appearing on mainstream hits compilations despite them then flopping is probably a good measure for this thread. What about Ginja's non-charting "Del Boy's Tune" from 2002, which is on Kiss Hitlist 2003 but otherwise only appears on the Only Fools and Horses album that came out at the same time. A UK rap tune based on the theme tune, with guest cameos from (IIRC) Boycie, Marlene and Mickey Pearce in the vid, as presumably the only cast members with empty schedules or willing to appear to begin with.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EFL29atiHUA

Reading the comments under the Wubble U video, some suggest its release got strangled for some reason. Obviously, they got as far as appearing on CD:UK, and Radio 1 were definitely pushing it to some extent

Saw this once on MTV and it seemed like it would be odds-on to be a hit, but nope. Number 72
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AXlW6ZbKLbE

That reminds me. MTV Dance used to show Cassius' Toop Toop regularly in late 06. It was also on that year's Now Dance compilation. But it never charted.

Nothing particularly gimmicky about it, except for it being another French house duo doing dance-punk, and having 'TOOP TOOP' as a hook.

Samanda feat. Honey Monster - Honey Love

this is one of the most genuinely hilariously bad things I have ever heard

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XPUNDgoqIxk

Hotbox did this remix which I'm unreasonably fond of

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g_CYbnGTWIQ

the Robot Wars cash-in trance single

The 'Too Spicy' song is interesting as clearly Ade Edmonson felt promoting it was beneath him, so they got another 'mad' balding man to take his place in the video

I'm sure everyone knows about this already
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i1HIz0dw5Zs

Betty Boo + Alex James 'supergroup'
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hWvEOWP2UM0

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wpcISBCJdGM

Samanda feat. Honey Monster - Honey Love

this is one of the most genuinely hilariously bad things I have ever heard

― boxedjoy, Monday, 15 July 2024 13:10 (three hours ago) bookmarkflaglink

For those who don't think it's worth Googling (which it isn't), here it is

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=amG4n9o6gyQ

I never knew about that Robot Wars track. I must have scrolled past it on the OCC page for its chart week but still. It's hard to tell what the song's actual connection to the show is.

WigWam is, if nothing else, a more noble Alex James flop than "Who Invented Fish and Chips? (Who Invented Poo?)".

How about Edd the Duck's rap tune

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0VgjnvJPp2o

Something's Gotten Hold Of My Heart II? Nope
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TG8fXDlOJdI

I remember him performing this on Wogan... or perhaps it was Blue Peter
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jORPxUoCkXo

"This recording was produced by Keith Chegwin's twin Jeff" has got to be a new favourite Youtube comment

Remember this getting quite a bit of airplay on Radio 1 but it didn't really get anywhere. Prefer it to Sleaford Mods
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YOGFiPnpopU

I'm not sure if they expected it to be huge, but I have a vague childhood memory of The Fink Brothers' "Mutants in Mega-City One":
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xmh5o1XfB40

Which was the first track on Madness' own label, Zarjazz. I used to read 2000AD at the time. It answers the question of what would happen if Big Audio Dynamite made a novelty B-side based on Judge Dredd with a cheap Mean Machine Angel costume. It got to number 50.

The second thing that springs to mind is "Battle of the Sexes", by Faith, Hope, and Charity, a girl band that had Dani Behr in it. On the one hand they were a few years ahead of their time - I distinctly remember hearing about All Saints, and wondering if they were going to be as awful as Faith, Hope, and Charity - and with better production and songwriting they might have been huge, but on the other hand it's an awful, awful song:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VEqY-5V55PE

Sorry, "Faith, Hope & Charity". No Oxford comma. Their career amounted to just two singles.

Looking at their "other appearances" reveals this piece of sub-Erasure filler, which has left virtually no trace on the internet at all:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BU5F96X1LM8

I faintly remember Kiss Like This. I remember a competition where the prize was a lip-shaped telephone

From the Las Ketchup thread:

how high did this shit even chart in america?

― cream of some young dude (Whiney G. Weingarten), Tuesday, August 30, 2011 1:36 AM (twelve years ago) bookmarkflaglink

5 years pass...

― cream of some young dude (Whiney G. Weingarten), Tuesday, August 30, 2011 1:36 AM (twelve years ago) bookmarkflaglink

Did not chart but was a big record on Radio Disney.

― timellison, Tuesday, August 30, 2011 1:39 AM (twelve years ago) bookmarkflaglink

dag, tough break, las ketchup

i remember seeing this on MTV and was all waiting for this to be hueg.

Apparently number 1 in like 19 countries and America was having NONE OF THAT SHIT

― cream of some young dude (Whiney G. Weingarten), Tuesday, August 30, 2011 1:42 AM (twelve years ago) bookmarkflaglink

This made number 29 but to all extents a flop considering they had their own TV show
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uemIRs92g_g

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VAag-nlCJQ0

Remember hearing this for the first time, thinking it was abysmal, but fearing it would become ubiquitous due to The Rock guest spot and it being the first single from Wyclef’s follow up to his wildly successful first album. Alas, not sure I ever heard it again as it stalled out at 80 on the hot r&b/hip hop songs chart in the US (though it looks like it did ok in the UK).

Thought of another one which was strangled

IIRC, the only record ever released on George Michael's Aegean Records that wasn't by George himself (as either main artist or credited collaborator) was "Chameleon (Shed Your Skin"), a single by a band called Trigger.

George was involved in shaping their music - mid-90s Big Tent tasteful pop-dance basically, bits of drum and bass and coffee table trip hop and what not - and sang backing vocals on the song as well as contributing to the album they were planning. The promo sticker comments that "press and TV (is) looking good". The video was done and aired on MTV and the single was presumably released, but (as I understand it) Aegean went bankrupt and essentially ceased to work as an actual label just before the campaign for the single got going (and the album never appeared).

The gimmick I guess is that this is an anonymous d'n'b pop record with George Michael involvement

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WAm3DEO3MUo

Samanda (The Twins)

Real Name: Amanda and Samantha Marchant
Profile:
Samanda achieved fame on the British version of Big Brother.

It seems their one and only single was a cover of "Barbie Girl" in 2007

"Honey Love" was released too, it's just that it stopped at No. 125

This thread is good for documenting a time when there really was money to chuck away on this stuff. Following the first UK Big Brother, which the public/media lost their collective mind over (peaked at number 72)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hKtOctHgJNo

The follow-up single to a song that knocked U2 off the top spot. They must have known it wouldn't quite repeat its success, but all the same
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6CYMJRlRKm0

"I like driving in my car" by Maureen from Driving School, I blame.

As Mark E once sang, "Lousy celebrity makes record. SMILES!"

Wikipedia's article on I Will Cure You contains the following piece of trivia about "Abide With Me", which has always amused me:

"The music video for "Abide With Me" shows a muddy Reeves riding a horse around a farmyard where Bob Mortimer appears to be working. Reeves remains on horseback for the entirety of the video and also appears to perform several trick riding feats (performed by a stunt double). ... The video was directed by Peter Christopherson, who allowed Reeves to choose what he'd like to do in the video. Reeves requested "a lectern, and a horse. I intend to ride a horse.""

I admire that man's strength of will. Providence laid out a path for him, and he followed it.

Didn't realise it was the work of Sleazy

Following on from PaulTMA posting that Hillman Minx single which I did also think was going to be a hit, here is Nilon Bombers with their song Superstar which I remember getting a lot of radio play. List songs seemed to be everywhere for a while.

This one managed to make it to number 96.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VtMiwuWkU4M

Les Lunours (Moonbears in English) were an attempt to create a Quebecois answer to the Banana Splits that ended in bankruptcy and suicide, the whole story is told here:

https://ingeniumcanada.org/channel/articles/we-are-bi-bi-ba-ba-boum-boum-the-saga-of-the-lunours

Released one single “nous somme bibibababoumboum” which I actually like a lot.

I was going to mention Zig and Zag. But they were actually quite popular for a while and had a surprisingly long career. I didn't realise they predated The Big Breakfast. Which got me to thinking about Roland Rat, but again "Rat Rapping" was a top twenty hit.

There is however this, which is a heck of a thing, from an album put out to promote his BBC show:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qmx5vxNiduI

That's a cover of David Bowie's "Fame" by Roland Rat. Not a sentence I ever expected to write. Produced by Roddy Matthews, who seems to have been the BBC's go-to man for light entertainment music and now works as a music teacher at the London College of Contemporary Music:
https://www.lccm.org.uk/about-us/our-tutors/music/roddy-matthews/

Roland Rat has the odd distinction of having his entire discography released on LP and cassette but not compact disc, despite being huge in the 1980s. And it angers me that Discogs.com calls him Roland Rat Superstar. He's just Roland Rat. "Superstar" was a... appelation? Honorific? I get confused by words. Different words.

Roland Rat has the odd distinction of having his entire discography released on LP and cassette but not compact disc

wtf, Cherry Red are slipping here

Does this count?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ckMvj1piK58

this thread is very satisfying and dizzying

some fun examples from the end of the 60s into the early 70s;

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UnFcmJWAqQ8
the nearest UK psych heroes kaleidoscope got to a hit. this is INCREDIBLY catchy. it was hammered by the pirate stations but no avail. shame!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VDe9a9LeQXM
mike berry (not that one) was a bit of a glam pioneer - this is one of three records of his I included in my recent RYM list of proto-glam. this is a little bit like the equals, but heavier and dumber.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UVAq-LSniyQ
hammond-tastic playground bubblepsych from howard and blaikley. windmill were clearly supposed to be their next big act after the herd and dave dee and co but it didn't happen. their next single, such sweet sorrow b/w i can fly, is fantastic on both sides.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hrVLrdPNKTQ
graham gouldman does kasenetz-katz! infectious stuff but freddie garrity's chart days were behind him.

An updated version of M's Pop Muzik for the new Millennium:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8EiogMvt0YU